Friday, April 28, 2006

Yesterday I had all these wonderful things in mind to tell you all about the ways God is teaching me and growing me lately.

But this morning I am just frustrated. It seems that I have locked my keys, AND my spare key, in my car, along with everything else I own, save my cell phone and a few of my CDs. Even when I was moving out (ALL DAY Wednesday...), I lost my car key at least three times. I ask myself... am I really this ridiculous? Am I really that terrible at keeping track of one key?

Not to negate my own responsibility in the situation, but it seems to me that something else is going on here... For the past few weeks, my Swaziland team and I have been discussing spiritual warfare. We are trying to prepare ourselves, to know it is very real, and to recognize it when it comes. Even more than the key thing, I have felt very much under spiritual attack lately. Especially in this time when God has consistenly been teaching me so much about Himself and myself, Satan is using a vulnerable point of transition in my life to try to make me stumble.

He will NOT win! In Jesus' blood, I have victory!

Even as I write this, a good family friend of ours (one who was able to get in my car last time I did this) is close, and on his way over here to save the day once again. Big John, you are amazing!!!

Even in frustration, the Lord is teaching me to look to Him, and to rely on Him for the grace and mercy I need to make it through each day in one piece. On the days I fail, He goes back with me to pick up the pieces, and then He mends my brokenness.

Sometimes I wonder how the Lord doesn't get tired of my own ignorance to the grace He provides me every day. I asked Him yesterday. Never before have I felt such a clear answer! It was absolutely thrilling to have God answer me!


When I asked what would happen if I couldn't learn right, or well, or enough, His reply was swift again.


That's enough for me! Father, I will continue to trust in You. Teach me!!


Mark in OH... I felt God speak into my heart. Usually I am very nervous to attribute what I think I heard God say to what He really did say, if anything. I don't want to be making things up in my head and pretend God said them, you know? But when I was spending time with the Lord the other day, I clearly felt Him impress those words on my heart. I have been learning so much lately, and He reminded me that it is Him doing that work in me, and that watching me grow is a delight to Him! Thanks for asking... :)


At 9:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Lauren!

I read your entire post, thinking that your dad had locked his keys in the car, then I thought,"Wow! Big John has gone to Oklahoma!" Usually I check the name at the bottom of the post FIRST...

Anyway, I can echo your frustrations--I've noticed that when I'm super busy, overworked, stretched too thin, overwhelmed, etc. that the brain oftentimes just "checks out," and my circumstances momentarily get worse rather than improving. It makes a difficult situation even more difficult! (I WILL NOT admit to being scatterbrained---that COULDN'T be the issue!!!)

Anyway, all that to say that I empathize with you. And I also want to say "Hang in there! Be strong! It'll get better soon!" I'm impressed that you refuse to let go of God and His guidance--what a good lesson for all of us.

Lots of love to you and your entire family. We're praying for you each day.

Aunt Jolene

At 10:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have to say, Lauren, I was quite surprised when I got to the bottom and saw your name and not your dad's!! That's probably because my husband is NOTORIOUS for locking his keys in his car. In fact, one time, he left his car running at a park n ride, with the door unlocked...and you know what, it was still sitting there, 9 hours later, with the car running, lights on. He couldn't believe it. In his excitement about what he had going on that day, he didn't even notice and was further amazed that the car was still there.

My answer...I joined AAA. For $75 for the 2 of us to be members, they will come out and unlock your car. He thought it was a dumb idea, and then 3 days after I signed us up, he was in Madison with his keys locked in the car. Then he didn't think it was such a bad idea!! Anyway, they have helped him out on at least 3-4 occasions. So, sign up today for $30 and save yourself a lot of grief. p.s. I love the song about BJ, "To Die for You."

At 12:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Lauren, aka beautiful
I was checking the site today sad that we haven't caught up with each other yet.. i had to smile as i remember being with you when you locked your keys in the car and how Big John did come to the rescue.. I'm always excited to hear how God is working in your life and you know as well as i do that Satan only attacks when he knows were about to do something amazing.. I Cor. 15:57 Thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.. As we both head out this summer i have no doubt that the Lord will change your life and you will reach out as if it was his hand reaching and touch so many lives.. I love you

At 3:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Lauren! Everyone can relate to locking keys in the car and the frustration that causes. I'm curious as to how the Lord communicated His words: "I DON'T GET TIRED OF GIVING YOU MY GRACE. I GET TO WATCH YOU LEARN. I WILL GUIDE YOU. TRUST IN ME." to you. Did it come from reading the Bible, a song, a sermon or did He speak directly to your heart? Especially in the midst of spiritual warfare, I find the enemy distracts me so that I can miss the fact that the battle is "on" again, let alone hear His voice. (I have experienced audible words twice in my lifetime that I believe were the Lord.) Anyway, if you get a chance I'd love to learn from your experience.
Mark, OH

At 4:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


I love it when you share w/us! thanks for such a vivid description of what the Lord is teaching you.. your transparency is refreshing.

love you! praying always!

At 8:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


Tonight we listen to you sing, and it is clear God is doing a might work,
you will always be John's MFO

At 5:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Higgins Family - The song "Die for You" on the new Mercy Me album is amazing!! Those guys are great - the accompanying DVD is great to watch also! They don't talk about the song on there, but it was just neat to get to know more about Mercy Me! (Plus - it came free with the CD, , , so that was a cool deal!)
Thanks for posting - for being in touch - for leading the way - for being there - for doing all you do!
You all are way 2 kewl!
God can use you, big or small, young or old. He just loves you way too much!
And he loves me and my mom and dad too!!

At 5:09 PM, Blogger Jimmy said...

I just downloaded the new Mercy Me CD and as I was reading the digital booklet I read about BJ's story.

Tears. Sadness for your loss. I can hardly write this comment.

I am a pastor and my son, Chris, serves on my staff. I literally cannot fathom all that you've been through and continue to go through.

Some well intentioned friends and family will say, "Be strong, be tough." However, I say, "Grieve as the Lord will allow." It's okay to hurt, to question, to wonder "why?"

My prayers and empathy are with you. I will continue to check your posts. Just know that your son/child touched a pastor's life in Abilene, TX... and I will never be the same.

Blessings and Love,
Pastor J
MSCC Abilene, TX

At 11:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Elle -
Thank you so much for talking to me in the elevator yesterday, we were in there for a while. :) And hearing you sing last night was something I had been missing, something I never get enough of. Speaking of missing, I miss you a lot, and I really hope I see you tomorrow!

I love you guys
Philippians 1:3

At 12:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Lauren...

I don't think I've ever personally said hello - but wanted to say that as a parent, those words you received are stunning to me. "I get to watch you learn." I know what an incredible experience it has been to watch my kids learn when they were small and how much tougher it is to stand by and watch as they grow older - where the mistakes can be more intense. All the while - I get the phenomenal responsibilty of guiding them... and trusting in God guiding me AND them.

That love and trust conveyed in the message to you is such a beautiful promise and a potent defense in the midst of spiritual warfare. Everything falls under God's sovereignty - Satan's biggest ploy is to make us think otherwise. In that case... those words you received may instead be your offensive weapon, your sword, the word of God.. the truth. Swing away!

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