August 15th of last year, I took Beej to the hospital to find out what was wrong. We had been told it was walking pneumonia, before that, we had him treated and re-checked for a lump under his right arm. On our way into the hospital my mind was racing... overwhelmed with the possibilities. I had no clue what was wrong, just knew that we had to get him help for healing.

For as long as I can remember, I have walked fast. Easily one would say that I was in a hurry... all the time. I have confessed to the same. When we hike as a family, I am out in front. To be honest, if I wasn't out front, I feel like I am out of place. I cannot explain this. I can say that I know many would believe it was a pride thing, a competitive thing. I cannot say for sure that it isn't. I just know that it happens without my giving it a thought.

In the airport whether with family or with my team of missionaries it is the same. My mind is focused on the details ahead and making sure that we are where we are supposed to be at the right time... early if possible.

The thing is, when I try to walk with Deanna for exercise, I can barely keep up. Perhaps it is the fact that it is exercise, and that we do not have to be anywhere at any particular time, I don't know for sure. I just know that tiny little thing has another gear for exercise, and it makes me tired just thinking about it.

I suppose it is all too easy when my mind gets focused on upcoming plans, to forge ahead without enough thought for those who might need me to pay attention along the way. The result? Without intention, they get left behind... gasping for breathe in an attempt to keep up.

What is necessary here, is for me to release some of the foreword thoughts. To share with those with me, what is ahead, and how we can better face the battle as a team. For far too long, I have been a deep thinker. I am used to having my thoughts race ahead, like my physical body in an airport. Keeping it in check has been like holding back the 11th leak in the dam when my other ten fingers are already occupied.

That day, on the way into the hospital, was no different. I had to get him help. I had to see that he was tended to as quickly as possible. I was on my way to seeing him healed.

Then I heard a meek voice. Panting as he walked, fighting for breath as he asked, "Dad, can you slow down?" I turned to see him several paces behind, hunched forward, and trying to keep up. My heart dropped. How could I have become so otherwise focused that the one in need, the one I was fighting for, the one I was trying to tend to was the one I left behind as my mind and body raced ahead?

I returned to him. I wanted to pick him up and run. I wanted to hold him and offer a thousand apologies for my insensitivity.

I fear that too many times I do this, even in ministry. The Father gives me a task. I race out ahead in an attempt to get it done. Partially because I am unsure how to tackle the issue. I forge ahead sure in my mind that the answers will become evident if I keep pushing forward. Soon, I hear the voice of the Son, calling me back, trying to rein me in so that I will take time for those in need... those I have been called to minister to along the way, but failed to see as my focus was blinded by my attention to hurry.

The embrace of ministry to that one in need is indeed sweet. Unfortunately, too often I attempt to fill my diet with ego-centric thoughts that do more to disrupt the Kingdom than build it up.

It is important that I learn to slow down and count the cost, before leaving those in need, behind! Being first to arrive doesn't make me a winner. Being there to understand anothers need and doing something about it, does.

dad


"Illusion of me"... I am returning to your friends church this Sunday night, and would love to meet you and pray for you.