From the time he passed, family and friends have had dreams about BJ, and shared them with me. It is very personal when that occurs. I know we seldom have a clue about all of the details held in each dream, but the fact that they were experienced is very real to each person.

I know for Deanna and my girls, when they dreamed, they were very excited and anxious to share them. It was one of the few connections that we have, and it stirs us to share them with each other.

For months I have longed for my turn. I often wondered when it was going to come. What would it be like? Would it be upsetting, or endearing? Would it leave me wanting more, or would it satisfy the appetite I hold for wanting to see him?

Last night it happened.

I woke up as a result, and was awake most of the night replaying it in my mind, desperately wanting to remember each detail.

We were at a missions conference similar to iGo from a couple weekends ago. We were having a time of fellowship with our students when I looked over toward the stage, and I saw him! Everyone else was in full color, but he was in sepia tones...a bit surreal.

His presence was known by those in attendance, but his voice was indistinguishable. It could not be heard.

I mouthed the words "I love you," to him. He responded in kind.

As is often the case in such dreams, I tried to get to him. I moved hurriedly, but it was as if each part of my body was being restrained by molasses. Slow motion was the best I could accomplish. He saw me coming, and was aware of my attempt to reach him.

He stayed put as others milled about. They knew he was there, they were all talking about it, but all seemed to realize that this moment was not for them.

Finally I reached him, he stepped down from the platform, and I embraced him. My fear on the way to him was that I would not be able to feel him in my grasp. A victim of too many Hollywood productions in kind, I was convinced I would hug thin air.

I was wrong. I could feel the thickness of his presence as I hugged him hard. He did the same. I wanted it to last forever. I had no desire to let go. There were to be no words in our communication, only the lost embrace of a father and son who have been separated for far too long. Oh how I have missed him.

In the course of those moments I noticed something. When last he was among us, he was 5'4''. I am about 5'8''. In the time since his passing, he had grown. He was no longer my "little man." He had grown to be just a bit taller than me. I remarked as I looked at him, and then I awoke.

Over and over, I rewound the pictures in my head, and relived that hug. Oh how healing it was!

The Lord inspires in each of us the expectation of continued growth from time in His presence. This should never be a surprise, but often we are lulled into lethargy, and don't realize we have stopped growing. I am thankful for my dream this morning, but I am also appreciative of my Savior who allows me to dwell in His presence for the duration. For now, it is from afar, but one day, it will be face to face...and I will feel the thickness of His presence!

dad