Monday, October 10, 2005

This new week finds more changes in our lives. My girls and I try to go back to school/work, while my Deanna will forge ahead here at home for a time longer. What we seek is that new level of "normal" that so many of you have written about. What we leave behind, will never stay behind, but will always be carried close, and will hurt intensely for a long time to come. As his family, we don't want his memory to ever fade. As believers, we do not understand what our Lord is doing, but we know that it is a new thing.

Beej was a very ordinary young man, who had an extraordinary calling on his life. I was afforded many of the same opportunities when I was his age, but never ventured anywhere near his level of depth or understanding of spiritual matters...but neither did I hunger for the lost to know Christ, or long to spend hours in the Word. At least not until later in life.

BJ's primary struggle in life was with pride. He understood how it interfered with his ability to be in communion with Christ, and how that translated to difficulties in sharing Jesus with those who sought Him. It pained him deeply to be so focused on himself. This was a stronghold in his life, that he did not realize was present until his first trip to Peru in 2004.

He dealt with the pride issue, and the Lord did strengthen him in his weakness, and did use him. BJ's love for Jesus, caused him to yearn to serve, and get out of the way. The intensity of these feelings caused him to pen the following:

"I look in the mirror to see what God has given me and I find myself staring at the embodiment of pride. I swell up, then breathe out; I'm trying to depress the esteem building up in me. Like the world I find myself corrupt and empty. I imagine the ones I am meant to seek to reach, as they stare into my eyes and at my face and see no relief from the gray that they're trying to escape. I look at my life and all I see is unmet expectation. Why do I take pride in this? Tear me down to build me up. I have become so corrupt. I cannot see your work for me, I turn away and wait for another day. I refuse in my heart and in my soul the one thing I know makes me whole. I will not worship, yet think I know everything that You would show me. Why do I take pride in this?

I blend into the empty crowd, seeking what I've already found and showing not that I am full, my joy is gone and all I want is to be whole again.

Take my pride and help me find the joy that You put inside the day I felt a jump and life began. Wake me up from my nap and take away the Christmas wrap; reopen my gift that I may find the peace and joy and love I left behind."

God was faithful to His servant BJ. He was restored, and used of the King. I am proud of my son. As a brother in Christ, I am awed at his understanding, and the fulfillment of his calling. As his father, the intense pain that abides within me, cannot be measured, but has never been approached by the previous losses of grandparents, aunts/uncles, not my best friends death, not even my father, who I loved dearly and miss tremendously. It is searing. All encompassing. Oh how did my Father God give His one and only Son, for me. I am unworthy of this pain.

The Lord God is our Healer, and is holding us in His hand. We know this, and seek Him hard as we endure. We count ourselves blessed that the Gap remains full.

Thank you beloved,



At 7:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am glad that you all are seeking the "new" normal. I can't imagine the pain or difficulty of it all. It was good to see you in church yesterday. We love you and are still praying for you all.

Love in Christ,


At 7:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

may the lord bless you and your home in your time of need.

At 7:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey "dad",

Thanks for taking care of and nurturing BJ into a fine young man. God has worked well through you and blessed you with BJ. Indeed, God has worked well in all of Beej's life and sufferings and increased the portion of glory that is due Him immeasurably.

I can't thank you enough for everything you and your family have done for me so far. I thank God for His providence, love, grace and patience in my life and I'm learning again that He is Holy, Faithful and True.

God bless you Brent, and may he give you peace and comfort. I wish I could knock on your door and give you a big hug and then spend hours fellowshipping with you and your family.

Know that you are all loved so much, and as we lift you all to the Lord I pray that you'll find in Him all, and more, that Beej found.

In His service and for His glory,

martin [sydney au]

At 7:51 AM, Blogger tochina4emma said...

Praying for you all as you step ahead to your new "normal". I will pray for each of you as you bravely face this day.

At 7:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I continue to pray for you and your family. May you find peace today. May you find rest tonight. Love to you all

At 7:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brent and family, Thank you again for sharing, that we may once again share in prayer. As we go about our day here, we will be praying for you in the various expressions of your "new normal" day there.

