Deanna and I are sitting on the same wall overlooking the Pacific in Pacasmayo, Peru, where the picture of BJ (being used for the book cover) was taken.

Our good friend Barbara Ann (who was on BJ's last team) served in leadership with us this summer. She took this photo, and then later told us that this was the same spot BJ sat for that photo. We had no idea at the time.

I am finding this month much more difficult to deal with than I expected. Emotions are once again very close to the surface, and holding them at bay is difficult. My intent is not to whine for sympathy on any level. I am hoping that being truthful will somehow help me with focus.

In the wake of his passing I could not focus on anything. I find myself in this place again.

The Lord has directed me to preach at an upcoming Christian School Retreat followed immediately by a church revival (11 messages in 12 days). I will be away from my family quite a bit over the anniversary of Beej's death and birthday. I do struggle with this.

I am a man. I am supposed to be able to handle this. Right now, I feel more like a child who wants his daddy to come and pick him up to hold him. I know that I have always been more emotional than most, and do not apologize for this. It is part of who I am.

This is part of the reason that I have always been captured by the passage in Revelation 3:21 that says, "to him who overcomes I will give the right to sit with me on my throne." I have found comfort many times in the visual of my heavenly Father loving me so much that He invites me into his lap while He reigns.

The strength and security of this picture brings almost a tangible hug from God. Father's who invite their children to their laps do so, to love on them. They are brought into such intimacy in those moments, and they are never forgotten. I can remember sitting in my father's lap while he read to me. It was such a secure and powerful feeling.

I remember many times where my own children sat in my lap while I read to them, or I just held them. I still do this from time to time, when they are willing. Sometimes, they even invite themselves. I am glad they feel free to do so.

The father who opens his lap to his children invites much more than a moment of closeness. He invokes a lifetime of security and even broader understanding of the Word.

Thank you dad, thank you Father God!

brent