Pray for BJ

2012-01-16T10:40:00.002-05:00

Deanna and part of our Mexico team

Before entering vocational ministry, I worked for over 20 years with people who have developmental disabilities. I saw a wide array of brokeness and need in that time. The enemy seeks to destroy families through varied means, including the issues surrounding this population. Subsequently, the majority of those I spent time with were from broken homes.

I have so many memories and stories from those years. Recently, I've found myself thinking about them. I have recieved word over the past two years that many of these people have passed away.

Working with them was so rewarding. Their outlook on life, though most had few resources and little to look forward to (from a worldly perspective), was amazing. They loved life and relationships! I learned much from them.

As a man, I have a mind that responds to most things visual. Sometimes that is good, and other times, not so much.

I didn't used to believe that television had an impact on my thoughts or actions. Then I spent a week or two period, fasting from all forms of media. I was amazed how much my thoughts and attitudes were more like my Saviors through that period. I just didn't realize how subtly sin can enter and become a part of my life.

Things we recognize as "the norm" in our culture can turn your heart from His, one beat at a time.

One of the adults I worked with, carried a dual diagnosis of mild retardation and mild mental illness.

She did not look like one who had a disability. She was capable of having fairly intelligent conversations. She had a very hard life and upbringing. Part of her conditioned response to adversity, was to flee. I learned this the hard way.

I was managing a wholesale greenhouse that was a part of a social service orgnanization, at the time. My employees each had developmental disabilities in one form or another.

This woman did not work for me for long. Her 'fight or flight' response was highly developed on the flight side.

One day, after our morning break, it came to my attention that she was missing. Her supervisor had an encounter with her where correction was necessary. This resulted in her decision to leave...unnoticed.

I made several calls and then began a search.

Honestly, I was deeply concerned for her safety. She was wise to the art of flirting, but was not capable of fully processing the potential negative outcomes.

In my search, I began to visit the kind of places she had a history of fleeing to.

I entered one bar or strip club after another. To say I was a fish out of water would be an understatement. The things I saw, even in those late morning and early afternoon hours, were shocking to me.

How quickly the owners were to perceive the necessity to get their "dancers" up and working, upon my entry. I must have looked like easy prey.

As quickly as I could, I introduced myself to those in charge and stated my business... "I am seeking a missing person."

One establishment after another turned out to be a dead end. I was amazed at how many of these places existed within walking distance of our facility. I had not ever really thought about that, I guess.

Finally, upon entering one club, I found her sitting at the bar, smoking a cigarette and nursing a cup of coffee. She seemed very content.

I casually entered into conversation with her, and ultimately convinced her to leave with me.

How often in our culture do we flee difficulties to camp out in places we feel more comfortable? How many of these places would shock those who know us "Christians?"

Darkness does not seek light, it wants to remain in darkness.

Illuminating the darkness is what our lives are to be about. We are not called to judge or put down those we interact with, rather to bring them truth in His timing and as He opens opportunities before us.

Sometimes the subtle ways we embrace sin ourselves, result in unexpected relations with the most unholy of moments.

He desires for us to recognize these, lay them at His feet, and to go forward responding to how He seeks us.

His love for us brings change to our condition, and causes an increase in our desire to be in His light.

Often, what is hideous in the dark, remains active yet unnoticed until light is added.

We must ask Him to illuminate the dark places we retreat to that often reside within us.

He is faithful! Our desires change as we yield to Him.

dad

2012-01-11T12:30:00.000-05:00

Posing with Evan in Mexico...

I have so often reflected on the story of Abraham and Isaac, as they built the altar of sacrifice together.

In earlier years, I thought it nearly impossible to comprehend... especially when viewing it through the lens of today's societal taboos, mores and norms.

Who could bind the arms and legs of their own child, hoist him atop an altar and raise the instrument of his death overhead, let alone actually take their life.

While my son was in the hospital and I entered his room, I daily saw a depiction of this story, and my soul would embrace it in ways I cannot find words to portray.

I drew comfort from it. I found discouragement in it.

It lingered.

I prayed.

It lingered more.

I continued to pray.

I still do.

I don't know that I will fully understand it's far reaching implications until I am able to sit down with Abraham and Isaac and reflect on that journey. I hope my son can be part of this discussion.

What I have understood from the story is that when we are called to sacrifice, God honors the attitude of our hearts, when that attitude is obedience. Through it, He blesses.

We will not always understand this in the moments of sacrifice. Sacrifice is usually accompanied by brokenness. It is vital that we cling to Him during these difficult hours/days/weeks/months/years.

In the story of Isaac, Abraham's obedience brought about great blessing. Isaac was spared due to his father's decision to do what God told him. His family was blessed for generations. And the generations would call him Father.

Not every story ends with lives spared. The consistent theme is glory and honor brought to God, and then blessing in sometimes intangible ways.

We are surrounded by those who suffer. Some because of their own poor decisions. Others at the imposition of another.

That God would send His only Son to die a hideous death is nearly incomprehensible. Yet we saw a depiction of this kind of willingness in Abraham and Isaac.

Blessing comes to each of us who call on the name of Jesus for Salvation, as a direct result of His unbelievable suffering.

When the whip found temporary grip amid His flesh, there was no relief. When the cross was thrust upon His back, there was a long road to death. When the hammer was lifted, there was no rescue. When the spikes severed nerves, no one held the soldier from pounding. When the spear was thrust, it emptied blood and water from His brokenness...

...and He gave it willingly. He suffered for our Salvation!

Perhaps we need to spend less time focusing on our perceptions of our own lack, and recognize that it cost Him, everything.

He now lives to intercede on your behalf and mine.

We may suffer for seasons, but His Salvation is eternal. He is worth it. Cling to Him, and He will hold and carry your burden.

Praise His Holy Name! Jesus!

dad

2012-01-03T16:14:00.002-05:00

Our team in Mexico

Deanna and I just returned unscathed from a notorious border town between Texas and Mexico. What an incredible journey!

When our Lord calls us, He also makes a way for His will to be done. We had one of the best teams and trips we've ever experienced! Quite a blessing, during a time we celebrate the gift of the Christ child!!!

Our team was small, and there were concerns before we left. There were concerns while we were there. All were covered by your prayer and that of many others. We saw the hand of the Lord move in power as we saw many surrender their hearts to Him, and encouraged many believers.

There are so many stories of encounters of His divine intervention, that I could write for weeks about just them. I am amazed and thankful that I serve the Living God, who is most Holy!

We do need to pray for the church (call them PIB) we partner with, as our presence brings undue attention to them from the drug cartels. They are brave to allow us to come and serve, knowing they may fall under the scrutiny of those who intend harm for gain.

We did see the presence of these cartels. We also noted a tremendously beefed up military presence as federales were encountered everywhere we went. We are not a threat to them, as we are there to try and restore hope, where fear prevails.

We have seen a great decline in the number of people present in plazas, parks and other gathering places. Even those who reside in Mexico refuse to travel through this area, as it has become known for it's violence.

This would tend to make it seem foolish to travel there, especially with students. I struggled beforehand as I needed assurance that this WAS His will and the peace to go, in spite of the violence. He provided.

While we were there, violence broke out not far from where we were. I could even hear the sound of guns on occasion. However, I had no fear. He gave me complete peace in knowing, He was in control!

I suppose it is always easy to say this after the fact. But the truth is, those closest to me, know that beforehand, I struggled more with this trip than any I have led.

I was honestly surprised to have Him bless us so deeply. The students were amazing, their unity unequalled and our ministry anointed!

I feel as though I have received a fresh touch from our Savior, a Christmas gift of a very unique and enduring kind.

Our students entered with one purpose, share the Gospel, no matter the cost.

They did!

If there was a problem on this trip, it was reigning in their enthusiasm and channeling the uncommon energy. They wanted to share and didn't want anything to get in the way of it. I literally had students chasing people down at times, to be sure they heard about Jesus!

You KNOW who this reminds me of!

We saw many Salvations and many believers receive encouragement (including us)!

One of the young men on our team had served for two years in Belize when he wasn't a believer. He had been given everything as a child and even lived beachfront with an expensive car as a young adult. He was empty and broken, and went to Belize to serve and try to discover life's meaning.

He was confounded by a people who had nothing, but were so joyful. When he asked them why, they told him about Jesus. He began reading his Bible. He cried out to God and asked Him that if He was real, to send him a book in the mail that was more recent, depicting the life of a believer.

In two years, he never received any other books. BUT, the next day a book arrived in his mailbox...it's title, "I Would Die for You!" He surrendered his heart and his life to our Savior!

He is as passionate about Jesus as I've seen! He was such a blessing!

Another young man on our team became a believer just a few months ago. In fact, 5 months ago, he was in throes of death while on a recreational drug overdose at his school. All went black and he could not see anything. He knew he was dying. He cried out to God in that moment, to save him.

He did!

Right then and there life rushed back into him, and he has surrendered his life to serve. He was an amazing asset to our team. As we shared in a youth prison, his testimony was instrumental in 5 young men coming to Christ!

God does not make mistakes. He prepares those He calls whether or not they feel like they are. He uses their obedience to tear down walls and draw men and women to Himself.

I so humbled to serve. I thank God for His amazing provision, and this opportunity!

My attitude was not great going in, but I yielded it and my life to Him, and He blessed in incredible measure.

Praise God! From Him, blessings really do flow!

dad

2011-12-23T10:13:00.000-05:00

Tucker's first Christmas!

This Christmas will be very different for Deanna and me.

We were blessed to have our girls and their boys in our home for a few days, earlier this week. We had a great time together. Being together with family at this time of year is extremely important to us.

However, this year, Deanna and I will experience something we have not experienced since before we were married. We will be alone at Christmas.

We love spending time with each other. But, almost 29 years of the Christmas season with our family, has us aching for that tradition to continue.

This year begs the question what is Christmas to us?

Is it about time with family?
Is it about getting gifts?
Is it about giving gifts?
Is it about lights?
Is it about time off of work?
Is it about feasts?

Or...

Is it about Jesus?

For many, this time of year brings on depression because they cannot or do not have the ability to have Christmas as it is portrayed in television and movies.

They cannot give enough because they have little to offer.

I think that is why I love the "Little Drummer Boy" song. Here is a great example of giving.

He gave not money, or material possessions. He gave from his giftedness, and it was more than enough.

When God chose to send His one and only Son so that we might have eternal life, He gave us ALL we would ever need. In Him, all needs are met, though we routinely try to meet them with that which will perish.

Those who recognize this do not get caught up in the 'Santa Christmas' our country would have us believe.

Doesn't mean there is not a gift exchange, but it does mean they truly celebrate the birth of our Savior above all else!

God the Father gave a gift that could not be replaced. He gave His one and only Son. He gave a piece of Himself because of His deep love for us!

In some small ways, ways we have understanding of what this means.

Though perhaps, we did not "give our son" as God the Father did, we did nonetheless, give our son. We gave him to our Savior when he was born. We sought to give him to the Lord each day. He did not belong to us.

At times, we clung too tight.

At times we failed to hold tightly enough.

Ultimately, he would honor the Lord with what he had. Like the Little Drummer Boy, he gave what he could. He gave it willingly.

I wonder if I have that same attitude this time of year?

I do find myself clinging tightly to Christmases past...with family.

I plainly see Christmas around a tree of red lights (Deanna's favorite), with hot chocolate and music proclaiming His birth, while my three children look with great anticipation at all that is about to be unwrapped.

This year, we will see the lostness of a city that has been handed over to the enemy where violence runs whatever course it chooses. We will proclaim the Truth of the One who was born to suffer and die that these same offenders might have eternal life.
So too, may those who are caught in the crossfire of the enemies unwrapping schemes.

Christmas is not about my ideas or traditions alone, though they are included.

Christmas is about letting the truth of a baby born to give all, move us to the point of doing the same.

We give because He gave. We suffer because He suffered. We have eternal life in Him.

Thank you Father for the gift of Your Son, Jesus!

Thank you for my Salvation!

You are my King!

love from Your child,

brent

2011-12-12T10:49:00.002-05:00

Tucker!

Freedom is never free.

It always seems to come at the cost of sacrifice.

The ultimate example is Jesus. He was sent to this world as a baby, "grew in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man," and ultimately laid down His life that you and I might have eternal life, if we would surrender ours to Him.

This surrender seems to look different from person to person, and church to church.

Jesus said "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself, take up his cross and follow me." Mtw 16:24

Does this mean we basically live our lives as we want, with the primary difference being, we attend church on Sunday?

That is not what it is supposed to be. There is little sacrifice in that. However, that is where much of the American church resides. This is the "surrender" portrayed by many believers to those who have not yet met Jesus. Yet, it is of little value.

Church attendance does not make one a believer. When the separation comes that Jesus spoke of, in Matthew 25... "He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left."... Many who think they are sheep will find that not to be true.

While salvation is through grace and not works (Eph 2), when one surrenders to Christ, the desire He plants within is one of wanting to be faithful to Him, where we follow His heart, and do what He puts within us to do.

For too many, learning to deny that voice rather than self, has become the norm.

I imagine His heart breaks over this.

I also believe He struggles with some of our attitudes, even when we are faithful.

For example, each year, for about as long as I can remember, my family has come together between Christmas and New Years. We drive to an agreed upon location, spend four or five days together, and celebrate Him and the time with each other.

My family is very close. I have written of this often.

I have struggled this year with my attitude towards not being able to do this.

Yes, I am so very thankful and blessed that my family changed each of their plans to accommodate our schedule, and do this same thing at Thanksgiving. We had an incredible time! But, it isn't Christmas, and it isn't our tradition.

Tradition is not Scripture, but it is important as long as it doesn't supersede Scripture.

All this to say, I struggle with my attitude in leading a mission team to Nuevo Laredo, over the Christmas break. If I am brutally honest, I do not want to give in this way, at this time. I am not proud of this, but feel the need to be clear.

However, I know the Lord has a plan. I know I need to be in the center of that plan, regardless of ultimate outcome.

My God is faithful, and I know that no matter what the sacrifice, on the eternal landscape it will have been worth it! I know that the sacrifice of those going on this trip will mean the salvation of many who are lost!

How and why would I struggle with my attitude over this, when I know what the outcome for others will mean?

I just got a phone call from a dear friend whose youth group I was supposed to take to Panama over Spring Break. She cancelled the trip, because she only had seven sign up.

It seems their attitudes and priorities align with the ones I am struggling with over this Christmas time.

While I am frustrated for her, and for us, with the planning that has gone into it, and the lives that would have been saved had these been willing to sacrifice, I see my own attitudes in their decisions, and know I must repent and I must go!

If my sacrifice means someone elses salvation, I must go!

"But its not safe!" many will say.

For years I have told others that there is no safer place to be than in the center of His will.

Recently, our newly called pastor challenged this. He said that this statement is not Biblical. He said "there is no more dangerous place to be than in the center of God's will!"

In many ways, I know he is right. However, it doesn't change what He has called me to do.

How can anything else be more important than someone elses salvation? How can tradition gain higher attention from me, than obedience?

The answer is pretty simple.

It's the American way. Most of us are trained up this way, even when we grow up in church.

We do what we want, when we want, and don't get this Great Commission stuff in my face, because I tithe, and go to church. This is the prevailing attitude.

It's interesting that the directive from our Savior isn't, "go to church and do what you want with your life." Rather, it's "therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you."

Forgive me Lord!

Fill my heart with joy in serving, and a passion for those who need you in Nuevo Laredo! You ARE more important to me than tradition, but I am very thankful for it too!

If this steps on your toes this Christmas Season, then know mine are already aching in pain.

dad

2011-12-05T09:56:00.004-05:00

Deanna and I waiting in line to ride the Christmas Train

Sunday evening, Lauren, Weston, Deanna and I went on the "Christmas Train." It is an event that occurs at Dry Gulch Camp, Oklahoma. A couple of 1800's era trains haul people through the countryside, past painted murals, and live actors portraying the story of Christ from Creation through the Resurrection. It is an extremely moving experience!

The train station is set in an old West town near Pryor, Oklahoma. The camp is owned by a church in Tulsa. They do an unbelievable job handling thousands of people with an all volunteer army, who attend to the needs of the masses through gift shops, coffee shops, arcades, restaurants, a cowboy/Christmas music venue, Carolers, etc.

I had never even heard of this, and when we were given tickets to this sold out event, I did not know what to expect. My near-sighted vision was shattered by this overwhelming experience.

I believe many come to experience the old west in the cold of winter (yes we were bundled up like we were at a ski resort) with all of the lights and ambiance. While here, they unmistakeably hear and see the Gospel portrayed! What an amazing event!

When we arrived, we headed to a restaurant and got something to eat. We sat cafeteria style with many others but enjoyed ourselves immensely!

After dinner we braved the cold and the line for the train. We had lively conversation and interacted with others as we waited. We laughed a great deal.

Somewhere in the line, a young girl started to watch me closely. We were nearly in the train station, when her father called out to me and said, "My daughter thinks you're Santa Claus!"

From the picture above, I guess you can see why. Still he found it necessary to postulate aloud why she might think this (as if he believed I might somehow be offended).

I was moved to laughter.

From then on, I noticed her watching me ever so closely. As a matter of fact, I began to realize others were paying me some abnormally close attention.

We traded silly faces and motorboat noises. She watched me through much of the train ride. I kept expecting her to come and climb into my lap.

It was a precious encounter and a great reminder of how children respond to the "magic" of the Christmas season.

Of course, we know there is no magic. There is our Savior.

He came to the earth as an infant to ultimately die for your sin and mine. We need only to call upon Him to be our Savior and Lord, at the time that He draws us close, and we will be saved.

This experience held some "magic" for me too. For a few minutes it was rather amazing to have her young eyes and heart full of expectation turned my direction.

Of course, I would fail her. I could never meet all of her needs.

My Savior can, however!

I was reminded of how incredible the Season of Celebrating Christ's birth was when my children were young. They too were so full of expectation and hope.

It is a grand reminder that we need to approach our Lord with the eyes and heart of a child. He will meet our needs and care for our lives.

I am so thankful for this! What a blessing to be in relationship with the King of kings and the Lord of lords!

Have a blessed Christmas Season! Experience it through the eyes and heart of a child, if you can!

dad (not Santa)

2011-11-28T11:14:00.004-05:00

Tucker at his first Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving was such a blessed time for us! My family gathered back in Indiana and spent a few days together, laughing, hiking, playing games, doing some work, and just enjoying each others company. I am so thankful!

There is just something so special about having this time together. I ache for those who don't have this privilege.

Among the family were 6 dogs. That was a bit crazy. We each brought ours, and they got along amazingly well! I am so thankful for that too!

My sister Lynae and her family have a dog they rescued from a shelter. She is a year old and her name is Chloe. She has some serious issues with her rear "knees." After a period of activity, they seem to become non-functional. She either whines in pain, or has to lay down. She has so much puppy left in her, that it is difficult for her to remain still.

Perhaps her own issues have made her more sensitive to others pain. She enjoys being around people, but does not crave being touched or petted as most do.

We had some dear friends visit on Saturday. They have also experienced the loss of a son. Their pain is more recent, and the journey is long. Coming together is such sweet fellowship.

When they arrived, my family had all gone out for a bit, so it was just them and Deanna and me. We were seated together by the fireplace to have some intimate time.

I confess I was amazed at what happened next.

I had watched Chloe ignore many attempts at affection from others. I had seen her curl up on her bed and just enjoy being present in the same area as people. I had never seen her do this.

This was our last afternoon together for the week, and we were leaving in the wee hours the following morning. I thought I had seen Chloe's personality and knew who she was.

When our friends arrived, she promptly came over to the grieving mother, and curled up on her feet, and leaned against her legs.

She did not seek attention. She only sought to give love to one who is hurting badly.

This could have been so easily missed. With so many dogs around, the behavior would generally seem normal.

It wasn't for her. She had not done anything like this during our stay together.

Chloe seemed to have a unique sensitivity to the deep emotional pain that most would not see.

She got distracted at one point and left for a bit, only to return to the same position.

She did not want to be petted. She did not want to be spoken to. She just wanted to minister to the needs of the broken.

While we enjoyed a time of conversation and fellowship, I learned a very valuable lesson from my canine friend. Ministry is never about me.

I need to just give, without the need to be given back to.

I am so thankful for the time we had to share. I am deeply blessed to have such precious friends and family. I am deeply grateful to have an encounter that spoke volumes without a word being aired.

Give to the place of need in the lives of others. Use words if absolutely necessary.

dad

2011-11-17T10:46:00.000-05:00

They are about to celebrate a year!!!

Thankfulness is an attitude of the heart.

So many things can get in way of our hearts. Desires grow within us for things that are harmless, until we begin to focus on them too much.

I am guilty of this, and find I struggle way more than I would like to admit.

I am very thankful for an unbelievable wife! I have noticed though, that if I draw into my own little world I am very capable of taking her for granted. There can be a stark difference between saying I am thankful, and actually showing it to her.

When things don't go as I'd like, I do not appear very thankful. I like things to go my way. I tend to think I am suffering if they don't.

Silly me.

What is truly important in our lives, is the impact we have through Him, on others.
He is the author of these things, if we allow Him the space and time. First, we release the grip of things or events that we give too much importance.

Deanna came home last night elated. She was not excited about a new outfit, or car, or promotion. She was excited that the Lord had used her surrender.

She was helping with the AWANA program at church, and one of the students she was assisting trusted her enough to begin to ask serious questions about Jesus and how to know Him.

After it was over, Deanna had led this young one into relationship with our Savior!

I am so proud of her for being faithful! I am so thankful for her surrender, to be able to be used by Him!

Children love being loved on by my wife. So do I. I love how she loves on them. I love how she loves on me.

I love how Jesus draws others to Himself through her!

I praise God that she is following His heart!

Oh how she blesses mine with her obedience to His!

Be faithful to Him, and watch Him draw another to Himself through your surrender!

My wife is amazing! She is amazing, because she seeks and follows His heart!

Thank you Jesus!

brent

2011-11-09T11:26:00.002-05:00

Our friends, Afshin and Meredith on the evening we first met

This past weekend, we held our annual missions conference. We had such a blessed event with the Lord!

Afshin came and opened our event, then spoke a second time Saturday morning. They stayed with us in our home, and our fellowship was sweet!

It is such a privilege to have such opportunities to share, and grow together. It was good to catch up on what is happening in their ministry, and to hear of upcoming opportunities the Lord is providing for them to share His word!

Truly, no matter who we are, what we have accomplished, or what we enjoy doing, the only thing that will last is what we do for Jesus.

I can spend a great deal of time, filling my life with things of beauty, things that bring me moments of contentment, achieving significant goals, and die a lonely discontented man.

The only thing that brings fulfillment is Jesus.

He satisfies in ways that are difficult to describe. The passion one has for Him, comes from Him.

Many times we live under the mistaken impression that we chose Him, so somehow He owes us.

Not true.

In John 6:44, Jesus says, "No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him..."

He owes us nothing.

We owe Him our all. Unabashedly surrendered, is how we need to come before Him.

He is worthy. He brings fulfillment. He multiplies joy. He develops passion. He spills into others through our surrender.

A life of man's approval? Not for me, though I sometime seem to forget that.

His penetrating, heart changing, unconditional love and grace overwhelms me.

I am for Him, because He drew me.

Amen!

dad

2011-11-01T10:05:00.001-04:00

A few days ago, I wrote a new post. When it was finished, I hit "publish" and promptly lost the whole thing, even though it said it was "saved."

I am so thankful that when we are in the hands of our Creator, we cannot suddenly be lost, once He Saves us.

It was a writing I found to come so freely as I stroked the keys, that I believed it to be anointed.

Ha!

Probably was my imagination.

Even before I hit the "publish" key, I had a momentary sense that I needed to resave it. I failed to do so. It's lost. I can't save anything or anyone anyway.

Many times I have counseled with others who had a very real salvation experience with their Savior, but felt completely alone...lost.

He does not turn loose of us, if we have truly surrendered our lives to Him! His Word even teaches us in 2 Cor 5:1-10, that He has "given us the Spirit as a "deposit guaranteeing what is to come."

The key is whether or not we have truly surrendered our lives to Him. Many make decisions prompted by emotion, or peer pressure (my friend walked the aisle so i did too), but apart from being drawn to the Father by His Holy Spirit (John 6:44).

We each come to our Holy appointment according to His schedule, not our own. This is one reason it is imperative that we continue to pray for those who have not surrendered their hearts to Him, and/or for those who claim to know Jesus, but there is no fruit present to verify relationship (Mtw 7:20).

Fruit.

We like to eat it. Sometimes we like to smell it. It's good for us. It's symptomatic of a good harvest. It's provision from our Creator.

My wife loves fruit. She always has it in our home. Its great when it's ripe, but yucky when it's beyond ripe.

This time of year, there is nothing like fresh apples! Visiting an orchard and getting cider is something we always did when I was little, and we did it when our kids were little as well. It creates lasting impact and memories in our lives.

Spiritually, when our fruit is ripe, others notice. It's why Mtw 7:20 says what it does. They are impacted by the fruit you and I bear. They see something in us that others don't display. Fruit is appealing by its look, its fragrance, and it's taste.

He makes that kind of a change in a believers life. However, we are capable of smothering the aroma with worldly stuff.

When we bear His fruit, the affirmation of the Holy Spirit's deposit in our lives is apparent. He uses it to draw others to Him.

His salvation is not as tenuous as striking a "save" key on your computer. Sometimes that doesn't work for logical reasons. Reasons that bring us great frustration.

I am so thankful that His Salvation is secure!

Our Hope for the future rests in Him and through Him.

Praise God!

dad

2011-10-24T10:57:00.001-04:00

A young Cambodian girl serves by preparing food for her family

I have been pondering 2 Kings 5 over the last few weeks. I am captivated by the attitudes of the servants in this story. Their actions cast a shadow that I find myself lost in.

Everything about our country teaches us to seek success. Get a good job, make lots of money and you will be happy.

The problem is, it doesn't work.

Many have made this their mantra and even pass it on to their children. I have watched many students struggle with their calling in life because they fear Mom and Dad's reaction if they pursue ministry. I've heard many stories of parents' who tell their children not to pursue ministry, "cause there's no money in it."

Most who serve money as their master are miserable, and live primarily to try to make more. Pursuing the need to fill an emptiness within that only Christ can fill.

I have seen many believers fall prey to this idolatry.

The story in 2 Kings 5 deals with Naaman's healing from leprosy. What I am taken by is the fact that 4 times in this story, a servant or messenger, who remains nameless, fulfills a role of obedience to their master, and in most cases the Lord, to further His glory.

They don't seek the limelight. There is no false bravado or insincere humility that seems to lift up the Lord but really illuminates self.

A servant doesn't care who knows his name, he serves because he knows the God who saved him.

This is how we should be living. Seeking to point others to Christ, because we know Him and we know what He has saved us from.

