We have come to terms on the price of a home, and we close on December 1st. As we look forward to this, it brings about many feelings.

One that continuously arises, is the lack of issue to take BJ's needs into account. I do not possess the ability to convey how difficult that is for us. Obviously, he will always be a part of who we are, and his memory will always abide with us, but there is a coldness to moving on, that is still crippling at times.

Our things have rested in storage for 7 months now. In that period, we have realized how little impact "things" have on our lives. Though we have 'want' for our possessions, we have no 'need' for them. 'Need' is what is required to live. 'Want' is what we pine away for during much of our lives, that seldom connects directly to survival.

We have a couple of jokes now, that refer to the 'stuff' we have in storage. We recently visited our facility and retrieved our warm clothes, and some long desired movies. The warm clothes were needs, as it has turned cooler. The movies were wants, that we have looked forward to re-viewing.

Yesterday, Deanna spoke of something we have in storage that suprised me. I had no idea we had kept such things stowed away.

We had friends from Indy here for the weekend. We had a great time of much wanted fellowship with them. You know, I'm gonna restate that. We had a great time of much needed fellowship with them. Much of who we are resides in Indiana, and the friends and family we left behind.

I have not seen Deanna laugh so hard and smile so much in months. The Lord knew what she needed, and He provided it! Thanks LCJ and Sammie.

While they were here, one of them (I think) requested 'honey,' for their tea (or something). Deanna offered, "we have some in storage," and then began to laugh in her signature way.
Honey in storage? Really? Why?

Then I remembered.

I cannot say that she kept it for this reason, but I am quite sure it crossed her mind.

BJ loved honey. Those who know him, know how slow and meticulously he decorated his pb&j sandwiches. He did the same with honey. On more than one occassion, he used up our honey as he liked to add it to his diet. As I write, I can see him catching the drips of it with his mouth.

She probably kept the honey, because of her own memories of how he used it...that and the fact that she really likes it in her tea.

Honey in storage.

Soon we will be retrieving it. We will retrieve many things that are ours. We will fill a new (to us) home with old possessions. I hope that is not like adding new wine to an old wineskin. We will certainly transfer material things that carry significant meaning and memory for us. They will fill a house, that we will make a home.

The second and third bedrooms of this house have pink carpet. Ooh ick! No way BJ would want this in his room...what guy would? The interesting thing is that Deanna is the one who cannot wait to get rid of it.

I didn't think of it before, but maybe Beej is part of the reason she wants it evacuated. As we try to make our house a home, we know it will never be permanent. Actually, buying a home has been a bittersweet process, because it implies permanency. The thought that all that has happened has been a dream, will evaporate when we once again have a mortgage that ties us here. There will be no "running home," whatever that means.

You know, if we could run Home we would. That just cannot happen. We don't run Home. We run the race set out for us. We do it to the best of our ability, and then one day we'll enter our eternal reward...that place where in an awkward sense, we have our "honey in storage."

dad