Friday, October 07, 2005

I signed on today to share one of Beej's writings about his struggle with "pride."
I will do that one day soon, but as I sit, I am flooded with memories of my father. He was a humble, gentle, and quiet man who dedicated his life to children. He taught elementary school, then was a guidance counselor at the elementary level for 15 years. He made a difference in a lot of students lives...inner city students. He was a devout follower of Christ, who led by example.

My father passed away from pancreatic cancer Aug. 26, 1994. BJ was almost 5. Beej and his grandpa were very close. They spent a lot of time playing together. Beej was my father's only grandson, and he was thrilled, because an ultrasound before BJ was born indicated that BJ was a girl. Boy, were we all surprised. When my father died, a new era began in BJ's life.

He developed a very close relationship with his gramma (my mother). I believe my mother is one of the few people who understood BJ's depth. You see, after my dad's going home to be with Jesus, a new tradition started with BJ and gramma. When she came to visit, gramma would sleep in BJ's bed and Beej would sleep on the floor in his room. They would talk far into the wee hours of the night. My mom mostly listened, but she heard and saw deep into BJ's heart. This began when BJ was 5, and continued until his death.

Before his bedtime, he would whisper to her, "don't be too long, I wanna have time to talk." He shared so many things with her. Some hurts, some joys, and some mundane things. These were precious times to them both. Both grew from this experience. Gramma kept most of his secrets, but occasionally would clue us in to things we "needed to know."

There is a hole in my mother's heart. How she longs for those nights. Two of the most important men in her life are at a different address these days. But she knows where to find them, and she knows she will get to see them one day, soon.

Thank you mom for investing in BJ's life. Thank you for investing in my life, and that of my family. We are so blessed because of you. I Love You!!!

Your son, Beej's dad


At 11:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow...just another insight into BJ. thank you for continuing to share w/us!


At 11:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear BJ's grandma,
You sound like an awesome lady. I'm sorry that you don't get to talk to BJ into the wee hours of the night anyomre. Maybe you can use that time to read the Bible, and listen to God. If you wanted to tell BJ something, I'm sure our heavenly Father would pass on your thoughts to him :)
Love in Christ,

At 11:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for that. It brings up so many thoughts, as I lost my mother at an early age, and my Dad way too early. My kids never met their Grandma, but did know Grandpa. I know that as soon as he got to heaven, he told Mom all about his pride and joy, his grandchildren. And from what I've read about BJ, he's probably hasn't stopped sharing everything with his Grandpa. Thank you so much for sharing, it means so much to so many people.

At 11:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe someday your family could sit down and write a book about BJ's life/love for God. I would most definitely buy it. :)
Rachel/Marion, IN

At 12:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That is heartwarming what you just shared. Thank you. Tell your Mom to continue talking to them in the night.
They are all listening.
I hope you are strong today and enjoy all those thoughts and memories you are so blessed to have!
Our prayers continue with you and your family as you adjust to such painful change in your lives.
With love and prayers surrounding your family from all of us.

Lisa Gresh/Meils and Family

At 12:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, thank you for sharing with us. What at blessing your lives continue to be to so many.
BJ and the girls certainly had/have a strong foundation in their christian lives.
We are praying for all of you always, each of you are a blessing. We pray that the pain of your loss will decrease as God fills it with His comfort and joyful memories of BJ.
God bless each of you, Brent, Deanne, Lauren, Whitney
Lela, Concord, CA

At 1:05 PM, Blogger Christina said...

What a beautiful story. Thank you. I long for my children to have that kind of relationship with my parents. My parents are not Christians, but if my kids have anything to do with it, they will eventually.

Each time I read about BJ and his awesomeness, I get more eager to meet him in Heaven. It has been said again and again, but I will say it again. BJ was an awesome young man.

Thank you for sharing.

Keep your eyes on Him!

In His love,


At 1:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi! It has been a looong time and I apologize ... be expecting mail from me SOON!

I want to say - My Gramma told the most AWESOME stories about growing up in a small town in Kansas and then moving away to be a FAITHFUL Navy wife, I could listen to her for hours. Now after losing her in April, the silence in my life from not having her here is sometimes deafening - I get SO SCARED that I am going to forget her smell or her voice and I miss her hugs-n-kisses SO MUCH! But you know what God says to me? "Laurel, be still and listen for my voice because I am here. Take a big whiff because you can smell my GLORY in the flowers, the waves and the mountain air. Come to me, because my arms are ALWAYS waiting to hold you near!" We have an AMAZING God - so, BJ's Gramma, I am praying for you and hold you in my heart. I am sure you have an equally special relationship with ALL of your Grandchildren, so I pray this will only bring you closer!!! I feel for you - and to ALL grandkids out there, I can only pray that you reach out to your Grandparents to tell them and show them just how VERY SPECIAL they are ... even if it means to just sit and listen to their hearts!

