At 14, I felt God calling me to be a missionary. I went forward at church and everything. I continued to pursue God and prayed about what He wanted for my life, but not with what you would call "passion." I didn't get what my son got. I was insecure, I wanted people's approval, probably more than God's. I feel that now I am understanding more of what it's like when you're "sold out for Jesus." I know I can't do it on my own, so I claim scripture and BJ's paraphrase "God will give me the strength."
When I was struggling with what to major in at college, Dad's advice was "do what you love." I've always wanted to make a difference in some way. Teaching was the right choice for me - a great combination - music and children.
My other desire, common with young adults, was to get married and have a family. Funny, I always thought I'd like to have 3 children. I promised God I would raise them up "in the way they should go." Was this my compromise for the mission field? I don't really know the answer. I know God gave me an amazing husband and three precious children. We've known His grace and blessing over the years.
With the loss of our son, it's changed me. It's shaken me. It's broken me. I don't WANT to be the same. I find I have little interest in things that don't matter. Now, more than ever, I pray for an opportunity to work in the mission field. If it's just during the summer, I will go. If God provides a more permanent type of a commitment, I'm there. We don't know what the future holds, but we know God is working and we know for sure we want to be ready to be part of it. I feel that God is preparing us to give whatever it takes. We want to be bound by nothing that hinders and ready. Haste the Day Father!
Love to you all,
Mom
Marla, we are so thankful for your precious gifts. Moved beyond words. Greatful for the timing. You have blessed us deeply!
posted by Pray for BJ @ 7:41 AM
12 comments
12 Comments:
You are soo right and I know that this years many of us are excited and ready to go in the mission field after many events that happend in 2005. This is a new year and I have a feeling it will be different. I hope you and your family had a wonderful break. Your in my prayers.
-Marissa
At this point I don't know what to say...I just want to ponder your comments. I surely know that God's desire for us knows no age limits. I am foolish if I think for even 1 minute that God is done with me, or that I am beyond usefulness.
I wish I had zeal to serve more fully and completely, but I wonder at what expense do I want it?
Thank you for sharing and being so very open to all of us.
Susie
I just wanted to thank all of you who prayed for the AweStar Mexico mission trip. Word from Heather is that it was a very good and fruitful trip.
Heather's passion for the mission field continues and her daddy and I are praying for clear direction for ourselves. We don't want to waste our lives. Much of our new found passion comes from this blog and Awe Star.
You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers daily even though I don't write daily. May you all be blessed as you have blessed so many others.
Love and prayers,
Toodie
Your letter today brought to mind me..I to had the desire to be a missionary up until the age of 15..and then I went the way of the world and strayed from the Lord..I married and was blessed with 6 children and was led to work in my churches in the childrens department..everytime I delivered a child I ended up working back in the nursery and eventually worked with 2 and 3 year olds then four and five and then 2nd graders..I had a short job teaching in the summer at a Christian preschool but had all age children. The Lord brought me other teen age girls to shepard in my home..girls whose parents didnt care for them and I was able to give them love and a church experience and hopefully was an example of Christ livng in
me..I continue to be a missionary for the Lord to my adult children and my grandchildren and my neighbors and friends...Our Lord has shown me that home is where my mission field is
Praying for you and the guidance of God's gentle hand upon your heart and your lives as you seek to serve Him in the way He desires.
Please keep Jacob and Evan in your prayers. Their mother committed suicide in July, their father had already died. They are 9 & 11. They had a difficult holiday season, experiencing much of the same pain and loss as you all did. They are living with an Aunt 3 hours away from what was their home. They didn't know her very well but it was who their mother specified in her will. They are having difficulty adjusting, missing their school, friends and regular church family. I pray that they will feel the power of God's love shared through His children.
Blessings, Tina
I know it's a few days late, but I'm praying for God to bless you richly this year. Still with you--
Phil
It has been awhile since I have been on to read the journal, since we've been on break. I'm looking forward to getting back to school, with high-speed connection, and catching up on the last month. You have been and continue to be in my prayers. I missed your writings and I hope I see you all soon. Much love *kim
Deanna,
I have been praying that before God leads you and Brent somewhere, the passion you both are feeling will be lit at FBC. We have a great church, but we are lacking the passion to serve Christ, to listen to Christ and what He has in store for us. That has been a fervent prayer of mine since BJ became sick. Just as you are not the same anymore, I pray our church is not the same anymore. We need to "get it" and not worry about all the petty issues that can destroy a church. You both continue to inspire our family and we love you all. We wish you the best for 2006.
Love, Nancy
Bless you, bless you, bless you! You're an amazing family!
Deanna & Brent -- it must be difficult to ponder 2006 without your BJ at home. No wonder you want to go out on the mission fields -- it is where BJ's soul and passion were! Don't forget that you have been on a "mission field" right here on the internet and it is changing lives everyday. Do what God calls you to do -- but know that you are answering His call everyday by ministering to those who log on to this website. We love you. We really do. Please be aware that we want you to feel peace.
I also want to lift up Jacob and Evan -- Lord, please bless these boys with Your encompassing love and peace and hope.
Hi Pray for BJ love your blog. I came across it while looking for prayers. I know this post is not an exact match but thanks for the read. I'll get on with my search for prayers stuff and will visit again sometime. Take Care
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