Deanna and I are both people pleasers at heart. We want to be all things to all people. We want to be an encouragement. We want to be liked. It is a part of ourselves we don't always like very much, but it as natural to us as the color hair we were born with.

Because of this, when BJ died, and it was evident God was preparing our hearts for a move, we were reluctant. It meant we were going to have to leave our family and friends behind. We were going to have to go to a place we knew nothing about to be found obedient to our Lord.

We know there was much concern that we were doing this too quickly. We wanted to be able to listen to those who offered such advice...there was truth in their words from what is normal for those who are grieving. I would offer similar advice in similar circumstances.

However, the Lord was leading in the opposite direction. Deanna was the first to realize and embrace this. I was a bit stubborn and wanted the Lord to make clear to me that this was His will, and not an escape plan hatched by sorrowful, hurting hearts.

The Lord revealed to us that just as their had been a time for Moses to "go," a time for David to "respond," a time for Esther to take a stand, and a time for BJ to serve, there was a time for us to do the unthinkable at a most inappropriate interval.

We had two choices. Please those who would have us stay, or follow the Lord in obedience, though we could not see the wisdom in His timing.

We chose to leave at the time we were directed. Not because we were running away, not because we are wiser than most, but because we felt it was the only thing we could do, at a time that He had made His will and timing known. We were just being obedient.

Some believe that Deanna has suffered in her job because of an overall ill-conceived plan. Deanna disagrees. Deanna abhors the difficulty associated with this job change, but she is quick to point out that we were promised suffering, and we were not promised an easy life.

Yes, we would like to think that after losing our son, moving across the country and rarely getting to see our daughters, that would be suffering enough. If you read the scriptures, you know that is a fool's logic.

It is not that we head out and seek to suffer. It is not that we enjoy the reasons we suffer or even suffering itself. It is that "when we suffer, we bring God glory," if we do not kick and scream in the process. We need to embrace what is happening, cling to Him, and see His hand leading us through the difficult path.

We have been afforded the privilege of seeing the Lord do some incredible things since BJ went home.

Some of them did not require any action or obedience on our part. Some of them have been the direct result of following Him.

There are times we wish we could go back to the way things were. Embrace the problems and issues of yesterday, but be back in our place of comfort. However, we know we could not exist in that way, as our overall disobedience would supercede any gained or perceived ease.

For now, we feel we are being utilized in the way the Lord has opened before us, that He might gain the greatest glory. Our desire or relishment for the comforts of days gone by are still present. Our desire to be found simply obedient however, is greater.

dad