For the first time in my life I'm speaking at a ladies' gathering. It is friends and church family, thank goodness, but I am still intimidated. I was surprised yet honored at being asked. I knew why I was being asked, so it has a bittersweet taste, as is the course of our lives without our son.

Lauren leaves for a 2-week mission trip in Swaziland, S. Africa this week and Whitney leaves Saturday for a month long internship with a missions organization in Dallas. We will all be separated for the first time in our lives for Mother's Day.

These "first time in our lives" things are God's hand at work and we find comfort and affirmation in the fact. His ways are not our ways and we cannot always understand it. I don't know that I WANT to understand God because He is who He is, our arguments of human logic are a moot point. I NEED Him to be bigger, and He most certainly is MORE than we can fathom. He is in charge, thank heavens we are not.

My prayer today is that we always be surrendered to what He wills, not what we plan and desire for ourselves. He truly knows us better than we know ourselves, and He knows what is best for us no matter what condition we are in and in spite of our condition. When we are running scared and lost, blind and crippled, hurt and deaf, He is our "refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble" Psalm 46. Whatever our ailment, He knows when to discipline us and when to allow healing. He knows when to stretch us and when to let us rest. He loves us enough to give grace and mercy and hope and sometimes prodding when there is the need - with me that is often.

In our study Sunday night at church, one of the things that stood out to me was being reminded that God's Word is LIVING, ACTIVE and SHARP. It's REAL, it speaks LIFE to us IF we have ears to hear! Father clean out our ears and thoughts of the world and help us listen to You, the I AM, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End. The statement I love and claim today is from the "sharper than a two-edge sword" scripture indicating that God's Word convicts and it comforts, it judges our thoughts and attitudes. Nothing is hidden from God's sight, good or bad. (Hebrews 4:12 & 13)

I have a poster in my office of a kitten and the quote "God hears the smallest voice." Thank you Father for hearing our cries and giving us direction and purpose, no matter how noble or humble. Thank you for not letting the most "insignificant kindnesses" go unnoticed as well. I know small acts of kindness mean the most to me, especially while we were in the hospital, but it is still true today. I pray that I can make a difference to someone today with a smile, a word of encouragment, a favor...

Mom