Many begin on this path, but the allure of power, fame, etc., captivates hearts and betrays them.

True humility seeks to make much of Christ, always! It doesn't go on sabbatical, and begin to promote self.

I find myself falling prey to this scheme of the enemy. It's easy to justify as I see many do the same thing. Many call it, "ministerial license."

It is an effective tool of the enemy. Men fall into this trap often.

The desire for "everybody to know your name," is a common one.

We all want to be known, revered.

Few who are, elevate self.

I am thankful for the servants brought to light, 4 different times in this passage. They have caused me to repose and reconnoiter.

I can get a bit full of myself and my own agenda, way too easily.

Seeking and serving because I know my Master is what life is really about. He takes care of His own, when they are faithful to His call.

I praise Him for it!

dad

2011-10-13T10:00:00.001-04:00

After my ordination, Deanna and I were congratulated by dear friends, Nate and Amy

All of us have a story. Each of our stories are wrought with difficulties. How we respond to those same events shape who we are and reveal much about our walk with Him.

Sometimes, the difficulties we endure can seem so overwhelming in the moment, that we may not endure them as well as we would like to believe we would.

Back in the early 90's, I endured clinical depression. I had very dark thoughts and and overwhelming urges that were difficult to supress. I heard pastor's preach sermons on the topic. I was led to believe that if I suffered from this, I was not spiritually as mature as I ought to be (Who among us is as spiritually mature as we ought to be?).

I felt like much less of Christian, and much less of a man.

I have found that most men who preach this, have never endured depression.

It's very easy to find people who are depressed and use their walk or lack thereof to prove theories.

The reality is, there are many reasons for the onset of depression. Some are inherited, some are brought on by physical issues, and still others are brought on by events in life. They may even work in harmony with each other.

We are inundated with commercials that tell us to use their depression meds.

In my home, I often have the tv remote. One of my jobs is to mute the tv when those commercials (among others) come on. If I don't do my job, I risk losing remote privileges. I like having remote privileges.

Depression is very real, and while deep spiritual maturity can help prevent certain aspects of depression, it cannot allay all.

The stigma attached to this keeps too many from getting the help they need. Personally, I want a Christian doctor who knows/understands me, to be a part of the healing process. If one is not available, don't hesitate to get help from those available.

Last week, a very godly brother, a man who has been a significant part of our lives, brought his life to an end. He was a young father, and deeply loved his wife, daughter and family. He was also deeply loved by them.

He held a significant position (unpaid)in his church. He had the Spirit of the Lord all about him, as he interacted with others. He and his wife helped get my son to the mission field through financial gifts and prayer. They used to lead worship side by side on the praise team, in church.

To know him was to see the heart of our Savior.

He had endured multiple, major back surgeries. He lived with more pain than most ever experience. He had endured depression. He had sought help, in the past, and overcome it.

None of his family, friends or co-workers were aware that his depression had returned. In fact, his bride did not know until papers came in the mail, that he was to fill out for his doctor, to begin the process once again of obtaining the help he needed. They came too late.

That others did not know, was not unusual. Not for him. He was too selfless to occupy others with his needs. He had always had a very even temperment.

He had spent the morning working at his church, helping out on the grounds.

When he left, he obtained the means to take his life, went to a remote area, and completed the task.

When you are depressed, when you are in that circumstance, it is nearly impossible to reason your way out of the thought that 'things will not improve no matter what.' When you are in that moment, the fact that you have a good life, a family who loves you, a good job, or whatever else, is of little consequence.

Your lone thought is getting out from under the pain.

The solution he chose is permanent.

His daughter walks through the house looking for her daddy. She isn't even two years old. She doesn't understand what has happened. His wife is doing her best, but is overwhelmed by her own grief.

This isn't the way it is supposed to happen!

His parents, our dear friends, are setting an amazing godly example for all who look on. So is his wife for that matter.

At his funeral, his wife pleaded with those in attendance to eliminate the stigma of depression and understand the realities of it, and to get help. His father shared the gospel message, and implored others to receive Christ as Savior, as his son had done.

Many lives were and are being, impacted!

After all of this was over, we returned to his parents home for some private time. His brother and wife purchased a flowering tree to plant in his honor. His mother requested we plant it out the kitchen window where she could view it while completing tasks.

It's hard to believe, but just 6 years ago this week, this same family stood beside us as we planted a tree in my sons honor. We have pictures of this same young man and his father as they helped plant it.

The changes forced upon this family will be unpacked daily. They are part of a fraternity they never wanted to pledge. They will mourn daily. The grief will last a lifetime.

They serve a Savior who is bigger than their pain. It doesn't mean they won't feel it. It does mean He will give them the strength and mercy to endure, moment by moment, day by day, until they are in His presence, eternally. On this day, they will be reunited with him.

If you are depressed, please get help. There is no shame in getting healthy. The voice and pervasive lack of reason that one entertains in these dark moments, are not from above. You CAN overcome. You MUST take action. NOW!

It's worth it! He is worth it!

dad

2011-10-03T12:03:00.003-04:00

My California family.

This weekend, I spent quite a bit of time in a tree stand, observing and learning from deer behavior.

During this time, I had 15 deer beneath me, and at one point there were 10 at one time. I enjoyed watching them interact. Their system of caring for one another includes everything from grooming to taking turns, to standing guard to protect the others.

I was very impressed. What I observed is not something routinely seen or known. I was enthralled as I watched a group of does, followed by a bachelor group of bucks. Each group exhibited the same behaviors.

What really stood out to me was how one of the group always recognized the need to stand 'sentry' while the others fed. Then, as one feeding had had enough, he/she would go over to the other and replace him/her in the guard post, while that one then fed. It was an impressive system, all done non verbally. They seemed to instinctively know how to care for one another.

I started thinking about believers. When we are operating in a selfless fashion, we do this well. We watch out for our brothers and sisters. We pray for them, share with them, invite them over, meet their needs, etc.

When we get self focused, this tends to go out the window.

There were times when the sentry would sound the alarm, and the field would clear. This would result in the sentry not getting his needs met. He left hungry, but rested in the knowledge that he had protected the others.

This selfless act, no doubt, has spared the life of many deer.

I wonder if we act selflessly often enough. I have so many opportunities to pray for others. If I truly stood "sentry" for them, how would their lives change? What more could I do to impact their lives, that my own selfishness prevents?

When I'm hungry, I'm not usually shy about getting to food. I don't mind "hurrying" others up, so I can have my turn. The idea of missing meals to protect others is a pretty foreign concept in my circles.

Yet, if the missing of the meals is due to fasting for His intervention on their behalf, what better use of my time could their be?

I know there were those who did that for us when my son was in the hospital. I know I have done so for others in the past. But how often is that the place we go when we know others are in need? It is one of the mightiest tools in our arsenal and yet probably one of the least deployed.

I spend a lot of time with students, and have learned that most all of them have never heard a teaching on fasting; not from the pulpit, in small group, or elsewhere.

Some of the sweetest encounters I have had with my Savior have come through fasting.

I bring attention to it because we can have a deep impact on others lives if we become more selfless. I am not saying we all need to fast each time a need is revealed. I am saying there is always more we can do than eat our fill from the sidelines, while others needs overwhelm them in the arena of life.

dad

2011-09-26T03:05:00.003-04:00

This is the poster that Northside Baptist Church in Indianapolis, Indiana created and named their annual mission fund after.

This is the day we will always remember. The day BJ went home to be with the Lord. It's been 6 years.

It was also the day he was due to be born, but he would come 5 days late.

It is also within a day of the anniversary of Deanna and my first date.

There is no way we could have anticipated how the Lord would use his laid down life. We are blessed and overwhelmed at how many the Lord has ministered to through his surrender.

We have been privileged to share his testimony, our journey, from coast to coast in the US, and in other countries, abroad. We have seen his writings impact people of many nations. We have been blessed to hear the testimonies of many around the world whose lives were changed by learning about his.

The Lord uses those who are fully surrendered to inspire those who wish to be. Their lives help serve as a sort of compass of how to make decisions and live.

We miss him desperately. We celebrate his life, daily.

To many, its just another day.

For us, this is the day our joy mixes with the pain of searing loss.

Some have moved on and forgotten. Some still remember...fewer each year. It's normal I suppose.

We are thankful for each new opportunity to remember him.

He was not perfect.

He was surrendered.

One day, we will join him. I look forward to that day.

For now, we'll eat ribs in his honor... they were his favorite.

Bless the Lord, oh my soul, for all that is within me cries out to Him.

dad

2011-09-21T13:54:00.000-04:00

Over the last 6 years, I have watched many young men and women serve. Some have been inspirational.

However, my heart has grown increasingly heavy as I have watched many who have "tasted and seen that the Lord is good," return home from and serve self.

It is not my intent to judge or to cast dispersions. I am simply broken over what I see happening.

My son grew up with many who sought the Lord. He, like they, struggled from time to time. What I see too many doing now, has much to do with doubting truth and embracing worldly comforts (deceptions).

More and more seem to abandon faith. In this respect, I am thankful for his early departure, yet grieved because I know he spoke truth into others when he saw them struggle.

Who is speaking truth to them now?

The enemy seems to have their ear.

I recently counseled with a student who revealed a significant missions calling on their life. I asked many hard questions to be sure this individual was seeking and glorifying Him and not just misunderstanding potential conviction from the Holy Spirit.

They assured me they were making godly decisions and doing what was right.

A brief visit to their page on a social networking site, revealed something quite to the contrary. My heart fell. I have seen this over and over.

Why do we think we can hide our sinfulness from Him when we don't even try to shield it from each other? Or is it that we just have accepted as normal this Sodomic approach, with Gomorrahic attitudes to living, that we feel no measure of evil is really wrong as long as we are enjoying the choices?

I have learned much about grace and am so very thankful for it. In my own life, I am in constant need of it. So are others.

When I see these things happen, I recognize how undeserving we are to receive it.

I am weary of failure in my own life and in others. I cannot imagine the deeply discouraging aroma that emanates from those of us who say we believe, but aren't surrendered.

Lord God, I am so sorry for this! I am sorry for failing you! I am sorry for the lack of leadership and teaching, and for not setting the example you desire.

Forgive me Lord. Forgive us as believers for being more interested in our level of comfort than the measure of obedience you call us to. We are vile. We need surrender. We need revival.

When our systems fail, we seek name changes rather than corporate heart surgeries. We seek to blame others for personal shortcomings. Many don't even care as long as their bellies are full. Ever increasing appetites are never sated, because of our hunger for the wrong things.

I am not speaking of those who don't know Him. I am talking about believers. I am talking about me.

Lord you have shown us how to live, yet we seem to prefer dark rooms and death. We seem to believe that because we cannot see you, that you cannot possibly see our hearts, our motivations, our examples.

Adam and Eve hid behind fig leaves. We hide by covering our eyes and closing our ears to your Word.

Lord, you are worthy. Please forgive our complacency, our contentment, and our consumption of most things material.

I am broken.

dad

2011-09-08T14:25:00.003-04:00

Nana and Tucker

We just returned from Houston, Texas, where I had the privilege of addressing faculty and students at Houston Baptist University.

What an amazing time! God revealed Himself in power, and many responded! We were humbled to take part.

A couple of months ago, I got a call from the Spiritual Life Director at HBU. He had read our book, and knew Deanna was an alum. He asked us to come and speak at a convocation September 7th. We agreed but did not know what to expect.

The University has added a great deal to their campus since Deanna's days. The Theater building I spoke in found me on a Broadway sized stage. I looked out at a beautiful main floor, with two mezzanines, box seating and a balcony. It was quite a venue.

There were over a thousand people in attendance. The signs at entry doors begged those who entered not to text or talk during the convocation. Privately, I was told that this has become a routine problem.

There were no empty seats on the main floor and mezzanine. I was told the students received two credit points for their attendance.

The cross section of students blessed me. People from all over the world and many faiths were represented. There were many Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, and Jews among the many believers present. Having the privilege of speaking on behalf of my King to this many people groups was an unexpected blessing!

Proclaiming the Name of Jesus to those who do not yet believe, regardless of where they are born is amazing. But, being able to do so with so many nations represented was indicative of the Lord bringing the nations to us.

Many of these have stated they are treated better on this Christian campus than they are on secular campuses, and that is why they have chosen to attend this University.

Deanna and I were able to observe the interaction and love from believers to those who have not yet accepted the Truth. How incredible!

Speaking to them was a pinnacle experience for me. This audience was highly attentive. They hung on every word. We could have heard a pin drop at most any moment that I paused. God was at work.

I have never had an audience anticipate my next words the way this group did. On a couple of occasions, they even finished my sentence for me. The interaction was anointed.

As I concluded my time, I challenged believers to place their lives on the altar of sacrifice and allow the Lord to have complete control, to direct their paths.

I was deeply humbled at how the Lord had penetrated hearts as hundreds of them stood to their feet to make proclamation of their surrender.

Next, I addressed those the Lord was drawing to Himself for Salvation. I encouraged them to seek out one of these standing believers to begin a dialogue about how to be in relationship with THE ONE TRUE GOD.

The Lord had compelled me to do so, and the staff were thrilled and stood in agreement at this opportunity being placed before the many student believers.

I understand, that at least one Muslim surrendered his life to Christ immediately!

I have shared this message many times, but have seldom seen a move of God on this scale. I am completely in awe that my Lord would allow Deanna and me to take part in an event where He so completely revealed Himself, and did so on the campus she spent years on.

Her joy was overflowing. She had prayed hard for the Lord to do so.

He heard. He answered. He moved! She is so thankful!

When we completely surrender before this Holy God, He uses us to accomplish things beyond our ability to imagine.

Praise His Holy Name! Just Praise Him!

I am in Awe.

dad

2011-08-31T09:52:00.000-04:00

The enemy is on the prowl.

I have heard from many in the past few days who are having/have had significant difficulties or losses.

I don't like to count them because I get overwhelmed. It deepens my love and respect for my Savior when I stop and realize He hurts for and loves them each, one by one. He knows what they are going through, and intercedes on their behalf.

That doesn't lessen my need to pray for them.

Prayer changes me. It moves me closer to His heart. Why am I so prone to thinking I can do things on my own? I can do so little without Him.

I am not a fan of the enemy or his ways. I am broken and tired from seeing his schemes be so effective against my Christian brothers and sisters. I do not pray enough.

I am so thankful for the Holiness of my God! His Son stood in the gap for me. He continues to lift me up before the Father. Why do I find it so difficult to pour myself out in significant prayer?

Too much of the time, I want to do everything else to help others, but fail to pray as I should! That doesn't make any sense at all. Prayer is where I should begin, and it should consume me on behalf of others!

Routinely, what I am plagued by is worldly minutia.

When I am praying intentionally, I remain much closer to Him. When I am praying intentionally, my desires seem to match up with His. When I am praying intentionally, I see Him move mightily! When I am praying intentionally, others are drawn to Christ in me.

When I don't seek Him, my heart strays to things that don't help me in good times or bad.

I am weary of seeing others fall prey to the enemies schemes. Why does this happen so frequently? Why do we let things get out of hand?

It begins and ends with selfishness. We fail to arm ourselves spiritually, and the enemy gains access.

Prayer is so vitally important in each of our lives, and we must continue to lift up those we know are struggling as well as those the Lord brings to mind. He is fully capable of being their strength in times of weakness.

Let us intensify our prayer efforts on behalf of our families and our Christian family.

I would also ask you to pray over my upcoming speaking schedule:

Sep 7th Houston Baptist University, Houston, Tx. Convocation with staff/students
Sep 15th Logos Church, Tulsa, Ok
Sep 18th Keystone BC, Sand Springs, Ok
Sep 30th Tulsa State Fair Chaplain, Tulsa, Ok
Oct 4th Tulsa State Fair Chaplain, Tulsa, Ok
Oct 6th Tulsa State Fair Chaplain, Tulsa, Ok
Oct 21st-23rd DiscipleNow, FBC Healdton, Ok
Nov 4th-6th iGo Missions Conference, Owasso, Ok

Thank you!

2011-08-22T10:03:00.001-04:00

Tucker (he's still in the hospital but is growing and doing better. He is 5 lbs now!

The following account is real. It is about a believer in a land where it is illegal to be one. I ask you to pray for this man and his family. I pray we are inspired by his courage, and that we will get uncomfortable for Christ:

July 6th, Jamal was taken from his home by the local authorities. Now matter how much the family tried to see him, they were not allowed to see him. In fact the government denied taking him. Finally, August 11th, his brother was allowed to see him. Today, August 18, 2011, Jamal’s wife, daughter and youngest son were finally allowed to see him. He told them his story.

After he was taken from his town, he was blindfolded, handcuffed, and taken to the capital. For 10 days, he was constantly handcuffed, blindfolded and put in solitary confinement. During the day he was confined to a room where there were 3 air-conditioning compressor units blowing hot air on him, and was not given any water or food during the day. At night he was put in a very small jail cell, and his hands were released just long enough to eat a small piece of bread and drink 1 liter of water. At night he was not able to sleep. He stayed awake praying and singing praises. The guard would beat on the door and tell him to be quiet so he could sleep. Jamal would reply, “This is my room, if you want to sleep don’t let me keep you from sleeping.” And he would continue singing and praying. He endured these conditions for 10 days. When he went into prison, he weighed 231 pounds (105 kilos). Now he weighs 187 pounds, (85 kilos) and his skin is like leather from the heat and dehydration.

Everyday when he was in the hot room, he prayed and sang praises to himself. On the 10th day of this torture, he thought he was going to die because he was very weak and would lose his balance and almost fall over while sitting in the chair. His body felt cold even though it was extremely hot and his clothes were soaked with sweat. Suddenly his strength returned and in a loud voice (Jamal has a voice like a bull horn) he began to pray and sing praises loudly so that all could hear. As he was doing so, he could see below his blindfold, there were many feet in front of him. He continued for some time as they stood there, listening not making a sound. Then they took off his blindfold and took of his handcuffs and brought him a table, food and water. He gave thanks in the name of Jesus and ate his food. After he was done, he thanked the guards and they took the things away. Then one of the higher-ranking officers asked him if he was crazy raising his voice and making all that noise.

Jamal replied, “this is my room. I am here alone. What’s the matter?”

They said, “Being in this room has made you crazier. We are sending you to the general population.”

After these 10 days he was taken and interrogated. Before they took him to the interrogation room he was blindfolded and handcuffed. They questioned him for 20 days after the 10 days of torture. During the questioning, he was not physically abused but verbally abused. The interrogations would last three to four hours or so. They would ask him questions about why he worked with Americans helping people in dangerous places. They accused him of having relations or permission from terrorists and they were allowing him to take people there and do his missionary work. (Terrorists would kill him, they would not allow him to do this. They can’t even lie good.) They accused him of being a spy for America.

They accused him of having friendships with bad people. Now many of these people are followers of Jesus and are good people. The government is accusing him of being bad just like the people he befriends. They also said they had followed him for many weeks and noticed that he only left his house if he had something to do. They asked him what he did at home all the time. He told them he prays, reads, and sings songs to God. They told him to quit that.

But in the end of the questioning, they always asked him why he became a follower of Jesus and left Islam. This is the only reason they have imprisoned him; because of his faith in Jesus.

Many people questioned him many times. Only one time has he been before a judge. The judge told Jamal, “Last time we put you in prison for your faith, and now we have done it again. Why haven’t you returned to Islam, are you getting paid good for this?”

Jamal replied, “I do not receive anything because I am a believer in Jesus. I am on this Way because of Jesus, and what He has done for me.”

The Judge replied, “Then go back to jail for Jesus.”

The Judge again asked him if he would leave his faith and quit spreading his religion. He said, “There are many people in your city, even Christians, who do not like what you are doing.”

Jamal replied, “What I do, I do it for those who want me to do it, not for those who don’t want me to. I will gladly go back to jail for Jesus because I am much closer to him there. Also I am freer in jail than I am outside. I do have one request from you though,” he told the Judge.

The Judge asked him, “What is it you want.”

Jamal said, “Everyone in the jail is Muslim and has a Koran. I would like to have my glasses and my Bible.”

The Judge told him forcefully, “Get out of here.”

This was 2 weeks ago and they have not interrogated him any more.

He is in a jail with about 50 terrorists, real terrorists. When he is among them and he talks about his religion, someone tells the guard and they put him in solitary confinement to keep him from talking about his religion.

This is a perfect example of Middle Eastern Democracy. But most importantly this is a perfect scenario of what believers endure all over the middle east and Asia. Believe it or not, governments in this part of the world are not worried about their citizens individual rights.

Please keep the family and Jamal lifted up.
And next time you have the opportunity to share your faith and don't because you are scared, think about the freedom you have to do so.

Let's remember to lift up his family. He understands his purpose, but his family is gravely concerned. They are believers also!

Let's get uncomfortable for Him...

dad

2011-08-09T10:04:00.003-04:00

Tucker Henry Law, 4 lbs 10 0z, and 18" long. Born August 6th at 34 weeks. He is a precious preemie.

Two Sundays ago, I was debriefing our Panama team at the conclusion of their trip. I picked them up in Dallas and spent some blessed time, hearing their stories, helping them shape their experience, and having them affirm one another. It was amazing!

Monday morning, as I awaited their departure, my daughter Whitney contacted me. She had been hospitalized with mild preeclampsia and contractions. She was only 33 weeks along in her pregnancy.

I was blessed to already be in Dallas, so I got to stop and visit her in the hospital on my return trip to Tulsa.

She was in good spirits, and was unsure how long she would be hospitalized.

The contractions stopped, but her blood pressure continued to be high. Eventually, they told her she would be in the hospital and off of work, until she delivered. We had no idea how long this might be, but her doctor told her she would deliver before 37 weeks.

The idea of three or four weeks in the hospital was daunting. She continued to have on again, off again contractions through last week.

A planned Baby Shower for this past Sunday was already on the books. Plans began to be made to alter how it would be conducted. Deanna and Lauren had already planned to go. Whitney's situation, caused me to go as well.

We left after lunch this past Friday, and headed to Denton, Texas. We arrived by dinner time, and got to spend time with she and Jared (her husband). Her blood pressure remained too high as we left the hospital, to retire at their nearby home.

We went to bed uncertain of what might unfold. I received a call from Jared at about 1am, telling me that her blood pressure was at an unhealthy level, so they were inducing labor, and she would likely deliver Saturday morning.

I woke my family to tell them the news, and prepared them for a "moment's notice" trip to the hospital.

Jared texted me throughout the night to keep me updated.

Whitney's labor did not follow normal paths. Her contractions were near constant, but did not progress. About 6 am Jared let me know they wanted to do a 'C section.'

Whitney did not want this. She wanted to deliver naturally. She was upset by the need for this.

I advised her to have the procedure as her health was at risk. So did her husband and the doctor.

The decision was made to do so, and we headed to the hospital.

We arrived about 7 am. At 7:21 am, Tucker Henry was born! He weighed 4 lbs 10 oz. and was 18" long.

He was so perfectly proportioned and the C section delivery had spared the misshapen head that sometimes results.

He was teeny tiny. It is hard for pictures to convey how small he was/is, but the one above helps.

Whitney's BP remains high and she needs our prayers. Tucker has had some normal issues as a result of being born 6 weeks early. However, at this point we are so thankful for how well he is doing.

He was due September 17, but arrived August 6th. This day was already special in our family, as it is my parents wedding anniversary. My dad passed away 17 Augusts ago. Tucker's arrival is very special to his Great Grandmother for this reason!

He is very special to us on so many levels!

Deanna remains in Denton to help Whitney get things ready for him to come home. We don't yet know when that will be, but are expecting him to remain at the hospital in the NICU until at least Saturday, when he is 35 weeks.

We praise God for his safe arrival, and for the improving health of both Mother and child. His proud father is doing very well, also.

So is his over excited 'Poppy'...that's me. Some of you may remember that my son used to call me this. I have decided to forgo traditional grandfatherly names to be "Poppy."

My wife will be "Nana."

We are so excited to fulfill these roles!

Oh, and the Baby shower still happened... in the hospital, and was a great way to welcome Tucker!

Poppy

2011-07-26T11:11:00.002-04:00

With the outside temps daily eclipsing the 105 degree mark, I wanna reflect on cooler days. BJ and I dismounting from a ski lift 6 months or so before he would go home.

I am in awe of my Savior.

I so wish I could capture the debriefing of our summer teams for you. When they assembled and told their stories of the amazing works of our Lord around the world, I was so stirred and moved.

Yet, to be honest, the conclusion of the summer trips, evokes a certain sadness within me.

Both because the work we have done for the last year, has come to a certain conclusion, and this same time elicits the remembrance of what began upon BJ's final return from the field.

I take an annual journey back through the 6 weeks of nearly 6 years ago. This morning, I reread most of our entries of his hospital stay.

I must say, I remain truly humbled at all the Lord has done!

The Lord truly redeems the pains of loss or failure, but it doesn't mean you don't still hurt.

Yesterday, Deanna and I received three letters in the mail. I believe they are reflective of all the Lord has done.

The first, was from some friends from the church we served in for over 20 years back in Indianapolis. They had just read "I Would Die for You," and were stirred by it's passion and the glory it brought to the Lord. They took us back to the time we served there and told us of how God had used our family in their lives. They even made a contribution to BJ's Hope, to continue his legacy. What a blessing!

The second was from a former student who was part of the youth group I was student minister to back in Carmel, Indiana. She was a decorated volleyball player at the high school and collegiate levels. She is now a wife and mother of two. She wrote to thank us for the impact the Lord had in her life, through our family. She had picked up "I Would Die for You," at her library, read it, and written us to reflect her thankful heart. Again, how blessed and thankful we are!

The third letter was from a thirteen year old girl from Canada. She also had read the book, and was testifying to the power of God in her life as a result of BJ's testimony! She had drawn two pictures, and and written a letter that will always be precious to us!

I share these things to reveal how the Lord continues to minister to the abiding pain of loss. That three letters would arrive the same day, all pointing to a Holy God who had impacted their lives, is terribly humbling! It's humbling because He wanted us to see that we had been a small part of their journey.

It is about the journey, isn't it?

Sometimes we try hard to make it about specific goals or achievements, but it will always be about the journey.

How do we respond to adversity? How do we respond to suffering?

The reality we need to practice, is pressing into Him. We tend to decorate our lives with other things we think will bring us fulfillment, but if we know the truth, we will always return to Him.

That is a journey. And on this journey, He redeems and rebuilds our brokenness.

There is no other god who can do what HE does.

Press into Him.

dad

2011-07-18T13:19:00.001-04:00

standing in front of one of the temples at the Angkor Wat (in Cambodia). Yes that huge tree is growing out of the top of the temple!

I am amazed and blessed by my Savior!

Though I have been involved in missions with students for years, it has been way too long since I had the opportunity to participate in leadership at a youth camp. Last week I had that privilege!