Through tears - I am praying for you all! Thank you for sharing, Brent! May the Lord continue to bless you through memories!

Your Sis in San Diego,


At 1:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello, again from Colorado.
Thank you for sharing still. I came to understand from the blogs shared that BJ was deep and am amazed at his depth. I was sharing with a friend about BJ and said that the words shared from his personal journal were like reading a new letter from St Paul.
I do hope that some day you will write a book, as your ability in this blog indicates your writing gift.
And I can understand the hole and the pain of it that Grandma has. Hope will progress you through this.
Every one of you...take your time and be patient with yourselves as The Father leads you through the valley of healing. Keep looking to the mountain.
God bless you all.
Cyndi in Lakewood CO

At 2:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


I just wanted to say how much I really appreciate you guys. I am sure that I speak for quite a few when I say that I wish I could repay you for the amount that you have touched my life. I am proud to say that you all are my friends.
I look forward each day to checking on you all. I pray each day to lift you each to the lord, for him to bless you all and grant you with the lord's healing power. I also pray each day that my life will continue to be forever changed because of your family. Your ability to praise and worship our Lord and Savior with the enthusiasm and love that you do, is a real blessing to me and my family.
Your thoughts of B.J.'s Grandma really touched me. This time of year continue's to make me think of my Grandma (The APPLE PIE Champion of the World!). She could bake an apple pie that could be touched by no other. She would always bake an extra one "just for me" (spoiled, I know....but hey! who cares.) I loved her a lot, and I miss her today. Now Becky bakes me apple pies, and I always think of Grandma when she does. I know those were and are special times. I can relate to B.J.'s days with his Grandma.
Brent, Deanna, I know that these times are tough, even without the thought of the medical bills, however, I am sure that God will continue to provide, as I know you are well aware of. I will continue to pray for his assistance with this part of the healing.
Know that as your friends we will continue to lift you to the lord, and be here for you, always.
We love you guys!
Your Friend!
Still Praying in Pink!!!!!!!!!

At 2:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just wanted to share this little tidbit from school yesterday...
I was with some third grade students yesterday and one little boy said, "Have you been by the music room today?" I replied "No. Why?" And he said, "Well, I was just wondering if Mrs. Higgins was back yet. I'm starting to miss her. I hope she is doing ok."
I wanted to share this with you because it was so innocent and sincere. Everyone...including the little ones, are thinking and praying for you and your family.
With heaps of love...christian love!
Rachel Sullivan

At 3:09 PM, Blogger Ashley Reagan said...

Hey family!
Thanks so much for showing us another area of BJ's life. I continue to pray for you all and will add Gramma to my list. I know this must be hard for her. I love you guys so much! Talk to you later!

Ashley Dawn (peru 04)
Bixby, Oklahoma

At 3:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing...I will be praying for Grandma. What a beautful relationship and what beautiful memories.

Youngstown, OH

At 4:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Higgins Family
Even though we haven't posted for a while, we are still checking in daily and are truly blessed by the things you share.
Being South Africans, our family is overseas, either in SA or England. We know our boys are missing out on having a close relationship with their grandparents, uncles & aunts and cousins. The Lord brought us here and has provided for us miraculously, even to supplying our Green Cards through the Diversity Visa program. I guess we don't get to see the big picture because it would be too overwhelming for us to process. Only He knows the whole plan...
Have a great weekend. The Northeast is getting some much needed rain!
The Stones

At 5:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"For whoever wants to save his life will lose ut, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it."

Mark 8:35

....I really liked this...I love you guys...and you all are in my prayers.

At 5:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, the tears just keep coming!! That was a great story but quite a tear jerker!!! This has to be so hard for a grandma!! Elderly people just never plan on their offspring and their offspring going before they get to go! Wow! What an amazing story and so sweet, I love the fact that a young boy could be transparent with his grandma. Thank you again for continuing to share through this website, I keep telling everyone that there is quite a ministry continuing, so don't quit looking at the website!!!! I know people all over will continue to be blessed as long as you feel you can continue sharing. Have a blessed weekend, and give gramma a hug for us all.
Kayla Rice

At 5:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's so awesome that BJ had someone who he would love to talk to! BJ truly must have had an awesome gramma! I will continue to pray for you guys!
Lots of love,
Lauren Szabo
Encinitas, CA

At 5:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just want to let you know how much these posts have helped me.BJ's story has inspired me so much, and I thank God that you continue to tell us more about him. I'm praying for you and your family daily, and hope BJ's life and story can continue to bless more people.

Jessica S, TX

At 5:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

BJ was so blessed to have had inspiration and insight from so many people in his life. No wonder he was so deep and so in tune to what really matters in this life - he had living examples of truly Christian living. May God continue to bless each and every one of your family members! Our prayers are with you right now especially.

