Monday, November 13, 2006

We have come to terms on the price of a home, and we close on December 1st. As we look forward to this, it brings about many feelings.

One that continuously arises, is the lack of issue to take BJ's needs into account. I do not possess the ability to convey how difficult that is for us. Obviously, he will always be a part of who we are, and his memory will always abide with us, but there is a coldness to moving on, that is still crippling at times.

Our things have rested in storage for 7 months now. In that period, we have realized how little impact "things" have on our lives. Though we have 'want' for our possessions, we have no 'need' for them. 'Need' is what is required to live. 'Want' is what we pine away for during much of our lives, that seldom connects directly to survival.

We have a couple of jokes now, that refer to the 'stuff' we have in storage. We recently visited our facility and retrieved our warm clothes, and some long desired movies. The warm clothes were needs, as it has turned cooler. The movies were wants, that we have looked forward to re-viewing.

Yesterday, Deanna spoke of something we have in storage that suprised me. I had no idea we had kept such things stowed away.

We had friends from Indy here for the weekend. We had a great time of much wanted fellowship with them. You know, I'm gonna restate that. We had a great time of much needed fellowship with them. Much of who we are resides in Indiana, and the friends and family we left behind.

I have not seen Deanna laugh so hard and smile so much in months. The Lord knew what she needed, and He provided it! Thanks LCJ and Sammie.

While they were here, one of them (I think) requested 'honey,' for their tea (or something). Deanna offered, "we have some in storage," and then began to laugh in her signature way.
Honey in storage? Really? Why?

Then I remembered.

I cannot say that she kept it for this reason, but I am quite sure it crossed her mind.

BJ loved honey. Those who know him, know how slow and meticulously he decorated his pb&j sandwiches. He did the same with honey. On more than one occassion, he used up our honey as he liked to add it to his diet. As I write, I can see him catching the drips of it with his mouth.

She probably kept the honey, because of her own memories of how he used it...that and the fact that she really likes it in her tea.

Honey in storage.

Soon we will be retrieving it. We will retrieve many things that are ours. We will fill a new (to us) home with old possessions. I hope that is not like adding new wine to an old wineskin. We will certainly transfer material things that carry significant meaning and memory for us. They will fill a house, that we will make a home.

The second and third bedrooms of this house have pink carpet. Ooh ick! No way BJ would want this in his room...what guy would? The interesting thing is that Deanna is the one who cannot wait to get rid of it.

I didn't think of it before, but maybe Beej is part of the reason she wants it evacuated. As we try to make our house a home, we know it will never be permanent. Actually, buying a home has been a bittersweet process, because it implies permanency. The thought that all that has happened has been a dream, will evaporate when we once again have a mortgage that ties us here. There will be no "running home," whatever that means.

You know, if we could run Home we would. That just cannot happen. We don't run Home. We run the race set out for us. We do it to the best of our ability, and then one day we'll enter our eternal reward...that place where in an awkward sense, we have our "honey in storage."



At 10:10 AM, Blogger brobrad said...

Brent and Deanna,

Your leaving "home" has awakened the realization within me as well that my house here is that, a house. Our home is with our Jesus. However - though I didn't have you over often, my house has felt less of a home too since your move. I am really looking forward to the trip with the girls and Mom for Thanksgiving. I hope to hear some of that trademark laughter too Deanna.

It is interesting that as I go through and pitch/give away the "stuff" in my house that I finally am willing to let go of, that the major feeling is relief. Our "stuff" can tie us down in ways we don't realize - even the good stuff. It is similar to the sensation that floods you when you give your burdens and sins over to Christ Jesus...we have no idea how heavy the load has become until we give it up.

Have a great day,


At 10:23 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Beautiful post today. May God continue to give you courage, strength and peace.

At 11:20 AM, Blogger Ashley Reagan said...

I love you guys! Big hugs all around! :o)

At 11:23 AM, Blogger natenamy said...

Brent and Deanna--
It was wonderful getting to talk with you both this weekend!! I am so glad that LCJ and Sammie got to come and spend time with you... Deanna, I am glad they made you laugh, they're pretty good at that!
I will be praying for you as the excitement mixes with grief as you prepare for your move in to your new house. I also pray that, though it will be difficult, it will feel like "home" very soon!
We love you so much! We miss you LOADS too!
Hugs and kisses,
Amy (and Nate-doggies)

At 1:52 PM, Blogger Kim Mierau said...

praying for you guys as you must find your way through another emotionally difficult situation. much love.

At 4:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Congrats on the new house. I know it is not "Home" but praise God for the shelter He provides us!

I have not blogged (or read) in a long time. Life here has been a journey of deaths and much traveling for the funerals. I have spent the last couple of days catching up from the end of July! Where does the time go?? It was amazing to read them all together, what a way that God truly speaks to your heart when you do that! I have been blessed, renewed, brought to many tears, and lifted to the highest joys doing this. How much I missed this place and all that God is doing through it!

Yes, stuff is stuff, and means nothing except to us and our hearts....someone else would not consider it as we do. But praise God that our "stuff" will not be brought with us, neither the physical nor the "stuff" in our hearts that shouldn't be there! What an Awesome God we have.

May God's will be done in and throughout your "new" but temporary home! God bless you!

Linda Anderson
Willows, Ca

At 8:03 AM, Blogger the leaf family said...

Brent, Thank You so much for this post... You have no idea how it hit home.
With love and prayers from KC Tracy

At 9:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brent & Deanna, the visit, laughter, and sharing was much NEEDED on both sides. It was so good to spend time with you both, see your present and soon-to-be homes and experience worship with you. And yes, Deanna's laughter is always music to our ears . . .it's her signature and one of the things I miss most!

We keep you in our prayers in the weeks ahead. With the holidays approaching and the move I know there will be many "remembrances" of Beej. Still, during the worship Sunday, when we were singing the last verse of Amazing Grace . . .when we've been there ten thousand years . . .I couldn't help but think "It's a REALITY for BJ" . . .only a promise for us. As good as worship gets down here at times, what must it be like before the throne? When you are truly "face to face"? You've gotta know BJ is loving that!

We look forward to seeing you in December and wish we could be there to help you get moved in. We would buy you a big jar of mayo for a housewarming gift! ha! love you both, miss you even more after this weekend . . .and continue to keep you before the throne in prayer. ElsieJay & Sam

At 9:58 AM, Blogger Praying in Pink said...

I think that, although buying a home is bittersweet, it is also a good thing. Even though these months of life in limbo have been somewhat frustrating, I see His purposes there. You had a heartbeat of obedience, but you needed the emotional security of not being TOO settled.

Now, apparently, it's time to cross the line.

I know you'll do so in the power of His grace and goodness, and of course for His glory.

with tender love
and many prayers in pink,


At 2:44 PM, Blogger LisaTeegarden said...

The fact that you have found a home in OK has bittersweet feelings for me. As long as it wasn't Your HOME...there was a chance you guys might come back this way sometime. I know that could still happen. But, as with other family members who have moved on...the wait may be long. Family is VERY important to US. It has hard to be scattered. I am so thrilled for your being able to buy a home. You's need that. God is GOOD, and He knows BEST. As for STUFF....well, as YOU, my family all KNOW WELL, I am the QUEEN OF STUFF. Hopefully, that will change soon....Anybody have an empty SEMI? Ha. Love you's Lisa


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