At 14, I felt God calling me to be a missionary. I went forward at church and everything. I continued to pursue God and prayed about what He wanted for my life, but not with what you would call "passion." I didn't get what my son got. I was insecure, I wanted people's approval, probably more than God's. I feel that now I am understanding more of what it's like when you're "sold out for Jesus." I know I can't do it on my own, so I claim scripture and BJ's paraphrase "God will give me the strength."
When I was struggling with what to major in at college, Dad's advice was "do what you love." I've always wanted to make a difference in some way. Teaching was the right choice for me - a great combination - music and children.
My other desire, common with young adults, was to get married and have a family. Funny, I always thought I'd like to have 3 children. I promised God I would raise them up "in the way they should go." Was this my compromise for the mission field? I don't really know the answer. I know God gave me an amazing husband and three precious children. We've known His grace and blessing over the years.
With the loss of our son, it's changed me. It's shaken me. It's broken me. I don't WANT to be the same. I find I have little interest in things that don't matter. Now, more than ever, I pray for an opportunity to work in the mission field. If it's just during the summer, I will go. If God provides a more permanent type of a commitment, I'm there. We don't know what the future holds, but we know God is working and we know for sure we want to be ready to be part of it. I feel that God is preparing us to give whatever it takes. We want to be bound by nothing that hinders and ready. Haste the Day Father!
Love to you all,
Mom
Marla, we are so thankful for your precious gifts. Moved beyond words. Greatful for the timing. You have blessed us deeply!
posted by Pray for BJ @ 7:41 AM
17 comments
17 Comments:
You are soo right and I know that this years many of us are excited and ready to go in the mission field after many events that happend in 2005. This is a new year and I have a feeling it will be different. I hope you and your family had a wonderful break. Your in my prayers.
-Marissa
At this point I don't know what to say...I just want to ponder your comments. I surely know that God's desire for us knows no age limits. I am foolish if I think for even 1 minute that God is done with me, or that I am beyond usefulness.
I wish I had zeal to serve more fully and completely, but I wonder at what expense do I want it?
Thank you for sharing and being so very open to all of us.
Susie
I just wanted to thank all of you who prayed for the AweStar Mexico mission trip. Word from Heather is that it was a very good and fruitful trip.
Heather's passion for the mission field continues and her daddy and I are praying for clear direction for ourselves. We don't want to waste our lives. Much of our new found passion comes from this blog and Awe Star.
You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers daily even though I don't write daily. May you all be blessed as you have blessed so many others.
Love and prayers,
Toodie
Your letter today brought to mind me..I to had the desire to be a missionary up until the age of 15..and then I went the way of the world and strayed from the Lord..I married and was blessed with 6 children and was led to work in my churches in the childrens department..everytime I delivered a child I ended up working back in the nursery and eventually worked with 2 and 3 year olds then four and five and then 2nd graders..I had a short job teaching in the summer at a Christian preschool but had all age children. The Lord brought me other teen age girls to shepard in my home..girls whose parents didnt care for them and I was able to give them love and a church experience and hopefully was an example of Christ livng in
me..I continue to be a missionary for the Lord to my adult children and my grandchildren and my neighbors and friends...Our Lord has shown me that home is where my mission field is
Praying for you and the guidance of God's gentle hand upon your heart and your lives as you seek to serve Him in the way He desires.
Please keep Jacob and Evan in your prayers. Their mother committed suicide in July, their father had already died. They are 9 & 11. They had a difficult holiday season, experiencing much of the same pain and loss as you all did. They are living with an Aunt 3 hours away from what was their home. They didn't know her very well but it was who their mother specified in her will. They are having difficulty adjusting, missing their school, friends and regular church family. I pray that they will feel the power of God's love shared through His children.
Blessings, Tina
I trust your relationship with God, Brent and Deanna. More than that, I trust our King, who will continue to guide you in all the paths that are right. . .
Awe Star Mexico Christmas Team 2005 is safely home! Thanks to all who prayed. . . and share your stories, bloggers among you. . . (you know who you are). Here's mine.
Kristen came home with all sorts of gifts, chiefest among them the stories of changed lives (including hers). ANOTHER very special gift was a set of the newest Awe Star Stickers. These are black with "The Global Passage Creed" in red at the top. In white letters are the famous words of one BJ Higgins (shared previously, but repeated here:
I will not be satisfied.
