Thursday, February 23, 2006

A visitor arrived this morning. One I am not pleased to see. One who threatens to stay without welcome. One who seems to want to haunt my shadow, to shadow my every step. I suppose I should welcome him with open arms, but he is not. He is not my friend. He is merely an acquaintance who arrives unannounced, and does not leave upon request.

I suppose if he waited for an invitation, his life would be most lonely. When he intrudes, mine becomes so. Oh I have family and loved ones close by, but his invasive attitude and abrasive personality casts them behind as his demand for attention prevails. I wish he would go away... fade into the dark perimeter of my horizon past.

I have met many who have the gift of hospitality. Perhaps if they would stay with me awhile, they could make his presence minutely tolerable. If they were here, my guest would likely leave. His predominant desire is to prey upon the quiet moments, and make them intolerably stricken with his mute but ambient black noise.

"There is light at the end of the tunnel"... when accompanied by his presence, this tunnel makes the most awkward undulations, and causes the light of relief to be lost in the twisting dark brambles of thick solitude. There are many who would offer their hand to draw me away from him, but with him I must dwell, for a moment, or an eternity, the two are blended inseparably and my focus cannot negotiate the difference.

How I long to be in the presence of "the one who... had the appearance of jasper and carnelian." To be surrounded by "the twenty-four" who are "dressed in white," to be joined with those who "called out in a loud voice, How long sovereign Lord?" and then were "given a white robe."

This guest is not welcome, yet he's concerned not with my approval, but in collecting my pain and brokenness, and using them to exploit my joy. He may not have it, it is not his to take, but mine to give. It became mine upon the day I laid down my right to myself.

I remember Him, He took my pain and brokenness upon his back, and left in it's void, joy. I remember that He is here, welcome. I am not alone with this unyielding intruder. I am reposed and found within His grasp.

Wave after wave may buffet, but my peace springs true from the Water that quenches eternal!

dad


Marlene and Bill, you can contact me at bahiggins1259@msn.com

15 Comments:

At 9:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brent,

I am praying that your dark visitor shows itself out the door and that you bask in the light of the Son today. There will always be twists and turns on your journey and just when you think you have a handle on it, you will have a dark day. You and Deanna are such special people, I count myself blessed to know both of you.
You will always be in our prayers, for years to come. Hope you get out and enjoy the beautiful day God has provided today. The sky is brilliant blue this morning. Take care of yourself. We love you both.

Nancy

 
At 9:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brent-it is hard to imagine the depths of the darkness that linger and can open up to the visitor we all, as Christians, want to avoid. We are human. I just pray that today the Son who has sent you a day full of sun and Light and Love and peace will literaly take the faintest of shadows away. I'm praying for your family. Have a blessed day. Much love to you.

 
At 9:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Brent,
As long as I am able to think clearly and breathe normally, my prayers will be with you. May God burst through the dark and cold only as He is able. May God's light and warmth embrace you in ways you've never dreamed or imagined. May God work in your mind, body, and soul to produce a spring of child-like wonder and amazement. Oh, dear God, enter our dark days with your speed of light that is eternal. Glory!

Dan
Deer Park, TX

 
At 10:28 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your post today tore at my heart. I have the same visitor sometimes too. Put on your armor, take up your sword and fight, God is with you, He will not let you be taken over. I am praying for you.

Your sister in Christ,
Shelly
Noblesville, IN

 
At 10:45 AM, Blogger the leaf family said...

Praying for you..
I do know this visitor...
With love and prayers from KC
Tracy

 
At 11:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do not entertain the visitor. It will leave - but will return to be avoided again by the Light that shines through you.

 
At 11:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brent and family -
Praying for you today. Thank you for being so honest and real. You have blessed my life.
Aimee

 
At 1:32 PM, Anonymous Cedarburg Tina said...

Brent,

This visitor pulls us out of the Son's glory into a place of lost hope. Fight it. By recognizing it and sharing your awareness of it among you today, you have taken the first step toward not allowing it to control you. We all have days when this is very difficult to do. Yet, by turning to God's strength, not our own,tomorrow you will wake up and the day will somehow seem just a bit better.

Encouraging you with love, hugs and prayers.

Tina

 
At 1:55 PM, Blogger LisaTeegarden said...

Brother after having spent many weeks (months) with that unwelcome visitor and coming through it with GOD'S GLORIOUS LIGHT and HELP, and that of my wonderful family especially a most welcome prayer from you I pray that this visitor is at most very temporary. Lord, I pray that you would bind this unwelcome visitor from my brother and shine your love and care into the darkness that threatens him. Thank you Jesus for all that you have brought us all through. Thank you for the new road you are opening for Brent and Deanna and for the way you are leading them. We would be selfish to want to keep them near us. Though that is our human choice. We want YOU to be Glorified in the road you're leading them on. LOVE YOU BROTHER, Your OLD sister Lisa

 
At 2:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brent,


Please know that you are being lifted up today by so many people. The joy that we have is given by Christ alone and satan will do anyting possible to take that joy away from us.
I was once told that when you are being attacked you are doing something right, but it is when you are not being attacked that there is a problem.
Pleading to the Father on your behalf.

A fellow NA team member

 
At 10:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brents family-
ill be praying for u... stay strong!!

 
At 11:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Father, Pour Your LIGHT upon this home, as only YOU can do!!!

 
At 12:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not sure why but I feel compelled to post this. Have a good day!

Who Am I
------Casting Crowns

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Chorus:
Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,(ocean)
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

Chorus:
Not because of who I am,
But because what of you've done.
Not because of what I've done.
But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean,(ocean)
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you told me who I am.
I am yours.

Chorus:
Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean,(ocean)
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
You told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?
'Cause I am yours.
I am yours.

 
At 1:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brent,

I'm praying God uses your family in a huge way.I know he will be with you.He will be there to comfort,love,direct and teach you.
I have just gotten my computer going again.you are in my thoughts and prayers .I really think what you are going to do in regards to finishing BJ's calling is wonderful.My apology is given for not ever sending that card or the letter I ment to . I let the business of life get me to busy.
I thank God so much for that sweet peace he has given me. I know the true comforter.As you God has given me an enormous amount of peace .He has also restored my joy ,I no longer count it as a loss but a soilder going home. you truly remain in my thoughts and prayer daily.I love you Brent,Deanna,Whitney and lauren dearly.Now that my computer is going I hope to stay in contact .

In Christ love, MONROVIA's
Stephanie Tankersley

 
At 4:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brent- I heard your story in my church. I don't know you, but the Lord does. He helps you, because he knows you are strong, and that you see his power. He knows you are a special gift, and just couldn't wait to meet you. He knew you could handle this disease, and that you had already made such an impact on the world. He knew you tried your best, and he, and everyone else, (as you can see by all the people), appreciated your work and you. He knew he could only see great things in your future, but had a spot for you in Heaven. The Lord is with you and your family, and always will be.

- Anonymous

 

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