The words that God brought to mind as I began to pray even now were the following, from an old hymn, "He Giveth More Grace:"

He giveth more grace as our burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength as our labors increase;
To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials He multiplies peace.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father’s full giving is only begun.

His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.

May you experience that giving in all the fullness that He offers today--and every day. . .

with tender love and prayers in pink,

Marti for the Pieper Family
Charleston, SC

At 8:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know you seek a new normal in your lives - However, I want you to know that my new normal is much better due to BJ and your family. I not only find myself checking this blog daily; I also find myself rejoicing in the Lord. I have a much better relationship with Jesus. I am thankful to your family for my NEW normal. Thank you so very much.

At 8:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


Thank you so much for sharing your lives right now, and for sharing BJ's journals. I check the web page several times a day. You guys are in ALL of my prayers and your cyber-support system continues to grow. We all love you guys. Stay strong through Christ,

-bf in sc

At 8:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Heavenly Father, I lift up this precious family to you this morning. Lord, no one here on Earth knows when or how it will feel like a new "normal" for them but you do. You know every step they are about to make before they make it. Lord, as they do your will and your work may they feel you take the step before them. As they enter any new door may you enter first and that they may feel your presence and your love. Give Brent an uncluttered mind as he tries to go back to work. As Deanna is alone at home give her peace that flows like a river. May she feel your stretched arms securely around her. Lord, as her friends and family, lead us to support her in a way that you want us to. You are the Potter and I am so thankful for that. Lord, mold us and shape us as followers to do your will.
To God Be The Glory,

Rebecca Littell

At 8:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey dad,
im glad to hear you guys are trying to step back into "normal" life. I know the pain will always be there but you know God will give you strength! I will continue to pray for strength and healing. You guys are such an inspiration to us all! LOVE YOU!

At 8:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you Higgins family for continuing to share with us. I can't say I know how you feel, but we are all feeling your pain and are thinking of you guys often. What BJ has taught us is amazing, and we love to hear his thoughts. We will continue to pray for you and your family. Deanna, what can I say....we love you!

At 8:28 AM, Blogger Deanna said...

Brent and Deanna,
Normal is such a weird word!! My husband and I always laugh at the word!! However, I do know what you're saying and I will pray intensely for you as you venture into this new phase of your life. Going to work, Brent, will be so hard as everyone around you just continues on. They will try to understand, but, unless they have lost a child to death, they will never comprehend your pain. I stuggle with that for you. I sit here and read your blogs and tears stream down my face, but I can't truly feel the pain as you must. I pray that God helps ease that pain and that He turns into a joy immeasurable! And, Deanna, as you are home alone, surrounded be the prayers of your brothers and sisters in Christ, I pray that you will relish this time to feel the arms of God hold you closer than ever before. And when the time is right, you will be the wonderful, loving teacher that He created you to be. You will go back to school, and probably be a more compassionate teacher than ever before. And I know for a fact, that our children need that so much. They don't get it at home and they hunger for it. You will be a great mentor by your actions. I am also praying for Whitney and Lauren, as they return to their "normal" lives. I pray for peace and God's grace and comfort to surround them. Please remember that many of us have grown and have taken a look at our own lives, all because of your precious BJ. Thank you for sharing him with us, even though it was for only a short time.

At 8:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I couldn't even begin to understand the pain & hurt you feel as parents. As a parent myself, sometimes I am in awe of the fact that God gave His only Son for us. I am sorry that you had to give your son back to the Father so soon. I continue to pray for your family.

Jan Holliday
Belton, SC

At 8:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Brent, Deanna, Lauren, and Whitney,

I wanted you to know that we have already been on our knees praying for all of you this morning. We are praying for strength, and comfort, and the healing that only our loving Father can bring but often comes through contact with others who love you and care so deeply for you. May you experience His sustaining grace to make it through today, and may you know that I will pray the same tomorrow, and the next day and the next.

Thank you for sharing BJ's writing on his struggle with pride. It is an issue I, too, have struggled wtih but never to the depth BJ was able to so eloquently express. It gives me new insight as to how I might pray. I am so grateful to you, Brent, for sharing and for BJ for writing it down. I continue to be blessed by the Providence of God in that I have come to know all of you. Your walk with the Lord continues to inspire me. I thank you all and I thank God.

