looking on with brother



HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOSHUA!!!



It is amazing to me how hungry I am for more. More pictures of BJ, more videos with him acting a bit foolish, more memories of our conversations, more time with him...just more.

As we draw near the third anniversary of losing him, and another intense hurricane threatens the coast of the southern US, I am spending a lot of time remembering. Of course there are many things I miss, and have delineated over the 37 months we've posted on this site.

Were he with us, we would have seen him, our last child, off to college this month. There are even times I think about where he would have gone and tempt myself to pretend he is away at school.

Remembering my own interactions in college, and having drawn so close to so many students over the years, I find myself torn that he will never experience this.

On one hand, the enemy owns college campuses and I am glad he is not succumbing to the temptations of exercising independence in ways that fill the flesh and displease our Savior.

On the other, he was very strong in his faith, and I can just imagine the impact he might be having on the lives of many who are stumbling. His words echo on the 'favorite quote' pages of some who post much about their lives on "Facebook."

I am very thankful that his life still impacts others. I am very grateful to serve the Lord who continues to allow a ripple affect from his life and death. We have so much to be thankful for, and we are.

However, the truth is, that there are times when the longing for his presence is so intense that our blessings try to fade into the background as if they were unimportant.

They are not unimportant.

We have been afforded the privilege to speak into the lives of many across the states and beyond oceans. We have been invited to share in so many different ways. We have been asked to minister in ways large and small, because our King trusts us for some reason, with the hurts and hearts of others.

These things are not unimportant. They have helped define our lives. They have helped define our deaths, to self.

We are thankful that the community of support and encouragement runs in both directions.

Still, I hunger for more.

There will always be remembrances. We will always honor him in our hearts and memories. His life continues to be reflected by an unsheathed sword. Joshua is likely to carry BJ's in his honor, in an upcoming wedding, that is dear to us.

I am not sure parents can ever get enough of their children. I am not sure parents can ever give enough to their children. I am not sure children ever understand this until they are parents.

I am thankful for our daughters. We are so proud of them, and how they exemplify Christ at a time when too many of their peers have elected to follow worldly pursuits.

I am thankful for the time we had, for the view he now has, and for the promise of what is to come.

Until then, I will hunger for more.

dad