Thursday, September 06, 2007

Deanna and I are sitting on the same wall overlooking the Pacific in Pacasmayo, Peru, where the picture of BJ (being used for the book cover) was taken.
Our good friend Barbara Ann (who was on BJ's last team) served in leadership with us this summer. She took this photo, and then later told us that this was the same spot BJ sat for that photo. We had no idea at the time.
I am finding this month much more difficult to deal with than I expected. Emotions are once again very close to the surface, and holding them at bay is difficult. My intent is not to whine for sympathy on any level. I am hoping that being truthful will somehow help me with focus.
In the wake of his passing I could not focus on anything. I find myself in this place again.
The Lord has directed me to preach at an upcoming Christian School Retreat followed immediately by a church revival (11 messages in 12 days). I will be away from my family quite a bit over the anniversary of Beej's death and birthday. I do struggle with this.
I am a man. I am supposed to be able to handle this. Right now, I feel more like a child who wants his daddy to come and pick him up to hold him. I know that I have always been more emotional than most, and do not apologize for this. It is part of who I am.
This is part of the reason that I have always been captured by the passage in Revelation 3:21 that says, "to him who overcomes I will give the right to sit with me on my throne." I have found comfort many times in the visual of my heavenly Father loving me so much that He invites me into his lap while He reigns.
The strength and security of this picture brings almost a tangible hug from God. Father's who invite their children to their laps do so, to love on them. They are brought into such intimacy in those moments, and they are never forgotten. I can remember sitting in my father's lap while he read to me. It was such a secure and powerful feeling.
I remember many times where my own children sat in my lap while I read to them, or I just held them. I still do this from time to time, when they are willing. Sometimes, they even invite themselves. I am glad they feel free to do so.
The father who opens his lap to his children invites much more than a moment of closeness. He invokes a lifetime of security and even broader understanding of the Word.
Thank you dad, thank you Father God!


At 8:57 AM, Blogger Marti Pieper said...

My dear friends,

What I remember during this season is days and nights on our knees, praying in pink and holding you and your loved ones up in prayer. Many times, my family and I would pray that, regardless of BJ's condition at the time, your heavenly Father would hold each one of you close and remind you of His deep and abiding love.

The location, circumstances, and situation have all changed. The prayers have not--and His love endures forever! May God continue to go with you as you take His love to others who hurt. You have an important message to share. May you do so in His power and for His glory.

with tender love
and many multiplied prayers in pink,


At 8:59 PM, Blogger Melissa said...

It is so hard to believe that it has been 2 years. So much has changed for your family in those 2 years. Please know that you are still thought of often and prayed for always. God bless you all.

At 10:45 PM, Blogger danzeisen5 said...

I just pray that God would physically touch you tonight as you sleep so that you know His presence and His touch. I know His arms are wrapped around you and He wants to overwhelm you with His love. I pray that you feel that love tonight and that you and Deanna can rest in that love this month. This month is full of memories - I can imagine sometimes they might fade. I pray that the ones that are supposed to remain always clear will be.
We love you so much and my heart hurts for you right now.....

At 12:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mom and Dad,
I love you. Always remember that.
Praying incessantly for you,


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