At 5:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


How you continue to share your lives with us amazes me! My tears keep coming from the greatness you share here with us. Bj's Grandma: What an awesome mother, grandmother and friend in Christ! Family is something I personally don't have much of. What a BLESSING to be able to share those nights together. To god be the glory!

Still praying for your family - may all of your needs be met.

With Love,
Christy K.

At 5:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Brent and Deanna,

I continue to lift you up in prayer to our Lord...

I know your days must be filled with so many mixed emotions, as we are humans in the flesh...

Just know that you are loved and cared for very deeply.

Your Sister in Christ,
Mary (Noblesville)

At 6:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What amazing times they had together and what wonderful memories BJ left his family. I am thankful to God that you continue to share with us. My husband and I continue to pray for your family. We will pray for the financial burden and for God's provision.
With love and prayers,
NBC Indianapolis

At 6:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, wow. Sounds like such a speacial story. It also sounds just like BJ. :) We'll be praying for you too, Gramma.

Love you all,

At 6:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

We, as a family, have been so inspired by your entries on this site. The bond in your family is so amazing to me... I pray that our family bonds would strengthen and grow as well. Thank you all always for your encouraging words and faithfulness... we never forget to pray for your family.
blessings and love,
Hannah DeGuzman and family

At 8:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've always believed that after our tithes go to our local churches, our offerings should go to ministries that have "fed" and taught us in ways that we might not have grown had we not been touched by them. I know I am not alone when I say that I am not the same person I was when I first "met" BJ on this site. BJ has stretched me to dig deeper into who I am in Christ and even more important, who Christ sees that I am as His servant. Therefore, I have been "fed" as much by coming to this site everyday as I would be by any ministry with which I am currently connected. I think many of you have too. Therefore, if you have been "fed", if you have been stretched, and if you have grown closer to who God has called you to be, then it is time that we all send our offerings to help support that ministry. I am challenged to ask God what He would have my family send. I would pray that you would do the same.

Blessings from Wisconsin

At 8:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It has been easy for us to look at BJ and exclaim about what an amazing young man he was--about how brightly he allowed God to shine through so many areas of his brief life. However, the more we learn about BJ, the more we see that he served as a walking testimony--to Jesus, yes, but also to some very godly people who cared enough to deeply invest their time, love, and prayers throughout his days and nights.

BJ had the privilege of learning some incredible stuff on the mission field and in the training surrounding that time. We've been saying that he "got it." We see now that God had PREPARED BJ to "get it." One of the major ways He did that was through others who had put God at the very center of their lives. No one lectured BJ into the kind of commitment his life and journals show. He "got it" because others lived it!

Thanks, Grandpa in heaven and Gramma on earth (we are certainly praying for you as well). Brent and Deanna, Lauren and Whitney, we know that the initial shock as well as the close comfort of family and friends has probably faded a bit by now. Please know that our prayers haven't faded and that we continue to lift you up day by day, moment by moment,

praying in pink,

Marti for all the Piepers
Charleston, SC

At 9:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

A beautiful legacy of love past down from one generation to another. Some day you will be able to do the same with your grandchildren. You will have many wonderful stories to tell about an amazing boy who touched the world with his faith.

Pat Davila

At 10:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amazing. Thank you for sharing from your heart. I continue to pray for your family and am thankful God is all knowing.

At 10:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I continue to pray for you and your family...thank you for making my walk with Christ so much more important to me...

God Bless
Greenfield, Indiana

At 10:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Gramma Higgins,
I lost my Grandmother when I was 1 1/2 months shy of 14. (11 1/2 yrs ago) We did similar things, I can still hear her voice when I close my eyes. Grandmother are so special and I my heart is feeling for the late nights you too are missing, though with your Grandchild. My Grandmother was my best friend, and during all the important events in my life, I missed her. My wedding, the birth of my son, moving to AK where the fishing would have made her live with us, during these times, I just cry and pray. And after I pour my heart to Christ, I feel so much better. Though, What a joy and comfort to know that the BJ and Grandpa Higgins are together with the Savior. Praying y'all are having a better day. Sending you a hug ()!

Your Sister in Christ in Alaska,

At 10:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow! What a great story. Again, thanks for continuing to share. I hope it is helping you as much as it is helping an blessing all of us who read it. How blessed BJ was to have a gramma like that--what a family you all are! May God repay you one hundred fold for your loss because of your great faithfulness to Him. You are truly modern day Jobs.

I can't wait to buy the DVD and the book! God is working. I just wish it didn't have to be so painful for you guys.

Email love, hugs and prayers.

Linda Storm
Ontario, CA.

