It is amazing now, how precious life seems to me, yet so difficult. I seem to wake earlier each morning to Natalie Grant singing to me (yet my I-pod is off, and no stereos are playing). I hear her voice over and over and over. Her song "Held" ministers deeply, but I want her to stop waking me up to sing it. Will someone please tell her I have the cd, and she can rest now? What a voice, what a ministry.

I fancy myself an outdoorsman. I love being outside- hiking, backpacking, ultimate frisbee, snow skiing even studying nature- it brings me pleasure. I tend to think metaphorically, and everything relates back to words from these experiences. This is that 'trail' that is rated 'difficult' or 'most difficult' that noone really enjoys going down (at least not average guys like me), but you know you just have to.

The thing is, BJ was a thrill-seeker! He loved doing stuff on the edge! Some of you know this, but this past summer while on a mission trip in Kentucky, they were staying at a Baptist Camp there. Well there was a lake, and there was a cliff with a 30' drop. Guess where Beej wanted to be? He begged for permission to dive off. Our most intelligent pastor denied him, but he persisted. He was hungry for the experience and to be able to say I did it!

BJ has always (well almost) been a young man who would ultimately be respectful, and mind. No matter how much he longed for it, and begged, he would relent if the answer remained, "No."

When Beej and I hiked or backpacked, I would wisely follow the trails marked. He would routinely venture off of the trail, but remain within eyeshot or earshot (I don't think that is a word), and go storming down steep wooded or rocky ravines, running mind you, just to see if he could stay up and reach the bottom. He frequently reached 'bottom,' just not the way he hoped.

He invented new sports, too. Have any of you ever been "tree sliding?" That is where you get bored sitting around a campfire (after a long days hike), so you find the steepest, deepest bank, find a fallen tree (or in some cases knock over dead ones to suit your gamesmanship), and then slide down the tree from top to bottom on your backside. What a thrill! He would shriek with pleasure.

It didn't matter that these were the only shorts he brought, or that they no longer resembled shorts when he was finished. He drank deeply from simple things, and expressed joy as a byproduct!

He was the same in spiritual matters. How he loved studying God's Word. How frequently he was moved by it. How often the by products were joy, passion, mercy, enthusiasm, peace, etc. He would run through passages at breakneck speed, and then stop and retell the story in his mind over and over, until he got it. I wish, I had given him more opportunities to speak of what he learned. It was never that I didn't want to know, it was usually, how much time did I perceive that I had to listen. I never thought I had enough, turns out I was right.

Enjoy God's Word, and the pleasures therein. Drink deeply from the words, the compassion, the presence of our Lord, and His healing touch. He loves you, despite your mistakes, and shortcomings. He holds you up when you don't know it. I even think he tells stories about you around the campfires in heaven. Just pray that the "tree of life" isn't near a steep bank or dead, cause the fire will sit alone, and Beej will be leading the way down.

I love you,

dad