Thursday, December 29, 2005

I cannot understand how those who have never given their hearts to Jesus, survive the grief processs. The justifications they must use to explain what has happened, bend my mind in directions it refuses to travel. I have been at funerals of the unsaved, and seen how horrid that experience is for the surviving family.

I am so very thankful that we have been surrounded by believers who are family by blood, and family by His blood. The extension of love, support, and prayers have been a gift to us. There is no way we can ever repay you for the way you have blessed us. We are very greatful.

I continue to be surprised when I am overtaken by waves of anger, or sorrow. These times are occurring less frequently, but no less sharp in their attack. We are helpless, it seems to defend against them. I know they are necessary, and have been provided by our Lord as a way of getting past the experience.

Sometimes, I find myself just wanting Jesus to return, as I feel unable to continue to figtht and serve Him.

Yet, He continues to sustain me. Sometimes through ways I never imagine. Yesterday morning, I walked into the "men's room" in the cabin, only to hear Joshua singing the first verse of "Held" in his young boy soprano voice. I was in awe. How did he know this song that the Lord has used to carry us. How did he know when to sing it?

Earlier this week, I showed the "BJ blanket" to Joshua and his family. He ran up to it, embraced it without hesitation, and curled up in front of the fire, wrapped in it. How that picture brings me comfort.

We were hiking together (11 of us, I think) through the woods of the camp, a couple of days ago, when Joshua found an antler shed. He wasn't even looking for one, nor did he know to. Brad has worked at this camp for over 10 years, I believe, and has never even seen one.

I know some of these things have meaning for others, and some do not. They have been instruments of healing for me, and I know the author! I know He is meeting the needs of my family in similar ways, and I am most humbled by it. I am not thoughtful enough to come up with such schemes. I couldn't do it for myself, let alone have the insight to do it for someone else. Someday, I hope I do.

Today is the final day we will all be together. Tomorrow we head back to our homes, and lives. I am thankful for all of my family. This Christmas, I have been most thankful for the memories the Lord has given me of Joshua. Beej loved him, and spent so much time with him. How I have missed seeing them together. Crossing blades, hiking, playing hide and seek, or cars, or army men... it never mattered. Just so they were together.

Joshua is young, and I fear his memories of his cousin BJ will fade. I must trust the Lord to keep those alive, and pertinent for the situation, as He sees fit. As He knows they are needed, they will be refreshed. And I am so thankful for a Savior that cares enough about me, to know just what I need, and provide it, even though I don't deserve it.


Please continue to lift up the Awestar Mexcio team as they are serving, even now!


At 10:25 AM, Blogger Melissa said...

I am so glad to hear that you find comfort in the signs you are given. I know that BJ would only want you to be happy, though that's not easy when you've lost someone you love.

I have Tyler today, he stayed the night. He sends his love and smiles! I wanted to get my alone time with him before his next heart surgery, which will be scheduled soon. Please keep him in your prayers, as he had such a difficult time with the first surgery. We pray that since he is now 8-9 pounds bigger and stronger, things will go perfectly.

At 10:30 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so glad you are recording all of these things that you see the Lord do for all of you on a regular basis. Like the Israelites you will have a written record to go back to and review when doubt or difficulties or even moments of wavering faith creep into your hearts and minds. The evil one seems to know when to try and plant those seeds. But thanks be to God we already have the victory!

May your last day together as family bring rich blessings and many new and wonderful memories to sustain you in the coming new year.

Thank you also for asking for prayer support for the AweStar team in Mexico. Their time is short but I believe the field is ripe for harvest. To God be the glory.

I continue to uphold all of you in prayer daily. You are never far from my thoughts. Thank you for reminding all of us that we are "Held" when we are believers because we are etched into the palm of His hand.

Love and prayers,

At 10:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am always blessed when I read this blog.There are many times I cry with you.
I want you to know that Joshua wont forget BJ. BJ wont be forgotten because he has made and imprint in many hearts. Those who never knew him and those who did. Joshua in his little heart knows he has big shoes to fill. How can you forget a BIG KID who plays with you and it was the best time for you both.
For me, I will always remember that sweet smile he had out of the corner of his mouth. Those eyes of kindness will always be in my mind. Brent, Deana, Lauren and Whitney, BJ is forever in our hearts and each time some one comes to know Christ I will always think of him and how he shared.

