Thursday, June 21, 2007

I spent the majority of last summer in the south. The first half of my summer I was in Dallas interning for a mission organization, and after the month in North Africa it was a couple more weeks of southern hospitality before heading home. It was hard to return to Indiana after so much time in Texas. I'm not sure I could pinpoint what I enjoyed so much about it but it was one of the two places that I have gone and just felt at home- which is weird because I had never been there and have no close ties in Dallas. Nevertheless I truly loved being there and as soon as I got home I started talking about going back and even moving down there.

With Lauren graduating and moving to Oklahoma last month, my thoughts have turned once again to leaving this city where I have grown up. In the last couple months I have gone back and forth and back and forth on where I want to live. I have spent a good deal of time praying about it but have failed to determine how to hear God's voice above my emotions. I have been so torn- I get bored with my routine here in Indy and the south offers something new and exciting, not to mention closer proximity to my parents and sister, but at the same time, I don't want to leave the family and friends I have grown so attached to here. I've had moments where I've felt completely overwhelmed with this decision and trying to determine God's will for my life at this time.

I started studying Ruth awhile back. It's a story I've heard over and over again so I had to force myself to move slowly as I read and really focus on the words. I was struck by one thing in particular. When Naomi Ruth return to Bethlehem, their family is down to just the two of them. In those days, two women couldn't get very far on there own so Naomi had turned very bitter. She told her old friends to no longer call her Naomi but instead to call her "Mara" which means bitter. However, we see a very different response from Ruth. Ruth was quick to make the decision to go to Boaz's field and glean behind his servants. She said to Naomi, "Let me go to the field and glean among the ears of grain after him in whose sight I shall find favor." What hits me about this is the courage that this took from Ruth. Rather than sitting aroung and waiting for someone to come help them, she decides to get up and go and trust that God will cause the owner of the field to find favor with her. She was proactive about the situation.

I think it's important to not just bulldoze through life making decisions that make you happy in the moment. However, I think I am overly anxious about decisions. For instance, my where to live scenario. I have worried so much about whether or not staying in Indiana is really the right choice. I love that Ruth just made a decision and acted on it and trusted that God would bless it. That takes faith. It takes faith to make a decision and trust that God has the details- big or small, worked out for you. We have to trust that God has control over everything, and when we do- there is no longer need for anxiety or worrying!! All that is left is joy.

So here I am, staying in Indiana to start nursing school in the fall. I pray that I have the faith that Ruth had to trust that God has all of the things that could be problems or issues worked out to bring Him glory.


At 10:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, Whitney, awesome, wise, and transparent sharing -- thank you. The words that struck me the most were how to hear God's voice above your emotions. Great expression of the reality we live in day-to-day.

When I was a youth minister, young people were always asking how to find "God's will for my life." I had a quick, easy answer. It's a two step process: 1. Love God, 2. Do what you want. There's some truth in that.

It's easy to say, more difficult to live. AND, step 1 is the most important and time consuming (never ending).

I know you have been loving and continue to love God. Do you think he could be talking to you through your emotions? Just a thought.

Thanks again for the words today!

Uncle Dan
Deer Park, TX

At 12:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for sharing, Whitney!! You are such a blessing and a light and I know that the Lord will use you WHEREVER you are! Know that I love you and am praying for you as you start this next step in life!!

"SINCE you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me."
-Psalms 31:3

At 12:44 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ah, love these words, Whit. Thank you for writing and for sharing what's really on your heart. I truly love reading it, and I want to hear more of what you have to say and what you feel and what you're hearing. I can't think of any other way to put this, but it's so nice to have a Higgins in town. I love all of you Higginses!

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