I am amazed at how little, mainstream church youth know about the Word of God. I do not mean to hammer them, I am just making an observation regarding the experience. I must remember that the students I participate in missions with, are focused and seeking the Lord intensely. They have a greater knowledge base of the Bible.

The result is that many of them are deeper in the Word.

What a privilege to help the Truth of His Word come to life for these students. They are truly interested in knowing Him, but have not had the tools or understanding of how to do so.

This is not intended to be an indictment of the church or the staff. This same scenario plays out across our country. What is amplified is the need for Christian adults to take on roles as mentors and/or chaperone's who take a vested interest in the spiritual growth and development of our teens.

Too often, we believe we have nothing to offer, or that we cannot possibly connect with them. This isn't true. They want to know there are those who believe in them. They want to be loved on like you and me. Each one of us can make a difference one life at a time, if we will just invest our time and pour our hearts into them.

They will fail, just like we fail. We then need to come back around them with grace, just as our Savior does with us.

Too often we try to modify their behavior without having touched their hearts.

I watched one young man this past week arrive at camp knowing few, and being very sad. My heart broke as I was informed his father had dropped him off and stated, "I need you to fix my kid."

He was a handsome young man with a quiet and gentle spirit. He was clearly hurting. Many of us spoke truth into him.

It was such an encouragement to see him surrender his life to Jesus! The transformation was measurable!!! His solemn ways broke into uncontrollable smiles.

I watched him for a day or so before receiving word that he had come to one of my sons-in-law and spoken these words... "when I came to this camp I was a sad and angry boy. I am so thankful for Jesus in my life, I am so happy, and have never felt this way before!"

We'd be having serious conversations and joy would erupt all over his face! It was truly incredible!!! This is one of the benefits of working with students... seeing lives changed.

Jesus is worthy of our time and surrender.

Now this young man needs those who will come alongside of him and disciple him. We can't afford to let these who come to Him, then fall away because we don't have time to invest.

When one comes to Christ, they have a desire to know and learn. If we don't help them, many will become distracted and return to seeking affirmation through their old sin nature. We all need people in our lives who care. We can't afford not to care about those He is at work on.

We each have a responsibility to pour into others from what He has poured into us.

What a privilege to serve our Savior and see Him change lives!

He is worthy of our total surrender.

He died for this young man, and He died for me. I must make sure I am faithfully spending time with those He cares for!

dad

2011-07-14T08:37:00.001-04:00

Just wanted to let you know that I am at a youth camp in Texas this week, and will be receiving my teams back from around the world next week (also in Texas). It is an incredible time in the Lord! Be blessed!!!

Dad

2011-07-06T11:48:00.000-04:00

priceless

How often do we engage in activities based on relationships? Things we initially may not care a great deal about, become interests, because of a friends enthusiasm.

When we encounter those who are passionate about something, the impact on us can be significant. In some cases, we find ourselves investing assets of all types into something we didn't previously care for.

If listed in checkbook methodology, our time, money, labor, thoughts and passions reflect where our true heart or interests lie.

As this is revealed, are we lying to ourselves?

Are we saying things are important to us that our lives reflect no investment in?

For far too many American Christians, this would be the case.

When Jesus called His disciples, what was their response?

Here were a dozen men who were going about their business, earning a living, having relationships with family and friends, and in short, living.

Suddenly, this man Jesus enters, tells them to "drop their nets and follow Him," and they do.

Just like that!

They walk away from family, responsibility, jobs, all relationships, and to do what? To follow someone they do not know, but recognize truth and passion and are drawn in.

Through the years, my passions have varied. I have been candid about this. Anyone reading probably realizes I enjoy hunting. When I begin to talk about hunting, people generally respond in one of two ways. They are usually very interested or not at all interested.

Those who are interested find common ground with me quickly. I have seen those who had a marginal interest, with no experience, become "disciples." Today, they have begun to hone their skill in this arena and are becoming proficient hunters.

I have seen other do this, when my passion lay elsewhere. Cycling, furniture building, antiques, etc.

Are the disciples in my life, following me for the right passion?

Another way to ask this is, "are my passions misdirected?"

If I am gaining more disciples by worldly pursuits (not inherently evil things) than by who I am in Christ, then my passions ARE misdirected.

Disciples in my life are those who are drawn to me and begin to walk alongside of me because of a common interest and their desire to learn from my experience.

Of course, we never call them that in today's vernacular. This doesn't change the bottom line. We develop friendships with people we have things in common with. Over time, our transparency, how we care for them, how they care for us, are building blocks in these relationships.

How many relationships do I have where if I'm honest with myself, I don't invest in them in the arena of 'growing in Christ?'

There shouldn't be any.

If we are true Christ followers, then every relationship we have, we will be intentional in pointing them to Him.

The Apostles were this way. He taught them to be. They were slow learners. So are we.

If they saw the passion and truth of what He had to say, dropped everything to follow Him, then what excuse(s) do we deploy to live by different agendas?

It's simple.

Comfort.

Being true followers of Christ means we will be uncomfortable.

If we have settled into routines that don't involve making Him known, then we will be known as worldly, not Christ-like.

If the measure for our Christian lives is how much we naturally (once regenerated by Christ) pour into others, then do our checkbooks of time, talents and money spent, indicate His Holiness?

Who are your disciples? What do they know of Holy, because of your investment in them?

He shows us the way, we just have to leave "comfort" to become useful tools.

Perhaps you are like me, and don't want anyone looking into your "books." We don't want to be audited in this area.

I think I just need to invest more in Him, so that I am available for Him to invest more in others.

dad

2011-06-30T13:31:00.000-04:00

The office is quiet.

I don't like it.

Teams have dispersed around the world. All are on the field but a couple of us. Those who usually make the most noise, are out serving.

It can be hard to feel you are a part of things when you are in a quiet office and the people you interact with are already believers.

Perhaps I should welcome the noise reduction. There is an edge of pleasantry to it.

Nope, I like the din of activity.

This is not too dissimilar from transitioning to a suddenly empty nest.

Deanna and I do enjoy the time we have together each day, but miss the sudden eruptions and volatility that children tend to bring to our current solitude.

It's quiet at home. It's quiet in the office.

With all the noiselessness, I should be able to get a lot done.

It's not happening. Apparently I need the noise to be productive.

Perhaps that is why I stayed up past midnight a couple of nights ago, driving my bride crazy, while discovering the 'noise' some of the apps on my phone will make. She kept laughing at me and telling me it was time to go to sleep. I wanted more noise. I still do.

Sometimes I am desperate to hear the noise of his perpetual conversations. It's coming up on six years, and it seems like we lost him yesterday. I just cannot believe it. I am inspired by his surrender. I long for him to lean on me again and call me "Poppy."

There were times it was just noise to me. Not any more.

When I reread his words, I hear his voice. It stirs something in me. A longing that has consumed too many seasons without expression.

To many, he is a face on a book alongside Macchu Picchu. An inspiration for a song never released. An example of 'how we should then live.'

To me, he is memory, and unforeseen dreams. A twinkle only relevant to a few. A longing deep within me that elicits unanticipated emotion. A joy. A searing pain. Love.

To my Savior, he is a warrior. A "kernel of wheat." An ever present worshipper. A love worth dying for.

It's too quiet.

I miss him.

dad

2011-06-24T15:02:00.002-04:00

Huaraz, Peru

I just finished two weeks of training students and leaders who are now on the field.
It was an amazing journey, and filled with His encouragement!

I am so thankful for the young men and women the Lord has allowed me to come alongside. Seeing their passion for His heart is such a deep blessing. It brings me such a sense of God's pleasure.

It can get discouraging watching brothers and sisters fall. Encouraging them to get back up and walk out obedience to Him is much of where my passion lies.

I know His heart is full when we take His Great Commission seriously, whether it is across the street or across an ocean.

In the last 24 hours, teams have landed in Peru, Latvia and Cambodia. Warriors are taking the Gospel to South America, Europe and Asia. You can follow their journeys by visiting www.awestar.org and clicking on trip updates.

Last week, I had the privilege of talking to a couple of missionary kids in Central Asia! They live in a country we'd consider hostile. Hearing their hearts, and finding out what was important to them was such an encouragement!

They spoke of everything from their opportunities to share Truth with people to the animals that reside in the countryside nearby. They are 11 and 13. One of them is reading our book and was excited to be able to have a conversation via skype.

They understand the Gospel and the importance of sharing it in ways many of us do not. They live a half hour from harms way. They are around those who do not believe, everyday. The people group they live among, follow Islam. Imagine trying to find encouragement as a believer when you live among those whose family members are put to death for receiving Christ as their Savior!

These young people are heroes to me! They have spent half of their lives or more in a foreign land. Their very existence is fulfilling the call on each of our lives... to go and make disciples!

Apart from geography, they are just like young people here. However, their world view is far more informed than most. They understand the desperation of making Him known. They also know families who have lost loved ones through "honor killings" and other incomprehensible means.

I just received follow up email messages from them.

What an incredible God we serve, that we can bless and encourage hearts across oceans, who believe, but have no "body" to fellowship with!

His kingdom is advanced, each time we encourage another. Of course, it can be hard to encourage if we are empty ourselves. We need to press hard into our Savior, and as He spills into us, we can slop some on another!

Go forth and slop!

dad

2011-06-13T10:01:00.003-04:00

People of Cambodia assemble to hear the Truth of Jesus.

The time has come again.

I begin training our leaders for our summer teams this week. It is an intensive time of teaching, where 14 or 15 of us come together and have everything in common. We eat, worship, pray, study and fellowship, all day long. The leaders even sleep under the church roof, so they truly come out from the world and are separate (for a season).

It is such a sweet time together! I am very thankful for godly young people who have a passion for Jesus. They stand out in their circles of friends, and are not ashamed of the Gospel.

These are 20 somethings who would rather talk about Christ than the pleasures of the world. I do love their hearts!

This weekend we will all head to train and receive the rest of the teams in Dallas. It is a bit strange to not be heading overseas. The team Deanna and I were to lead, had to be canceled, due to low student numbers.

Our other three teams are heading to Cambodia, Latvia, and Peru. None of them are full. However, we know the Lord will use their surrendered lives to impact the lost of those lands!

I will be handling administrative duties, stateside. Hardly the 'sweetspot' of missions, but a needed role, nonetheless.

I would appreciate your prayer support for our teams! We also have several church group teams, and then a final 10 day team of our own, all heading to Panama.

Whether you are heading across the street or across an ocean, please remember to pray and to speak the Truth of Jesus, no matter the cost to you.

The blessing you receive in your obedience will eclipse the nervousness you have in opening your mouth. He will help you. Just be obedient.

Thank you for praying!!!

dad

2011-06-06T11:44:00.006-04:00

Mekong River, Cambodia

Doing disaster relief can bring the lives of victims under closer scrutiny than ever anticipated.

This can be good, bad and/or a growing experience.

I was made aware of a story of one clean-up participant that arrived on site of a victim, as instructions were being given to those volunteering.

He felt compelled to skip the briefing and head onto the property to scope out what remained. As he did so, he came across a bag and several individual copies of an adult men's magazine.

Most of the volunteers being briefed were students. Realizing the potential "fall from grace" this Christian homeowner might experience if these things were discovered, he quickly gathered them up and made a trip deep into a dumpster to bury them from sight.

Out of sight is not always out of mind.

The recounting of this story, caused me to take inventory of my own life. Were my home visited by those wishing to help, would they find things ungodly?

Is my heart filled with pockets of deception that I foolishly think are hidden from His view?

This volunteer's story captured me in a unique way.

Was his action the right thing to do? Certainly, he protected young impressionable eyes from lustful possibilities. He also protected an already hurting Christian man from embarrassment.

However, it's apparent that conviction needs to take place. Or perhaps it had, but the remnant had not been eliminated. The promise of sin lingers when the house has not been cleaned.

It could also be that the finder needed to take a look at his own life, and relinquish control of abscesses in his own heart.

Regardless, I must be sure that my life is not marked by such filth.

Some time back, I relayed a story of when I was young, and was playing hide and seek and stumbled upon a neighbor's stash of similar magazines. This memory always makes me feel dirty... like I need a shower. This volunteer relayed similar sentiments.

A man's mind is a battlefield, and the enemy fights hard to stake claims in the recesses held within.

This makes us easy targets for such foolishness.

I need to be sure my own house is clean. I need to pray for the men in this writing, that their hearts are submitted to cleansing.

It's easy to judge, and and harder to surrender.

There is great reason to say, "I surrender all!"

dad

2011-06-02T11:10:00.000-04:00

Deanna and I spent this past Saturday helping our friends clean up the wreckage that is their home (from the tornado). The picture in my last entry just begins to show the reality of the devastation.

Their home and possessions are virtually a total loss. The power required for this level of destruction is incomprehensible!

As my friend Steve covered his fiancee (Pam) with his body he was praying aloud. As he prayed his house disintegrated around him. His account of the saga, proved early info I received, inaccurate.

He peered out a window, with no warning of the twister. What he saw probably still haunts him.

The lake he's fished for years was aswirl from ground to sky. He moved to another window and saw a debris cloud swirling around as his house began to creek and come apart. He grabbed Pam and they ran for the hall. He pushed her down and fell on top of her, using his slightly raised hand and arm to protect his head.

His house went in every direction. As he turned his head for a view back, a piece of guttering slammed into his wrist. Blood began to pour.

He covered his head and lay until the tornado passed.

When they got up, they saw the only section of roof intact was over their heads.

He soaked through three towels as he tried to stop the bleeding. An ambulance finally arrived and carried him to help.

The day we were there, each former home, had many people working in it's yard. Most were church groups. At Steve's two church groups worked alongside of us for hours, cleaning up the debris.

Numerous other groups stopped by to offer food our assembled group of nearly 50. We were already fed, by those who planned ahead!

We were overwhelmed at loving, giving spirit of those who were present!

I am thankful for a God who gives, and takes away. We are often reminded of what is truly important in life. Steve and Pam were/are thankful to be alive. The stuff is just stuff. They know they didn't need it, and have amazing attitudes about starting over!

When things get difficult, who we really are gets tested, and surfaces.

I was thankful to stand by my friend who kept giving glory to God!

Thank you Lord for how you minister in our hearts! Thank you for allowing us to try and do likewise!

dad

2011-05-25T11:04:00.004-04:00

Update: The lifeless body of 3 year old Ryan Hamlin was discovered on 5/26/11 in the nearby lake. His dad fought back tears as he annouced this, calling Ryan, "my little buddy." My heart is broken for them.

The remains of my friend Steve's home (bottom right), after a tornado ripped through his small community. He is the father of my friend Katie (who used to work with me), and my hunting buddy.

Steve survived in the face of torment and tragedy. Curiosity got the better of him as he peered through a window to view the incoming tornado.

The wrath it unleashed, sent shrapnel through the window where he stood. Bloodied, he fled to a back hall and hit the ground as his home exploded around him. The only roof left was above where he fell.

Video of his small lakefront neighborhood, revealed foundations with no structures. A pan of the camera spotlighted a sea of shredded lumber in the far corner of the small lake.

While this image is disturbing enough, the realization that a three year old child is feared to be floating amid that unwelcome, laketop hardwood wrenches ones emotions.

He had just been huddling with his mother and two brothers in a nearby building. The building was decimated. His two brothers could not initially be found. The mother is hospitalized.

His two brothers were recovered, and taken to the hospital with serious injuries. The five year old remains, the fifteen month old died. The three year old is being searched for, even now.

My friend is no doubt thankful for his life. My attempts to reach him last evening went unanswered. I began trying early last night, when I saw a tornado near his home (on tv). I continued to try until I was contacted that his home had been destroyed, and led to a news video of his neighborhood.

Early this morning, I learned that his phone had been carried away by the twister.

His daughter serves as a missionary in Central Asia. I spoke with her this morning, and learned that she is struggling to focus on anything. She has yet to hear from her father, though she knows he is alright.

I rose this morning with the intent of standing at my friends side to sift through the devastation and memories.

I learned that none of the residents are allowed into the area until the three year old is found.

One of Steve's neighbors is his sister. Her home is gone as well.

What is truly important in this life?

Life!

Life in Him!

Some will blame God for allowing such a thing to happen. Others will be found desperately grateful for deliverance.

He is a big enough God to handle our frustrations and anger. He continues to love and seeks to draw the broken to Himself. There are many broken just now. There is much we can do to help. All of us must pray.

Where does one begin after such a tragedy? Losing everything but life, shocks one to a stark sense of what is real. I don't pretend to understand it.

I fear the power of such tornadic events; yet I rest in the hand of a Mighty God... who I am in awe of.

His power is beyond that which He creates or allows.

I need not fear, but press into Him.

I am praying for those in the path of today's storms.

God is in control.

dad

2011-05-23T10:49:00.001-04:00

Come, let us worship the King!

The past two weekends have been amazing.

I had the privilege of speaking to the community of Leon County Texas for the second time. 10 churches were present in our worship experience!

I had been there in December of last year, and was honored to be asked back. Many times, when people hear our story, the Lord moves, but a basic assumption is made that when I speak, I only share about BJ.

My heart is drawn to these people in a unique way. Being asked back only intensified my love for them! God is moving in their community, and it has been a pleasure to be part of that! What an encouragement they are!

Then this past weekend, I was privileged to return to a church in Sapulpa, Oklahoma. This is another place that gets it! God is moving in their hearts! They are missional in their approach to their community and beyond! It is so encouraging to be a part of what God is doing!

I could not be more thankful for His provision and the encouragement that results from walking in simple obedience to opportunities He provides.

I have met some amazing people, and have been afforded the privilege of seeing God at work.

I praise Jesus for this!

I know I have a propensity to drone on about what His people are not doing, so I am thankful for the chance to see Him working through these!

Our office is very busy getting ready for our summer trips. Our teams are headed to Cambodia, Latvia, Panama and Peru. I appreciate the prayer support many of you continue to give!

We continue to walk through a season of change and are seeking His direction for each step. For the second summer in a row, the country the Lord put on my heart for Deanna and I to lead a team to, has been closed down, due to lack of students.

Last summer, a new work began in my own ministry as I have had the privilege of coming alongside of some Christian men, and walking through life and decision making with them.

I have been so encouraged by this.

I am excited to see what is in store next! Perhaps more of the same... perhaps bigger change... perhaps none of the above.

He is in control!

dad

2011-05-11T12:19:00.002-04:00

Sometimes, I recognize my ridiculous capacity to blend in with the world around me. I don't aspire to it, it comes naturally.

What is unnatural is striving to resemble Jesus.

I enjoy taking hikes. When I get into the woods, all of His creatures recognize that I don't belong. I am perceived as a threat. They run, hide and do all they can to make themselves undetectable.

Adam and Eve did the same thing in the garden. After they ate from the forbidden tree, and recognized their nakedness, they tried to hide from God among the underbrush.

When I have my worldly face on, I do the same thing. At least I act like He is unaware of my foolishness. I put on my 'cool act' and dress up in such a way that I would presume to be undetectable. I have a better chance of entering the woods without being discovered by animals...and I can't even do that.

It seems so ridiculous when I write those words down and reread them!!! However, I know its true. It's stupid and embarrassing.

I heard a story this week of a deacon that walked into the office of a pastor and proceeded to tell him that he was unqualified for his role. He began with his own resume and accomplishments, and ended with this individuals lack of appropriate training.

Whether he was right or wrong, does that look more like the world or Jesus. In his dismantling of this pastor, he was seeking to elevate his own position.

Fail.

The Jesus I serve and read the words of, never spoke or approached men that way. He called the under-educated and the least of them, to do mighty things.

Sometimes we are so sure we are right, that we break relationships to prove it.

Jesus sought to build relationships, and restore people.

It's easy to walk like the world. It's easy to look like the world. The greater challenge is in looking like Jesus!

It's amazing how He can take the worldliest among us, and by His renewal, regenerate life and restore lost dreams and visions.

I am thankful to serve one as Mighty as He!

dad

Please be praying for the believers in Leon County, Texas, as I leave tomorrow to share with them in Marquez, on Sunday. 2:00pm at Marquez Baptist Church. Many from several denominations will be present!

2011-05-02T11:35:00.002-04:00

On the day I had the privilege of baptizing 30 Cambodians (along with 3 other Khmer Pastors), two mothers brought their sons to me to 'dunk.' One loved it, the other was frightened. Neither understood baptism, so it was more of a time of joyful interaction in the Mekong River! Two of the people I baptized converted from Islam!!! His timing is never late!

Much joy is being celebrated in our country over the elimination of a terrorist leader.

I am not unsympathetic. A part of me wants to celebrate on behalf of those who lost loved ones at the design of this mans' hand.

I find myself necessarily tempering any enthusiasm through the lens of Scripture.

For example, Ezekiel 33:11 says,

"As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign LORD, I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that they turn from their ways and live."

It seems incomprehensible to us that such a man would ever turn his heart towards our Savior. In our flesh, and through the emotion we would attribute to 'righteous anger,' the celebration of his death seems appropriate. After all, it has taken nearly 10 years to hunt him down. This seems an eternity to those who have lost.

I am reminded however, that His word says, "Do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." 2Pet 3:8-9

We know that not everyone will come to repentance. We know many have already died apart from a Salvation experience. If "by their fruit you will recognize them," (Mtw 7:16) then can't we assume this man's heart to be blacker than night? Surely he would never come to a saving knowledge of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Thus, it would be appropriate to put him down for good, right? His deeds are hideous!

Then why would the Lord convey, "vengeance is mine" (Rom 12:19-20) and encourage us not to take revenge?

Governments will make decisions that may or may not be in accordance with Scripture. We are subject to our rulers and authorities. According to Mtw 28:18, all authority has been given to our Savior. Romans 13:1 teaches us that "there is no authority except that which God has established."

I am not suggesting we rebel against our government, rather that we extend our Savior's grace and love to those we would rather reject. In doing so, we never know whose life might be changed.

Did he deserve death? Yes! But so do we, and yet we received His grace!

We cannot know or choose who will respond to our Savior. Ours is to be faithful and obedient in bringing them truth and allowing the Holy Spirit to do his thing.

Let us temper our joyfulness over such things with His Word. If we respond as Jesus would, others will take note.

dad

2011-04-28T10:58:00.000-04:00

Whitney, 19 weeks pregnant.

A great man of God died yesterday.

David Wilkerson died in an automobile accident yesterday, in east Texas. He was 79.

He was one of my heroes of the faith! You may or may not remember his book, "The Cross and the Switchblade." It chronicles his early years of ministry, where God used him mightily to reach out to a gang in NYC. Nicky Cruz was the gang leader.

David led him and many other gang members, to Christ. The story is compelling. Nicky Cruz is in ministry today in California. This book is well worth the read.

In recent years, David pastored Times Square Church (NYC). His messages can be found on youtube and elsewhere. He speaks with passion and power. The Lord's anointing was upon this man!

I loved to listen to him. He told it like it is. He laid it all down based on the authority of Scripture. There was no time for 'fru-fru, make people feel good' messages, when our country and the world are headed in the fast lane, to hell.

It is amazing to me that many of us today, prefer to be made comfortable when we listen to a sermon. Granted, we all like to be comfortable. Our society seems to be built on the concept. But when that comfort comes at the cost of eternal damnation for those we are too comfortable to reach out to, then the messages we listen to had better motivate us to action.

I know, I sound like a broken record. I get that. But like David, I cannot allow the perception of others to influence the message that doesn't seem to be getting through.

Much of the time, I am preaching to myself!

It is not enough to agree with an anointed message. We must take action!

Jesus said, "greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command." (Jo 15:13-14)

The inactivity of the masses who pour out of churches weekly, seems to proclaim, 'greater love hath no man than this, that he would die for the remote in his hand.'

David routinely skipped the entertainment others frequent, to serve.

At a time when most "Christians" lives reflect the world, David's looked like Jesus'.

The Word of God proclaims that, "whoever claims to live in him, must walk as Jesus did." (1Jo 2:6)

I need to walk different.

brent

2011-04-21T16:29:00.002-04:00

I wrote these words a couple of years ago and shared them at Easter. They are appropriate as we observe His Crucifixion, Resurrection and concentrate on His Grace.

Auburn light cast eerie silhouettes upon the wooden beam
Timbers forced to intersect for purposes unclean

And then laid flat upon the earth, confusion grew inside
Their faces bore a sneering mirth as they stretched His arms so wide

A hammer swung with deadly force to meet an iron spike
To pierce His flesh too easily, they laughed with ugly spite

Blood streamed down His weary face as He turned a glance at me
I could not hold His gaze for long, ashamed I set this tree

He tried to push up from His feet to gain a desperate breath
Unfulfilling gasps gave way as pain intensely wept

Splinters buried deep within His lacerated back
His love, His life, this only Christ is what the people lack

A thief cried out from brokenness and called upon the Lord
Grace was his and mercy too, as shocked were all the lured

A final breath erupted from his parched and bleeding lip
"Father, please forgive them... it is finished" spoke then death

And then a spear did find its mark, it parted flesh and bone
A broken heart did spill its blood and water twixt in foam

A rich man bought a tomb for Him and buried Him that night
But death lost all it's victory as His just life took flight

Roman soldiers slain down dumb as the stone unhinged its way
And Life emerged anew that morn, born again for this new day

And now to Him I turn my heart, my life, my soul, my song
Released from inner prison walls to walk with Him along

A people lost and naked, blind eyes and poor in spirit
Bought gold from Him refined by fire, white raiment, salved eyes clearing

With this New Life all can come to Him who spent it all
To pay for what we don't deserve, by Grace our new Life dawns

Have a blessed Easter!!!

dad

2011-04-20T11:04:00.001-04:00

Deanna and I tackle an overwhelming task...

We spent the weekend at Lake of the Ozarks, Missouri, with Weston and Lauren. We had a great time together! We arrived Friday evening and returned Sunday evening. It was a fantastic time to enjoy His creation. We had no specific agenda, just rest and fellowship! We all need to take time to rest!

I am thankful for a Savior who has so much grace for our many failures.

My wife was telling me recently, about a young woman who traveled overseas with us that is now embracing the things of the world in such a way, that she has placed them on public display.

What is it that draws us away from Him? Why do we walk so willingly away from the One who paid our debt?

It certainly isn't just this girl. We all struggle with it in varying degrees.

What is it that draws us to the brink of forgetting whose we are?

It seems that as soon as we get to a place where we are enjoying life, we let down our spiritual guard. Things that should alarm us, come quietly, and become a part of our life.

These things come innocently at first, but seem to crescendo unless we recognize and take them captive. Too often, we surrender to these new passions, reasoning that they are harmless and we have freedom.

Often then, things begin to spiral in a downward fashion, until we are mired in the filth of deception.

Who then will we respond to? Who has the right to speak into our lives? Who can penetrate the walls of defense we have begun to erect around our hearts?

We hear judgment too quickly.