At 10:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

As I've watched the Dungy family cope with the loss of their son, it makes me realize what you say today is true. It is so apparent that the grace they have displayed is a direct result of their tremendous faith. I also can't imagine how one copes with the loss of a loved one without the knowledge of what is awaiting their sole. God Bless, Greenfield, Indiana

At 12:25 PM, Blogger Praying in Pink said...

Brent, Your words leave me speechless yet again. . .except that it is really GOD who does that, just as when I first heard the song "Held."

How like our sensitive, giving Father to provide the metaphor in the "shed"--the promise in Joshua's song--the fragile beauty in the midst of what, for those who don't know Him, would certainly be a time of embracing bitterness and hatred.

Okay, not quite as speechless as I thought--YES praying for Awe Star Mexico (prison ministry today), for your family's travels, and for our blog family including Ben-jammin and those remembering Rosemary. . .

with tender love and continuing prayers in pink,

Marti for the Pieper Family
Charleston, SC

At 12:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So often we take for granted the miracles of everyday life here in our earthly bodies. When the soul is reached and the heart touched and moved by His Spirit, something amazing happens. All of the miracles, small and large, joyful and painful, show our Lord's glory in ways that were not imaginable. I feel so blessed that I have been moved by His Spirit and touched by His grace. Thank you Higgins family, one more brought to Christ through your son, BJ, and through you -- of course, through Jesus Christ!!

God Bless you all and keep you "Held" through your grief!

At 7:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Brent, Deanna and girls,

I haven't written or even checked this site in a long time. I have been SO busy and then our whole family has been wiped out by this flu thing during the holidays.

But, I have never forgotten you and do continue to pray for you almost daily. I know the first Christmas without my brother, who died in June 97 at age 34, was very difficult for our whole family. I can't imagine the first Christmas without one of my children.

I also remembered that Monday was the 3 month anniversary of BJ's death (to the day!). I pray God will continue to carry you through all this. You are all very brave and strong, but it's also OK to be weak, hurting, angry, etc.

I would send you things directly, but I only have your direct email, no address. A book that helped me when my brother died was "My Companion Through Grief" by Gary Kinnaman.

Thanks for continuing to share your grief so publicly. I know you are blessing many.

Linda Storm
Ontario, CA

At 8:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Higgins Family,
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and of comfort. Grandma loved you guys so much and was so happy that she got to see you and everybody else at church. Thank all the bloggers for their prayers. Please pray especially for my Grandpa and all of his side of the family as they are unsaved and without Christ at this time. Our prayers for the Higgins are still there through everything. Thank you all again for your support.

In Christ,
Ben Hackler

At 9:40 PM, Blogger Lattany said...

I'm at a loss for anything eloquent. Held has a special place in our hearts, but that's another story.

Prayers for Ben-jammin' and Rosemary's family.

Many prayers for the Awe Star team.

Fairfax, VA, USA

At 11:28 PM, Blogger a schmaltzee life said...

There is just no possible way that Joshua will forget BJ...
Joshua is such a sweet boy....but he has a depth and awareness to him...i think his relationship go very deep...and the one he had with BJ will i'm HELD in his heart forever!!!

I'm so glad you guys have all been together...sure would have loved to go hiking with ya'all1 everyone
Marla & gang

At 12:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am continually praying for your family- the blog continues to remind me so many things- thanks for sharing your lives with us and BJ's- His life has truly impacted mine-
your sister in Christ

At 1:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know Christmas must of been really hard this year... but I know that Beej got the best gift of all, Jesus Christ with him on Christmas!!! He is with the true meaning of Christmas!!
Your family is a strong Christian example, to be strong and continue to follow Christ. BJ was an example to me too, he fought hard, and he did win the battle he was fighting, He traveled home.
My cousin was sick in her brain(not retarted that is a awful way of insulting someone, thats making fun of sick people) and she lived to be like 25, they didn't think she would live to be three! God gave her loving parents and family and a good life. She died Christmas Eve two years ago. I cried when i found out, but know I know my cousin Jenny got best Christmas gift of all, being with Jesus!!!! It doesn't make the burden eiser I know for the ones Beej and Jenny left behind, but it can make us feel more sure, and know we will see them again!
We will continue to pray for your family!
God Bless!!
Your sister in Christ,

At 2:23 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love you guys,


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