A lady (the one that smelled like Aunt Maralyn) had me sit down with her so we could discuss “how I did it.” Wow. We’re talking about a crisis of faith and how you get through it. We talked for awhile and I know my words were not eloquent, more descriptive, they were a muddled mess, for I am obviously still in the crisis of my faith.

Even though the question “How do you do it?” implies that I’m managing, which I guess I am, I was honored to be asked such a question. She proceeded to listen and share some of her story.

As I continue to think about such a question I am filled with compassion for all who ask because at our very core, we need help. We can’t do this life on our own. We can plan, we can work, we can do lots of things but we can’t persevere without significant help.

I know that God is worthy of our trust. I know God is sovereign, He’s proven faithful and He knows what is best for we are “fearfully and wonderfully made” Psalm 139:14. He cares. He sees the “big picture.” He holds my hand and guides me because my view is limited. I preach these things to myself all the time as I read the Word and pray and sing. “You are who You are, no matter where I am” from Casting Crown’s Praise You in this Storm. However, we are where we are and we don’t want to have to suffer!

Sometimes we don’t want to consider the “big picture.” Since I have faith in God to “fix” my problem, why doesn’t He do it? We don’t know or understand God’s ways and maybe we don’t want to. Maybe it wouldn’t really help if we did understand because it wouldn’t change what has happened. The thing is, God is trying to teach us something through our suffering, giving us a new perspective.

Some say: “We had no control over the situation and God just stood back and watched us suffer.” I know God gave us so much grace in the midst of the suffering, and He continues to give as we continue to suffer. I hope most suffering believers could say the same. God walks through the valleys with us, whispering assurances in our ears. Unfortunately, some find it easier to be mad at God and believe the lies and immerse themselves in destructive behaviors. God wants to rescue us and give us true freedom. I for one want to keep listening to what the Master has to say.

He gives miracles to some and not others and it doesn’t seem fair. It’s a fact of life and hard to swallow when you’re one who didn’t get the miracle. This is where the “denying ourselves” aspect of Christian living comes in and it always gets us tripped up. “God is God and we are not” from a Steven Curtis Chapman song. I pray to let my will take the lead on this one because explanations fall short.

No, BJ did not get to drive my brother’s truck, he didn’t graduate high school, he won’t get married, I won’t ever get to hold his children, he didn’t get to preach and teach the way we all imagined. We have to let go of our own dreams and plans, that’s the part of denying ourselves that is hard but necessary, no matter what you’re going through.

As much as we want our way, as desperately as we want a miracle, it’s not our place to demand our own way. God is in charge and He’s merciful, thank goodness. He has provided a way for our salvation from a punishment we deserve. That’s enough. It’s what we can cling to. It’s our choice to put our trust in our Maker and say “Your way, not mine.”

Mom