Our spirit wants cleansing, but our flesh cries out for more of what doesn't fulfill, with the promise that 'it will this time.'

It doesn't.

Failure. Brokenness. Emptiness.

It's a cruel cycle. How did we get here...again?

We promised we'd guard against such foolishness this time. We fell...again.

His grace remains sufficient.

The enemy lies and tells us we've visited this well, too often. It's easier to believe the lie than the truth.

His grace is real! His Truth endures. His love for us is deep and abiding. We can rest in Him!

Jesus, I pray you overwhelm us with your Truth, embrace us in your love, protect us from the enemies lies. Let us hear your voice above the enemies allure!

2011-04-14T15:12:00.003-04:00

Recently, I have been asked the same question multiple times, by people from multiple continents. Since it seems to be on the hearts and minds of His own, right now, I though I would share my response to a brother in South Africa.

The basic question is, "How do you know if you're being called to be a missionary?"

Here is my response to one of them:

I fought against being a missionary. I sat each week with a ‘white-knuckle’ grip on the pew, refusing to allow the Lord to use me. I am a homebody. I would rather be home with family, hunting, or hiking in the mountains, than to be around people. I don’t like to travel.

I came to realize, that we are ALL called to be missional in our lifestyle. That means no matter where we go, or who we might see, we need for them to see Jesus, not us. Very humbling, indeed! It’s hard to be missional if one spends all of their time in places of personal preference or comfort.

Since yielding to the Lord’s definitive call on my own heart, my family and I have now had the privilege of serving in two dozen countries, on five continents…and I don’t like to travel (laughing).

My family and I were already living missional lives when God called me to become full time in it. We were sharing our faith in our areas of influence in the Midwest of the USA. We were taking advantage of opportunities to serve Him on short term trips, overseas at each opportunity. I am not wealthy. I didn’t think we could afford it, yet the Lord always provided what was needed for us to be able to serve where He called us. God’s economy doesn’t always make financial sense on a personal level. I had to learn to trust Him in this.

Ultimately, to become full time in serving from a missions standpoint, the cost for us would be greater than money or any earthly expectation. We would see our only son and youngest child, spend his very life for the cause of Christ. He would teach us much about what was important. Glorifying Jesus is all that truly matters.

After this, my opportunity came with the very organization my son had traveled with for two summers. They asked me to join their staff and help raise up leaders and students to go and serve, then to lead teams with my wife. My daughters have done so alongside of us, and led for us separately.

His call is articulated to each of us in the Great Commission (Matthew 28:18-20). How He uses us, is greatly dependent upon our level of surrender. For us, understanding His will was a gradual thing. Others ask me this question, frequently of late. He seldom reveals His call the same way in each life. The nature of our personal relationship reveals that how He communicates with me, may be different than how He communicates with you. However, the way you routinely hear from Him, is the way He will usually speak truths and calls into your life. Allow His Word to wash over you as you read it. Offer your full surrender, and see how He moves.

My own circumstances are contrary to what the world teaches, or at least how people in my country pursue wealth. Each position he has called me to has required a 25% pay decrease (at a minimum). Things never made financial sense, but our needs have always been met. We truly are on a faith journey, and He provides (thus the reason His Word says, “give us this day our daily bread”). Ours is to follow in obedience and have faith. His is to meet our needs and bring glory to the Father.

Some denominations have their own missions programs that allow for people to apply and then potentially serve. This was not the vehicle He would lead us to or through.

Sometimes, we have to ignore how the world teaches us to be prudent, and just seek Jesus. What doesn’t always make sense to us, has been well thought out by Him. If we are yielded before Him, He will use us. It may not be across a border, but He will use us. What remains important is our surrender and our obedience. Tomorrows landscape may look quite different from today’s. However, He is already there and has a plan. We just need to walk in it.

dad

2011-04-11T10:55:00.002-04:00

Pastor Mony, (me) and Dr. Heng Lim, outside of Mondulkiri, Cambodia.

What does it take for us to awaken?

What will cause us to turn loose of the comforts to which we cling?

We are racing at a frenetic pace towards the end times. Simultaneously, we seem to be more focused on intensifying our grip on that which CANNOT be saved, while those who CAN, aren't given consideration.

Do we realize that each of us are going to give an account for how we use our time? Each of us will stand before Him to provide explanation.

What crowns will we lay at His feet, as individuals, if our time is spent cultivating that which cannot be preserved in eternity, to increase momentary pleasures, in the present?

I am reminded of John the Baptist, who was a "voice crying in the wilderness." He was the "forerunner" of Christ. He tried to prepare people to be ready to receive! He gave his life in service, then gave his life completely, and surely considered it all gain!

Where are the 'postrunners?' Who is taking on the responsibilities we are expected to carry? Where is the army of God?

Many are in the fields, seeking to make a difference!

Exponentially more than that number, are safely entrenched in the comforts of futility. Making excuses, and building walls to protect their hearts from the potential recognition of His call. They are battle ready, should the Word penetrate their perimeter.

How must it break the heart of our Father, that we are too accustomed to pleasure to be willing to participate in His plan? Our motto? "There's always more time..."

The collective voice of the martyrs is crying out, "How long Sovereign Lord, holy and true, until you judge the inhabitants of the earth and avenge our blood?" Rev 7:10

His response?

"...wait a little longer, until the number of their fellow servants and brothers who were to be killed as they had been was completed." Rev 7:11

"And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come." Mtw 24:14 (there are over 6800 unreached people groups in our world, and they comprise over 40% of the earths population... we are NOT close yet, to reaching the world. We must GO!)

The problem?

"The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field." (Mtw 9:37-38)

We must pray! Hearts change through prayer. Our hearts! Our excuses fade into the horizon when are bodies are penitent, and our ears inclined to hear His voice!

We will never go until we first pray! We will not pray until we awake from our slumber... our stupor... our personal goals.

The fields are all around us. Once we exit our comforts, we enter the fields. We don't have to cross a border, we just have to open our hearts. We must begin in prayer. He WILL use us!

PRAY!

2011-04-04T14:20:00.004-04:00

Cheetos anyone? Bigger isn't always better (except in Mexico?)!

Who are the "Lord's elite?"

Last night, I was working my booth at the close of a missions conference when this subject was brought up.

I had the privilege of speaking twice over the last four or five days, to students, who were a vital part of this church wide event.

During these days, I've fellowshipped with 65 missionaries from around the world. I've had incredible conversations with them as well as staff, students and parents. God was doing a significant work in and among this body. I was honored to take part (We were even recognized for 'most countries ministered in').

The stories and testimonies I heard were God sized. I gained a pretty clear picture of how we are one body but different members, and each member vital.

As I worked my booth in the closing hour, a mother came to speak with me. She proceeded to tell me what she had told her daughter leading up to this event.

She told her daughter that she was going to meet the "Lord's Elite." In so doing, she needed to be respectful and learn as much as she could. And that maybe one day she could go and serve.

I immediately took issue with this statement, but understood her intent. I did not want to make her feel bad, so I tried to graciously receive her intended complement.

The dictionary defines "elite" as; "the choice or best of anything considered collectively, as of a group or class of persons."

Uhm, I need to be excused from that table of personnel! I don't belong.

When the disciples argued over who would sit at the right and left hands of the Father in Heaven, Jesus told them, (in Mk 10:43-45) "...instead whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be a slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many."

Now, I understand that from the perspective of those who do not do ministry on a regular basis that we might be considered His elite.

My contention, however, is that the distance between those who serve and those who don't, is a gap measured by a yardstick of "surrender."

We, as believers, are ALL called. We are not all called to the same place at the same time. That means we certainly fill different functions and roles. There is room for each of us to serve. Thus, if the gap of surrender is closed, we are all His elite.

My role is not more important than your role. Each of our roles are significant. That doesn't mean that some stories won't be more dynamic than others, but that does not equate to 'more elite.'

Our culture is used to measuring size on a grand scale wrought with its worth or value being based on material wealth, power, fame, etc.

Many strive to be found here, but few if any of His elite will find themselves in bold face type on a list like this.

My concern is that if I consider myself worthy of such a title, I have just proved that I am not.

If servants are seeking to serve as Jesus did, the spotlight may come, but they never seek it. They are too busy trying to meet the needs of those who 'have not.'

The more surrendered you are, the more Christ-like you will be. Christ-like people serve. They don't seek the white hot heat and false bravado of a worldly spotlight.

The "Lord's Elite?"

Perhaps we'll see them seated to His right and left... in heaven.

dad

Please be in prayer for a revival I am preaching this weekend Apr 8-10?!

2011-03-29T15:02:00.000-04:00

What does it mean to 'count the cost?'

Many count the cost to go on vacation, buy a house or car, or figure out college finances.

How many of us sit down and 'count the cost' of following our Savior?

It is one thing to budget for things we want. It is another to consider the expense of what He calls us to do.

Colossians 3:3 says, "For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God."

If this is true, then our lives should be lived in such a way that reflects Jesus. If we are living a life that reflects Him, then we are not self promoting, self serving, or self...ish.

I fear this is seldom descriptive of where I live.

I like routine, comfort, family, and for things to be predictable. I don't care to travel, like the heat of the southwest, enjoy crowds, or speaking in front of them.

God has not called me to the predictable.

If I were to live life like I'd like, I'd be in a mountaintop cabin with my wife and the bare essentials.

It's hard to be missional, if you don't live or move among people.

When we stop to 'count the cost,' I wonder if we set aside self.

How much different would the landscape look if we used our abundance to meet the needs of those who do not have. If we really sought to speak truth to those who don't know it, how different would our lives be? How different would our children's lives be?

If we truly 'counted the cost,' would we be prepared to die? His Word says we are dead already, and hidden in Christ. Too many of us live like we expect to be revered.

I've heard some believers crow about how they expect to be martyred. In the martyr stories I know, the individual bragged on their Savior, not how their own life would come to an end.

Self promotion even in death, falls short of bringing Him glory.

He is best glorified through our simple obedience.

We best 'count the cost' when we follow His heart and speak of Him.

What must I do to 'count the cost?'

For starters, stop looking in the mirror and start reflecting on His Word. Seek to serve, (not to be served). Love others. See their need and meet it.

He can change the world, if we 'count the cost.'

dad

2011-03-21T12:19:00.003-04:00

I just returned from Nuevo Laredo/Laredo. God moved mightily! Even the Mexican newspaper 'El Manana' interviewed us and wrote a story about the hope we sought to bring! Many were added to His Kingdom, on both sides of the border.

It is such an encouragement to walk out the obedience we are called to! Seeing the Lord move among the Latinos in Nuevo Laredo/Laredo was a blessing! Many surrendered their lives to Him.!

Many asked us why we were there and wondered if we were unaware of the many deaths that had been the result of gang violence in the drug community. "That is why we are here," was our reply. "We want to bring hope to those without it."

Plazas that used to be overwhelmed with people saw just a smattering frequent the lonely benches. The city literally looked like death. As if the violence of gang wars was not enough, most of the trees had died from a harsh winter.

The day we were in the paper, people began to smile and greet us. Even a US Border Patrol agent called out to us as we left our homeland soil to proclaim our Savior's truth. His normally sullen face became animated as he related the story he'd read, and connected it to our team.

This would continue until our final day. We were on US soil, but headed out of Laredo. Our team reached the final checkpoint. The bus was pulled over because of the number of people on it.

When the agent boarded our bus, he recognized the team. He had been playing basketball the day before, when we were in the same plaza. He quickly let us pass without further inspection.

God demonstrated His power throughout our time there. Doors opened before us in unique ways. Even the teaching time with our team was significantly blessed as He opened our eyes and hearts to His truths.

There is simply no substitute for serving Him with an obedient heart. He moves. He saves. He blesses. He meets needs.

When we get caught up in serving our own agendas, we miss out on His best. He came to serve. So should we.

His most powerful demonstration in teaching, was the way He lived His life. He compels us to do likewise.

Serve.

dad

2011-03-09T11:49:00.002-05:00

Angkor Wat and some of the miles of carvings that still exist there

This week is crazy. I am preparing to take a team to minister along our southern border. We will be working both sides of the border.

I am still processing all that occurred in Cambodia, but have to put that on hold while preparations are made to take this team of 27 to share the love of Jesus with those who are hurting, broken, and in desperate need.

Over 100,000 Mexicans have taken refuge in the border city we are headed to. Please be in prayer for them, and for our team as we head to love them.

This past weekend, Deanna and I went to our daughter's home in Texas. We stayed with them, but worshipped with our friends, Afshin and Meredith Ziafat, at Providence Church (Frisco, Tx) where he has been pastoring since the end of October.

We had such a blessed time and gained such encouragement from our time together!

Our daughter was nearing the end of her first trimester of pregnancy. Sickness has been her constant companion through this time. She anxiously awaits the 'switch to be flipped' as she enters the second.

We appreciate the prayer support you each provide, and hope that Spring temperatures rush toward you!

More, after the week of ministry down south!

dad

2011-03-03T10:53:00.006-05:00

a Buddhist Monk in the Temple (visit my facebook page to see many more photos)

You will no doubt notice the circular burns on the monks shoulder and back.

One of the startling issues for me was how many remedies are based on human tradition rather than science. But then, this country is far behind in terms of progress, so I should not expect anything different. Still it was heart wrenching.

What you see on his flesh, is a common practice. Fire is prepared and the coals placed in a crucible or cup and then applied to the skin and left to burn for a brief period of time.

My rather superficial understanding of this practice falls short. But I know it is utilized to bring relief to internal pain. I cannot say first hand, whether or not it works, but it is a routine form of treatment.

To us, it is foolishness.

This serves as a backdrop for the landscape of medical care that exists in Cambodia.
There are doctors who are better educated, but this type of practice is not unusual.

Another is "coining."

This is taking a coin coated in some form of menthol, and scraping it hard against the skin. The result is a person with red, irritated stripes. One man I saw looked "zebra-like."

How many remedies do we practice in our families that were passed on to us by our grandparents? How much 'religious wisdom' is carried on in similar fashion?

I am not against traditions. They certainly have their place in families and in society.

Some traditions are lies wrapped around a kernel of truth. The overall impact is grossly negative. In most cases, we don't even realize it until the damage is done.

How many scars do we bear because of such "wisdom?" Some are physical, some emotional, and some are spiritual.

I find myself pondering the loss of life in Cambodia alone, based on ignorance.

We were heading to the mountain city of Mondol Kiri. We were to spend a night there, and then head on the next day to a remote village of the Bunong (or Phnong) people. This indigenous tribe, is known to still dress in traditional ways.

We never got to see them. The Lord intervened.

Our contact didn't show.

But...

While we were waiting, a conversation began with the man whose business were waiting in. He was a believer and said he had been praying for two days for the Lord to send someone to help his sister. He and his sister were responsible for the house church and many new believers in the area. His sister was ill.

Doctors had said, "we've done all we can do for you. We can't do any more. I'm sorry, but you will die!"

We drove to her hut. We climbed up the steps (homes here are on stilts for snakes and flooding) and entered her one room 12x12 home. She lay on a sheetless full size mattress on the floor. Hung on the wall was an IV. She looked pale, gaunt and lethargic. She looked like she was dying.

My travelling partner, a Cambodian American Dentist, began to ask questions. Her weak responses produced the following information.

She had constant headaches, her stomach hurt, and he believed she had meningitis. He thought for a few moments, then said, (looking at me) "Brother, she needs Cipro."

I jumped to my feet and exclaimed, "I have Cipro!" (an antibiotic)

I climbed down the ladder and ran to the van. I grabbed the medication and returned.

I gave her a course of Cipro, all my Tylenol, and my partners daughter gave her Tums.

My partner, Dr. Heng Lim, gave her and her brother instructions for each med. He asked me to pray over her.

I was deeply moved and felt the words of the Holy Spirit surge from my vocal chords... "Lord here lies one of your servants. One who is largely responsible for those who follow you in this area. Please bring her healing. Please use her recovery as a testimony to bring you greater glory. She is Yours! Bought with the price of your death. Please restore her. Amen."

I left her home with deep travail on her behalf.

village church and homes of the Bunong people

We headed on to meet up with the pastor of Bunong, though we did not get to see the people. This tiny jolly little man began to share with us. Not only was he the Pastor, but he was the tribal chief! There are 2,000 in his village, and 800 are believers, as he brings them the Word each week.

I know I was taught in school about many languages. This man speaks five and is learning English.

His tribal language?

Latin!

I've been taught it is a dead language, that no one speaks it! Wrong!

It was written on his dry erase board in lesson form, and his people speak it! Unbelievable!

The next day, we received a phone call.

The sister we had prayed over and given medication to, was sitting up in bed and feeling better!

God had brought her healing!!! Praise Him!!!

Throughout my time there, the few meds that I had brought as a precaution for my own needs, the Lord dispensed to those who really needed it! This would happen at least four or five times over the two weeks and I can only give glory to Him for moving me to grab what He needed to bring healing to his own, and glory to Himself!

Praise God!

dad

2011-02-28T12:55:00.005-05:00

an elephant I encountered outside of Mondol Kiri, Cambodia

What an unbelievable journey!

I saw so many things. I saw God DO so many things! I saw the miraculous!

Many people surrendered their lives to Christ, on this trip to Cambodia! I saw two Muslim women place their faith in Jesus and had the privilege of baptizing them in the Mekong River (along with 28 others)! I saw two satanists surrender to Christ! I saw entire families receive Jesus as Savior! I saw the Lord heal!

The people of this land are starving for Truth! It was such a privilege to bring it to them! I have seldom seen such voracious appetites. The need is tremendous.

There is a major discrepancy between those who live in the city and those who live in rural areas. Few in the outer areas have water. Some mission minded folks have brought dollars to have wells established. So many need fresh water. So many are carrying worms because they do not have it, or even know they need it.

Often the pools that exist are used for bathing, waste elimination, washing clothes/dishes, etc. As a result, health issues abound. Many doctors there do not have solid educations.

Diseases or sickness that are routinely treated in the US still brings about death in Cambodia.

Idolatry is huge in this Buddhist land.

Monks walk about every area of society in their orange robes. They often beg for alms in gathering places. Alms are freely given as the givers feel they will be blessed. Their homes are poorly made but the Temples to Buddha are expensive and extensive.

Most every home or business maintains at least one shrine to Buddha. Offerings of food, drink or other gifts are set before the altar. These are left to decay or rot, just like their souls, unless intervention comes.

Roughly 80% of Christians in this land still keep these active, as many pastors are still learning about idolatry there. Truth is proclaimed and they learn. Until it is, they will practice the traditional ways.

My driver professed Jesus as Lord, but even he believed this was another path to God. It is hard for them to turn their backs on what they think they know.

Pastors there are desperate to learn. They hunger for the Word of God to be taught to them.

House churches abound, but few are educated enough to teach. Even fewer can read. The bush or rural areas are laden with illiterate people.

One cannot tell them to study their Bible. They do not have one, nor could they read it if they did.

Access to this country is present for those who would teach, like no time in the past! Few can read their native language, yet many signs are written in it as well as English.

The few paved roads that exist, do so largely because other countries gave them as gifts. In exchange, most raped the natural resources, in return.

The people are friendly and curious. I was the only white man ever to visit many of these remote villages (according to the people themselves). Most have never left their village. Most have never been in a motorized vehicle. If they do ride in one, they get sick from the motion.

Cities are filled with motorbikes and bicycles. In the agrarian areas, few have either. Only the wealthy have cars or SUV's. Routine traffic laws here, are not abided by there.

Stepping into Cambodia is reaching into the past.

I met several who fought along US soldiers during the Vietnam war. Their tales were heart-wrenching. I spoke with others who survived the Khmer Rouge (Communist Occupation). How they survived is foreign to the American experience.

It is difficult to identify with their plight. We have so much.

One pastor I spent time with, lost all three of his children and his wife during the Khmer Rouge genocide. Still he loves and serves his Savior!

One pastor had been a Buddhist Monk for 8 years before coming to Christ!

The Cambodian-American dentist I traveled with, lost his father and other family members to the Khmer Rouge. Yet, the first place we ministered was an encampment of the Khmer Rouge. The people responsible for his families loss of life, came to Christ because of his heart, which the Lord broke, for the lost!

There are 24 provinces in Cambodia (equivalent to our states). We traveled continuously for two weeks and ministered in 13 of them. God moved mightily!

Much to share. But later...

dad

2011-02-07T11:16:00.001-05:00

I was listening to a message by David Wilkerson today. If you don't know who he is, look for the book the "The Cross and the Switchblade" on amazon.com and learn about his surrendered life! It's an amazing story!

Anyway, he pastors Times Square Church in NYC. He is an anointed preacher, and really brings the Word!

He was talking about passion and anguish. These are two things I know about! I have experienced both! His message resounded with me in significant fashion.

One of the ideas he conveyed is that 'passion is the offspring of anguish.' He spoke of not being able to have true passion unless it was born thru a season of brokenness.

How true is this? I identify with this deeply.

The passion that I have is the direct result of seasons of brokenness and anguish. As the Lord prepares me for the future, I find I am experiencing the same.

We don't like such things. We even want to avoid the topic, as most identify too closely with it. We'd rather hear messages that make us feel good about ourselves (meanwhile we walk in disobedience). However, I am not sure how many of us actually realize that God is doing a real work within our hearts as we stumble through the valley.

We are familiar with the "fight or flight" response.

There are times I want to flee. I wanna run, hard. I wanna do my own thing, or do His on my timetable.

None of those options lead to joy. Each are empty pursuits.

True passion is birthed from anguish.

I'd rather experience anguish producing passion than the obsessive lust that leads to an empty soul.

I am leaving this week for Cambodia, and won't return until the end of the month. I do not know what lies ahead, but am anxious to be obedient, and will utilize the passion He has developed within me to serve as best I can.

I would ask you to be praying for my wife during this time.

Also, please lift up my daughter Lauren and her husband and his family, as we attend her father-in-laws funeral today. He had been fighting cancer. He was a godly man who set a great example!

Lord, be exalted in each of us and the decisions we make! May we be passionate for you!

dad

2011-01-24T11:10:00.003-05:00

where his ashes lie as a symbol of hope... and underground churches spring forth from the Father's touch...

I cannot believe it has been two weeks since I posted. Things have been so busy.

I made an unscheduled trip to Mexico last week to set things up for our team over Spring Break. It was incredible to see the hand of the Lord meet us there, and direct encounters in such a way, as to maximize His glory! Only He could schedule others I have never met, into my time to secure our upcoming ministry.

We will have the opportunity to minister on both sides of the border in Laredo/Nuevo Laredo. Over 100,000 have fled Mexico and now reside with friends and family in Laredo. A church planter there is taking on the task of setting a schedule, along with my contact in Nuevo Laredo. We will reside on the US side of the border, but will walk across it to nearby plazas to do ministry, as well as help plant new churches in Laredo. It will be amazing!

I have a friend who is in a battle to follow Christ. In his life, he has a tendency to go the direction of the "prevailing wind."

If he is getting positive feedback from believers, he follows them. If he gets it from 'wolves in sheep's clothing,' he follows them. It seems whoever is singing the loudest in his ear, has his heart and attention.

He knows this is contrary to Scripture, but he tends to disregard that, while justifying or rationalizing his decisions based on how he "feels." The Gospel takes a back seat to interpretations of those who have adjusted it to fit their selfish desires.

He has begun to believe lies. He is listening to those who walk a path most similar to what he desires from life. He is being misled.

This amplifies the reality that each of our minds are a battlefield.

I do not wish to dismiss this brother. He matters. Neither do I have the time or energy to consistently "sing the loudest," for him.

I commit to praying for him, and I do what I can to speak into his life. However, he must learn to respond to the Truth. There are seasons of being surrounded by a "great crowd of witnesses," but much of life leaves us more alone.

I must learn to respond to Truth. I have to fight to do so. I have to resist the schemes of the enemy, which is the allure of the world, to stay after my Savior.

I know it has to break our Lord's heart to see such floundering among His own. I am thankful He never forsakes us. His grace is extended to us in spite of our many failures.

Some of us seek to be in roles of leadership or high profile positions because we think we can best impact others lives that way. What happens too often, is we end up failing in a more public way.

I see this in my friend. Sometimes watching my friend is like looking in a mirror.

Rather than seeking the spotlight and affirmation of others, we need to seek the Lord. He will bring us to the places He desires for us to serve.

Just because opportunities open before us, does not mean it's His will. We must be daily surrendering. Daily seeking Him. Daily denying self. When we walk routine obedience, we are far more apt to recognize His will and direction. When we walk to the beat of our own drum, we will seize opportunities that we have not been raised up to fill.

I don't care about position or title. I care about following the heart of my Savior.

Though I am tempted at times to seek the affirmation of others, His is all I ever really need.

dad

2011-01-10T11:48:00.002-05:00

My Love and me

I had the privilege of speaking to potential leaders from a youth group over this past weekend. What a blessing!

It is so easy in this world to get caught up in the stuff that happens in life. It is a huge blessing to be able to be used for one of the purposes that the Lord has me on this earth.

I have such a sense of peace when I have the privilege of bringing the Word. I confess, sometimes, it can feel like I am saying the same things. Even when it's a message I know I haven't brought before, it can follow familiar paths.

That isn't a bad thing!

I amazed at how many times I sometimes need to hear something before I actually get it. I've heard from others that they struggle with this too.

I have a friend who preaches the same basic handful of messages all over the country. I am blown away at how the Lord will use those messages to have a deep and profound impact on the lives of others. Many of those people have heard him before, and even heard some of his messages before, yet, God impacts them in a new way with the latest hearing.

I am not suggesting that pastor's bring the same sermon every week. Although, I know of pastors who have done basically that, and been confronted by a congregant or two, who wanted to know why. Their response was along the lines of, "the Lord will let me bring a different message when the body starts to respond to this one."

I wonder why that is.

Why do we hear powerful, impacting, anointed messages and sit unmoved? In some cases, we then blame the pastor for the lack of growth or depth of the body.

I wonder if we still know what conviction is?

I wonder if we are able to sense the Lord's presence any longer? Or if we are so used to shutting Him down, that we can no longer tell what is of Him? Therefore, we blame pastors for pushing their own agenda, when it IS the one the Lord has brought, but an unyielding congregation is waiting for the one that makes them less uncomfortable.

God continues to do most of His best work in situations where we are least comfortable. It brings us to rely more on Him and less on ourselves.

My daily failures prove my need to rely upon Him. I am fooling myself if I believe something different.

I am so thankful for Him! I love His Word! I need to go immerse myself in it!

dad

2011-01-06T14:25:00.002-05:00

My Mother and my daughter...

