Wednesday, November 15, 2006

From the time he passed, family and friends have had dreams about BJ, and shared them with me. It is very personal when that occurs. I know we seldom have a clue about all of the details held in each dream, but the fact that they were experienced is very real to each person.

I know for Deanna and my girls, when they dreamed, they were very excited and anxious to share them. It was one of the few connections that we have, and it stirs us to share them with each other.

For months I have longed for my turn. I often wondered when it was going to come. What would it be like? Would it be upsetting, or endearing? Would it leave me wanting more, or would it satisfy the appetite I hold for wanting to see him?

Last night it happened.

I woke up as a result, and was awake most of the night replaying it in my mind, desperately wanting to remember each detail.

We were at a missions conference similar to iGo from a couple weekends ago. We were having a time of fellowship with our students when I looked over toward the stage, and I saw him! Everyone else was in full color, but he was in sepia tones...a bit surreal.

His presence was known by those in attendance, but his voice was indistinguishable. It could not be heard.

I mouthed the words "I love you," to him. He responded in kind.

As is often the case in such dreams, I tried to get to him. I moved hurriedly, but it was as if each part of my body was being restrained by molasses. Slow motion was the best I could accomplish. He saw me coming, and was aware of my attempt to reach him.

He stayed put as others milled about. They knew he was there, they were all talking about it, but all seemed to realize that this moment was not for them.

Finally I reached him, he stepped down from the platform, and I embraced him. My fear on the way to him was that I would not be able to feel him in my grasp. A victim of too many Hollywood productions in kind, I was convinced I would hug thin air.

I was wrong. I could feel the thickness of his presence as I hugged him hard. He did the same. I wanted it to last forever. I had no desire to let go. There were to be no words in our communication, only the lost embrace of a father and son who have been separated for far too long. Oh how I have missed him.

In the course of those moments I noticed something. When last he was among us, he was 5'4''. I am about 5'8''. In the time since his passing, he had grown. He was no longer my "little man." He had grown to be just a bit taller than me. I remarked as I looked at him, and then I awoke.

Over and over, I rewound the pictures in my head, and relived that hug. Oh how healing it was!

The Lord inspires in each of us the expectation of continued growth from time in His presence. This should never be a surprise, but often we are lulled into lethargy, and don't realize we have stopped growing. I am thankful for my dream this morning, but I am also appreciative of my Savior who allows me to dwell in His presence for the duration. For now, it is from afar, but one day, it will be face to face...and I will feel the thickness of His presence!

dad

8 Comments:

At 9:55 AM, Blogger Praying in Pink said...

Tears. Speechless, but rejoicing with you.

God is so very gracious to give us exactly what we need, right when we most need it. Yes, He is our Comforter, Healer, Master and Friend!

Even if not in exactly this way, BJ was truly among us at iGo. Thanks for sharing with ALL your family.

with tender love
and still more prayers in pink,

Marti

 
At 10:35 AM, Blogger brobrad said...

Tears and praise that our Lord gave you this much-needed hug from Beej. May that embrace never leave you.

brad

 
At 11:23 AM, Blogger Kim Mierau said...

pappy, what a great dream. i'm so happy God gave that to you, knowing that you needed it. love *kim

 
At 11:53 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ditto everyone else. What a wonderful gift. I am so glad you got the hug before you woke up, otherwise the dream probably would have left you with a terrible feeling. Instead, you get the warmth, comfort, and love that is so our Father and sounds like it was so BJ.

Blessings, Tina

p.s. The tests on my sister didn't show anything remarkable, even though she did have "episodes" while she was in the hospital, whether those are seisures or mini-strokes we still don't know. Thanks for all of the prayer support. She is being released today.

 
At 5:01 PM, Blogger LisaTeegarden said...

Thank you Jesus for giving Brent this Beautiful dream/vision of BJ. We know he needed it so much. Thank you for watching over us all. Amen. Brent, this is so neat. I sat and cried as I read. God surely knew how much you needed your own dream. BJ taller, WOW...God is Amazing. LOVE YOU'S. We lost several dear Saints last week...pray for families: Ott's, Ames, Carter's, Clutter's, Carmichael's. Heaven is Richer... Lisa

 
At 5:24 PM, Blogger Ashley Reagan said...

Do you ever have those times where you dream something, but don't realize you have until you experience it in real life? I do that all the time, and sometimes, like when I experienced it at BJ's celebration service, wish they had never happened. It happened two times that day... once as I sat in the audiance and looked up at the pictre of BJ to the left of the stage, with the pink cloth behind it. The second time was after the meal was over and we were helping clean up. As I was walking out of the kitchen at one point, I looked over across the gym and saw each member of the Higgins' and it hit me again that I had seen this before. Although I don't know when it had been that I had dreamed about it, it was very clear to me that I had seen it before.

If any of you think about it, be in prayer for Bethany Swift's family and friends. She lived in the basement of the dorm that I live in and was killed in a car wreck last Sunday morning. OBU hasn't been the most fun place to be the last few days.

 
At 9:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Praise God for such a WONDERFUL gift. He knows what you need, when you need it, and when you are prepared for it!

Praying in Pink~
Linda Anderson

 
At 12:43 AM, Blogger Unknown said...

What a wonderful way to start our day Brent. I'm so happy that the Lord gave you just what you needed, just at the right time.

Brad thank you so much for your encouraging words and prayers, they are very much appreciated. My husband reminded me this evening that there are many times in the Bible when someone has been annointed/ordained to work for the Lord that they too experienced a very dry dessert prior to "going out". This too was extremely encouraging, just what this ol soul needed, words of encouragment. Again thank you.

In His Love
Linda

 

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