Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Last night Deanna and I were interviewed for an upcoming story in the "Tulsa World." We understand the story will run in the paper a week from today.

Sometimes it seems no matter how many times we share, it remains fresh and quickly draws emotion deep from within wells we thought on some level were nearing empty. I suppose in truth, it would be foolish to ever think that. It will always be right there under the surface, looking for a place to break through and be shared again. It is our nature to want to talk about those we care about the most. Especially when they are no longer near except in memory.

Moving to a new city where you do not have a support system forces you to make new starts in areas like this. You certainly meet people who care and who are sympathetic, but there is often a need deep inside to relate to those who also knew him well. Who because of their relationship with you, knew your children and relate to you in ways others cannot or do not know how.

Being alone in a new city does not afford such opportunities. Learning to build new friendships is harder for us than it used to be. Each time we begin to get to know people there is a burning desire to share about him. The problem with that is that it produces a sense of pity, and turns the conversation so heavy that the fragile state of the budding relationship is not prepared to handle it.

We just are not good enough at waiting to talk about our journey as it is so much of who we are, and much the reason that we are here in this place. Understandably, one of the leading questions in new formed relationships with other couples is "Why Tulsa?"

I think we have learned to share the answer in a cursory manner that doesn't require such heavy visitation, but to be honest, it remains what we want to talk about most. Interestingly, we don't actually talk about it a great deal with others. Therein is the conundrum.

What burns in your heart to be let out has an all consuming impact that few understand. Sometimes then, it comes boiling out as from behind a broken dam. The form can be through tears, emotion, words, stories, or in some cases pronounced sadness.

We continue to work through this day by day. God continues to send us grace and windows of surprise that help us cope. For this we are most thankful.

One of the side affects of this whole process is that unfortunately at times, we tend to have little ability to deal with perceived foolishness. This is exposed in many ways. It certainly comes through what I write at times, it is revealed in the actions and attitudes we share with each other and even our inability to tolerate its glaring nature in those we spend time with.

We are certainly no better than anyone else. We don't pretend to be. What I mean is that as a couple we see things that do not matter in life that tend to be the focal point in the lives of many, even most of America. The pursuit of these things draw us farther from Christ. We have been guilty of it and at times most certainly still are.

What we need is Jesus, period. What we have to do is stop trying to fill His place with other things, other people and/or other opportunities.

Simple concept, but a most difficult task.

dad

9 Comments:

At 2:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your Blog really touch my heart today and though I cannot even imagine what you have gone through and still go through on a daily basis, I want you to know I am feeling pain with you as much as any other parent can when we try to imagine what it must be like to lose a child. I did not know BJ well but I do remember him as a very small boy when I would come to Indy to visit and also later as a youth in Rusty's ministry. What a handsome young man and what a radiant spirit that shined through.I remember BJ sleeping on my couch when you were passing thru on your way home at Christmas time and remember all of you playing a game on the den floor, I remember coming to see you and BJ at the hospital and I prayed for him and you everyday and still do. I have read your blog everyday since it first began and am touched beyond words. I want you to know you do have a friend here in Tulsa that you can share with anytime you want and I will know and treasure hearing about BJ.
God Bless You,
Carol Wilson

 
At 3:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

....very difficult task. Seems most of what we claim as valuable and necessary is simply a diversion placed in front of us...a diversion to make our choice one of substance. All too often we fall for the shallow choice, the road often traveled. I pray for strength to avoid that road as often as possible.
God Bless,
Greenfield, Indiana

 
At 3:35 PM, Blogger Marti Pieper said...

Some of us are not in Tulsa, although we often wish we were.

Regardless of your location, know that although your friends, (including this one) often fail you, our hearts are just the opposite. We all stumble and fall. We all occasionally, maybe even frequently, focus on the wrong things. That's why we need not RELIGION, but a RELATIONSHIP with a living Savior who never fails to redefine our priorities and refocus our vision.

As strangers and aliens, sometimes we DO feel uncomfortable here. But let's not allow that to stop us from reaching out in love, even in need, to the family of faith. Sometimes it's the Samaritans (rejected ones) who are the most willing to lift others up before Him.

And sometimes . . . they're closer than you think.

praying in pink
with tender love
and tears,

Marti

 
At 4:00 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

I don't think I could anything more than what Marti has already said. You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

In His Love
Linda

 
At 4:09 PM, Blogger brobrad said...

Brent, just wanted you to know that in this crazy-busy time of getting ready for summer at camp I miss having you and Deanna near to share "the season" with, knowing that you understand the challenges.
I wish I was better at sharing on the phone.

I've found myself short on patience with "foolishness" too and as you say, so much of life is full of it as a focus, not just a release. Certainly, I am not exempt from too much of it in my own life and I don't know how I would get by without His grace.

I know that you guys continue to face challenges daily, and I continue to pray for you all.

Still missing you fresh daily!

Brad

 
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