I ask you to be please be in prayer over my schedule:

January 8 Ridgeway Baptist Church, Youth Leadership, Sapulpa, Oklahoma
January 18 KTIS Faith Radio Network 2:30 interview
January 19 Brookside Baptist Church Youth, Tulsa, Oklahoma
January 21-23 First Baptist Church, Newkirk, Oklahoma
February 10-24 Cambodia set-up trip for Missions
March 12-19 Nuevo Laredo, Mexico Mission trip
June 14-19 Awe Star Ministries Leadership Training
June 19-22 Awe Star University
June 23-July 20 Mission trip to Chile
July 20-22 Debriefing
July 22-24 Train Panama Mission team
August 1 Debrief Panama Mission team
November 4-6 iGo Missions Conference, Owasso, Oklahoma

Those of you who still follow this blog, I appreciate so much your prayer support and consideration, as we seek to be obedient to the Lord.

I sense we are entering a season of change, but do not yet know or understand what that means. Please be in prayer over this, with us.

God bless you, and have a great weekend!!!

dad

2011-01-03T17:11:00.003-05:00

My girls!

I have been thinking a lot about David over the last several days.

He was a man who made many mistakes. I can learn so much from his life, his failures, his writings, his attitudes, his love for the Lord.

He was a king, but that is not why he was 'a man after God's heart' (Acts 13:22). His appearance contributed nothing to his heart's pursuit. His failures certainly weren't the reason God viewed him with such fondness. Neither were his successes. What did he demonstrate in life that caught the Father's eye?

Few men have had someone murdered, been sexually promiscuous outside the bounds of marriage, disregarded the welfare of their family and still been held in high esteem by our Lord... let alone by us.

We quickly condemn such actions and speak of their deep levels of immorality. These people are often cast aside as 'hopeless' by our Christian community. It's not much of a leap to see why.

Yet, that very attitude reveals some of the difference between who David was, and who we sometimes seem to be.

Each of us in our own way, rebels. Some of it is overt. Some more sublimated. All 'rebellion is like witchcraft,' according to Scripture (1 Sam 15:23).

Many of us condemn those whose sins become public, and deny the wrong attitudes of our own hearts.

David was more transparent.

How many kings would dance before the Lord in their underwear (2 Sam 6:14)? How many of us would do so in public... not because it was cool, but because it was the ultimate form of revealing our humility before God?

Most of us won't even do something that makes us feel a tinge of discomfort within the body, during worship. Few of us would be so humiliated in our offering before the Lord... especially amid those who will speak judgment (as Michal did in 2 Sam 6:20).

There is nothing kingly in disrobing before your people. However, following the Lord in the obedience He calls you to, is the most Christ-like you can be.

David was a failure from a human perspective, even though he was king. He failed in some pretty major ways... but...

he pursued his Lord with humility, passion, and with a heart seeking to understand and to be understood. He had a repenting heart when failures were revealed.

How deep in sin must we be to commit some of the heinous acts he did, without realizing our mistakes until they are brought to our attention?

Sin is sin. We like to categorize them. We consider some bigger than others. To a Holy God, they do not compare... they are simply abominations that cause desolation against Him.

When we realize our sinfulness, do we humbly lay all out before Him, or do we try to hide them in the deep recesses of futility?

David rent his heart and came clean. God forgave.

He still forgives! He compels us to Him, though we might not feel worthy. His forgiveness is still ours if we call upon His name, and turn from our chosen, unfortunate path.

He is king David's Lord.

Most of the time, I look more like David than I do Jesus.

I am thankful for David's poor example in sin, but his amazing precedents of repentance!

I can learn much from him.

I can learn more from my Lord!

I praise Him, for His unquenchable love for me, though I am undeserving!

That is some Amazing Grace!

dad

2010-12-29T10:24:00.002-05:00

Our family at Lauren and Weston's wedding!!!

We had a blessed time together as a family. It was much too short.

What does perseverance look like? When does it cross the line into futility? How does one measure it? What things in life do we need to persevere in and what do we need to simply, stop?

I have been asking myself these questions.

The reality is that we will persevere endlessly in the things that bring us pleasure. Even if we don't "succeed" in the venture, we will continue on, as long as we still find it appealing.

The things I persevere under are probably different than the things you persevere in.

One example that I don't tolerate well, is shopping. Many others love this.

I have to know what I am after. Wandering about a mall to "hunt" down an idea for a gift is tortuous for me. I need to know what I am there for, to find it enjoyable. I can get in and out of a mall in record time, if I am by myself and know what I am after.

In the late Christmas shopping rush, I got into a nearby mall at lunch time, bought all of Deanna's Christmas, ate lunch and was back out and to work in an hour or so. And no, I didn't skimp on her gifts. I just knew what I was after, and got it done.

On the other hand, "hunting" for wild game, I find pleasure in. It calms me. I can be very leisurely about it. I can sit motionless in a tree for hours on end, and find great enjoyment in it. Even if I don't successfully harvest what I am hunting, it has been a blessed time out in God's Creation!

Which one is perseverance? What is perseverance to me, may not be to you.

Sometimes it can be defined by what your spouse or loved ones think of your pursuits.

I can "hunt" in the woods for long periods, but if I come home without any game, I fear my bride will think it a foolish endeavour. She never has given me cause to think this, I just do.

Conversely, if Deanna goes shopping (which she doesn't usually enjoy any more than I do) and comes home empty handed... I think she has been "successful!"

Success can be relative, but in general, does not define whether or not perseverance is futile.

Hebrews 10:36 says, "You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised."

Some could argue that the perseverance in our faith is worthwhile because of what is coming... the promise of eternity. I don't disagree.

However, I also know that when we persevere, others take notice. While they may see foolishness in our endeavors in the moment, they are impacted by our witness and by how we steadfastly remain connected to Him. It draws them to our Savior.

There is still success in this, I know.

The point I am trying to make is that we need to find joy in the process of persevering. If we are joyful through the trials of life, it has a deeper impact on us and others.

Others will always try to define 'success' for us. We need to find 'joy,' not be concerened about the definition of success.

When we are joyful amid perseverance of all types, (yes even when doing that thing we don't enjoy) it impacts others in a positive way.

It's easy to be joyful doing what we like. It is more difficult to have it amid scenarios we don't enjoy (shopping).

I believe this is why so few Christians have real joy as a part of their experience. Success has been defined for them, by the world, and they want it. Many Christian principles run in opposition to this definition, and they are conflicted.

I can think of many times that I would prefer to have 'much,' rather than to endure with 'little,' by worldly standards.

If that becomes my focus in life, I will not have much joy, as I will usually be consumed with trying to get, 'more.'

Learning to be pleased with what I have, and not constantly feeling the need to obtain more is crucial. It is also counter-cultural.

Joy is found in obedience, serving, and most importantly, Jesus. Perseverance is the vehicle for the journey.

dad

2010-12-20T09:59:00.002-05:00

BJ with Rusty and Mark (back in Indy), in our church "Christmas Pageant."

My last post needs updating! Late last week, I heard from my friend Matt, who gave me the knife made by the Cherokee man, whose name is BJ.

Matt received an email from BJ who was responding to the events that led to his making my knife.

The way God moves in between our lives, to draw us together and bless us is so significant! We cannot afford to miss these details! That He is interested in the details of our lives IS significant. When we see the evidence, we need to celebrate!

With his permission, I am reprinting BJ's own words about this story (Sharon is his wife's name):

A few weeks ago a co-worker of Sharon's named Matt ask me to make a knife for him. It was to be another gift he was giving to someone. It was also to be the fifth knife like four others I had made for him. I didn't know who it was for until he shared with me his story after the knife had been delivered. Matt's part of the story can be read by googling "Pray For BJ" and reading the blog "The Gift". Please read the blog.
As I read the blog I thought that the knife was really just an insignificant item that God had used to bless Matt's friend. Then I was reminded that nothing is too small and insignificant to God that it doesn't matter because He knows each of us to the extent that He knows how many hairs are on our head.
Matt had shared part of his conversation with his friend about God being a God of detail. Then the next day Sharon had told me about Matt asking her how old I was. She told him I was 59. Then he told her how God had had a plan for that gift nearly 60 years ago when my parents named me.
That got me to really thinking about the details of the plan God had for my life. My mom always called me Billy John. When I went to work for OG&E my foreman asked me what my middle name was because the were too many Bills working there. I told him my middle name was John so he and everyone else at OG&E started calling me BJ. That was over 40 years ago. When I retired from OG&E in 2004 I started making knives. I made several with no mark of mine on them. A good friend told me I needed to put my mark on them so I decided on BJ. I enjoy making knives and have considered it just a hobby and a source of relaxation and a source of pride in the finished product. After thinking about all Matt had said I now believe my "hobby" to be a gift and part of God's plan for my life. I now believe none of the things I have written about to be coincidences but part of the Master plan. I don't know what else God has planned for me but I only pray I will be receptive and open when I hear that still small voice.
My prayer for you is that you also will recognize and be willing to accept God's plan for your life.
Oh, by the way, the first knife I made for Matt, it is the only knife I have ever made a template for. Another part of the plan.

Sincerely,
BJ

During this season of celebrating our Savior, being aware of how He continues to bless us through his ultimate sacrifice, cannot afford to be lost on us.

I am thankful for both BJ's in my life! One I have yet to meet. The other, I will meet again!

dad

2010-12-14T14:17:00.003-05:00

"THE GIFT"

It's been a while since my post didn't begin with a picture.

I grew up with a love for American Indians. In school, I wrote papers about them. My father was from Wisconsin. His area of that state was home to local tribes. I often pretended to be, and wished I was, Indian. I have the deepest respect for their plight and their love for the land and nature. That I live in Oklahoma, the land where the "Trail of Tears" ends, is not an accident.

When my brother Brad was here for Lauren's wedding, recently, we were discussing the knives we had obtained from Wisconsin as children. Made by Indians, mine had a deer's foot handle, his was carved of bone and a metal eagles head formed the hilt. At some point, we had traded. We each still had them.

This past summer, I did not get to go to overseas to serve. Deanna and I were scheduled to take a team to South Asia, but the trip had to be canceled.

I knew the Lord was up to something, but did not know what that might be.

Over the course of those hot months, I began to receive calls from people in the area who were seeking my input into their lives. Before I realized it, new and deeper relationships were being forged.

I got to see (and still do) the Lord actively working in the lives of many. I have been discipling students for as long as I can remember. Now, I was blessed with the privilege of doing so for some mature believers.

One of these young men is in his 30's. He and his wife have become precious to me. We met through ministry around five years ago. He was very close to some mutual friends, and was working to promote an area Christian concert.

For the next four and half years, we'd come into contact from time to time, but never drew close... until this past summer. God was doing a work (and still is).

I heard from him yesterday.

He and his lovely wife have two children that have recently invited Jesus into their hearts! The family is blessed of the Lord. They are currently looking into adoption as the Lord moves in their lives. So much is happening as a result of the obedience this couple is walking in. I wish I had time to write it all down. God is abundantly good, and blessing beyond our imaginations.

We met for lunch today. He came by my office and picked me up. As I loaded into his truck, he began to try to explain something to me. He seemed a bit uncomfortable, and struggled to get the words out.

He has become a dear friend, and I was not used to seeing him struggle like this.

He proceeded to tell me how he had given a gift to two very important men in his life. One was his father. He talked of their meaningful relationship. He was trying to tell me something. I had no idea where he was going.

He told me he did not want me to feel uncomfortable.

This brother was the state wrestling champion of Oklahoma, and a highly decorated All American collegiate wrestler from Oklahoma State University. What was this "man's man" going to do, or say?

Moments before, while standing in my office, we were mid conversation. He was telling us a story. As his voice trailed off, words began to rather involuntarily leave my mouth. I conveyed that the Lord was detail interested and oriented and that many believers struggled because they were trying to handle what the Lord wanted to.

When we were in the truck, he said those words were affirmation that he was doing the right thing, as there had been several details involved in this process that led him to realize what he was supposed to do.

He said, "I have a friend who is Cherokee Indian. He is also a brother in Christ. He's made these for the other men I spoke of. One of those men is my father. The other is my father-in-law. As we have gotten to know each other over these last few months, you have spoken into my life, like a father. I know you sign your blog, "dad" each time you write. I know you have three wonderful children, but I have a sense you have many others who call you "dad." I want to give you this to exemplify the battle I know you fight for our Savior every day. It signifies the necessity of close combat. Thank you for pouring into me."

With those words (as best I can remember), he handed me a hand made knife! The handle is walnut. The blade is nickel. Brass surrounds the transition from handle to blade. The sheath is leather with my initials, and is hand crafted so that the blade slots in snugly and cannot fall out. When I slid the 9" knife out, my attention was immediately drawn to the blade. Not because I could see myself in the gleam, but because there were two letters engraved at the hilt... "BJ!"

I asked about them. He told me the Indian mans name. He said "all of his closest friends call him, BJ for short."

The craftsmanship of this knife and sheath is far superior to any I've ever owned. Honestly, I fought to hold back the tears.

My mind raced from the day we gave BJ the sword, and how he had responded. I felt similarly. I am humbled and deeply blessed. I could not speak well for several minutes.

My friend was uncomfortable because he feared I would not understand his gift.

I probably understand this gift, better than most I have received in my life!

Recently, my daughters asked me what I'd like for Christmas. I told them I needed a good knife. One I can use when I hunt.

When you receive a gift that meets many needs simultaneously, it is overwhelming. It touches something deep within you. My friend had no idea his gift would do that!

I will never forget my friend, this day, this gift or the many reasons it resonates warmly within my heart. You do not have to have an affinity for American Indians, knives or hunting, to understand what I am saying.

I believe you do need to have a relationship with Christ to understand this, in it's fullness. My Salvation is the greatest gift I have ever received. This knife and all it signifies, ties into that whole expression!

My son wrote (of receiving the sword we gave him) "With the exception of the gifts that God himself gives, one could not ask for a greater gift."

Because of my friend Matt, I understand this in it's fullness. Thank you, brother!

Below are pics of "The Gift."

dad

2010-12-13T12:38:00.002-05:00

Merry Christmas from all of us!!!

Technology is ever improving. What you buy today, is obsolete tomorrow. How do you stay ahead of the curve?

Some of what you buy will be vastly improved upon if you wait a little bit. When do you wait and when do you pull the trigger?

In the music world, things have changed dramatically! One can now download the application of every instrument to your phone! Not only this, but if you know what you are doing, you can play in concert with others who have done likewise.

Some would understandably argue that there is no substitute for the real thing. While that may be true, even a trained ear will struggle to discern the difference.

I was called across the hall a few minutes ago to view the proof!

Upon arrival, I watched an iBand play a Christmas Concert on stage at a church! Not a single "musician" had anything but an iPhone or iPad! The collective sound was just like they were playing the real instruments!

I watched as an iPad laden with Bells, chimed "Carol of the Bells."

I watched as "Feliz Navidad" was sung through a phone.

The drums were on one, the guitars on another, and even an accordion on another. There had to be 10 guys on stage, each playing... an "i" something.

Where does the substitute for the real thing end?

Whatever your interest, you can do it virtually, now.

Clearly, there will never be a substitute for real Truth. There are many pretenders out there trying to pass themselves off as a way to God. None but Jesus will ever be the real thing.

Though you can now read your Bible on your phone or other electronic device, or listen to it via your phone or cd, you cannot "virtually" have a relationship with Christ. There is no substitute!

There is no substitute for the humility of being born in a stable, among the straw and dung. There is no substitute for being conspired against, though innocent, laid open through beating, and marched up a hill to be nailed to a tree. You cannot virtually rise from the dead to Save the world.

To be in relationship with the "Reason for the Season," is what our lives are all about. Virtual aspects may be incorporated, but cannot substitute for really knowing Him intimately.

Seek Him with all that you are!

If you wanna view what I did, go to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9XNfWNooz4&feature=player_embedded

Merry Christmas!!!

dad

2010-12-09T16:03:00.002-05:00

"the family" on Lauren's wedding day, hiking at the farm...

What an incredible blessing it was to have family with us for several days around Lauren and Weston's wedding!

When I was young, my parents took us on a trip to Washington DC. It was a worthwhile time of touring many things involving government and our US history.

It also left me not desiring a return trip. Perhaps this trip helped shape me into one who much prefers the country to the city.

I was little and much of what I saw was larger than life. Probably the single event that most defines that trip, has had a lasting impact on me.

We were touring the Washington Monument. We boarded an elevator. It was the world's slowest elevator and it was packed full. I've seen smaller crowds with more space in sardine cans. I'm pretty sure it got stuck on the way up. If it didn't, suffice it to say, we could've watched "Gone with the Wind" in its entirety as we rode.

For a little guy, this traumatic event was made much worse by my view. I was just tall enough for my head to be level with the backsides of every adult in that tiny excuse for a "lift." I got a full sensory experience (I wished I had a stuffy nose that day).

When the last words of "War and Peace" had been read, the elevator doors flung open. We would have spilled out quickly except for two things.

1.) We were packed in so tight, no one could move. I'm pretty sure we exceeded the maximum occupancy load for any school bus.

2.) No one wanted to leave because of the smell. No, not the aroma I "enjoyed" on the way up. Rather, right in front of the elevator doors, someone had emptied the contents of their stomach, just in time for our arrival.

I suppose there was a nice view from the top. I really don't remember. What I do remember is that every time I get on an elevator, I relive that memorable day...and the fullness of it's sensory "enticements."

For many years after, I struggled with claustrophobia.

To be truthful, I would break out in a cold sweat anytime I entered elevators, airplanes or any other "crowded" situation. I would leave football games and races early to "beat the crowd."

I was 37 when I finally began to surrender this fear to the Lord.

I was on my first overseas mission trip, headed to Croatia. Months before I left, that same "cold sweat" would visit me, as I anticipated the long plane ride and the attempt by every passenger to get out at the same moment, once the little bell rang to sound it was time to exit.

The Lord revealed Himself to me through that experience. I realized I was allowing fear to invade my mind. He showed me I didn't need to fear, but rather could rely upon Him to help me in my weak moments.

I am still seeking Him to be my strength. I still need His perfection to overcome my weaknesses.

I seldom struggle on planes these days.

Elevators?

Well, my nose and mind still remember the combined smell of, shall we say "dirty laundry" and partially digested food revisited. I take the stairs whenever possible. I still ride elevators. I am marginally taller, so that helps. I do try to stay near the doors.

Anyway, the journey of life includes many "off ramps" that we would not revisit. However, it is these experiences that allow us to see personal growth and enjoy the depths of His love.

He is ALL we need. Celebrate Him through the joys of this season!

dad

2010-12-08T10:56:00.002-05:00

my lovely bride...

"Love is not just an emotion, as the world sees it. It is action. While admittedly it does have emotion involved with it, it is not as unstable or changeable as emotions are. Affections come and go, grow and fade, but love does not. It is a constant state of selflessness that produces action." BJ Higgins

So much wisdom is contained in these words. I have on occasion, used them, as I have married young couples. I think they are potent and filled with truth.

This time of year, could often be described as the 'season of selfishness.' Many have their 'wanters' working overtime. "Visions of sugarplums" are not likely the video scrolling through ones' mind.

What we want frequents our hearts in full 3-D explosion. We have identified it for those who request our "gift list," and have full expectation that it will be found under the tree. The cost doesn't really matter... we want what we want and hope others will sacrifice to meet our desire.

This is scenario tends to play out across our country.

I am blessed when I hear stories to the contrary.

Deanna and I were to lead a team to Mexico to do missions, the day after Christmas. As we were making preparations, I sent my contacts an email to verify our dates, and make sure one last time, that all was well, for us to come.

Friday night, I received a message from them that in short, requested we cancel our trip. The current level of violence between warring drug cartels is such that our presence would endanger anyone in our vicinity.

As much as they want us to be there, they felt the risk was not worth it this time.

I have been taking teams there for five years, and this ministry has for 18. Each year, the news of violence in this border town hits the news just prior to our scheduled trip. Until now, we have always gone, and ministered with the Lord pouring out His blessing upon the people.

When a trip like this has to be canceled, it is evident that the enemy has gained ground.

Yesterday was filled with phone calls and emails, letting all know that we could not go.

The reaction of many of our students blessed my heart.

Several of them that live within a reasonable distance from one another, have begun to make plans to do ministry right here in Tulsa.

They understand what "love" is. They know that reaching out should not cease because the enemy gains ground. There are people all around us, especially this time of the year, that are in deep need.

My wife called me after school the other day, from a shopping trip. She wasn't buying for our family, or friends. She was out buying for children in need!

While typing that last sentence, I received a phone call from one of the young men who was to be on our team. He is going down to the border town anyway, with a plan to preach the gospel anywhere he can. He is flying there from the New England area.

That is love! That is action!

When we view 'need' through the heart of our Savior, 'wants' seem to fade into obscurity.

When we 'love,' we impact the world for our Savior!

dad

2010-11-30T11:22:00.000-05:00

How Deanna feels experiencing another Birthday (yesterday)...

Well, since I last updated, I have seen Lauren get married and leave for her honeymoon, Jared harvest a buck, preach in a local church, celebrate a worship experience with over 20 family members in our home, host two Thanksgiving feasts, seen Lauren return, and attend the funeral of a dear friends father, and become aware of another friend losing her job.

Goodness, life is full of twists and turns. Some are joyful, and others are less so.

We truly had a wonderful time with family! It was great to all be together to celebrate!

We experienced a spontaneous time of worship that was so refreshing and filled with His presence. We are so blessed to have believers in our family that are truly focused on Him and bringing Him glory. That even when we take a deep breath from life, that our focus doesn't waiver on what is important...Jesus!

We had family here from both coasts and points in between. What an amazing Thanksgiving season!

Deanna and I will be leading a team to Mexico over Christmas Break, so we spent a bit of time exchanging gifts.

One of the gifts I received was something I needed for hunting.

It is a "suit" that blocks human odor from escaping. It allows you to remain relatively undetected by animals (whose sense of smell is much keener than our own).

In usual fashion, I began to think about this "suit" and it's purpose.

If a hunter wants to get close to game, he doesn't want his scent betraying him.

The same is true in our Christian walk.

Too often, who we represent ourselves to be on Sunday, is not who we are on Monday.

In effect, we are betrayed by our scent. It is nearly impossible to squelch the 'real you.' Try as we may, those close to us recognize who we really are.

It is one of the reasons that a "prophet is not recognized in his own home town." People know us well, and we try to fool them. It doesn't work.

The converse is also true. When we are Christlike, others see it in our thoughts, actions, attitudes and responses.

When things get hard, what do we smell like? The world? Jesus?

A "scent-blocker suit" is useless in living for Him. He knows all about us. We cannot hide, though we continue to try.

He smells our true aroma. He wants it to be His. Too often, it isn't.

I am so thankful to be surrounded by family who smell like Jesus. I am aware that our circumstances are unusual in today's world. Most families are filled with unbelievers. Often, if you are a Christian, you are the only one in your family. That makes things so very difficult!

Still, if your aroma is that of Christ, then when others struggle, they will have taken note of the real you, and will come knocking, to ask questions!

In the real world, a "scent-blocker suit" is relatively useless. Strive everyday to be more like Him! He is worth your all!!!

I will be speaking this Sunday afternoon at Marquez Baptist Church at 2pm. This event is open to the entire community and all who would like to participate. The church is located at 138 South Trinity Street in Marquez, Texas. Please come and join with us!!!

dad

2010-11-16T12:14:00.002-05:00

Years ago, Lauren graduated from high school... then college... and Friday, she steps through a new door, into marriage!

This evening (Tuesday), family begins to assemble in Tulsa for the upcoming wedding! We are very excited for this major event in our lives!

When Whitney and Jared married, two years ago, they had to move things around in such a way that not as many family were able to come as desired to.

This time, many more are able to make it. Deanna has been busy meal planning, Lauren running down one errand after another in preparation, cleaning fairies have been hard at work, and I have been fighting to keep it all together... a full time job about now.

I am not sad, I am thrilled!

Lauren's wedding will mark the official end to children at home. Though she lived apart from us for most of the last few years, she has been home since the end of August.

Our house was transformed into a workshop as projects in preparation, took over one room after another. Now those are concluding, and the wedding will commence.

The arrival of family marks the official end of one journey and beginning of another.

To have it so close to Thanksgiving is very special. On Saturday, we will host a special Thanksgiving dinner for those who can stay. Then later in the week when the actual holiday comes, we will still be blessed with abundance of many members who have been able to make an extended trip!

We are so excited for this to begin.

I know many new stories will result from this time together. Many new memories will be bound into our hearts. Truly we are most thankful for this most special time!

Amid this, I have the privilege of bringing the morning messages in the church of a nearby community. How incredible to be able to serve Him in this way, at this time!

During this season, my heart overflows with blessing! I am abundantly grateful for His provision. Family, friends, food, fellowship (and some hunting) are gonna make this a great week and a half.

I pray you have a very Happy Thanksgiving with those the Lord allows you to be in the midst of!

Celebrate Him!

dad

2010-11-12T12:11:00.002-05:00

a moment with Marti (Ghost Writer of "I Would Die For You")...

Getting ready for Lauren's wedding has been a blessing. Of course I am a dad, and stay out of things as best I know how.

Lauren has taken this on with a great attitude and she and Weston have done much of the planning themselves. For the most part, she has enjoyed the journey. Nothing like the "Bridezilla's" one can see portrayed on television.

There have been some significant blessings along the way. Actually there have been many, but when I am here, I tend to think of things through the filter of my son's memory.

As most know, we named him Brent Allen Higgins Jr., or "BJ," as he is affectionately known. I've written of many encounters and stories regarding not only his name, but unique interactions that have come as a result.

Like the time that Deanna and I were having dinner with Afshin and Meredith Ziafat in Dallas, and they were driving and selected a restaurant without forethought, called "BJ's". Both Afshin and I received free "BJ's" glass cups because it was their Father's Day promotion! Amazing!

We are a week away from this wedding, and I wanted to share a couple of things that have been an "encouragement" to us.

First, Lauren was talking to my younger sister, Lynae, whose son Joshua is the keeper of BJ's sword. Lauren asked her if she was going to be able to bring the sword to the wedding so that it could be carried down the aisle (as it was at Whitney's wedding) in remembrance of her brother.

Lynae kind of gasped and laughed simultaneously and said, "Oh Lauren, I have an alarm set on my phone, just to remind me to pack the sword!"

We laughed together, but found such blessing in this anecdote.

Another story is this. Lauren decided she wanted sparklers to be used to usher she and Weston to their car in place of other things like bubbles, bird seed, or rice.

I had a friend who worked for a fireworks company in Arkansas. I contacted her to see if she could help us out. After her research, she discovered that they were available, but could not be shipped. We did not want to drive to Arkansas to pick up sparklers, so Lauren began to research on-line.

She found a company and ordered just what she wanted. When she printed out the receipt, she was moved as she discovered the name of the fireworks company she had just ordered from was: BJ Allen's!

On the wall of our great room at home, hangs a photograph taken, matted and framed by my brother, Brad. The photograph was taken on the evening of July 4th, and pictures BJ painting designs with fire, in the dark of the night holding... a sparkler.