Love and prayers,

At 8:49 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Praying for you today as you begin to deal with life's responsibilities. May you feel God's comfort and grace every minute of the day.

At 9:03 AM, Blogger phil4yahshua said...


To my dearest family, some things I'd like to say.
But first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay.

I'm writing this from heaven. Here I dwell with God
above. Here, there's no more tears of sadness; Here is just eternal love.

Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight.
Remember that I am with you every morning, noon and night.

That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was
through. God picked me up and hugged me and He said, "I welcome you.

It's good to have you back again, you were missed while
you were gone. As for your dearest family, They'll be here later on.

There's so much that we have to do, to help our mortal man."
God gave me a list of things, that he wished for me to
do. And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you.

And when you lie in bed at night the day's chores put to
flight. God and I are closest to the middle of the night.

When you think of my life on earth, and all those loving
years. Because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears.

But do not be afraid to cry: it does relieve the pain. Remember
there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.

I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned.
If I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand.

But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is
o'er. I'm closer to you now, than I ever was before.

There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to
climb; But together we can do it by taking one day at a time.

It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too;
That as you give unto the world, the world will give to you.

If you can help somebody who's in sorrow and pain;
Then you can say to God at night......"My day was not in vain."

And now I am contented....that my life was worthwhile.
Knowing as I passed along the way I made somebody smile.

So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low;
Just lend a hand to pick him up, as on your way you go.

When you're walking down the street and you've got Me on
your mind; I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind.

And when it's time for you to go....from that body to be
free. Remember you're not're coming here to Me.

I pray these words bring you comfort as I lift you all to the Father this morning.........Love


At 9:05 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am friend of the Wilsons (Diane and Bud). They shared your story with me and I placed BJ on my prayer list at Mt. Gilead. I am so sorry for your loss, but so happy that BJ let God work through him so intensely. He was of service to him in a capacity most of us are not. I pray for your healing and that God continue to comfort you with the wonderful Memories of your son and Brother.

Andrea Guisbert

At 9:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My Family,
I am praying for you as you seek that new level of "normal". It hurts deeply...I know...not to your extent...but it does hurt. I love you all dearly and am praying fervently for y'all. Just know that I am here if any of you guys need anything.


At 9:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am praying for you all --

At 10:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My heart aches with you. I am sure I cannot fathom the pain you are experiencing. God has you in His hands.

At 10:15 AM, Blogger natenamy said...

Brent, Deanna, Lauren, and Whiteny--

Thank you for sharing Beej's journal entry on pride. It knocks me hard right in the stomach... His insight continues to baffle me and make me reassess where I stand with Christ.

We love you and we continue to pray for you... today and always.

Hugs and kisses,

Amy (for Nate too :))

At 10:37 AM, Blogger . said...

John 10:3b-4

"...He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, HE GOES ON AHEAD OF THEM, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. "

"He goes on ahead of them"! Anywhere the Good Shepherd leads you today, or in the days ahead, He's already arrived there ahead of you! He's already prepared green pastures and still waters. May you sense His leading and His loving preparations today.

Still praying....

At 10:40 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Praying for healing of the pain.

At 10:40 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Brent, Deanna, Lauren and Whitney,
As we returned home from visiting Jes and Todd and Andrew this week-end for Jes' birthday, I had to check the blog before going to bed. I was hoping to see you guys at FBC but was relieved to know that you were worshipping the Lord somewhere. I just wanted to hug you guys again.
As the girls try to return to their "normal" life, may they be surrounded by friends to support and encourage them and most of all to just "listen" to them as they talk about their beloved brother BJ.
Deanna, as I read your blog last night, my heart continues to ache for you. I'm glad to read that you guys are not "super humans" and we sometimes put people up on pedestals. I can only imagine the ache in your heart and the emptiness that you feel but trust in those memories that are so special and will always be carried in your heart. It will be hard for you to go back to school but the children will love on you and you have such a wonderful spirit that our children need to see and feel the love that you can give to them. So many children do not receive that at their homes. The Lord will use you to comfort and love them. Please know that I will continue to pray for you as you make that transition and there will be many people continuing to lift you up in prayer and pray for a hedge of protection around you so that you will not be bombarded with questions until you are ready to share.
As you return to work, may God continue to bless you and comfort you. It's so easy to see the pride you have in your children. Be comforted with your memories and I wish I had the answer to why BJ had to leave butI don't. I do know what an impact he had on my life and what a wonderful fun loving young man he was just from the pictures and listening to stories from others that knew him. My heart aches for you too and just know that we will continue to lift your family up in prayer.
Love to you all,
Jean Peters in Santa Claus

