i Remember

back at the beginning of our journey together...

i know, i know, she hasn't changed a bit! Time has been so very kind to her!



i was going through a drawer the other day. i found a handheld tetris game that somehow made its way into my hands, back when BJ was in the hospital.

That game provided necessary distraction during many sleepless and broken moments. It captured my attention and kept at bay the pain, and tide of overwhelming helplessness that sought to consume me. i can remember playing that game and listening to a Crowder song on an iPod that had also been provided by those that loved us.

(the song is "Only You" and can be heard here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPs-2hn5ZOg)

i put that song on repeat, and tried to power through the difficulties that were inconceivable. i tried hard to press into my Savior and keep away the thoughts that wanted to consume me.

The thoughts of what might happen... of what could happen... of what did happen.

i can honestly say that only Jesus kept us during that time, and walked us through, moment by moment.

i remember the day we rode in the ambulance and arrived at the hospital.

i remember the 'hammer fall' into my abdomen when we were told "he might have a 40% chance of survival."

i remember ascending a staircase daily to his bedside to touch him, though he was unaware.

i remember going with a pastor friend to a television station that wanted to interview me, only to be turned away because i was not dressed appropriately. i remember missing my son's last moment of awareness because i had left to do this.

i remember being awakened by a nurse to come to his bedside. i remember him slipping into the arms of my Savior. i remember the arms that supported my back during those moments, only to turn and find... no one there.

i remember the day a very broken family left the hospital together for the first time in six weeks. i remember the sandals i wore every day through that journey, breaking in the parking lot as we walked to our car (Deut 8:4). i remember the symbolism of that moment and believing we were finally leaving the desert (only to truly enter it).

i remember how cared for we were by those who loved us. i remember how our Savior has taken care of us at every turn.

i remember falling on the floor of his room and flooding his carpet, beside my girls.

i remember going to bed that first night at home, with my wife and both of my daughters on either side of me.

i remember how much i miss him... how much it hurts.

i remember the Lord ministering to me an abiding sense of purpose, throughout.

i remember a long receiving line at his homegoing celebration.

i remember that scores of people have surrendered their lives to Jesus as the ripples compound.

i remember hundreds surrendering and GOing to meet the needs of the lost and broken.

i remember that sometimes I lose focus.

i remember that Jesus died that I might live.


i remember being told my sin brought about His/his death.

i remember being told this was not God's will.

i remember being told this was God's will.


i remember feeling powerless to impact the broken heart of my wife.

i remember wondering if the physical pain of this loss would subside.

i remember the moment that i realized the physical pain had left.


i remember the brokenness of more parents who have lost children. i remember that somehow we have the privilege and authority to speak into their lives.


i remember how thankful i am for a Savior who cares for me through the darkest corridors and the most vibrant mountain tops.

i am most thankful for my wife, daughters, sons-in-law and my grandson. Each one loves and serves the God who gives and takes away.

through all of the pain of life, He is worth my all. He is an amazing Lord. I cannot move forward without Him. i remember how He loves me so.

This is a great day to impact the life of another, on His behalf.


dad