We are so excited about their union. We have been blessed on this journey as they prepare to get to walk the aisle!

We praise God for His matchless provision!

dad

2010-11-09T14:27:00.003-05:00

Me, Brad Guice and Walker Moore

This past weekend was absolutely amazing!

We held our annual missions conference in Tulsa. We had speakers in from Cambodia, Latvia, Mexico, Uganda, as well as those who have ministered in over 80 countries around the world!

What incredible testimonies and perpectives we have seen. The common theme was that God gives His obedient children, many stories!

Those same stories are used to inspire and stir the passion of others. If we have no stories, we need to look at what we are doing with our lives. He fills us with stories of radical change and obedience when we walk as He calls us to!

Our stories don't have to be from foreign soil, just from surrendered lives.

One of the things the Lord did, was allow me to finally meet a man He brought to me about 6 years ago.

A faithful blogger from this website had contacted me to let me know that a friend of hers from church (in NYC) was a professional photographer by trade, but his passion was missions.

He had been around the world and had used his camera to capture the plight of the least of these. Each photo induced an emotional response. Not just emotional, but ones that stir you to action.

In his work he is highly sought after by top ad agencies and major actors of today.

In his heart, he completes 2 months of missions each year and God has called him to assemble a coffee table book on the topic. This book will be complete with missionary testimonies, quotes, and pictures from around the globe.

He began working on it years ago. He contacted us to see if BJ's story could be used in his book. At the time, our agent advised us against it. In the literary world, you don't want anything to dilute your story. The agents fear was that if this book told our story before we did, publishers would lose interest.

Our book ended up being published first.

Even though we were not able to give permission, the Lord connected my heart to this brother. His name is Brad Guice. We have stayed in touch through the years. From time to time, we've caught up on how the other was doing, and how God was working.

Through a series of events, the Lord drew my heart once again to Brad's when we were planning our missions conference. He agreed to come and speak for us. My ministry partner, Walker Moore and I grew in excitement and anticipation over how the Lord would use him.

When I picked him up at the airport, we exploded into dialogue of our incredible Savior!

So much has happened. So much was discussed.

He spoke with passion at our conference. He was one of our main speakers and then also conducted two seminars compelete with many photos and stories from around the world!

In our private time, my heart was filled with friendship and the warmth of the Holy Spirit. As we discussed many things, he asked us one more time for permission to use BJ in his book! We excitedly agreed this time!

We are so excited to see what the Lord will do with his project. I know I want his book in my house! I wanted it even when it wasn't going to include my son!

Few have his eye to capture our Savior's heart, through a lens. Few have his passion! Few have been saved from drugs and alcohol abuse/addiction and then set on fire for the Lord!

His transformation is radical, His Savior is mighty! His heart is surrendered, and his life glows with the fervency of Christ!

Thank you Brad for revealing more of Him to me, more of Him to us.

brent

2010-11-04T12:04:00.002-04:00

This picture was taken in the summer of 2006 when I met this young lady. She had been a faithful blogger during my sons hospital stay. Her name is Katie.

Our lives would become intertwined.

A few months later, she would join our missions staff. She worked here for several years while finishing her college degree. We led teams together. We planned mission trips together. We laughed and cried together. We worked shoulder to shoulder.

Deanna spent many months in Bible Study with her. The two of them grew in their relationship for many reasons. One of them was that Katie lost her Spirit filled mother to cancer, when she was a young teen. She and Deanna grew close.

She and my daughter Lauren became roommates. They lived together for a couple of years.

She is like a daughter to us. I have written about her before. Her father took me hunting a year ago and on his land I harvested a huge buck. Katie and I led her father on his first mission trip, prior to that. He and I have become good friends. We catch up routinely, and share stories.

I got to talk to her on the phone today. That is significant because she now lives in the Central Asia. A land many would believe hostile. She is on a journey for her Savior that will not be denied. Her father knows it, her brothers know it, we know it, and she knows it.

There is an anointing on her life. It is unmistakable!

She has been in this mission field for a couple of months and God has flung open the doors of opportunity for her to share her faith in this "closed" land! Her opportunities are amazing! Even one of her supervisors expressed a tinge of jealousy over the amazing ways God is allowing her to impact this culture for Him!

She is doing what she was created to do... bring honor and glory to her Savior!

When we don't walk in that sort of obedience, we don't experience the fullness of His joy!

I am not saying we are all called to Central Asia. I am saying we each need to approach the throne of Grace with the attitude of submission and obedience. When we do, the life we lead will be one reflecting His glory to those around us! We will be selfless and focused as He is, on meeting the needs of others over meeting our own desires.

She is, and will remain one of my heroes of the Faith. She is 30 years my junior and has claimed the fondness and affection of my Savior... and me!

dad

2010-11-01T11:01:00.002-04:00

Lauren and Weston will be getting married November 19th!!!

I am blessed and amazed at how the Lord provides for us!

When Lauren was a toddler, I remember Deanna and I praying over her as she slept in her bed. We asked the Lord to provide a godly man, one who pursued Jesus and was in love with Him!

I remember weeping as we prayed, at the thought of this innocent young girl, ever finding a man I could approve of. Was it even possible? Could I allow my heart to be riven in such a fashion?

I've had the privilege recently of taking God's provision in Lauren's life, hunting for his first several experiences. We've had much time to bond on many outings.

As I reflect on these recent experiences, I am moved by God's Spirit. He has blessed her beyond our expectations! No prospective father-in-law could be more pleased with what God has done!

This past Friday night, we hunted together once again. We were blessed with a harvest! It was such a privilege to work together with him as we brought the harvest in! The memories will last for the remainder of my lifetime.

Our time, traveling to and from the farm have been significant in terms of conversation and relationship. He is pursuing the Lord with all of his heart, and I am so blessed to know him. Our conversations have been gratifying and encouraging both spiritually and relationally.

God had a plan. We took advantage of the privilege to pray for our daughter, having to wait years to see what the outcome would be. It would be a prayer we often breathed on Lauren's behalf.

No man could ever complete or complement my daughter, better than he. I honestly believe this!

I've had many conversations with other dads, who wonder how we ever allow men to enter our daughter's lives. It isn't an easy task.

The beauty of this is, that our daughters have pursued Christ first, and found their identity in Him, not their men.

Then when the right man came along, they were in a better place to discern this.

Having the peace of the Lord regarding this issue, is huge in my life!

I will gladly stand beside my bride to give Lauren to the man God has raised up, that we have been praying for, throughout her lifetime!

Welcome to the family Weston!

We are humbled and honored at God's provision! That you are wedding during the Thanksgiving Season, only makes sense!

Praise God!!!

dad

2010-10-27T10:21:00.001-04:00

Worshipping with family in California

Recently, I was reminded of an event that happened when I was very young. It has become the focal point of conversation at work. Especially when I need an excuse on which to blame my lapses in memory.

I loved playing Cowboys and Indians when I was little. In those days, toy pistols weighed almost as much as real ones.

I had a girlfriend who lived a couple of blocks away. I was too young for a girlfriend, but I didn't realize it. As a matter of fact, it seems in my memory, that I often had a girlfriend, regardless of my age.

I am not bragging or proud, actually I'm a bit embarrassed. What was I thinking??? Too many substitutes for the real thing, which I've been married to for almost 28 years! She is my real girlfriend!

Anyway, my neighborhood girlfriend was Brenda. She had a big brother named Tim. I loved everything about Tim. He was good at sports, playing Cowboys and Indians, and anything else he tried. He was one of my childhood heroes.

I did much to prove myself to him. I played football, baseball and anything else I could, to be around him. I was on the receiving end of many black eyes and hospital runs for doing so.

No, he didn't beat me up. These were badges of honor from being hit in the face with baseballs, bats, or having limbs broken/sprained from intense sandlot play. Those were days I cherish!

Sometimes I think I was better at getting hurt than playing.

Perhaps case in point, was when I was in Brenda's front yard. I had climbed up onto a platform in a tree that we called a "tree house." It wasn't really, it was more of a series of planks. It didn't matter, we loved it up there!

We had been playing Cowboys and Indians, and I had ascended to this position aloft amid our game.

Brenda, dressed in her red cowgirl outfit, came to assist me. I had climbed up without my gun! Silly boy!

She came to be sure I was "armed."

She tossed the pistol up my way. I positioned myself on the edge of the planks to receive it.

I missed the first throw. I missed the second throw.

Have you heard, "three strikes, your out?"

It came to pass.

I awoke later, in serious pain, from the flat of my back... on the ground!

This metal, toy pistol had hit me in the head and knocked me unconscious. I fell forward from the tree and landed on my upper back.

I lay moaning as my friends scrambled. The pain was unbelievable. One either called or ran to my house to get my parents.

I don't remember a lot else, except that for months, even years after that, I became very emotional. I began to have separation anxiety and could barely function at school during the day.

I don't understand these things, except to say, I got hit in the head, and it had a huge impact in my life.

Several years ago, I had to be "hit in the head" again.

This time metaphorically.

God was calling me to ministry. I didn't believe it.

I told him He'd have to hit me over the head with a 'two by four' for me to believe it.

He did!

The impact this second hit had, changed the course of my life and that of my family.

Sometimes, being hit in the head is what we need. Even if the weapon is proverbial!

dad

2010-10-21T10:50:00.003-04:00

provision...

Recently, I have heard from many who are going through struggles. I am thankful the Lord allows me to speak into their lives. I am thankful for the impact my sons life had on theirs, as well.

With her permission, I am quoting a letter I received recently. I think many can identify with the struggle, regardless of the area of giftedness. This young woman graduated from college with a degree in the arts. Her life has been invested heavily in theater. I know her from working with youth, in Indy.

It is never too late for us. He seeks to draw us nearer. We must submit to His Lordship.

"Hey

im sitting here at 1:56 am and i can barely see the computer screen through the tears.

and all i can think about is talking to you.

i just got on the awe star website and was looking through pictures and videos and found the bj video.

I guess i should start from the beginning. You know that I have always had this passion for theatre and singing and using the gifts that God gave me, but i am not fulfilled. im here in New York, where ive always thought i should be, and everything feels so trivial and empty. I feel like there is something else i am supposed to be doing but i cant figure out what it is. Ever since bj's memorial service i have wanted to give this all up and spend my life taking bj's place. just like they asked us to do. but i didnt. and i cant help feeling like i should have. or like i should start now.

i thought i found a church, but as great as it is, they have no mission program whatsoever. i just didnt know really who else to talk to about this yearning inside of me. its something ive gotten very good at not listening to, or talking myself out of. things like, what do i do with my cat if i were to go on a mission trip ( ha i know but seriously little things like this are what change my mind) or telling myself that NYC is enough of a mission field. but its not. at least not for me.

i know that bj and i were never very close. but whitney used to always tell me that i was her sister. and i have this one memory in the room with the coke machines out side of the gym at northside, where he came up to me and looked me dead in the eyes and said "if whitney is your sister, then that makes me your brother!!!" and he got this huge smile on his face and gave me this amazing hug. and it is something that warms me all over every time i think of him. (of course the memory of you him rusty and others waking me up in my bedroom one morning and him climbing in bed with me and you both finding my stuffed shark and naming him mike is a very close second :) ) Ever since he died, i think of him, i talk to him, i keep the program from his memorial service close to me at all times. it used to be in the visor of my car and now is pinned up on the wall next to my bed. its like i know what i should be doing with my life and my gifts God gave me, but i just dont know if this is it.

anyway, every few months this overwhelming feeling comes over me that tells me i am supposed to be doing more for my Father than i am. i know that i am not the most perfect christian. far from it. but the need i have for this, or the feeling of a calling, is weighing me down so much.

i was wondering if there was anyway, there was anything i could get involved in with awe star. my lease is up here next july. i just know i need to do something more. more than this.

i need to get uncomfortable again. uncomfortable for Christ.

im sorry if this is a lot, or too much. i just know you are someone i can talk to about this.

Thanks :) ."

I find myself weeping as I read her words. I can identify with her pain. I also remember the times of her reflection... they warm me as well!

As long as there is a breathe in our lungs, it is NEVER too late to begin to use our area of giftedenss for Him!

Won't you join her? Won't you join me, in "getting uncomfortable for Christ?!"

dad

2010-10-18T12:24:00.002-04:00

His Creation cries out for Him. Do we?

This past week, I was having lunch with a friend from work. We chose a quick serving, local, chicken oriented restaurant. I really like this place.

It's across the street from my church, so when Deanna and I leave on Sunday mornings, we have to walk past it. With stomachs already astir for something yummy, we don't always make it past.

We are drawn in by the wafting allure.

Anyway, we sat there sharing our hearts and a meal. We were being transparent before our Savior.

When I eat at this place, you get to choose two sides. I usually select two pieces of corn on the cob. Mainly, because they are small, and I am not a huge fan of the other choices (except the desserts!).

I do love corn on the cob. I am from Indiana... a major corn growing state. When corn is in season, there isn't much I like more. My mouth waters for it.

One thing this corn is, is juicy! Dry corn isn't too appealing (unless you are a varmint).

We sat conversing and I began to notice that I was assaulting my friend. He never said a word, but it kept happening!

While he talked, I would take bites of my corn. Each time I did, moisture from inside the kernels leaped from the cob onto his face.

I found myself apologizing and trying to shield his face with one hand while I ate with the other. It didn't help much.

Anyway, as corn juice (not a marketable or appetizing product) dripped down his face,
I began to wonder about something. Something I did not speak at the time.

When I spend time with others, do I get Jesus all over them?

Granted, in the context of my story, it would seem an assault worthy of charges, rather than ministry, but my point is still made (at least in my head).

When I am with others, do I spend ample time glorifying the One I love, or do I speak about myself and my desires?

It is never my intent to infect, or insult another through interaction. However, if my focus is me, then I will likely do so. If my focus is Christ, then the other seems not to care when the impact drips from their experience.

I need to be sure I am not spending my time trying to elevate my position or status in the eyes of another. I need to be busy about my Father's business.

His Creation clamours for it... even demands it!

It's okay if you don't want to eat corn with me...

dad

2010-10-14T11:30:00.003-04:00

a view from above...

(sorry for the poor quality... do you see the buck?)

I've been interacting with people recently who are struggling with all sorts of issues in life. Each of them are people who have invited Christ into their hearts, yet each of their struggles are as much like the world around them as any issue an unbeliever might embrace.

Temptation is alluring, not ugly.

I mean, giving in to temptation is sin, and the whole process is ugly, but temptation itself is attractive or it wouldn't be tempting.

Similarly, many of us have the enemy pegged as one who wears a red suit with horns, and carries a repulsive pitch fork. This picture is not represtented anywhere in Scripture. In fact quite the opposite (Ezek 28:12-19).

Yet, when I was little, I remember a distinct caricature in our "Childrens Bible Story Book" from Matthew 4 that portrayed him this way.

If only it was easy as recognizing him and his schemes like picture book portrayals.

The enemy is crafty and calculating. Our Savior is wise and has already defeated him.

The truth is, the closer we are to Christ, the more readily we recognize the enemies plan as it's unfurled. Or, maybe we are just less available to temptation because our focus is acute.

Either way, this is what we must aspire to... Christ-likeness!

When believers fail publicly, the name of Jesus is drug through the mud... again.

I am amazed at how frequently those I have the opportunity to counsel, believe they are following the Lord, but are rife with worldly fragrances.

Assumptions are made that the things we have in our hands are things that we should be holding onto. We believe this because they make us happy... or so we think.

Some time ago, one young lady was telling me how addicted she was too intimate relations. She was following Jesus, but refused to give up this up. She was unmarried, had all sorts of struggles in her life, and could not comprehend why.

When presented with truth from Scripture about her choices, the justification game began. She could not conceive of life apart from these kinds of relations.

Now, much later, she has allowed the Lord's convicition to help her make adjustments. However, bitterness from broken relationships threatens her surrender. The very attitude she displays doesn't reflect Jesus. Once aware, she seeks to lay this down as well.

We want what we want, and we want God to provide it. When He doesn't, some of us blame Him, and somehow believe that because we laid down one sin, we have purchased the dreams in our heads... dreams that were born of brokeness because of the sin, not the Savior.

We are owed nothing.

We are promised eternal life, not the perpetual pleasures of the world.

We must allow our dreams to be His. The "desires of our hearts" that He grants, are the things that are in accordance with His will. Not things we think up and expect Him to provide.

When our hearts are fully His, and we walk very closely with Him, what we desire will be what He wants for us.

When we walk like the world, what we want, reflects it.

dad

2010-10-11T12:17:00.002-04:00

Whitney hunting with me from a brush blind

I spent a couple of days last week, ministering to "Carnies" at the Tulsa State Fair.
I've probably mentioned it each year. This is something that always has a profound impact on me.

I am not one who loves walking up to strangers to begin a discussion. Some of my co-workers are amazing at this, but for me, it is waaaaaayy outside my comfort zone.

I have to overcome a fear every time I approach a "Carnie."

These are people who are used to serving, not being served.

I am always amazed at how they open up after I ask a question or two. It would appear they are a 'dam waiting to burst.' The words begin to spill slowly and then a major gush erupts and they are telling me things I cannot believe or imagine!

I have the opportunity to pray with many of them. I am always blessed by the encounters.

I had two 13 year old young men go with me at the end of one of my days. They were from a local youth group, and had come to be introduced to this type of ministry. They were hungry for interaction.

We spoke to a couple of people, and I was telling them how everyone has a story, and that our job is to get them to spill it, so we can see cracks through which we can minister.

We approached a man I had not yet met. I explained who we were, and asked him to share with us interesting facts about himself.

He began with, "Well, I am in the Guiness Book of World Records."

"For what?" we asked.

"I've been in 47 car wrecks, and have walked away from every one without a scratch, except for 2!"

"No way!" we exclaimed.

He proceded to tell us how God must be angry with him for something, as all these tragedies kept happening.

I explained that the Lord was seeking his heart and that He must have great plans for him, and he should consider paying close attention.

The young men chimed in and pleaded with the man to seek the Lord after such crazy happenings.

He was not convinced and proceded to explain other tragedies.

My young protege's jumped back in and told the man how much Christ loved him, and that he should ask Him why these things had happened.

We planted seeds in his unfertile soil, that he seemed to have never heard before.

We'll continue to pray for him... Peter, is his name... and "upon this rock..."

Another man I met had just lost his wife to a drunk driver, a month ago. His hard outer crust tried to hold back a raging, turbulent jailbreak of tears. The result was a consistent moistness to his eyes, but they never formed and spilled.

We spoke for quite a long time as he opened his heart to seemingly, the first person to ask him a question about his life. He had much to say. He had been on the road since it happened. He had come out to work as an escape. He left his 13 month old daughter with his parents, and came to "get away."

His shell was breaking.

I gave him my card, and told him to call me if he needed to talk. I never do this at the Fair, but felt led of the Lord to do so this time.

His name is Gordy. I prayed with him, and left him to get back to work.

I looked for him later in the week, but no one knew where he was.

When I arrived at work this morning, I had a two voice messages.

The first was Gordy. He'd had a heart attack, and was in a local hospital, scheduled for surgery this morning! The second was a "hang-up" call.

I called the number he left and got no answer. I called the hospital to ask for his room number and any other info they could give. They couldn't tell me anything, as he had not ever given me his last name.

My partner in ministry and I loaded into my truck and headed to the hospital.

Upon arrival, we found his room... vacated... cleaned.

The second call must have been him, trying to update me.

It seems he left without surgery as he received word that his daughter was in need.

If this feels like a cliff hanger at the end of a tv series season, that you don't want to wait until next fall to find the outcome, you are not alone.

I have no last name, no way to be in touch. Only a name... Gordy... and a 13 month old daughter that needs him.

My God knows their circumstances! He has all authority to keep Gordy safe, to keep his daughter healthy.

Stepping out of my comfort zone is important... the Lord has impact in the lives of others, when I do.

Please join me in praying for Gordy, his daughter, and then Peter, who needs Jesus (Gordy, while a very rough character, professes to know Christ).

dad

2010-10-07T08:03:00.000-04:00

Deanna is very excited about my trophy and wanted to show her enthusiasm to all!!!

This past weekend was amazing! We were all together and got to enjoy it! We heard from many who were remembering with us, and that was a significant blessing!

Our culture is ripe with people who believe that death is final. Final for the one who passes and final for those left behind. It is neither.

Death is part of life, but is not the end. It is, rather, a transition which reveals our eternity.

We each have choices in life. Those choices will determine where our eternity is spent.

When we choose to follow our way, pursue our goals, and define success on our terms,
we are making our choice for the future. We may live well in the now, but our future will be one of torment, save surrendering all to Christ.

'Living well,' means bringing glory to our Lord. It does not mean, pursuing a bigger house, a newer car, or more fashionable clothing, and ignoring what Christ calls each of us to do.

It does not have to be either or, but few can manage wealth and a thriving, intimate relationship with Christ, well. This is why Scripture teaches us that we cannot serve both God and money. Most of us believe we are in control of this. Few of us actually are.

We believe our wants to be needs. I know I struggle with this and I am often wrong.

Death brings finality to what we see of life, but it is not the end. I feared death until I was at my father's bedside, when he passed. He was a godly man and his eternity was sealed.

I was also at my son's bedside when he slipped away. His absence from us guaranteed his presence with Christ (according to his salvation and what Scripture teaches).

They have both gone on to be with the Lord. We are left to deal with life apart from their presence. One does not just move on, easily. The loss of a parent is in order. The loss of a child is not.

When they leave you, you want and need to know their life mattered. Beyond that, you want to know they are with the Lord.

We must make choices that will assure that this is the case. Had Deanna and I ignored the issues of salvation with our children, and believed them to be grossly personal between them and the Lord, it is not likely we would have lived in such a way that their lives would ever have been impacted by Christ in us.

We must choose to live for Him in ways that reflect His glory and presence into the lives of not only our children, but others.

We play a part in the eternity of others, if we "answer the call and get uncomfortable for Christ." If we simply choose to let them look like the world and all it's allures, we are not doing our part.

If we live life, embracing these same allures but try to teach our children different, they see right through us, and realize that the incongruity reflects a "religion" they are not interested in. If it were enough, parents would be changed and more surrendered to what they say they believe.

I do not fear death. I know that I fail in life, but my eternity is sealed.

I may struggle in life with the loss of other loved ones, as I desperately miss them, but I have the promise of knowing we will one day, worship Him together again!

We each must choose.

The way we live our lives will reflect those choices. There is no pretending.
It's time to "Raise a Revolution" for Jesus.

dad

2010-10-01T14:20:00.001-04:00

Blowing these out for you Beej! Happy 21st Birthday! I love and miss you!

2010-09-29T14:16:00.002-04:00

Whitney and Jared

Whitney, Jared and the puppies (I guess they aren't puppies anymore) are coming tonight! They will be with us for a few days, as we observe BJ's birthday. He would be 21 on October 1 of this year. I would love to know what he would have been like at this age.

I was recently asked if he was more like Deanna or me.

I believe he was more like his Father... in heaven!

There are certainly attributes of both Deanna and I that were part of his personality, but who he really most resembled, was Jesus.

I have told many in the past, that living with him, was at times like having the physical embodiment of the Holy Spirit. He would say the kinds of things to us that one would expect God's Spirit to whisper.

There were times I resented how Christ-like he was. This was not his fault, but mine. He wasn't overbearing, I was just too much like the world.

He knew how to love others without judging. He knew how to love them in spite of their poor choices. I have known few in my life who could do this. I've had conversations with his friends, who have told me that no one ever listened or encouraged them like he did.

I have loved the pastor's I have served under or alongside, but most of them struggled not to be judgmental. I struggle not to be judgmental.

It is far too easy to light into someone who is not saying or doing what they should... especially when they are doing things that are also a tempation to us. The idea, "me thinks he doth protest too much," is easily understood by those who struggle with the sin another practices or speaks out boldly against.

It's easy to judge. It's harder to love.

There are many ways that I would wish to be like my Savior.

This one tends to significantly impact the lives of others. Being able to point out their sin without hurling heavy handed words, precipitates conviction.

The Holy Spirit brings conviction. The enemy brings condemnation.

What a blessing to have a son who is most like his Father... in heaven!

dad

2010-09-26T09:45:00.001-04:00

missing you tremendously, "little man!" Everyday, but today especially...

2010-09-23T17:18:00.002-04:00

self portrait by BJ, a few days before he entered the hospital

Afshin Ziafat, the evangelist who was speaking the night BJ gave his heart to Christ, was preaching a week long youth event over this past summer. His concluding message ended with BJ's story.

A couple of youth groups from the Pampa, Texas area were in attendance at this event.

One young man named Zach, was deeply impacted by BJ's life. He came home, told his family about it and they quickly got a copy of our book.

After reading it, his family began to tell others about it and a "buzz" began, that would result in the trip I just returned from.

I was contacted by a youth minister in Pampa. He told me that they had a "See You At The Pole" event coming up, that included many churches across denominational lines. He asked if I would be willing to come and speak at their event.

I was excited to be asked and had the privilege to go.

I arrived yesterday afternoon, and was taken to dinner by two youth pastors from different churches.

Both men had served two to three year terms as missionaries. One in Yemen and one in Togo and Niger (Africa).

We covered a lot of ground in conversation, over dinner. The former Yemen missionary told me he had stumbled across our blog while serving. He and his wife followed our story until BJ went home.

We arrived at the church that was hosting it this year. There are around 10 churches that work together regularly and their youth pastors meet frequently. The students from these churches plus their friends came last night, forming a group of around 500 or more!

I had the opportunity to share BJ's testimony with them. God moved in power!

We saw many receive Jesus as their Lord and Savior and hundreds come forward to reflect their surrender to take on the significant task of beginning to share the Gospel with those around them!

I praise God for how He moved!

I am tremendously blessed!!!

dad

2010-09-21T13:01:00.001-04:00

Cladee from Carlsbad, California was one of the first to surrender her life to missions at BJ's celebration of life. Since that time, she and her family have been to the field multiple times, and are having a deep impact for our Savior! She is learning everyday how to "Raise a Revolution" for her King!

I just returned from the doctor's office and everything is fine right now.

This past weekend on a very hot day, Deanna went with me to do some work at the farm. She hadn't been there in a while, so I was walking her around the property showing her some things of interest to me.

Then we settled in to get some work done. I climbed a tree to hang a tree stand for later in the fall. I had some struggle getting it to settle in the way I wanted it.

Once it was hung, I grew nauseous and faint. I was faced with a decision. I didn't know what was going to happen, but I could tell I was getting weak, light headed, and unstable. These are not things you want to experience 18 feet up.

I didn't want to frighten Deanna, I felt a bit disoriented and unsure, so I leaned into the crotch of the tree to get as stable as I could. I began to fade...

Several times this past summer while I have been working at the farm, I had similar experiences. The difference was that I was always on the ground, and could get my head between my legs. A couple of times, I had to go start the truck and let the air conditioning revive me.

