Last night Deanna and I were interviewed for an upcoming story in the "Tulsa World." We understand the story will run in the paper a week from today.

Sometimes it seems no matter how many times we share, it remains fresh and quickly draws emotion deep from within wells we thought on some level were nearing empty. I suppose in truth, it would be foolish to ever think that. It will always be right there under the surface, looking for a place to break through and be shared again. It is our nature to want to talk about those we care about the most. Especially when they are no longer near except in memory.

Moving to a new city where you do not have a support system forces you to make new starts in areas like this. You certainly meet people who care and who are sympathetic, but there is often a need deep inside to relate to those who also knew him well. Who because of their relationship with you, knew your children and relate to you in ways others cannot or do not know how.

Being alone in a new city does not afford such opportunities. Learning to build new friendships is harder for us than it used to be. Each time we begin to get to know people there is a burning desire to share about him. The problem with that is that it produces a sense of pity, and turns the conversation so heavy that the fragile state of the budding relationship is not prepared to handle it.

We just are not good enough at waiting to talk about our journey as it is so much of who we are, and much the reason that we are here in this place. Understandably, one of the leading questions in new formed relationships with other couples is "Why Tulsa?"

I think we have learned to share the answer in a cursory manner that doesn't require such heavy visitation, but to be honest, it remains what we want to talk about most. Interestingly, we don't actually talk about it a great deal with others. Therein is the conundrum.

What burns in your heart to be let out has an all consuming impact that few understand. Sometimes then, it comes boiling out as from behind a broken dam. The form can be through tears, emotion, words, stories, or in some cases pronounced sadness.

We continue to work through this day by day. God continues to send us grace and windows of surprise that help us cope. For this we are most thankful.

One of the side affects of this whole process is that unfortunately at times, we tend to have little ability to deal with perceived foolishness. This is exposed in many ways. It certainly comes through what I write at times, it is revealed in the actions and attitudes we share with each other and even our inability to tolerate its glaring nature in those we spend time with.

We are certainly no better than anyone else. We don't pretend to be. What I mean is that as a couple we see things that do not matter in life that tend to be the focal point in the lives of many, even most of America. The pursuit of these things draw us farther from Christ. We have been guilty of it and at times most certainly still are.

What we need is Jesus, period. What we have to do is stop trying to fill His place with other things, other people and/or other opportunities.

Simple concept, but a most difficult task.

dad