At 10:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good morning,
We are praying today that you will feel released to be able to start to focus on the new normal that you spoke about. It will take a long, long time to fell normal again, but God will honor you all for getting back on your feet and moving forward with his help. Know that you are all being prayed for every minute of the day. When it becomes too much, just stop and say "God, I know they are praying. Help me right now!"
In Love,
a cating friend

At 10:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

He loves me, He loves me . . . I'm so glad He loves me. He loves me, He loves me. . . Jesus loves me!

He does, We do!!

At 10:46 AM, Blogger Kim Mierau said...

brent, thank you for your honesty and for sharing your pain with us so that we, i hope, can help shoulder the burden for you even just a little bit. i continue to pray for you and your family to feel God's presence and to learn daily how to walk in this new life, with this new hurt. your faith lifts me up everytime i log on. it is my joy to take care of lauren here at school. love *kim

At 10:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a mighty God we serve, What a mighty God we serve. Angels bow before Him, Heaven and earth adore Him, What a mighty God we serve!!!

"This is the day that the Lord has made, We will rejoice and be glad in it."

God answers prayer - He's so good to me!!

"Cast all your cares on Him, for He cares for you!!"

In His time, In His time . . . He makes all things beautiful, in His time. Lord keep showing me Your way . . . You amke all things beautiful, in Your time!

"In my time of need, You hear my prayer."

Speak peace to the Higgins family today Father! Help them know that You are with them, when the world feels so empty because of their intense pain. Hold them up!

At 11:21 AM, Blogger Linda Ronne said...

Dear Brent,
Thank you for sharing so openly your heartfelt feelings on moving ahead. I can't begin to imagine the pain you are living day to day.
Deanna as you continue to stay in the home for this "season" of time I pray that the Lord surrounds you with friends who will just "listen". Friends that will comfort and encourage you, that the Lord will be with you every moment of every day. So many times when you loose a loved one and life goes on those around you don't know what to say and end up saying nothing. I pray that the Lord gives each of those around you wisdom to know exactly what to say to you, or the knowledge to know when to just hug you.
Brent as you return to work may the Lord comfort you and draw you closer to Him. May He reveal Himself to you in a new and fresh way. In situations like this we tend to "feel" for the mother, but I pray that the Lord will surround you with godly men who will also show you comfort and encouragment.
Whitney and Lauren as you return to work and school may you know that the Lord is with you, walking with you, going before you in every situation. May your friends, collegues and piers be a great support network to you and encourage you to go forward into each new day.

Father God, I lift this precious family to you Lord, You alone know the hurt, pain and suffering that they are experiencing. Lord I ask that You would give them divine rest in Your loving arms. Lord that You would give to them a knowledge of Your presence. Continue to surround them Lord with loving supportive godly friends, work collegues and class mates, and when it gets too much for them Lord lift them up and let them rest in Your lap.
In Jesus precious name I pray... Amen and Amen

In His Love
Linda Ronne

At 11:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Greetings "Dad". Thanks for sharing from your heart. Reading reminded me of the words from How Deep the Father's Love for Us:
"how great the pain of searing loss". How DID the Father endure that pain as He watched His only Son ridiculed, whipped, and tortured? I have often meditated on that question. I feel oh so unworthy of such sacrifice and love! The song shares the thought so beautifully, "Why should I gain from his reward? I cannot give an answer. But this I know with all my heart: His wounds have pain my ransom." You know that pain intimately now and will for some time to come. But Jesus can and will ease that pain for you. That is my prayer in "pink" for you and your family. Blessings,
Hudson, OH

At 11:21 AM, Blogger Jessica & Todd Youmans said...

