Thursday, August 03, 2006

The day before the nine month anniversary of BJ's death, we were hiking through a village in the foothills of a mountain with a group of Amazigh people from the association we were working with. I was frustrated at myself because I felt so disconnected from the group of people. I interacted a bit with some of the good friends my sister had already made, but I was thinking and quiet and alone for most of the hike. I felt trapped inside myself, unsure how to love these people and afraid to try.

When we reached the end of our road, the entire mass of people stopped to sit down and talk with each other while our drivers hiked back to get the vans. There was a large group of children all sitting together, singing songs. Off to the side, one of my teammates sat with a group of boys, talking to them. As I looked between the boys and the group of children smiling and swaying and singing songs, I noticed one grown man in their midst... and my heart just hurt. I knew that was exactly where BJ would have been, ministering to children by enjoying them and joining them in their games and songs.

The reality that he is dead hit me with unusual clarity. I rejected it, as usually happens at those terrible, raw, real moments. Tears streamed down my face as I practically ran to my dad to cry while he hugged me. After several minutes, we looked on, watching the group as they continued in their fun.

Suddenly, a little girl several yards away broke away from her friends and ran right over to me. She put her little arms around me and gave me as big a hug as she could muster.

Then she reached up to my face and wiped my tears away with her small hand.

How much I have to learn about how to love other people! And so much I did learn in one precious moment when a little girl from another culture saw my pain and loved me the only way she knew how. And it was enough.

Sometimes we are so afraid that how we love each other won't be enough that we simply cease to try. How wrong we are!! The love we have in us, given to us and made perfect by Jesus, is really all we have to offer each other.

Live that love.



At 4:23 PM, Blogger Jen Wilson said...

Just popped on today and am so happy to read your blogging. You're an amazing woman and in my prayers! I love you!

At 5:13 PM, Blogger brobrad said...

Thank you Lauren. Little children can, without a doubt, cut right through all of the clutter and show what love is. Hugs to you,

uncle brad

At 5:22 PM, Blogger LisaTeegarden said...

SO WELL PUT, LAUREN. How beautiful you've written the last two days. In the midst of 'life goes on' sometimes we forget just how real the separation of death is. While knowing where our precious BJ is, and knowing what an AWESOME GOD we Serve, and that HE KNOWS BEST, I believe He knows we need to FEEL REAL PAIN OF LOSS sometimes even years later. There are times when I still don't understand WHY this happened. Other times I just have to believe GOD, and HIS TIMING. Praying for you all during these days. Praying communications open, and the LORD COMFORTS STILL. LOVE YOU and THANK YOU ALL FOR PRAYING FOR MY JACK, AND I. It is a scary time, but WE KNOW GOD IS IN CONTROL. HUGS. Aunt Lisa

At 5:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was going through my quote book today as I work on my scrapbook of last yer's Peru trip... something I have been putting off, becuase, I also do not want to deal with the fact that I will never go on another mission with BJ. And I came across this quote:

"Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have."

I don't know who said that, but I don't think that really matters. You are so full of love, even if you can't feel it. I mean, admist your own pain, you still spent a summer ministering to Lost people in another country... and sharing the most precious love there is to know -- the love of Jesus. If that is not love, I don't know what is.

Know that I continue to pray for you and your family.

Laura Allyn

At 7:16 PM, Blogger Aunt Maralyn & Uncle Ray said...

Lauren, you are a very special young lady and I am so proud of you. Your writing today is very tender and touching. You painted a very vivid picture for all of us to reflect on.
LOve you lots.
Aunt Maralyn

At 7:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


I remember that day very clearly as I saw your dad embracing you, I even remeber the village. Know that I love and miis you dearly.

April C.

At 10:56 PM, Blogger swimteen2 said...

God bless you that is soooooo true!

GOD gave me laughter
-genesis 21:6

At 11:23 PM, Blogger Scott Reed said...

That is why we are to have "child like faith". Children are so real. They look past color and social status and all the junk we tend to label people with. That is a really good story. Thank you for a having a sharing heart.

At 10:24 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

With tears streaming down my eyes as I am feeling a sense of the raw pain you were feeling and knowing that you all feel it at different times, I wanted to send you a very big E-HUG so here goes



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