At 10:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm so thankful to God for you...what an inspiration you are to my parents

At 2:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is like pieces to a puzzle.
Bless you Barbara Ann.
Thank you for sharing.
Bless you sister

Indianapolis, IN

At 7:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing that with us. It brought tears to my eyes because it sounds like such an incredible relationship and experience for both of them. I was very close to one of my grandmas and still miss her to this day and she died in 1989.

What's also so touching about it is that it again points out how one person touches so many lives and in BJ's case, it was really a lot through the spreading of his story, his suffering and his wonderful love for Christ.

Please know I continue to wake every morning with you all on my mind and pray for God to help you through this day, one day at a time. Today, as I sit in my office at my computer, I look out the window at the changing colors of the leaves. They are a beautiful yellow and yet it is still a change and a bit unsettling anticipating the continued changes that are yet to come. It reminds me of all of you and the changes that you are going through right now and the unsettling feelings you probably have for the uncertain future. May you all feel the Lord's presence this day in a unique way, may you feel His love, His comfort, and His peace in a way that helps you to feel close to your precious son whom you all miss so dearly.

Love and Hugs, Tina--Cedarburg

At 9:04 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good Morning Brent & Deanna,

Just wanted to wish you a "good morning" on this beautiful day. You continue to be in the forefront of our thoughts and prayers. Hoping each day is getting easier for all of you. May you bask in the light of the Son today. We miss you and hope to see you soon.

Love, Nancy

At 10:21 AM, Blogger phil4yahshua said...

Good morning Brent, Deanna, Lauren and Whitney -
This morning as I was thinking back many years I remembered my first summer as a believer. My parents let me spend a whole summer out at Campus Crusade For Christ Headquarters in San Bernardino, CA. That was very trusting of them since I was a brand new believer and they weren't believers (yet)! That summer I went through leadership training and each day before we would go over to the beaches to witness we would gather for prayer and then sing this inspired old Hymn. Oh how I miss singing these as they were such a huge part of the way I worshipped. Anyway I pray the words minister to you this morning and in many ways I can see BJ up in Glory still loving to tell the old, old, story..... it never gets old and always is a sweet, sweet story...

I love to tell the story of unseen things above,
Of Jesus and His glory, of Jesus and His love.
I love to tell the story, because I know ’tis true;
It satisfies my longings as nothing else can do.

I love to tell the story, ’twill be my theme in glory,
To tell the old, old story of Jesus and His love.

I love to tell the story; more wonderful it seems
Than all the golden fancies of all our golden dreams.

I love to tell the story, it did so much for me;
And that is just the reason I tell it now to thee.
I love to tell the story, ’twill be my theme in glory,
To tell the old, old story of Jesus and His love.

I love to tell the story; ’tis pleasant to repeat
What seems, each time I tell it, more wonderfully sweet.
I love to tell the story, for some have never heard
The message of salvation from God’s own holy Word.

I love to tell the story, ’twill be my theme in glory,
To tell the old, old story of Jesus and His love.

I love to tell the story, for those who know it best
Seem hungering and thirsting to hear it like the rest.

And when, in scenes of glory, I sing the new, new song,
’Twill be the old, old story that I have loved so long.
I love to tell the story, ’twill be my theme in glory,
To tell the old, old story of Jesus and His love.

You ALL are in our thoughts and prayers 24/7....
We love you...Phil

At 10:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Higgins,

I'm very deeply sorry that that had to happen to BJ. I didn't hear anything about this until I went to school and my friends told me about it. I go to Monrovia High School and I knew BJ from the school year before. I really didn't take the time to get to know him or anything like I just knew who he was and that he was a very nice guy. My friend Stephanie told me all about him and that they were talking and that she liked him. When I heard about all of this happening it made me wish that I had taked the time to get to know who he was. I was really touched by the show that Fox 59 news had shown about him. It made me wanna cry. Then for the longest time I wanted to get on the website everyone was talking about and I really never did get the chance to until today, Oct. 8th. When I found that he was getting ready to turn 16 on October 1st, Iwas like, "Man, that was my birthday to except that I was turning 18." So I'm very sorry about all of this and I know that everybody in Monrovia is very sad too. Last year I lost my Great Aunt right before Christmas. She was like my grandma to me. I used to talk toher like BJ and his Grandma did. So I'm very sorry that she doesn't get to talk to him very much anymore. All of this makes me wanna cry and feel thankful for what all that I have. Really I always would take everything for advantage. So I'm really sorry to hear about all of this.

Thanks for listening to me.

At 8:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Brent,

Thanks so much for sharing about the precious memories of BJ and his Gramma.

Praying you through the pain,
Lynne in Gray,Ga.

At 2:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Brent and family,
I have not stopped reading your journals here and I am so encouraged by your story of BJ and his grandma. I know what a special role I have to play in Tyler's life.
Love and prayers for your family,
Carla S.


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