Brent & Deanna -
We are still praying for you daily. I often think of you and how I long to be in the "holding" pattern with you, to hold your hands and let you talk, cry, laugh, shout or whatever it is you need to do. You are, I think, the most incredible people I've ever met. We miss you at church & long to have you back again. We're praying for you today as you make decisions about work, etc. We love you so incredibly much!

Jes, Todd & Andrew Y.

At 11:30 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Praying and thinking of all of you today. I know you face many tough days ahead. I hope it is some comfort to know so many people continue to pray for all of you. We miss you a lot and hope to see you at church soon. It isn't the same without you. Please call if you need anything at all. Take care.

Love, Nancy

At 11:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brent, Deanna, Lauren & Whitney,

I pray your "new normal" will never be normal. The depth of your sorrow has transformed you. You are different people. May the pain of the holes in your hearts never be dulled into apathy or numbness. But just like nature's death in winter may new life grow from your heartache. May more people be in heaven because of it, because of you. I know Bj would want that.

Lifting you up in your great sorrow that continues. With encouragement,and hope for the future, but without answers.

Heather B
Carlsbad, CA

At 11:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am praying intensly for you as your life is shifting again while your girls and Brent are away from you throughout the day.
Deanna , I am praying for your strength to build and our Lord comfort you when you are alone in your house.
Our Lord footsteps surround you and carry you through the day when you feel you can not carry yourself.
Be kind to yourself, cry as you need to, as much as you need to.
I wish I could take some of your pain and ease your mind.
Deanna,I am so sorry for your loss.
I am hoping and praying for you now and forever, with love for you and your family we are praying.

Lisa Gresh and Meils Family

At 12:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Checking on you again today. I pray for you and think about you more than you would believe.

We do miss you at FBC and hope to be able to see you there soon.

At 12:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


We continue to pray for you and your family and selfishly we pray you will return to teaching. Lucy has said she can't wait until you come back because no one knows how to teach 'America the Beautiful' right like Mrs. Higgins does.

We can't even imagine the pain you are going through...but I stand in comfort of the fact that nothing is too hard for the Lord. May he comfort you and bless you through the Body of Christ here on earth. May his Spirit continue to fill you and your house.
In His Love,

At 12:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Higgins,
I just wanted to let you all know that there are so many of us still praying and loving you all. I cannot imagine the pain that you all feel but how mighty and awesome is the God that we serve. One of the verses that God has been sharing with me, and that keeps replaying in my mind, is "Be still and know that I am God". It is hard to do that sometimes in our lives, but it is true. I have truly realized that in all of the difficult moments in my life when I wanted God to wrap His awesome and amazing arms around me, that He was and that He was always whispering that in my ear. So, try to be still and know that He is God! I love you all and am praying for you as you all try to return to the "normal" world. God Bless and I love you all!

At 12:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

In between classes today I decided to sit down and check this site again. I was excited to see a new post, but as I started reading, I found myself wanting to write BJ and tell him that his words on pride are exactly the way I feel and something I struggle with so often. I can't thank you enough for continuing this site and sharing BJ's words with us. It has encouraged me so much (especially today)!
In Him,
Emily Reagan

At 1:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dearest Higgins,

Oh, we continue to lift you up in unable to fully understand your pain. Praise God that He does and can heal you and give you exactly what you need ~ whatever that maybe at different times & emotions that you experience. We faithfully remain on our knees on your behalf.

You are loved.

The McMahan's

At 1:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Brent and Deanna,

BJ put into words what so many of us cannot seem to articulate about pride and many sins that we face daily in our walk. Thanks for sharing his journaling, b/c I know in my own life God is using BJ's words to speak to me through the power of the Holy Spirit. Like so many of us , we don't, or won't, take the time to search our hearts and face our own sin and confess it. I'm so greatful I can reap the eternal harvest of this one surrendered soldier!!! I feel like I'm gleaning spiritully from what BJ sowed in his life. What a good God we serve, that He would bless someone like me (and so many others) so richly as a result another's Christian walk. It's just proof to me that we never know what awesome thing God has planned when we obey Him (like BJ did). Yes, we struggle with the flesh, but the result of our obedience is something God is faithful to use for the good of the Kingdom.

I know your pain runs deeper than anything you've ever experienced. God for certain understands that. Just keep bringing it before Him. Rest assured, I am bringing your family before Him daily.