We have been concerned, but have written it off to the extreme Oklahoma heat (100+), and possible dehydration (combined with my high blood pressure). This time, raised the bar of concern.

...The mental fog I found myself in, disappeared with all daylight and consciousness.

I could not tell you how long I was out. I only know that its been years since I heard the urgency present in my bride's voice, as she beckoned me back.

As the gathered clouds began to lift, I tried to figure out what was happening, and where I was. All I could hear were her pleas.

I had a firm sense that I was being held against that tree.

When I was once again aware, I began to sing to my Savior, using His Name. I had a sense He had me held there. It helped bring focus back to my situation.

That He would spend Himself completely on a tree to save my life and have me held against another to spare it again, is incomprehensible to me.

I could hear her fear. It haunts me still.

I felt stupid, desperate, grateful and scared all at once. I was still shaky and uncertain. I was thirsty.

She offered to go to the truck to bring me water. When she left, I breathed a prayer and climbed down as quickly as possible, and knelt to get my head below my heart.

She collected my gear and we retreated to the truck.

Driving home, I realized I carried a mark from my experience.

My neck had "strawberry" from where the bark had scuffed it from the pressure of being "held" against that tree.

I was and am thankful for it. My scuff has dissipated, His scars remain.

The doctors' staff did a number of tests which provide me with no immediate answers, except to say they have doubled my blood pressure medication. (My EKG was fine, my blood sugar - good, my urine sample, "clean.")

I will be heading to a cardiologist for further testing, in the near future.

I give praise to my Lord for "keeping me."

brent

2010-09-15T13:55:00.004-04:00

Whitney and BJ, five years ago... (now she is a practicing, registered nurse)

Most of us know that when students graduate from high school, most of them will also "graduate" from church. Perhaps "vacate" would be better terminology.

I believe more and more, that the reason for this has much to do with the lack of evidence and/or connectivity that most of them see in the Christ they hear preached and how church attenders live.

Perhaps Pastor Steve Stroope said it best when he stated, "Our kids are not rejecting our doctrine, they are rejecting our hypocrisy." (I found this on my friend, Pastor David Anderson's facebook wall)

The treasures held within the Bible were not meant to remain locked or untapped. Our Father in heaven means for us to establish such significant relationship with Christ, that our lives are and remain completely changed.

When we allow ourselves to be changed, we stop looking like the hypocrite we often see when we peer into the mirror.

All we have to do to ignore these changes is to pursue our individual desires. The more we seek self, the greater the emptiness inside. This causes most to pursue desire more passionately, under the mistaken belief that "more" will quench their lustful thirst. The truth is it creates a significant chasm between what we say we believe and how we live.

This gap causes others to lose interest in, or belief that the Christ they hear preached, is the answer. In their minds, if He were, the difference would be reflected in those they have encountered.

If we know Him, then we are each sinners, saved by Grace. Grace has room for failure. But grace needs not to be the crutch upon which failure leans. I mean, we should not intentionally pursue selfish desires because we know in the end, His Grace is sufficient.

That kind of hypocritical living, is what causes many others to believe that He isn't worth it.

Jesus IS worth the cost of self denial.

Our children learn to embrace things in life by watching us. Let us also teach them how to let go of those things that don't bring Him glory!

dad

2010-09-10T10:03:00.006-04:00

My California family (minus Nina and Devin)...

The national spotlight has recently fallen on a small body of believers in Florida where a pastor has made plans to burn the Qur'an. The burning was/is supposed to happen on 9/11 (this Saturday).

The contents held within those writings are clearly not inspired of the Lord. I know people of other beliefs, routinely burn Bibles. Regardless, I vehemently reject the idea of participating in this event.

We cannot love the lost if we are condemning them without even attempting to reach out from the heart of our Savior. We cannot follow "do unto others..." ideology if we are 'doing what they do.'

"a time is coming when anyone who kills you will think he is offering a service to God." John 16:2

We see this in the religious zealotry of many who persecute Christians. Islam gets most of the attention, but it's happening in other belief systems as well.

What sets us apart is supposed to be Jesus. We do not force our beliefs onto others, rather we show them truth by word and deed. We allow the Holy Spirit to penetrate the darkness to reveal light.

When we take part in open condemnation, we precipitate the enemies applause.

Who would stand and cheer at the burning of any "religious book," but the prince of this world? Sowing discord is his joy. When we become instruments in his orchestra, we are out of tune (with our King)!

We need to stand up for Jesus. Intentionally standing against other belief systems alienates entire people groups. Why would they want to listen to what we say if our opening statements are offensive?

I have been treated better by Muslims who didn't have any idea who I was, than some of my brothers and sisters in Christ.

Arrogant Christianity doesn't win souls for our Savior, but it does intoxicate the enemy. Humility is an attribute we need to sharpen. Displaying it causes others to ask, "Why?"

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus..." Philippians 2:3-5
(my favorite passage of Scripture)

Do we have the freedom to burn books... any books?

Yes!

Should our freedoms cloud our judgment?

No!

Jesus said the greatest commandment is to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind..." and the second is to "Love your neighbor as yourself." Matthew 22:37&39.

If we do this, we will not be burning anything, but a hearts desire to embrace the lost, and see them come to Christ!

dad

2010-09-08T10:58:00.003-04:00

remembering the disastrous trail left by Katrina, and the continuing efforts to bring restoration...

I noticed on facebook this morning, that a friend of mine posted a picture of himself on a mountaintop in Colorado, where the wildfires are burning out of control behind him. His gleeful expression, stands in intentional contrast to the raging fire behind him.

Disasters remind me of Katrina.

Deanna and I often speak of it, as we were in the hospital with BJ, before the storm hit, and heard about little else afterwards. In some strange ways, our own journey was washed aside as the plight of thousands faced uncertainty.

We knew that our own situation, regardless of how it ended, was secure. We were being held in the hands of our Father. Where did these others have to turn?

Those who have lived through wildfires, hurricanes, tornadoes, or other natural disasters, are faced with the question of what do you take when you flee?

I have often contemplated this question. I don't know why.

Do you take family photos and scrapbooks? Do you take items that are the object of your affection? Do you gather important papers together? Favorite clothes? What would you grab, with moments to decide?

I think the answer to this question says a lot about our focus in life.

No doubt, there have been many things that have captured my attention through the years. Some innocent, until I give them unhealthy attention. Then there are the things that I don't want to have to do without, under any circumstances.

What are these things in each of our lives?

Obviously, the first thing is to see that all family members are accounted for. What's next?

I always wonder how I'd really respond under this kind of pressure? Moments to decide, knowing that as you walk/run away, you may never recover what is left behind.

For me, the consistent thought in my head has been to grab my favorite Bible. It was given to me by my family... Deanna, Lauren, Whitney and BJ, on my birthday in 1994... just a couple months after my father passed away.

My views on death changed through the course of his home going. That journey and this Bible, have received much of my attention through the years.

This Word is where I am most at home. I have studied, marked and taken notes on these pages more than any other I have owned... (even more than the one given to Elijah Ajaang in Kenya).

I remember back around the time I received this Bible, a friend had his favorite stolen... from church.

Like mine, he had it marked up and his notes were throughout.

There is something about knowing exactly where to turn in your own Bible, that brings comfort... comfort that sometimes I might ought to lose.

Being challenged to know where to find His hidden treasures based on being "at home" in His Word over having topics captured because of smudges and uncharacteristic markings is important for each of us.

That way, I could take your Bible and find the same things, regardless of what extras are stuffed into yours.

We are a society of comforts. We like them a lot!

No pursuits are as profitable as being intimate with Jesus and being comfortable in His Word!

dad

2010-09-03T00:01:00.002-04:00

from my walk along the beach at Torrey Pines, California

My recent trip to California was amazing! I had the privilege of meeting many new friends in both Bakersfield and Carlsbad. Sharing our journey with the public will always have many emotional elements to it, but it is also healing.

Before the trip, I had fallen into a low ebb. Sometimes, we just need the Lord to show Himself in very tangible ways. When He does, we are blessed.

Let me say, I AM BLESSED!!!

Thank you Steve and Raquel Vernoy, Andrew and Daniel Denton in Bakersfield. Thank you Lyne and Schmaltz family in Carlsbad! This was such and encouraging experience for me!

In Bakersfield, the Vernoys worked hard to promote and set up an event that would unite the body of Christ (across denominational boundaries). It worked! People purchased tickets to come to this event, and I was amazed at how my Father worked!

In Carlsbad, I had the privilege of sharing the platform with two of my cousins (for the first time ever). One of them, Blues Lyne, is a recording artist and musicianary. The other, Chris Schmaltz, is a minister. This truly had an intimate family feel and again the Lord moved and worked in each of our lives!

I was blessed to be able to meet many who had prayed for BJ while he was in the hospital. I will always be humbled by this!

I walked the cliffs and beach at Torrey Pines with my Aunt Maralyn and Uncle Ray, and cousin Blues and his son Devin. We had a great time! We shared meals with ocean views, and had uplifting conversations about how God is working in our lives. What a blessing!

The cool thing is, I get to see them all again in November when Lauren gets married! Yay!

I praise the Lord for the provision He makes in my life. He reminds me that it is not about me, but about Him. I need that reminder, because I often begin to believe otherwise.

It's not always easy, but walking with Jesus is such a blessing!

Have a blessed holiday weekend!!!

brent

2010-08-25T09:57:00.004-04:00

my father and my son...

I know I have probably used this photo before, but its one of my favorites! Thursday is the 16th anniversary of my father's homegoing (also his sister's Birthday). Now I envision the two of them side by side, looking into the face of our Savior!

Happy Birthday Aunt Maralyn!

I leave Saturday for a few days in California (where I will see my Aunt and family). I will be speaking Saturday evening in Bakersfield, at the Doubletree Hotel. Tuesday evening, I will share at Discovery Church, in Carlsbad. I am looking forward to this trip! It will be my first to California since I was 14. I only wish Deanna could be coming!

MY Upcoming Speaking Schedule:

August 26 Radio Interview KAXL 7:10 (CT) Bakersfield, California
August 29 Rejuvenate Ministries, Bakersfield, California
August 31 Discovery Church, Carlsbad, California
September 14 Dallas Christian College, Dallas, Texas
September 22 Pampa Youth Ministry Alliance, Pampa, Texas
November 5-7 iGo Mission Conference, Tulsa, Oklahoma
December 5 Marquez Baptist Church, Marquez, Texas
December 26-January 2 Nuevo Laredo Mission Trip

I struggle to understand the nature of close friendships.

In the last few years, we have met many who tell us they feel like they know us, upon our initial encounter. I know this is in part due to this website.

However, we seldom are afforded the privilege of moving beyond.

In my lifetime, I can count on one hand the number of really close friends I've had.
Sometimes I miss having someone I can really confide in, who doesn't judge me based upon my failures. That kind of reciprocity is important in each of our lives. When it's absent, struggle increases.

As frustrating as that is at times, what is of greater difficulty for me is that my precious wife often feels alone.

Many times she has met new women who exchanged initial pleasantries, only to have them shut down when information on their children is exchanged.

I know that people often do not know what words to offer. However, the idea of not talking about ALL of our children is something that brings pain. She knows when someone wants to know more and when they've had all they can handle.

It's amazing how few want to know more.

Our tremendous lack of desire to be intimate with each other is maddening. We were created to be in relationship. Some of our most natural desires are to get to know one another.

Yet the truth for many is that unless they can talk openly about themselves, their purchases and their accomplishments they don't have any interest in you. Their interest in you, is not in you... it's having you listen to them.

One sided friendships are not relationships. They are shallow and meaningless, superficial, yet all too frequent.

Too much of the time, we don't really listen to what another says, but are formulating our next sentence.

One of the things my partner at Awe Star taught our students this past summer was that Jesus "listened and asked questions." He encouraged them to do likewise as they sought to love one another.

If we would but take this kind of time, many needs would be met that go unnoticed.

We need to be in relationship. We need to listen. We need to love.

These are very basic elements taught to us by the life of Jesus.

Practicing them helps us to show His love to those we otherwise ignore.

dad

2010-08-19T11:30:00.002-04:00

practicing...

Does your joy show?

I have a couple of friends who exude Jesus through joy, from every pore of their being. I love being around them, because they are so on fire!

On the other hand, whatever is going on in my head, shows on my face. I have always been this way (which is no excuse). I don't show the same joy they do.

One of these young women is the youngest of several children. She grew up in church, and gave her heart to Christ at an earl age. When she walks into a room, she elevates the enthusiasm level. Not because she is a cheerleader who runs from person to person inciting a response, but because the natural effervescence of being in love with Jesus, overflows.

The other young woman is a new believer. So much happiness comes from her countenance. She is in her mid twenties, has experienced the party life full on, and has recently become a believer. She knows the ugliness of life, and cannot stop telling people about the Savior who delivered her from drugs and more.

I want to be more like them, because they are more like Jesus.

I don't want to be one of those sour Christians you meet, who leave you wondering if they really know Christ. They go to church, but there is no evidence beyond that attendance that He is in the throne of their heart.

His word teaches us that we will know one another (as believers) by the fruit in our lives. There are way too many of us who never show any fruit. Are we really saved?

Jesus tells a parable in Luke 13 about a landowner who had a fig tree that had not borne fruit in three years. He had visited it repeatedly to eat from the tree. He finally told his servant to cut it down, as it was using soil needlessly. The patient vineyard-keeper plead with him for one more year, where he would fertilize it to prepare it for bearing fruit. If it did not bear then, it would be cut down.

Many of us have been "fertilized" for years now.

Where is the fruit?

We get fed weekly, but don't show any evidence.

My education is in horticulture. I know a bit about fruit trees and agricultural practices. It usually takes three to five years for a young fruit tree to reach the stage where it will bear.

My friend has been a believer for just a few months and has told more people about Jesus than some who've been believers for a lifetime. When you meet her, her joy begs the question, "why are you so happy?" She is quick to tell you!

What's our excuse? We have many lined up.

When a tree is mature, all the dead wood and crossing branches need to be pruned from it, to keep it at it's fullest potential.

As believers we need the same thing. The old dead wood needs to be cut from our experience, so that we can continue to grow.

Pruning spurs growth... in horticulture and in Christianity.

Often times, we build fences around our hearts to prevent any pruning. I find it interesting that there is one fruit that we still resemble when this has been our practice... the prune!

Even the word requires little assistance to convey its implication.

I want to be like my two friends... full of joy, bearing fruit, loving others!

Tear down the fences and let the pruning commence!

dad

2010-08-09T11:12:00.003-04:00

Deanna and BJ in the Smokies, a week before landing in the hospital

Five years ago, we were on vacation in Tennessee.

My girls were not in relationships. BJ was just back from his second trip to Peru. Lauren had finished an internship at our former church. Whitney was entering into her freshman year as a nursing major (and meetings kept her from being able to go on vacation with us).

This was to be our first real vacation. Deanna and I had always used our vacation time to go to youth camps, mission trips, or family gatherings. We had never just gone somewhere together, that didn't involve someone else.

We were excited to do this together. Well, most of us were.

Because of his intense focus on the mission field, the idea of going on vacation seemed frivolous and unnecessary, to BJ. He didn't resist hard, but did resist. He understood our need to get away and have some family time, but he wasn't feeling great and this made him additionally hesitant.

We planned to stay in a cabin, where we could enjoy a time of hiking, and site seeing in the Tennessee mountains. The idea was appealing to all of us.

We arrived and settled in. Our schedule was not overly rigorous. It allowed us to do some things and take breaks. As enthused as we were, it was difficult to understand why BJ did not want to participate in much.

He'd play pool in the evenings, but wanted to rest when we went out. He'd stay back and study the Word or read other books for enjoyment.

Each of us in turn chided him for not going with us. He said he really didn't feel up to it. He sounded congested, and seemed to run a low grade fever, so we let him remain behind. We missed him. What we were doing, would normally have been of interest to him. He only went out with us a couple of times.

By the end of the week, we convinced him to hike with us. There had been bear sightings in the area we were exploring, just that morning. We had to be careful. The pictures from that hike, find him looking spent.

However, as I review photos from that week, and even some of the pictures included in the "I Would Die for You" video (found at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRNANk5rI2g) I am reminded how stunned I was that we were getting some of the best pictures of him, we'd ever taken!

I even remember asking the Lord at one point, "why are so many of these pictures of him so good?" For some reason, it raised an alarm within me.

As I packed the car to head home, I was overwhelmed by the feeling that this would never happen again. I fought tears as I stowed gear. I didn't understand what was happening.

He grew more feverish, and struggled to breath normally on the return trip.

Upon arrival home, I took him to the nearest medical facility to be looked at. The doctor diagnosed him with "walking pneumonia."

I had peace in those moments, as our children had fought this before.

However, as the weekend unfolded, his fever climbed and he could not keep any fluids down, nor could he sleep.

I spent hours through the watches of the night, giving him cool baths and praying for him to try to bring him comfort. I prayed from the depths of my concern. I wish I could remember what we talked about. He'd lay is head in my lap and try to sleep.

We fought through the weekend and saw no healing result from the meds.

Monday morning arrived. This was to be Deanna's first day back at school after the summer break (This time of year continues to be difficult for her to trespass upon... she started back to school this past Friday). Deanna asked Beej if he wanted her to remain home with him that day.

"No Mom. Dad is here, and I'll be fine" he said.

She went to work.

A couple of hours later, as we waited for his doctor to call back, he made the request to go to the emergency room. We went... and the journey unfolded...

These days somehow seem hallowed. We step lightly through, with awe.

It doesn't get easier.

We miss him with desperation at times! Yet we have the peace and thankfulness of knowing that he spent himself in a way that few do, and that he is in the presence of the Almighty!

We will join him there one day.

dad

2010-08-04T11:38:00.002-04:00

Deanna and Carol in Indiana

The CT scan revealed multiple stones in both kidneys. The one causing the pain (is in the ureter) is "large" but they believe I can pass it. Nothing yet, however.

I have been thinking about how often generalizations are made by many of us.

I once served with a pastor who had been trained in a specific denomination, but was pastoring a non-denominational church. While in the pulpit, he spoke unkindly about the denomination my family and I had come out of. He did so, in all honesty, from a position of ignorance or lack of understanding.

I was not hurt by it, as I knew he was not talking about us, but realized that I probably do the same thing.

My family and I have been fortunate to serve in many countries around the world. In the process, I have met many people. Some people groups are far more relational than others.

One specific people group from South America, are some of the most genuine I have ever met. They are highly relational. They talk to me on-line or send me messages every week, and I was only with them for a few days. When other mission groups go into their land to work, they send gifts back with them, for me. I am humbled by this!

What is interesting, is how many people are fearful to even think about going to this country, because of who their leader is. He is charismatic, opinionated, and not necessarily liked by our government. His feelings about our government are similar.

Knowing this, making a decision to minister in this country was made more difficult by generalizations about how people from the USA would be received there.

Had I listened to the idea our government portrayed about traveling there, I would have missed out on some of greatest blessings in friendships that I have known.

I know I have made generalizations in my life. I have done so about denominations, people groups, and other things.

Others make generalizations about Christians. Television routinely portrays us weirdos.

Seldom are they correct in their handling of who we really are.

Still, when I take teams to other countries, what those people know of us, usually comes from American tv.

In Muslim lands, US women are considered promiscuous, because of shows like Baywatch among others.

When they get to know us, they are often surprised.

Many in our country, tend to assume that all Muslims are terrorists. I have never been so moved as when walking a desert road in North Africa, and having a family invite my team in for tea. They didn't know us. They didn't know why we were there. They were just being friendly, and in all honesty probably gave all they had to my team, to show us kindness. This kindness is not likely to be extended to those same people, here in the USA.

We cannot assume or make generalizations about people groups any more than we can about denominations.

If we are Christ-like, we see that all people are important to our Savior, and therefore, need to be loved by each of us.

This is much easier to say than it is to do, but we must try!

Seek to bless one you may not have thought about blessing, today.

dad

2010-07-28T12:04:00.003-04:00

does this look familiar? (same location BJ's similar photo was taken in Ecuador)

Recently, we were debriefing our summer mission teams in Dallas. A friend of our ministry, who is also a nationally known songwriter/worship artist (with his wife) came and surprised us. He and his mentor led worship for us, in impromptu fashion. (While their songs are nationally known, they are not always recognized.)

The students were thrilled! So were we!!!

Deanna and I were eating a meal with him, and he relayed the following story.

He and his wife were recently leading worship at a National Worship Leaders conference. Many big name artists were present.

As he and his wife boarded a train at the airport, there were no seats available. They noticed two things.

First, a group of three young men carrying guitar, cases were seated and chattering on about the upcoming worship conference. They were excited about seeing certain artists. They exchanged glances, but made no signs of recognition or chivalry.

Second, an older gentleman realized the wife of this duo had no seat, and offered his to her. With a glance toward the three Christian young men who were oblivious to their indiscretion, she respectfully accepted his offer.

Later, my friends led worship throughout the event. All present became aware of them.

During a break, my friends were manning a booth about their ministry. These same three young men came, this time with recognition.

After some initial superficial conversation, the wife (who is the primary vocalist) learned where they were from and began to tell them about a ministry they could engage in, in their city.

While she was mid conversation, they turned and walked away.

How often are we so focused on our ideas and plans for what we believe we can do, that we completely ignore where the Lord is at work? Many of us are all about our own dreams and goals. We do what we want, and ask the Lord to bless it.

What He wants from us is to do what His Word teaches.

How Christ-like is it when our heart beats so strongly for our own dreams that we ignore opportunities He is putting directly before us.

The life truly blessed is the obedient life. When we are obedient, we are naturally aware of what the Lord is doing around us. We see His hand at work and are ready to join in.

When we are inward focused, our expectations are that "others" will handle the "Great Commission" while we fulfill our singular passion. We seek to do what we like from our gifting and ignore the areas He is trying to develop.

This ultimately results in a church that is powerless to impact its community. Everyone is doing what He enjoys while sitting back trying to figure out why lost people aren't coming to Jesus.

We need to listen to His voice while paying attention to the needs around us, and seeking to meet them.

Even he smallest need met, brings about joy.

dad

2010-07-27T14:25:00.002-04:00

I did not get to go to Panama, as I have not passed the kidney stone. I did finally get a CT scan this morning, but will not know the result for a couple more days. In the mean time, my partner in ministry led the team in my place. His gain, my loss. I am comfortable with the decision however, as it would not have been good to be in the jungle and have a serious medical issue, with help hours away.

We did receive our 30 day teams back, and sent out our Panama team. The 30 day teams had an amazing summer. Thousands of new believers were added to His kingdom! Lives were changed both on our teams and in the hearts of each nation.

My daughter Lauren led the team to Peru this year. It was her first trip there. She did an amazing job. She had the youngest team, but they walked in unity and power. They visited places that BJ, Deanna and I have never been. I confess I am jealous.

Regardless, the Lord used her and continues to develop her leadership abilities.

Whitney has begun her career as a nurse, and was more than ready to begin!

Deanna starts school again Friday, August 6th. It doesn't seem possible that she is going back to work already! Where did the summer go?

This late summer begins a new season of traveling and speaking. I look forward to doing so, and am thankful for the provision of the Lord.

More later, but wanted to update you all.

God bless!

dad

2010-07-19T11:44:00.002-04:00

Kuna Indian boys in Panama (I will see them again, soon)

I leave tomorrow afternoon to receive our summer mission teams in Dallas! I can't believe they are already returning! This summer has flown by!

They arrive Wednesday, get debriefed Thursday, and then go home Friday morning. Then I receive my Panama team (of 25) on Friday afternoon. I leave for Panama with them on Sunday, and return the following Sunday.

This trip, I will get to work alongside my nephew and his wife, who are missionaries in Panama. I am very excited about that!

I have NOT passed my kidney stone(s) yet, so I am a bit unsettled. I do appreciate your prayer support on this front. The doctor wanted me to have a CT scan before I left to assure it was of a size I could pass, but insurance issues have held that up. Please pray.

Last week, we transferred one of our daughters phone plans from our family plan to she and her husbands. This was gonna happen sooner or later.

Who knew it would require the involvement of people around the world to make it happen?

It began by a simple conversation between Deanna and Whitney. Deanna then took the project on and began to deal with it.

When we began our family plan, it was listed under my name as the primary. A year ago we had Deanna added as a co-primary, so she could deal with some issues.

When she went to handle this simple transfer, they would not let her. Their memories seemed to have lapsed, and they said I would have to do this, as the primary. She tried to take care of it at a local store for this company, and was directed to call customer service.

Did you know customer service is in India (apparently)?

When I called, a young woman answered the phone and told me her name. There were so many syllables and sounds I did not recognize, that I did not catch it. I asked her to spell it for me. I sat in disbelief as she spelled out the name of one of our summer months. When she said her name, it sounded much more exotic than our months name. It had extra syllables and letters that don't appear in the correct spelling.

Unfortunately, much of our conversation went that way. When I told her I had no idea what she had just said to me, I understood her apology. She began to speak with clearer diction.

My wife's tear stained face (over the frustrations involved) turned to joy as she watched me try to control my laughter in dealing with this friendly woman, whose first language was not English.

I constantly had to process what I thought she was saying. She was SO polite, which I appreciated. I struggled to understand her and kept hoping I wasn't agreeing to signing over ownership of my home, as I said "yes," to her many questions.

My daughter was not available to deal with the issue on her end until two days later. They had made an appointment with me, to call her on that specific day.

That day came, and my phone rang. It was an 800 number and I was busy, so did not answer it. They immediately called back.

Since I was waiting for insurance approval for a CT scan, I decided I better answer it.

It wasn't the same woman, but she sounded EXACTLY the same. I thought it was the same woman giving me a different name. She had the same accent and all. I didn't catch her name. I didn't ask for it, either. I just knew she didn't say the name of a hot summer month... at least it didn't sound like it!

Anyway, they had discovered an extra step was required in dealing with the issue of transferring my daughter onto her own plan. A step that involved my son-in-laws name.

To allow my daughter to be transferred off of my plan, and onto her husbands, I had to approve it.

I am thankful that I don't have to be THAT involved in every aspect of my daughters life. I love her dearly, but I do not want to be that involved in her day to day operations.

It is not that way when my Savior looks at my life. He is very interested in every detail. He wants me to come to Him for His approval until such time that I am so close to Him that my heart beats with His and He shows me what He desires.

I am thankful for that! I need that from Him, in a way that my daughters do not need me to keep a detailed account of their lives.

Perhaps this is why I struggle to let them go, in many ways. I love them so deeply that I am interested in what is going on with them. However, they need less of me as they mature. They have learned more about life and how to live it. They are adults.

While I am an adult, I want my Savior to keep interested in me. I need Him to do so. But, I have to learn to allow Him access to EVERY area of my life. I'm pretty good at thinking I have matured beyond need for His help at times. The sad fact is that its not usually true.

