There were times as BJ grew up that I would look at him and draw parallels to my own life. I can't explain why exactly except to add that as a single adult with no children of my own I often have found myself living vicariously through the lives of my nephews and nieces, much as I assume many parents do. My brother and sister's kids are all such special people and I would love to have any one of them as my own.

I couldn't help but compare my own childhood to BJ as he grew. As a boy, there was a special relationship with him - for one reason, he took a lot of pressure off of me to continue the family name when he came into this world! Anyway, I would identify with Beej as he grew, much of that identity no doubt based on his small stature through most of his years and my own to this day.

How alike I thought we were at times, at least my observation of him and perception of my own youth. We were both relatively shy and quiet (maybe less so at home), the third child in our family, etc. However, it soon became apparent to me that he was going to be much more socially inclined like his father Brent; less introverted than I had been. One of the things that drew BJ out of his shy nature was his love for the Lord and his burning desire at a very young age to share His love with others. He couldn't and wouldn't let anything get in his way with something so important.

That is the big difference between the me of my youth and my nephew, his faith became his reason for being and eventually transcended any of his shyness. He never lost the "faith of a child" even as he matured as a Christian to a point at 15 years old well beyond my own at 44.

While I hadn't lost my faith I had lost my passion, for sharing and even at times, knowing Christ. I had sunk back into the lethargy of complacency -- letting it ride until and unless some opportunity to share just fell into my lap but almost never seeking those opportunities out. Sometimes I might get riled up enough to defend my faith if I heard something absurd enough at a moment of motivation.

I played defense (occasionally) and rarely had an active offense. BJ relied less on the shield and more on the sword, but in a way that slashed sin but left the individual intact. He didn't white-wash the truth but shared it with love and an obvious desire to truly love others into the kingdom, and that kind of passion is hard to resist.

I'm struggling still with taking the offensive more often, even more so to not be offensive in the process of sharing truth. The whole experience of BJ's illness, his journals, hearing from friends and strangers, shook me out of that complacency in a shocking way. Managing not to slide back into it is a daily struggle. I'm so thankful that our Heavenly Father understands these struggles and helps us to overcome them if we truly seek his help, no matter how shy and introverted we might be.

May His strength sustain you today,

Brad

P.S. I don't have regular internet access right now so the timing of my posts may vary for a while - sorry!