I will not let my passion be held in a bottle.
I will not let my light be hidden.
I will stand up.
I will let my voice be heard.
I will lead, I will serve, I will fight.
I will tell people about Christ.
I will unsheathe my sword.
It's time to raise a revolution.
God will give me the strength.
As written by BJ Higgins, Martyr, 1989-2005
I read that sticker over--and over--and over. Even though I've seen the words many times, chills ran up and down my spine as I saw them lifted from his writing and so appropriately in place as the new Global Passage Creed. Poor Kristen was telling us more about her trip, and I had to raise my hand, tears streaming down my face, and ask her to wait--I hadn't heard a single word.
Go, BJ! Go, Brent and Deanna--wherever He leads. Go, Awe Star! Go, God!!
Oh, yes. . . there's a little bit more. Kristen was looking at the sticker again a little bit later, and said, "Man, I wish I could write something like that."
Her dad wisely said, "You can live it."
always love and prayers (you know the color),
[and, because I know someone will ask, yes, the stickers are available at www.awestar.org --This is NOT a paid commercial. . .they are just that AWEsome!]
Marti
I too have always felt "some kind of" calling to missions. I always worked in the "missions" area during VBS. Work with kids in a day care setting, teach Sunday School, etc. But always knew God wanted more...more to do with mission. I am a single mom, who is self empolyed. If I don't work I don't get paid. How could I ever pack up and go on a mission trip? Let alone be able to afford the time off and the cost of the mission. Last year God spoke again. This time a little louder, but still in a still small voice. He said "Today is the day, now is the time". I kept praying.."But how God?" Well, He did make a way for the cost of the trip through sponsors and somehow the bills got paid too. It was awesome to obey God. I had never been out of the country...trust became a bigger part of this mission. I had to leave my daughter for 10 days and go to another country. What if she needed me? God said "I need you more!" Everything worked out fine. I was glad to be back home but my heart still aches for the people of Greece. This year my daughter went with me. We minister to kids in Jamaica Queens NY. 2006 we go to Vancouver, Canada. God is just starting a work in my life and I wish I would have obeyed Him years ago. Thank goodness He forgives and still blesses!
I know it's a few days late, but I'm praying for God to bless you richly this year. Still with you--
Phil
It has been awhile since I have been on to read the journal, since we've been on break. I'm looking forward to getting back to school, with high-speed connection, and catching up on the last month. You have been and continue to be in my prayers. I missed your writings and I hope I see you all soon. Much love *kim
Deanna,
I have been praying that before God leads you and Brent somewhere, the passion you both are feeling will be lit at FBC. We have a great church, but we are lacking the passion to serve Christ, to listen to Christ and what He has in store for us. That has been a fervent prayer of mine since BJ became sick. Just as you are not the same anymore, I pray our church is not the same anymore. We need to "get it" and not worry about all the petty issues that can destroy a church. You both continue to inspire our family and we love you all. We wish you the best for 2006.
Love, Nancy
Bless you, bless you, bless you! You're an amazing family!
Deanna & Brent -- it must be difficult to ponder 2006 without your BJ at home. No wonder you want to go out on the mission fields -- it is where BJ's soul and passion were! Don't forget that you have been on a "mission field" right here on the internet and it is changing lives everyday. Do what God calls you to do -- but know that you are answering His call everyday by ministering to those who log on to this website. We love you. We really do. Please be aware that we want you to feel peace.
I also want to lift up Jacob and Evan -- Lord, please bless these boys with Your encompassing love and peace and hope.
hi fam...
i'm glad you got the treasures...and i pray that they bless you all.
on the Sonbeam pic..i wrote that tadee prayed on Oct 16 ....it was actually October 1...while we were there in the hotel room before coming to your house.
Louie Giglio (who authored the book) is such an inspiring writer and speaker...i always get very challenged and moved when i hear him speak... i'm praying that the girls have/had an amazing time at the Passion conf...i have watched the videos of the event in years passed...and it definately stirs up PASSION...i'm sure it's so much more intense being there.
i also will be praying that our Father guides you and continues to speak to you!!!! how awesome for you guys to be open and available to what God wants...i'm so awed by the fact that you are more passionate and desiring God and his ways...instead of bitter and turning away. i'm sure you have moments...but to keep pressing into Jesus...and running hard after him...
you DISPLAY HIS SLENDOR to all of us!
with much...much love!
Marla
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