Praying you through the pain.
Your sister in Christ,
Lynne in Gray,Ga.

At 1:40 PM, Blogger Christina said...


At church on Sunday we were talking about people ministering today in our broken world who are faithful to God. We were comparing them to the Apostle Paul. BJ immediately came to mind when we were talking. I see BJ as the kind of servant who struggled, but remained faithful. He was called for a higher purpose and I am blessed to have been touched by his "work."

I continue to lift you and your family up as you find a new "normal."

In His love,


At 2:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Higgins Family,

I continue to lift you up in prayer asking our Lord to provide great strength and comfort for each of you...

Know that you are loved and cared for deeply within my heart.

Your Sister in Christ,
Mary (Noblesville)

At 2:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rest in Him! Cry when you need to, do what you need to do because He has created us to grieve. Know in the midst of the grief that HE is holding you and we are praying!!! We pray for pain relief, for sleep, for rest, for each of you!!!

At 2:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Take care of yourselves!! We are praying for you in South Dakota!!

At 2:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are loved beyond words. All these messages of comfort are amazing. I just pray for you so many times throughout the day, that the God of Comfort will hold you tight!! I know that today is a most difficult day as the reality is hitting hard, with everyone going back in to their routines. Oh, how we are praying for you Deanna!!
RP in Grand Rapids, MI

At 2:42 PM, Blogger Lynn Andrews said...

Sweet Family,

All the wonderful people who have posted before me have said it all . . . all I can add is that I love you all and am still standing in the gap for you. And, thank you to this beautiful Body of Christ - you too inspire me!

Peace be with you,
Lynn Andrews
Macon, GA

At 3:09 PM, Blogger Ashley Reagan said...

I love you guys! I pray for you all the time!

Ashley Dawn (peru 04)
Bixby, Oklahoma

At 3:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

To Brent, Deanna & girls,
BJ's words leave me speechless. His dept is a spiritual awakening. The dept of your pain is immeasurable. You are not alone for we are all praying that God would comfort you. Nothing we say or do can ease that pain, but know that we are here and wish to hold up your arms in prayers. We are the two and three that are gathered.

At 3:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Still praying

At 4:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am glad to hear that God is faithfully helping your family in this time. Nevertheless, I know that it is still very difficult. I will continue praying.

At 4:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Randy Alcorn's book "Heaven" describes our eternity in a very sweet way. But now that BJ is there, it definitely just got sweeter. Heaven becomes more personal every time a loved one passes away, and may that only drive us all to encourage one another along the way.

You may have already been told about the book, but if not, I encourage you to read it.

May we all long for our true Home while trusting God to do His work through us here on Earth before going there...

I continue to pray for you all..

At 4:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brent, Deanna, Lauren and Whitney,
I know this transition time is very difficult. I am praying for you all and know that the Lord will be right there with you.
I just want you to know that Bj will never be forgotten. He and your family are forver in our hearts, The memories that you have of BJ will always be there and no one can take them away.
Continuing to pray for you all.

At 5:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brent & Deanna,

We left before the memorial service and have been gone until yesterday. We were encouraged by the response to BJ memorial service and will pray for those who made committments to our Lord. We continue to pray for you also as I can only imagine the pain you feel. Thank you for sharing you lives with us.

In Christ,

Steve & Charlene

At 5:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


At 5:18 PM, Blogger Danzeisen5 said...

I can so relate with what BJ is writing! I struggle with pride as well and it is so encouraging to read what BJ has written. Thanks for being so faithful to share with us what is deep in your hearts. You are all deep in ours and our prayers are constantly with you

We love you so much
Lynae and all of us

At 5:45 PM, Blogger stephsmiles said...

Brent, your last entry brought tears to my eyes. It was so beautiful and REAL! Higgins family, I am so glad that you have continued to post. During hard times, many try to hide their grief, but you have put it on the table for the body of believers to experience with you - thank you! The way in which you are able to articulate your grief enables us to pray more specifically for you. BJ has presented such a challenge to us...I've learned so much in the last month!I love you and continue to pray--
Steph Hull

At 7:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

When I read your last artice I couldn't help the swell of tears in my eyes. I am also a young person and can't help thanking God that there are people in the world like BJ when I look around myself and am disgusted by what I see. Though my youg age may hinder me from the calling My Father has yet planned, I can't help but be so aware of my spiritual surroundings, and praying almost every night that my future spouse will be as good as you make your BJ out to be."Grace to you and Peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ."

