Why is it so hard at times to find joy in the present? We long for what once was, or look to what could be, and grow increasingly frustrated with how things are. We find it nearly impossible to be who we know we are supposed to be, because we do not have what we desire. We are not even sure what it is we desire, we just know it is different than our current set of circumstances.

Finding joy in the moment can be elusive. This should not be, but it often is.

It becomes easy to point to what has happened or to blame those with authority in our lives for how miserable we are in the moment. The misery seldom lasts, but gaining freedom when it overwhelms does not come as swiftly as the pain.

There are times that it is easier to abide in the darkness. As humans we seem to have an affinity for dimly lit surroundings. Perhaps to hide our iniquity, or even to evade our pain. It seldom works, yet we run there as if we have been commanded to go and will only find relief if we arrive quickly.

At times we bring others down. We coerce them into listening to our current set of dire circumstances and then wonder why they do not want to be near.

Who will really stand by you? Who really reaches out in tenderness to meet your needs?

When I arrive at this place I always recognize it. How does my road somehow lead back here with frequency? Where did I miss my turn? When did the Red Sea part and then consume my enemies and I did not see it?

Why do I feel so alone, when there are so many others residing at this address?

Deception. It's all lies. I am not alone.

Have I really become the captive, recently set free from bondage only to beg to return to my binds? I thought only dogs returned to feast on what once was.

Do I seem to walk alone because the enemy presses in or is the enemy pressing in because he perceives I am walking alone?

Where is relief? What thought or action releases me from this prison?

I have not stopped praying...seeking. His Word lies open. My eyes journey through, but despair grows. Am I giving victory away or is it being stolen? What stems this tide?


I must cling to Him. Having been here before, I know the veil will lift and clarity will return. It won't happen in my time. I must endure this journey. Somehow I know He will use it in my life. I always think I suffer well...until I suffer. I don't do it well. He's the only one I know that does.

Suffering somehow begets joy. It is not a straight line event. It is never the shortest distance between two points. It is a rough and blister producing trek. Somehow, the offspring is peace and joy.

If I can only remember.

dad