Monday, February 26, 2007

On those occasions when both Monday and the 26th of the month occur at the same time, my family will always pause and reflect.

The world with its rushing currents has pried us loose of our grip on that which we could not hold. It remains difficult to rise each day to walk past a room that would be filled with such clutter, but remains remarkably bland and empty of memory, of fragrance.

Sometimes memories are sweet and refreshing...they bring resolution to a crusty thirst like a pitcher of fresh lemon-ade on a sweltering day. Other moments bring back the tide that forces your breath from your body, and leaves you heaving on rocky shoals.

Always will I see those piercing eyes penetrating whatever facade I have put on. Knowing the truth, and seeing past the pretense.

15 years old but with the soul of one much older and wiser. Clarity was his...a gift from his Savior. The 'shades of gray' that most Christians dwelled in, were foreign to him. Black and white is how he saw the world.

Love for others was always on his lips and his heart. Reaching out to the broken was his nature. Seeking to mend their hearts, like fishermen repair their nets so they can catch the fullness of life, required his time but little effort. He gave so freely.

How I miss his hugs, his voice, his laugh...his quiet occupation with others. His black t-shirt and scruffy chin belong to the shores of another land. One I desire but cannot conceive.

Frequent sniffles from his mother, reflect a time-released sleep-aid, but counter its effect. Always the pain seems fresh, and often the air is perfumed with the brokenness of her heart.

I suppose the days get easier as the surf pounds glass back into sand, but so often my heart does not feel it.

Quieter must I be about what once was, lest others think I am losing my way. Too focused on the past, too confused about the future and too lost to live in the present, is their offering...they do not understand. They have never truly, lost.

Still. Be still.

Let the rhythmic beating of His heart bring the rain of rejoicing to our weary discontent. Let our bodies be covered with the dew of His Manna...only partaking in what is required.

The pounding in my head and the scent of the air without him will be for just a time longer...and then my King will separate me for eternity from this enmity that parasitically feasts on my pain.

He is my Balm. He is my Portion. He is my Need.

7 Comments:

At 9:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Still thinking about you all and praying for you here in Utah...

Joshua McMillin

 
At 9:28 AM, Blogger brobrad said...

Brent,

This past week has been full of remembering for me as well, though I can't know the pain of a parent.

I can't watch the Daytona 500 without thinking of BJ, that being the weekend he often spent with me when he was younger. I have also been organizing upstairs...days worth of work which has involved many hours of organizing hundreds of photographs, many of them family. I had to stop and analyze each one that had BJ in it. It has been bittersweet, reminiscing as I look at images of happy times while feeling a fresh void when i think about what is now missing.

I am thankful that Christ does understand the hurt, the anger and the meloncholy that resurface from time to time. I am also thankful that He gives us a reason to go on when we feel overwhelmed by these emotions.

In His love,

Brad

 
At 11:53 AM, Anonymous Cedarburg Tina said...

Hi Brent.

Even though I haven't blogged in a while, I read every day. I can sense your hurt and pain through your words today and my heart aches for all of you. No one can understand unless they have traveled in your shoes. Good days come, bad days come and somehow you get through them. God's blessings and peace be with you, Deanna and the girls today.

Tina

 
At 1:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

May God's soothing peace which passes all understanding be in you and your family's heart today and always.

 
At 2:06 PM, Blogger Cousin Beth said...

Brent,

My heart aches for you, and I am so sorry that you have to go through this. Know we have not forgotten but remember you daily. No, there is no way possible for us to understand, but we love and pray that somehow God will be to you what you need. Words seem so trite, I know. May God give peace as only He can.

Love,

Beth

 
At 12:26 AM, Anonymous Pam from Bixby said...

My heart goes out to you. I often weep for you and pray for God's peace and comfort to wrap around you. I can testify that the days do get easier, yet there will always be a need to cling to sweet memories and cherish that part of you that cannot be replaced by any other. That does not mean you deny God's sufficiency. It just reminds you of the very special young man He allowed you to raise to bring Him glory. :-)

I do not interpret what you say as being too focused on the past or confused about the future. What I "read" in your blogs are transparent, real life experiences and analogies that are inspired by our Lord to encourage the rest of us as we face our own life challenges. Thank you for NOT denying your emotions and FOR sharing insights that are obviously the result of meditating on God's Word while walking through the valley of sorrow. You are loved, and I pray for you often.

 
At 11:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

AND HE IS YOUR PEACE! May that peace reign in your heart when you just have to dwell in the past, when you can't begin to even think of the future, and when the present feels too numb to even know you exist. No, we DON'T know, but you do, and if dwelling, pondering, existing where you need to be helps you then so be it. The day WILL come when you feel free to move ahead. Until then, let HIS PEACE fill you and keep you where you need to dwell. You don't need excuses, you are not losing it. God knows your heart and your head. REST in him, my brother. REST IN HIM!!!

 

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