Monday, October 30, 2006

The Lord has used dreams to get my attention at key points in my ministry life. I quickly confess that I do not usually have a clue what they mean. However, upon sharing them with the godly people around me, I have usually been able to see His direction in them.

One of the first I remember, was when He was calling me into ministry. The dream I had, caused such an unsettledness within my spirit, that I was compelled to share it with those I knew would not laugh at me. They were very helpful in helping guide me in the right direction.

There is no doubt in my mind that surrounding ourselves with God's people is necessary in our lives. Their wise counsel is such an important aspect of our walk with Jesus.

When I was on staff at a church in Carmel, Indiana, I had a dream that caused me to question with intensity, it's meaning.

In the dream, I was in a dark landscape. A great light from heaven, with a narrow beam suddenly shone, and ranged across the land like a searchlight. Somehow, I knew it was seeking me. I found that my reaction was fear and awe. I did not know why He would be seeking me in such a way. It made no sense from a "God" perspective, because He already knew where I was. Why would this shaft of light seek me?

Once if fell upon me, I froze. A loud voice thundered from the heavens. I'll never forget the words. "My child, your time has come." The imagery in my mind will never be forgotten.

I set out to find it's meaning. Could it mean I was going to be taken home? Did it meant that He was about to do something in my life that He was calling me to obedience in? My reaction in those days continued to be fear and awe. I did not know what He was showing me.

I remember thinking in the days ahead, that to the Lord, a moment is like a thousand years. I found no comfort in that thought. I did not want to wait for this answer but this was not about what I wanted.

I would like to tell you that He revealed the answer to me. I cannot.

Years passed. God called us to change leave a part-time paid position and return to our "home" church. I changed full time jobs at His beckoning. BJ passed.

In the weeks after BJ's death, I was perusing his journals. I will never forget my find.

I read and turned page after page. Savoring and hearing his voice speaking, every word. How I missed him in those moments. I worked through the pages of his earliest journal. The one he was writing in around the time of this dream.

I was once again frozen. How could this be?

His early journal was filled with writing and drawing. As I turned this page my eyes fell upon a picture he had drawn that instantly reminded me of my dream. Somehow, without getting every detail right, he had illustrated a representation of the imagery in my head!

Here was a picture, drawn by my son that returned me in full hyper-speed rewind, to my dream.

Closer scrutiny reveals many inconsistencies between his depiction and those in my head.

Perhaps it was just grief, and extreme longing for his presence. I honestly don't remember telling him the dream...perhaps I did. All I can say is that in those few seconds, I was returned to four years ago, to a dream that I did not, and still do not understand.

I appreciated the fullness of this memory, and its continued impact on me. There is nothing quite like it. I cannot explain it, but it brings peace and a sense of contentment.



At 10:52 AM, Blogger brobrad said...

I think we tend to lose track of the fact that many of the dreams and visions God granted to His people took many years, if not generations to be fulfilled. Hopefully you will one day be satisfied in knowing what this dream meant. Even if you did share this with Beej, it is fascinating and telling that he took the time to try and remember it, let alone illustrate it.

I can still remember the intensity of your desire and search to know the Lord's place for you in ministry and that zeal to serve Him stood out to me, not only as a turning point in your life but as an example for me. Thank you.


At 3:20 PM, Blogger Praying in Pink said...

I believe that God can speak through dreams, but I am like you--I don't always know what they say!

On the rare moments that I remember a dream and think it may mean something, I go back to Scripture and make sure that the message lines up with His Word.

While my husband and I were "just friends," he (at the time, planning to be single forever) had a dream where he was the groom and I was the bride. It scared him so much he woke up!

And somehow . . . met me at the altar in real life about 18 months later. . .

You never know about those dreams!


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