Okay, I did not get into too much trouble. More apprehension than actual animosity. Yay!

Seriously, I tremendously appreciate your encouragement Deanna's way. It did make her smile.

While I would never wish for another to have to walk in our shoes, I suppose it is inevitable. One of the things that happens as a result, is how your perspective changes. It changes in many ways I suppose. How you view life. How you view death. How your anticipation of heaven changes. How you view your walk with the Lord. How your attitude towards the time you have left is altered. Even in how your mind shifts a bit when you read and contemplate Scripture.

When the life of your child is so completely sold out to Christ and then they lay it down and make the ultimate sacrifice, or even when you begin to see within them that they no longer are motivated by worldly pleasures, it impacts your own perspective. It causes your foundation to sway a bit, if that foundation is not as it should be.

I remember the words from a little over a year ago so clearly. Even though at the time, I thought he was being overly dramatic. The doctor at the hospital had just delivered the news to us that he was extremely ill, and would need to be transported to a hospital with pediatric intensive care so that he could be put on a ventilator when necessary.

The color drained from my face. My knees went unstable, and I thought I might fall down. In those moments of being exploded into a decimating reality, BJ calmly and lovingly looked at me and said (while struggling to breathe), "Dad, I know you're scared. I believe the Lord is gonna deliver me through this, but if he doesn't, I'm going home to be with Him and that's okay with me."

How could he be so strong when I wasn't? It was his life in the balance. How could he have such peace?

The peace of God is an amazing thing! That peace comes in times of trial and suffering. That peace would come to us in the upcoming tide of hours, days and weeks. It is not that He was not with me in that moment of shock, it was that He was surely carrying me in my momentary unbelief. Not unbelief in Him, but in what I was hearing, in the experience that was coming at us with such extreme velocity.

During the 6 weeks he spent in the hospital, 31/2 of them were spent on ECMO. While on this lung bypass system, his body had to be elevated about 6 feet or more off of the ground. This was achieved by placing his ordinary bed onto a motorcycle lift, and jacking it up to whatever height produced the best results.

This meant we had to climb metal stairs to stand at his side, to stroke his hair, to offer updates on what you, the body were doing in response to his situation.

Every time I walked into the room, I was reminded of a story from the Word I had always struggled with as a father. Each time I approached him, and saw him elevated is such manner, I was reminded of Abraham and Isaac. How was it that Abraham had the strength, the courage, the visceral fortitude to bind his son, and place him on the altar of sacrifice? What kind of father was he anyway?

How could any human patriarch allow such extreme violence to occur...by his own hand? What kind of obedience was this? If "obedience is better than sacrifice," what in the world was this? Obedience that is also sacrifice? How could that square?

The first and each ensuing time I saw BJ up there, I thought about the conversation that surely took place between father and son so many years ago. What must Isaac have said as dad began to bind his hands. What form of madness would find a father building and altar utilizing the labor of his son and then boosting his son into the seat of agony? How Isaac much have squirmed and fought against his ropes.

Yes, dad had said, "The Lord will provide." Did that mean He didn't, and so now the only option was Isaac?

The Lord recently reminded me that the evening of BJ's first day on ECMO, a spontaneous prayer meeting occurred outside the elevators, in the middle of the hall of the PICU. During that time, I surrendered him to the Lord. My words were something along the lines of, "God, it appears you are setting up a platform for BJ's ministry. If you will receive the most glory through this, then You know this is what we prefer. However, if you will receive greater glory in his death, then take him home, he is ready."

The more I have thought about Abraham and Isaac, the more I believe I was wrong. My perspective has changed. I believe the peace of God prevailed upon this most difficult of situations.

I believe in those moments atop the rocks, just before the sacrificial knife was raised over his body, Isaac looked deep into his father's eyes and said, "Dad, I know you're scared. I believe the Lord is gonna deliver me through this, but if he doesn't, I'm going home to be with Him, and that's okay with me."

Isaac was delivered, and God was glorified.
BJ was taken home, and God was glorified.

"The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the Name of the Lord."

dad


I return to FBC Snellville this weekend to participate in the closing of their Global Impact Conference. Please continue to pray for this body as they seek the Lord in missions!