Deanna and I do not have the perfect marriage. We are each guilty of having made many selfish mistakes in our lives that cause the other pain and suffering.

The thing we have brought to each other is the pledge to always try to meet the others need. We do our best to learn from our mistakes, apologize, and move forward to bring healing to our relationship.

We strive hard to keep Christ at the center of our relationship. Following Him in obedience is our primary goal.

Where this gets difficult, is when being obedient means the other will be left behind in some form or fashion. At this place, we have to work very hard to recognize the others need, and seek to keep them loved. It is part of the compromise in our lives. Meeting the need of our spouse, when our lives are so crazy busy, that it would be easier to ignore.

Ignoring is selfish. Obedience can seem selfish when one has something to do, and the other watches from the sideline. The thing is, we did not arrive at this place separately. We came together, and are in this battle together.

Relationships fail everyday in our world because people who were convinced that the Lord brought them together, start nursing their own needs to the exclusion of the other. They begin to grow apart, neither paying close enough attention.

Successful relationships seek to meet the others need when they least feel like it. We have both talked about it before, but our marriage would have failed quickly and easily through the loss of BJ, had we allowed others to meet the emotional needs we each had. It was/is so hard to be fully present for each other when our needs are very different.

If we are not willing to invest in one another at that level, we have no business getting married in the first place.

Relationships fall apart as personal needs are allowed to be met in unhealthy ways. For a man who is struggling to share with another woman, is a mistake...at least it is for me. He needs to be dumping his truck on the doorstep of another man who will listen and invest in him. This needs to be a godly relationship where both are centered on a walk with Jesus. It is difficult to get wise counsel from a non-believer. Even nominal believers are more apt to give worldly advice than Christ-exalting influence.

The keys to successful relationships are plugged into the ignition of selflessness. When the key is turned, Christ-likeness and selflessness whirl into a synchronized harmony.

Jesus met our needs when we least deserved it. If we are not willing to meet the needs of the one God has provided to us, we are selfish and immature. Our lives will be wrought with failed relationships, regardless of what successes might be attained from a worldly perspective. Even from a ministerial perspective, if we are unwilling to invest in the one He has brought us, hardship will multiply for both.

Relationship is about investment. You don't invest, you lose.

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself..." Philippians 2:3-8

When you invest more in yourself than the other, you grow apart. Soon, if unchecked, your portfolio will fall apart...even if it looks healthy and flourishing. You cannot keep what you do not continue to make a priority.

Humble yourself. Take on the nature of a servant. Be Christlike.

dad