I am thankful that no matter how far away He seems, He always understands my heart. My accent doesn't throw Him. He gets me.

I just have to let Him have me, each moment of each day.

dad

2010-07-16T11:52:00.001-04:00

A little web time

Nothing to report yet (on the kidney stone)...

Anyone interested, can listen to my recent message "5 Components of a Healthy Church," at this link: http://www.parkviewbaptist.org/sermons. The sermon is not up at this writing, but is to be posted yet this week. I brought it on 7/4/10.

Recently, I have been contemplating the impact of preaching/teaching apart from experience. I know that for me, messages I hear have a deeper impact, if I can relate by experience.

So many times, within our culture, missionary stories inspire, but have no real staying power (apart from what the Holy Spirit may do) in the lives of those who hear, but have not experienced (or in some cases run from the experiences).

Now I know, that no testimony or story has deep impact apart from what the Lord does through it... and that is kind of the point.

I think though, that many struggle to find relevancy in the Word of God, because they have never experienced it in power (or again, run from it).

One can preach a powerful message and know they have experienced the Lord's anointing all over it, and yet watch a body refuse to respond. I believe this happens week in and week out in our churches. It is very discouraging.

The Lord has placed me in the position to speak into the lives of students, and occasionally, adults. Truth all day long, but until they experience His work in action (which requires their obedience), the words will just be words. I don't mean everyone has to go to an overseas mission field, but I do believe ALL of us are called to live missional lives!

My resulting question... is there strong evidence that we are allowing the Lord to reveal Himself to us, through evidence of our own demonstrated acts of obedience?

For too many, a morning sermon is forgotten by lunch. In part, because of our attitude when entering corporate worship.

Many are quick to think the message is about the person next to them, while sporting waterproof skin to His convicting rain.

I have seen so many families of means or lack thereof, arrive at the same dump (though different paths led them there)... broken, divorced, in rehab, embracing worldly lusts, and/or seeking self-worth in relationships apart from Christ.

I understand when non-believing families end here. Their lives are based on cultural traditions. What they learn growing up is often what they value or in some cases are a reaction to. Few non believing families hold to Biblical truths as their guide.

I struggle to understand why the lives of believers aren't dissimilar.

What is valued is often the pursuit of happiness through pleasure. Messages that deal with moving outside of our own comfort are quickly cast aside as irrelevant. Many have bought into the idea that God wants me happy, and my happiness is not based on suffering or discomfort. Rather, it is based on what brings me pleasure. Therefore, my life should consist of pursuing ends that result in pleasure, thus bringing happiness.

You will not find this in Scripture, yet many live this way, within Christian circles.

All of us want to be happy. However, the life of a believer should be characterized by obedience. There is great joy in obedience regardless of the suffering that may come with it. Happiness is a by-product of that joy.

If we seek happiness, we obtain a disillusioned life. If we are obedient, the joy in that yields a fulfilled, happy believer.

Therefore, if we want to be happy as believers, we need to deny ourselves, follow where He leads, and find that the pursuit of Him, yields great joy.

Seeking Jesus brings joy.
Seeking happiness brings disappointment.

We've all experienced disappointment... it's time for some serious joy!

dad

2010-07-09T11:29:00.000-04:00

mounting a trail camera at the farm...

This past Sunday, I had the privilege of preaching in my home church. My pastor and his family were away, and he asked me to fill in. I was thankful for the opportunity.

The things that tie us to this world are so interesting and diverse. For some it is relationship(s). For others, it is work, hobbies, or the desire to achieve goals.

Then there are the times that we cannot wait until the Lord returns. Sometimes it's because of the difficulties of life. Others, its because our desperation for Him is so intense. Then there are those times we don't want to have to endure imminent suffering (in any form).

Being home from the field this summer has been interesting.

The Lord has opened opportunities to pour into others lives that could not have happened if Deanna and I were away. We are certainly thankful for that.

He always knows what He is doing.

This week I've discovered another reason I may be home.

I began having abdominal pain mid week. My self diagnosis aren't backed by any medical expertise, but its in my genes to do this.

My wife pleaded with me to go to the doctor. I finally went yesterday.

After his poking and prodding and giving me a small plastic cup to fill, he came in with what he believes is the correct diagnosis.

Kidney stone(s).

Yucky!!!

There is no history of this in my family (that I am aware of). I rarely drink soda. I can't understand why I would have this.

Issues like this don't care what you understand.

My doctor tried to prepare me for what is ahead. I walked out expecting give birth any day now.

I won't have the joy of holding a little bundle of life on the back side (no pun intended) of the delivery.

I don't know when it will come. I just know the pain comes and goes.

I have discovered for now, that the more hydrated I stay, the less pain I am in. I am afraid I am not getting much work done between refilling my water bottle and then the porcelain throne (in that order).

It has given me a temporary reprieve from the constant reminder that began a few days ago.

Last night as Deanna and I went to bed, we followed our normal routine. We turned the tv on to watch 'Seinfeld' before drifting off to sleep. The episode was the one where Kramer has a kidney stone.

Not very funny... to me, at least. Deanna found it hilarious. The timing impeccable. She doesn't mean me any harm, it's just that Kramer screams like a little girl, and all can hear him. I screamed like a little girl once... I was being chased by a vicious German Shepherd.

My doctor tried to convey a less threatening end. He has had them, and talked of being doubled over in pain, but then getting relief as the stone drops from the kidney to the bladder.

I don't like being educated on this topic. I once passed out watching a film of an egg migrating from the ovaries to wherever it goes. I can't remember 'cause I lost consciousness!

I awoke later in a cold sweat. I have that to look forward to once again, it would appear.

Anyway, I would be greatly satisfied if the Lord returned before this experience. But then, there are many women who favor the idea (on a much smaller scale) of a man giving birth to "feel their pain."

I cannot make a u-turn on the road to undo this. I can't prevent this from happening any more than Deanna could prevent giving birth to our 3 children. They brought such joy to our lives. This delivery will be a bit different.

All things considered, my suffering will pale in comparison to His. He remains in control.

I would appreciate it if you would pray for the upcoming delivery.

And if you listen, you just might hear me...

dad

2010-07-01T16:25:00.002-04:00

Lauren ministers in Peru!

The gauge for deciphering our impact on the world (for Christ) is not ours in the end. So why do I spend so much time contemplating this?

Because it is far too easy to see the opposite. One does not need to know how deep the impact for Christ (as He measures this) to be able to see how desolate the landscape becomes when we choose, as believers, to pursue our own course, and drag His Name into potential squalor.

Seeing the youngest team we've sent to the mission field this summer, have such a deep impact on the Peruvian culture is something I get very excited about!

Yes my oldest daughter is leading the team, and yes she is leading that team inside the borders of the land her brother contracted a fatal disease in.

Both have brought glory to their Savior!

BJ didn't have to look far to see the positive influence of his sisters', in terms of being Christlike. He honored and cherished them. He protected them both physically and in conversation. He saw in them what they did not always see in themselves.

Lauren's now being in this same country, would thrill BJ beyond words.

When he returned from Peru the last time, he told Lauren she was to go with him to Africa, to the Muslim nation, to minister. She did. She then helped lead a team to India, and now Peru.

She has also engaged the youth of our church and I have seen her develop into an incredible minister for Christ! Her heart has been broken for them. She prays for them, pours herself into them, teaches them, and desires to see the Lord break through to them.

What she longs for them to become, she is seeing the students on her Peru team explode into! Two of the students from her work at the church, are on the field with her.

I am thrilled to see through the flaws that we each have, to the blessing we can become to the heart of our Father, when we surrender ourselves completely before Him!

Scripture says, "and a child shall lead them."

There are many of our children on the field this summer, and they are leading by example... the life we are called to live. One where we speak with passion about our Savior at every opportunity! What they learn to do on the field, will carry through in many of their lives, when they return home.

Sadly, many will not understand their passion or fervor. Some will not want to be around them. And these I speak of, are believers.

They shy away from those who are close to the flame of His fire, because of their own poor decision making.

Should we as believers, live our lives as sold out vessels everyday, then the stories these will return with, would not sound so unbelievable.

For us to glorify our Savior, we must engage. For us to drag Him into squalor, we need do nothing. For when we do nothing, the enemy prevails, and our testimony remains unspoken and powerless.

Thank you Lauren, for being willing to die. Being willing to die to self, glorifies the Lord!

dad

2010-06-29T12:01:00.002-04:00

Deanna, the Wild Blackberry Picker (and baker), extraordinaire...

Last year when I was in Africa, and traveled through Kenya and Uganda, I had an encounter with a young woman whose situation has moved me deeply.

I was actually preparing to fly home, and as I was waiting for my flight in the Entebbe airport, a young woman struck up a conversation with me.

Her name is Emily. She is from Australia. She was 23 at the time, and today she turns 25.

As we traded questions, she learned of our journey, and I learned of hers. I gave her a copy of our book, and she was moved by BJ's story.

Her story is one of radical obedience as well!

At 23 (now 25), she is running an orphanage in Jinja, Uganda! She oversees an entire staff and meets the needs of the parent-less of that area! I struggled to fathom the responsibility she carried! So many depending on her for so much! I was overwhelmed.

When God is in control of your life, your age does not matter! He can accomplish great things through you! He has huge plans for you, and is interceding for you... even now!

For those like BJ and Emily, who recognize this, they walk in His power, and strike awe into those of us who had to learn this at a much older age.

I often wonder how different our world would be if each believer, embraced the opportunities the Lord set before them.

I am inspired by passion! I am moved by the passion of those who get it early, and live it, daily!

They are the true movers and shakers for a mighty God! They refuse to accept traditional wisdom about when they are allowed to make a difference. They embrace the gifting the Lord has given them, and pour it all out at His feet! They are not waiting to get into His heavenly presence to do so, they are doing it now, everyday, and changing lives by their obedience!!!

I love that! I am stirred at their passion! I weep at their understanding! I hunger to see more of us, regardless of age, do likewise.

The eternity of a lost world can be changed by a few willing witnesses.

What would happen, if there were more than a few?

Those who learn to deny themselves for His glory, will usher in the King of kings!

I don't want to be caught on the sidelines!

dad

2010-06-25T12:37:00.002-04:00

my wed twuck at the fawm...

What an incredible week or two it's been!!! God has been preparing the hearts of students and leaders for an incredible journey on the mission field!

I have been working with both to help them be ready to serve. They have all just arrived in their country of ministry, and are anxious to get started! Some are on the road or in the air as I write, heading from airport to ministry cities!

As I've said before, if one could measure the warfare from the enemy as an indicator of the magnitude of the Glory that will be brought to our Savior, then incredible things are coming for Him, this summer!!! He is such a mighty God! These teams fight FROM His victory!!!

You can follow their journeys by visiting www.awestar.org and clicking on the "trip updates" bar. Please join me in lifting them up over the course of the summer.

Deanna and I continue to be humbled at how many students surrender to GO as a result of the work God does in their hearts, through reading, I Would Die for You. We serve an amazing Savior.

It will be very different for me this year, as I work in the office, rather than being on the field all summer. I will take a team to Panama in late July for 10 days, but this feels a bit strange. However, I know I need the rest, and am thankful for it.

There is just nothing like watching the love of Christ become the life of students. Nothing else compares to it. Being completely surrendered allows us to see Him work in incredible ways.

Far too many of us live mediocre Christian lives with the expectation that He should greatly bless our meager existence. No question, He does bless, but those blessings are often to encourage us to sink more deeply into His life, not to answer our presumptive expectations.

He is worthy of total surrender.

The significance of life in Him is seen in far greater ways for those who leave all else for Him.

If our knuckles are to be discolored, let it be from battling for Him, not sickening white from a tight grip on the world.

dad

2010-06-14T14:58:00.002-04:00

Deanna picking and eating berries at our hunting farm/lease.

My heart is broken for my brothers and sisters in Christ who are in the process of, or have recently gotten divorced. It is not my intent in any way to judge any who might have found themselves in this situation. Rather, I am angry at the enemy for having such a field day in the lives of my Christian siblings and their children. However, we are not without fault.

Yesterday, my pastor preached on this timely subject. He covered nearly every passage of Scripture that deals with divorce.

The bottom line is, marriage is intended to be relationship. Relationship stops happening when one or both begin seeking to have their own selfish desires met without communicating well with the other.

This is true of our relationship with Christ as well. And this relationship is to be the model for the marital one.

Every story is different. There are varying benchmarks for failure in every relationship. Unfortunately, the only one that is completely covered by His grace is the one with Him.

We do not extend grace to one another as we should. We each reach the breaking point at a different intersection.

We grow apart while living together.

How does this happen? What does it say about our relationship with Christ, when breaking the bonds of our marriage is more attractive or more of a relief than battling through side by side.

As I look around me at some of the marriages that are failing, I wonder, why Deanna and I still together? What we have endured is certainly different than what others are going through, but we have fought hard to seek Jesus, and to love and serve each other.

I am far from a "great" husband. It seems she has had to do more than her share of compromising. Still, according to our frequent conversations, I feel like our marriage is thriving. We give glory to our Father in Heaven, as we are very broken vessels and I tend to be selfish to boot! We lean on each other. We talk to each other. We hang together and love doing so. We "play" together in areas of similar 'likes,' and "play" apart on others.

I believe it works because we are seeking Him. That sounds like I am saying others aren't... and I know that not to be true. What is true, is that when personal selfishness overtakes time investment in relationship with Jesus, failure results. Sometimes on a grand scale, and sometimes its less obvious.

I am overwhelmed at the grandiose scheme of failure in Christian circles in just the last couple of years.

Who wins? The divorcees don't. The children don't. Extended families don't. Certainly Jesus doesn't. THE ENEMY DOES!

None who get divorced intend to trample on their witness for Christ. I do wonder though, how many who end their marriages, do so because they do not truly understand who they are in Christ?!

So many times, one partner does and one doesn't.

In a world of immediate gratification, who can wait upon the Lord? Apparently, 50% or less of believers.

If we didn't serve a God of mercy and grace, more of us would burn for our even greater failure in keeping relationship with our Savior.

Every person is important to Him. Our heartbreak is His heartbreak. At some point, we need to be responsible for what He has entrusted to us.

I must be sure I am doing all I can to serve my Lord, then my wife and then others. Any other order, brings about great potential for failure.

Please pray with me for our brothers and sisters who are facing this ugly venture in their lives.

dad

I begin training our summer leadership then teams, tomorrow through next week. This will likely be my last writing until late June. The team Deanna and I were to lead to Asia had to be canceled for various reasons. The Lord had already raised up the leaders for our other trips, so I will be home this summer, except for a Panama team I lead July 25 - August 1. My daughter Lauren is leading our Peru team (her first trip to the land and people her brother loved so much).

2010-06-11T16:44:00.002-04:00

Deanna and my sister Lynae

A very good friend of mine is getting ready to head to the mission field for a two to three year tour. She is heading to one of those countries in a Muslim land that we cannot mention.

She is gifted in building relationships with the women of that and other cultures. While at her University, I have seen her befriend and spend much time with non-believing women, in an effort to share truth with them. She has done so.

She does this with such love and grace that these women long for more time with her. When one is around others who shows the true heart of our Savior, they are drawn in by the uncommon display of true caring.

Too many cast judgment, and cause these same people to feel they have no right to be here. The way some look down on them is hurtful... both to the unbeliever and to the witness they are supposed to be for Jesus.

My friend stands out in our society, because she cares, like Jesus. She loves like Jesus. She makes a difference for Jesus.

She leaves our culture with minor apprehension about what is ahead. Of course she is nervous. She knows she may never return. It doesn't matter. She has been on the journey of her calling for many years. What is important to her is Jesus. Because of this, she willing walks where others will never go.

There is no doubt in my mind that she will impact the kingdom for Him. She already has! She has done more for our Savior than most will do in their lifetime. Because she cares... about Him, His desire, His will, and their lostness.

Should she be afforded the poverty of returning, she will no doubt have stories that others will struggle to believe.

I have seen her make a difference in my own ministry. Her wisdom exceeds her youth... because of her Christ-likeness. She has a strong grasp on the needs of others, believers and non. She tends to those needs, because her godly mother was a wonderful example... of Jesus.

She lost her mother when she was 14. Through such a dark time, a loving father helped her carry on.

She left her University to come and work along side me and other staff. She changed to a part time student to work in missions and lead teams. It was just one more leg of her journey... to follow Jesus! She learned much, but she taught much. She sharpened the iron in many lives.

Her new life will be very different from her current one... except that she will be following Jesus.

I wonder who will take her place? Who will pour into the lives of those who have been blessed to know her for a season. Who will deny their own desires and follow Him, because He calls them to, not because it is the cool thing to do? Who when suddenly thrust into the spotlight, will point to Jesus, and bow out of His way?

My life will be harder, because I will not have her nearby. Though barely older than the students she served, she has taught me much. My life is better for having worked with her, ministered beside her, and led teams to multiple countries as her partner.

I Praise God for you KK! I will miss you more than you can possibly know! You are one of my heroes of the faith!!! I stand among a great cloud of witnesses in awe of your radical obedience... to a mighty God! I will forever praise Him... beside you.

I am proud of you!

Godspeed my friend!

dad

2010-06-08T15:24:00.003-04:00

Whitney with her dog, Sig

We had a blessed time with family and friends in Indiana, Kentucky and Tennessee over last week! It was a joy to be with each of them.

I am stirred deeply by real passion. Simultaneously, I struggle to understand those who seem to lack it.

I believe we were created as people of passion. Passion gets us into trouble when self-control is on hiatus.

Titus 2:11-14 says: "For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope -- the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good."

If I'm honest, I am eager to do what is "good" for ME. I am not equally enthused to do what is "good" according to his Word.

I am not alone. When I look around, others who claim to be believers focus on gathering around them the things and comforts deemed important, individually. I see few who are radical or passionate about fulfilling the obedience we are each called to.

Much of the time, we are creating disciples for the things in life we love. For some reason we can replicate interest in things unimportant far more easily than moving people to serve as He did.

This has something to do with the gratification that comes from filling our flesh. It happens immediately, but is very short lived. Then we plan for the next moment we can imbibe. Short term gratification produces long term dissatisfaction.

Only Jesus slakes the thirst that lust seeks to entertain.

Too often, real passion for Him only gets stirred on the heels of loss or significant conviction.

Few of us allow significant conviction to happen in our lives. We hold firmly to the things we consider dear... even at the cost of disobedience to the One who died for us.

I must allow Him to eviscerate the pursuits from my life that produce an impotent warrior.

dad

2010-05-28T11:01:00.000-04:00

hiking Colorado...

The summer is upon us and many schools have let out. This is the time of year so many look forward to! Deanna has begun to enjoy the break.

We are busy in our offices trying to get everything ready for the summer trips. There is always so much to do.

This summer will be very different. The team Deanna and I intended to lead to South Asia, had to be canceled for a variety of reasons. Having already raised up the leadership for the other trips, I will be home this summer, working from my office. I will lead a team to Panama in late July, for 10 days.

Honestly, I am looking forward to the rest. I don't know what is in store for sure, but look forward to time with Deanna.

Just before our our leadership training then student training begins, we are heading to visit family for a few days. We are both looking forward to this! We'll be away from the computer for a week or so.

My daughter Lauren, recently got engaged and will be married November 19th of this year. We are very excited for her! She will celebrate another birthday apart from us, as she will be in Peru for it this year. I honestly cannot remember the last birthday of hers that we actually got to be with her.

Take some time to love on your family over the coming days. Summers tend to see everyone scatter in different directions. This is a great holiday to spend time together around the grill, enjoying the warm/hot weather spring weather!

I pray you have a safe and blessed holiday weekend!

brent

2010-05-25T11:02:00.002-04:00

My friend Justin, who gave his life in India, while serving as a missionary. He would do it again. So would BJ. How many of us understand how dire the need is to Go (even across the street) and to serve, and to die daily?

I received a couple of letters through the mail, recently. This is a bit unusual as most correspondence today, comes via the internet. These were from a couple of young ladies in California.

They were both interested in missions. One had just read our book and was reaching out, based on it's impact on her life. Both attend a Christian Academy for troubled teen girls.

The one young lady had actually written us two letters. One introducing herself, and the other introducing her friend/roommate, who is headed to Costa Rica soon.

In her hand written letter (becoming a lost form of communication) she indicated the difficulty of her upbringing in Florida. She spoke of foster care and other difficulties of life which contributed to her landing in the "academy."

After becoming familiar with her story, I did as I often do. I began to search for her on Facebook.

My initial search for her unusual name resulted in a "suggestion" from facebook to try a different name.

Since her correspondence included her middle name, I tried one more time, with the middle name included.

The result of that search shocked me!

The only result it produced (which is very unusual) took me to a website in Florida. I imagine her most unusual name was the primary reason for how few possibilities were retrieved.

I visited the website to find that she was listed as a "Missing Child!"

The date she had gone missing was nearly 18 years ago. She had indicated to me in her letter that she was about to turn 18. She (if it is in fact her) had gone missing as a baby!

I sat in stunned silence for many moments.

Next I began to share the story with co-workers. They all suggested I do what I could to make contact with the agency listing her as missing. This was my plan, but I wanted to be sure I was making the right move.

Visions of abusive parents rolled through my mind, and I did not want to put her back in harms way.

With this small amount of information, I made contact.

I have no idea if her case is still active. I have no idea if this will yield any result, positive or negative. I only know she once was lost... reported missing!

How many people today that we encounter daily, are lost? Perhaps no social service agency has reported them missing. Perhaps there is no paper trail.

Regardless, they have a Father who longs for them to be restored to Him.

Some of them are waiting for me to become active in the process of leading them down this road to restoration.

Am I sitting in unproductive silence? Am I apathetic? Am I quick to produce my "to do list" as an excuse to not help them out?

Just as her parents may be looking for her, my Father is looking for these.

Reconnecting the lost with those who love them is what my life is to be about.

I cannot lose focus.

Justin didn't. BJ didn't. I cannot.

dad

2010-05-19T11:19:00.002-04:00

after Whitney's Pinning...

A few months ago, a project began that was being completed by a television production company out of Dallas, on behalf of a current, famous Christian author and preacher.

We were contacted by the producer of this project, requesting permission to use BJ's life in the work. It was to include interviews and video of his life, reflecting the impact still being made, though he has gone home. Excited, we enlisted many who knew BJ to be a part of it. Many from around the USA and Peru were interviewed. Video and pictures were provided. I went to Dallas and did an on camera interview.

Most of this took place in the last three or four months. I had not heard from the producer in a while, so I sent her a message asking how it was progressing.

She responded with, "I will call you this afternoon."

She did.

She proceeded to tell me that the team working on this had decided not to include BJ's story. She indicated she had fought consistently, and aggressively to keep it in. God had changed her life through reading the book and interviewing those close to him.

She had held off on contacting us as she had remained hopeful that she would prevail. She did not.

The team decided that BJ's story was "too different" from the others they were profiling. The others are apparently fund raisers and humanitarians. BJ's life "overshadowed" all the others, they felt.

On some level I can understand this.

Honestly, I felt like I had been punched in the stomach when she told me. Things like this tend to be very close to the heart, and have major emotional ties.

The producer consistently pleaded for the opportunity to hold onto the pieces they'd prepared on him for potential future use. She also stated more than once, her desire to produce the story on her "own time and her own dime," if that is what it took.

In a culture where my son continues to be held up as an "exception" rather than a "rule" for Christian living, the point has been emphatically made.

Few live like he did. Few try to. Few want to.

When his story is too radical to be utilized because of the implied "extreme" nature of his walk, it is evident few of us allow our hearts to be transformed by Scripture and/or relationship with Christ.

The bottom line is that this does not matter. We have never been in charge of what God was doing with his life or his story. We still aren't. We want Jesus to be glorified and not BJ. It's what he wanted as well. It's how it should be.

That he will not be included, does not reduce who he was, how he lived, or his impact on the world. It simply reveals that most of us fall woefully short of living daily, radical faith.

I pray that one day, it would not be so in my own life.

dad

2010-05-17T11:18:00.005-04:00

Whitney is a now college graduate and a Nurse!!! She is also a Pastor's wife, a worship leader, and an inspiration to many!!! We are so proud of her! We spent the last several days with she and her husband, and Deanna got to "pin" her in the nursing ceremony!!! (in the pics... Jared, Deanna, Whitney and me)

I know we are not the only state affected, but tornado's have been shredding Oklahoma! We left Tulsa for Denton, Texas, where Whitney lives, on Wednesday afternoon of last week.

Thunderstorms blew into Texas after our arrival, and I knew severe weather was forecast for Tulsa.

We were on our way to Whitney's pinning ceremony, when I received a call from a friend. He said, "a tornado ripped the roof from the school across the street from your house last night... but we checked your house, and it is fine!"

I was so thankful that our house had been spared, but found myself wondering throughout the weekend what the back side of our lot looked like. It was reported that power lines were down as well as stockade fences and much more.

I was rather anxious to see our property.

Our trip home was an eventful one. Fifty minutes before arriving in Oklahoma City (which we pass through on our way to Tulsa), I heard news reports of a hail storm. These often precede tornado's. We were headed right for it!

I began to pray for wisdom as to whether or not we should pull off the road and let it pass, take a different route back, or forge ahead.

They broke into the radio program and said the interstate we were on had become a parking lot and that the ground looked like a snow storm had just blown through... completely covered with hail!

Damage reports of broken windows on cars and homes were being conveyed.

We drew closer.

As I neared the highway I considered cutting off on to avoid this, they began to report that this highway was now the corridor of the hail storm. We continued on our original course.

We were on the back side of this storm and could see the hail falling out our window. It was fierce to behold. Many stopped to hide under overpasses or take photos, as the area we were in was hail-free.

We traveled through Oklahoma City not fifteen minutes after the reports of an interstate parking lot, to find them passable, the hail mostly melted and no more traffic than normal! Praise the Lord!!!

Once through here, the storm was south of us, so we did not have to fight it any further.

We arrived home last evening, just before dark. Our lawn was littered with limbs and leaves.

I have found no damage!!! Even our wind chimes were still hanging and offering their melodies.

I have some clean up to do, but what a blessing!

I went home at lunch and saw the path of the tornado as the houses just to the east of ours and to the north of the school, all had blue tarps on their roofs. Disaster relief crews were cleaning up the school.

The school is a Turkish owned and operated school, called, Discovery. It is home to many Muslim children, and others.

This tornado ravaged school was chronicled in the paper by photos and an article.

We are most thankful for our home being spared. We are equally thankful for the Lord's provision and protection on our trip home.

We are praying for the administration, teachers and students of the Turkish school.

We are so proud of Whitney! Her degree was delayed by a year, because of her brother's journey and other obstacles that befell her. She is finished! We are so thankful and proud of her!!!

dad