Thursday, January 07, 2010

Where my thoughts frequently wonder off to...
(from one of my trips to Colorado)

It is interesting to me, the way that I am wired. Having read books like "Wild at Heart," and others of a similar thought process, I can say that 'the wild' calls to my heart, regularly.

I sometimes feel a desperation to get into what our Lord has created. Over the Christmas break, I took full advantage of this. At times, to the extent that I was teased about it.

It is stress relief. It is a place of peace for me. It is a place I can sense His presence, when the world around me seems not to care about Him or what He has fabricated.

My soul longs to be in the wilderness... and I don't mean the spiritually metaphorical desert.

Honestly, I don't really understand the longing.

I only know that when His word speaks of the "stones crying out, if I keep quiet" (paraphrase of Luke 19:40) that I understand this in the depths of my soul. I must speak of Him, I must be in unity with Him, or the inanimate parcels of His creation will call upon His name.

We all need a place to retreat. For many, it is the beach. That has never been a draw to me... until I was in Alaska and saw the ocean and the mountains in the same landscape. I thought I might have crossed over. I even wished heaven to look like this.

He probably chuckles at times, at our minuscule perception of who He is and what we think Heaven will be like.

Oh well, I only know what brings a balm to my aching depths.

I should be renewed after a blessed time with family. How I feel is a bit lost.

I am not sure why. I don't really understand it. When I get all stirred up, I have to sit down and figure out what is happening. Is this of me? Is this of the Lord? What is the reason for this?

When I feel that way, I want to escape to the wood and wetlands, the mountains for retreat.

It is awesome to know that when I arrive in this place (mentally) He is usually waiting for me to get myself out of the way so He can illuminate my path... "A lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path."

I can't wait to find out why my heart is in an uproar. The difficulty is that I can't seem to get out of the way. I form notions of what I would like to be the reason, but I am often wrong. I get weary of having patience. Sometimes they evaporate.

That's not a good thing when you are where I am. It begins to impact every area of living. That's when others get stepped on. I'm not proud of that.

It all drives me to the deep of his Creation. Away from those I can hurt, and just figure out what is happening.

There is nowhere I can go that He isn't, but there are places I find it much easier to "be still and know that He is God."

Perhaps I am being selfish. Perhaps I need to go.

I can say that I want to be where He wants me to be, but sometimes, I want that to be where I want it to be. Perhaps that is insight to my distraction. It seems too easy though.

Anyway, just an honest few words about where I am mentally and emotionally, while not yet being where I feel He can best reach me spiritually and physically. It's hard to run the race to win, when you're not sure which lane you should be in...



At 5:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think I could have written an identical blog today. It seems as though I have been feeling that way for a long time...It does help to know that others have gone and are going through the same thing. Thanks.

Santa Cruz, CA

At 5:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

At 11:18 AM, Blogger brobrad said...

You are speaking my thoughts as well, or at least parallel ones.

Since we have seperated as a family my heart has longed for the wild beauty of His creation... unfortunately, more so it than relationship with Him even though i tell myself my desire to be in these places is to draw closer to Him. Sometimes i just don't know how to get out of the way.

I'm praying for you!

At 3:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i just finished reading bjs book. it has inspired me so much. i just want to thank you for writing it and allowing me to know what it is to truly live in christ. i feel like i understand christianity so much better, and for that i will eternally be greatful to bj and all of you. thank you

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