At 7:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

We continue to pray for you and your family.


At 8:04 PM, Blogger Aunt Maralyn & Uncle Ray said...

This morning before Uncle RAy and I left for the day I checked the web site. Through my blurring eyes I read what you had posted to Uncle Ray. When I finished reading we both had tears.
I am constantly amazed at the depth of BJ's writings. The fun loving absolutely typical 15 year old that we all saw at the reunion last summer had so much depth to him. We all got a glimpse of it as we sat around the campfire and he shared about his trip to Peru. I know one night several were out at the campfire until very late listening to him share. I finally went in to the cabin to sleep. Now I wish I had stayed out there to hear more.
I can't believe the depth of what he writes. Each time you put some of his journal on the web site it speaks to all of us and yes it shames us also.
I am so thankful and priviledged to be part of your family.
We are praying for all of you and trust today went well. It was the start of a new beginning that the Lord will see you through.
We love you so much.
Aunt Maralyn

At 8:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I continue to pray for healing for your family, friends, and the community. In the past several weeks Beej's illness and your experience has opened the eyes of many -- your faith and love toward God, and fine role model Beej has been to all of us. Thanks so much for sharing.

At 8:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just know that all day you all were in my thoughts and prayers. I feel heavy at heart - I can't imagine . . .

At 8:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love and prayers go out to you as you begin this new stage in your life. Your testimony has been so strong and I have been blessed by your son, whom I never met. Thank you for sharing this most intimate experience with us all. I continue to pray for you.


At 9:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a son! He was wise beyond his years. You all are in our prayers as you try to pick up the pieces......Lauren, as she goes back to school and trys to concentrate on lessons; Whitney, as she goes back to her work and dealing with people; Brent as he resumes his work with other young people; and Deanna, as she gathers herself together to take those first steps back in the classroom full of her students. May the peace and strength of our Lord, be with you all,
Jerry and DeAnn

At 9:41 PM, Blogger Barbara Ann said...

Mom and Dad,

God is really teaching me to be weak, so that in Him I can be strong. I am finding that BJ dying is really hitting me hard and that I am struggling with it. I am hurting, with a different kind of hurt, right along with you. I miss my brother, but...I know that God's glory is shing so bright through this, although at times I am blinded to see it. God has been teaching me that its okay to not be an encouragement all the time...its okay to be weak, so that others can love. So I just wanted to let you know that, that I am fighting right along with you...

I cant wait to sit and chat with you soon...

praying oh so hard for nourishment from the Father...

Barbara Ann

At 10:05 PM, Blogger Cousin Beth said...

Words pretty much fail me tonight except to let you know that I have had a very heavy burden for all of you today. As I've cried and prayed for you, I am reminded once again that I can't possibly imagine the depth of the pain you feel. Know that my heart, thoughts, and prayers are constantly with you. Even when I don't write as often, I'm checking the web site and always praying. God is still giving us many opportunities to share about a very special 15-year-old boy who loved Jesus more than anything. We appreciate all of you so very much. May God somehow continue to give and be to all of you exactly what you need for each day.

Love you much,


At 10:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear all,

Thank you for continuing to allow us in your lives. Your openess and honesty about your pain and frustration, is amazing and I pray that through sharing you will be able to find some healing.

Beej's entry about pride really hit home for me today. Thanks for sharing.

Thank all of you for helping me - and so many others - grow in my/our walk with Christ.

Praying for you,

At 10:18 PM, Blogger Emily Jo said...

