BJ in Peru with his 2005 team


It seems impossible to believe that it has been four years.

Things have changed so much. It is often unnerving to realize that he does not know so many things that have occurred. We have watched from a distance as those close to him have grown up, graduated, gone off to college, etc.

There are times that bitterness seeks an audience in my heart.

For the most part, it is not welcome. To be honest, there are days when it would seem a more faithful companion.

The impact he had on lives while here, was amazing. I watched him love on people who were deep in sin, encouraging them to leave that life behind. I saw him pour himself into his relationship with Christ.

The worship music beckoned from his room, and as I passed by, he'd be on the floor, in the Word, journaling, or in prayer. He sought the Father's heart. He hungered for intimacy with Him. He made time.

He adored his sisters and was quite protective of them in his latter years. He took long walks with his mother, and spoke the many things on his heart. He loved. He served.

He sought the least noticed in a class or crowd and built relationship. He wanted them to know that they were important. He wanted them to know they mattered to God.

When he told the "short version" of any story, it never was. He was compelled to cover all the details, as he saw them in his mind. His vocabulary was extensive for his age. His friendships, deep.

In the last four years, I have counseled with many students who believe they are called to be martyrs. I never had that conversation with BJ. I would not have been ready. I would have known a few of the "right things" to say, but parental protection and emotion probably would have clouded my input.

He taught me much about the right way to approach many aspects of life.

He taught others as well.

In life and in death, he revealed truths of the Christian life and what it is to be about.

'Dying daily,' is something few of us do well. He didn't always do it well either. In his last year or two of life, I saw a marked change in how he did this. He grew daily in his ability to say "no" to the things of the world that were temptations to him.

As he did, so increased his intimacy with Christ.

This is a significant lesson, whether we look on from the 'cheap seats,' or are truly seeking Him in the Christian life.

Colossians 3:2-3 says "Set your minds on things above, not earthly things. For you died, your life is now hidden with Christ in God."

His life was hidden. Christ was who you saw when you spent time with him. This only came about as he set his mind on things above.

A friend, a couple of years older than he, who had an in depth conversation with him not long before he landed in the hospital, made a statement along these lines: "when you spoke with BJ, it was like he was already gone, and you were talking directly to the Holy Spirit."

Few of us have others saying such things about us. I know people would not speak that way of me. I still have too much invested in the world.

He was not perfect. He failed. He hurt people. He struggled with pride.

As he yielded his desires to the Savior, less and less of him was visible. Fewer and fewer of these issues arose.

He reached a point where the deepest longing of his heart was Jesus. When God spoke to him, he was obedient.

Pride waned. Sin faded. Truth overcame. Jesus reigned. BJ died.

He died, daily. Then he died physically.

When God revealed to him that he would do this for his Savior, he told those closest to him, "I don't know how and I don't know when, but I am ready. Who knows, I could be unconscious in the hospital in a month, and gone in two."

It would come to pass.

When it did, reverberations began to echo.

Darkness, walls and spiritual blindness bow down in the presence of a Holy God.

A laid down life draws us to places of introspection, repentance, and a deeper longing to be one who 'dies daily.'

Less of me, more of Him.

It was reflected in the life of John the Baptist.

It was reflected in the life of BJ Higgins.

Let it also be reflected in me.


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