Precious Dad and family....My daughter and I must have been of one mind tonight as she exclaimed "Let's go visit BJ's website." I can only imagine what it must be like to see people being normal, going on and living, and wanting normal too.....but then again, dreading the day that normal should come. What would normal look like? Feel like? Almost wanting to reject normal. I know I can say for me that BJ started a revolution and nothing will ever be normal again. May it never be normal. Scream, yell, cry, be angry, weep, wail, groan. Oh, what a God we have, for his mercies are great, and he hears you in this time. He understands, feels keenly the lump in your throat. I pray tonight that you all, blessed Higgins family, may find exactly where God has for you to be in your sorrow. May the mixture of grief and praise somehow make sence. Laughter and tears, mourning and dancing, anger and rest. These extreme dichotomies are not out of the scope of the Savior. May you be at peace wherever you are. Rest in the Lord. Cry unto him. And may the voice of BJ be heard to you always....until he greets you in the place that was prepared for him, and for you. He shall be your long awaited welcome. What a grand reunion to come. May God shower you with all you need, in your hearts, in your home, and in your lives. I pray for you my friends,
Emily Jo and Family
Monrovia, Ca

At 11:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear God,
Please be with the Higgins Family as they are suffering so intensely. Please give them strength as they feel they can't keep living. Please give them hope as life seems so hopeless for them right now. Please give them grace as they feel so empty. Please give them joy as they feel nothing but total distress. Please give them peace as they feel so distraught. Please, God, fill them up with your strength, your hope, your grace, your joy, your peace - - - that only You can give!!!
In Your name!!

At 11:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

With my voice I cry out to the LORD;
with my voice I plead for mercy to the LORD.
I pour out my complaint before him;
I tell my trouble before him.
When my spirit faints within me,
you know my way!
In the path where I walk
they have hidden a trap for me.
Look to the right and see:
there is none who takes notice of me;
no refuge remains to me;
no one cares for my soul.

I cry to you, O LORD;
my portion in the land of the living."

Attend to my cry,
for I am brought very low!
Deliver me from my persecutors,
for they are too strong for me!

Bring me out of prison,
that I may give thanks to your name!
The righteous will surround me,
for you will deal bountifully with me.
Psalm 142

At 11:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Guys!!! I am still praying for you!!! My Pastor's funeral went well so you know. Thanks for your prayers!!! Love ya'all!!

Hannibal, Mo

At 3:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks Dad,
During our trip together, BJ and I talked some about that aweful master Pride. I had shared that it was (and many times still is) a stronghold in my life, and having gone through it himself he was really able to encourage me on how to put that aside. We never, however, got to have a deep conversation about all that he had learned. That I regret, but I thank you for still allowing him to speak to my soul. What an awesome cry of his heart.
We're still lifting you up.

Kayla (Peru 2005)

At 10:58 PM, Blogger Lynn Dailey said...

Brent, Deanna, Lauren and Whitney,

My soul cries out to the Lord on your behalf. He is so gracious and I pray He will give you exactly what you need, exactly when you need it, in His full measure.

May His grace and strength continue to meet your every need through those around you and through those of us here who continue to keep you in our daily prayers. What a difference you make in my life and in the lives of all of us who read you messages daily.

THANK YOU for continuing to share your hearts and hurts with us. Thank you too for sharing BJ's journal entries with us. It is awesome how the Holy Spirit leads you to share specific entries right when many of us need to hear His message through Beej. Thank you for your spiritual sensitivity, it is truly a gift and blessing from the Savior.

May the Lord go before you every step of every day and may the light of His love shine on you continually and give you His peace. My prayers and those of my family continue to be with you all.

My love,

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At 10:45 AM, Blogger sdfsbo said...

Help me Dude, I think I'm lost..... I was searching for Elvis and somehow ended up in your blog, but you know I'm sure I saw him in a car lot yesterday, which is really strange because the last time I saw him was in the supermarket. No honest really, he was right there in front of me, next to the steaks singing "Love me Tender". He said to me (his lip was only slightly curled) "Boy, you need to get yourself a San Diego cosmetic surgery doctor ,to fit into those blue suede shoes of yours. But Elvis said in the Ghetto nobody can afford a San Diego plastic surgery doctor. Dude I'm All Shook Up said Elvis. I think I'll have me another cheeseburger. Then I'm gonna go round and see Michael Jackson and we're gonna watch a waaaay cool make-over show featuring some Tijuana dentists on the TV in the back of my Hummer. And then he just walked out of the supermarket singing. . . "You give me love and consolation,
You give me strength to carry on " Strange day or what? :-)

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