Friday, October 28, 2005

Yesterday we received a "death benefit" check (2nd one). Wow is that final! It takes your breath away. It stirs your heart full of emotion and the release never seems to get sweet. It just ends, only to return later, like an unwelcome guest (have you seen "What about Bob?").

We didn't know we had this "benefit" before this whole saga began...well, ended.(my job is fairly new, and I failed to see this in the know, the paperwork?). It does however, beg the question, what is the value of life? It is not my intent however, to descend a steep philosophical hill that might only lead to...well, a lower point in emotional geography than I wish to visit.

Suffice it to say, that the value in your life is found in the depth of pursuit in your relationship with Christ. BJ's walk with the Lord was one that will not soon be forgotten. How we live our lives is critical. We cannot afford to turn our backs on who Jesus is, and who He wants us to be. We need to "dive deep" as Beej put it. To live the best that you can, means to be obedient with each heartbeat. This means being in that constant state of prayer we have each learned so much about over the last 2 1/2 months, and beseeching our Father for our decisions, and our actions.

This is not a trivial matter to our Lord. He wants unlimited access to our hearts and lives. He wants our steps to bring Him glory. He wants our faces to reflect His radiance. He wants our hearts to overflow with the joy that He fills us with. He wants our knees to be calloused and sturdy!

I can no longer afford to conduct myself in the same ways. What happened to my son has certainly changed my life. I often feel compelled to bring about radical change. I see the need for it all around me. What can I do about it? I can focus on one person at a time as the Lord brings them into my path. Then, as I find obedience and faithfulness to Him in my daily life, He'll prepare me for additional opportunities.

Perhaps BJ said it best in his '04 Peru journal:

"I need to live my life in a way that would glorify God, and leave a legacy of a Christlike life. I need to not just seek the harvest, but continue sowing and planting and watering seeds, for when Christ said "the harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few," He did not mean just harvesters or reapers. Workers include sowing and planting and watering as well as harvesting and reaping."

Well said Beej, and well lived son.


Yes Angela (from Mooresville), BJ would think your pink shirt with camouflage pants was a cool outfit!


At 8:09 AM, Blogger Kim Mierau said...

Thank you for your insight and for continually pushing me to a higher standard in my faith. Praying for you,
Love very much *Kim

At 8:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've been with you all since BJ went into the hospital. I've checked this site nearly every day. Today's comments nailed me to the wall. I need to review how I approach my day to day activities...what is the value of my life (in view of Christ's commands to believers)and then dive deep.
Regarding the death benefit. I have some dear friends whose son, during a time of great dispair took his life. They did not have the immense burden of medical bills, but nonetheless, when the insurance agent brought the check to them it just saddened them to think that "some dollar figure" was the value of their son's life.
I hope you are finding this site as theraputic and not a burden. I appreciate when each of you take the time to share with us you thoughts, joys, hurts, etc.
Please know that so many are still praying for you all.


At 8:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, yes, yes! It is all about Him! We are here for Him, His glory, His work!! We...I get so distracted...thank you, Lord for the faithful walk of young, mature BJ and Your call to more consistent, constant prayer. We want more of YOU! Come to us like the rain, we need a downpour. Revive us!

"Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night" Ps 1:1

"Be joyful always; pray contnually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" I Thess 5:18

At 8:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Still praying.

In Christ,

At 9:20 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

God bless you for today's words...they hit me....
Greenfield, Indiana

At 10:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brent, your words today are heartfelt and hurtful. Each of us need to take responsibility to make a difference that REALLY matter in Christ's eyes. We need to start planting first, then we can water, then harvest. Yes, we may have those seedlings that do not grow towards the heaven, but we need to keep planting so that those seeds eventually can't help but want to absorb and live. Thank you for allowing me to see that today is the day to start planting. Much love and comfort to you today.
Westfield, IN
Vicky Ward

At 10:43 AM, Blogger John said...

I have been following your blog for months now. BJ and the example your family has set has really helped me as I go through a lot of issues in my life, and as I try to change my life to become closer to God. You've really helped me through my faith as I deal with a lot of things, including some serious health issues. I just wanted you to know that and wanted to thank BJ and your family for helping bring me closer to God. I check this site daily now, and every morning it helps me as I try to follow God in my life.

At 11:04 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

so sitting here in my pink pj's because I am too lazy to change into another pink shirt and camo pants, I am blessed yet again, by the words you brought this mornin' to the website! I printed offall of the post and comments yesturday and shared them with a friend last night, and she accepted Christ before we got to September 24,2005. As, I lead her through the prayer of acceptance, I found myself thanking Beej for his legancy. I asked God after she left if, I would leave that kind of legacy and God said, " Be patient." I was in AWE all last night.

At 11:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I find myself coming to this web site everyday. I am blessed each and everytime.

I lost my mother-in-law very unexpectedly at the beginning of this year and it does slap you in the face when you receive those checks. How we would do anything to bring her back to us, but know that she is celebrating with the Lord.

I ask for your prayers as my husband and I reach out to his sister that she would one day accept Christ into her life.

As always, I am praying for you daily, please know that you are doing a lot of good continuing this web site. Many lives have been and will be changed as a direct result of the legacy BJ left behind. We MUST continue to reach others for Christ!

Love, A friend in Noblesville, IN

At 11:37 AM, Blogger Aunt Maralyn & Uncle Ray said...

Uncle RAy and I are back home for a few days. The first thing I wanted to do was check the web site to get caught up with what you had written. Since it was 10:30 PM I decided I had better wait until morning.
Wow what a praise and answer to prayer that Medicaid will kick in for September. The death benefit no matter the amount certainly doesn't begin to equal BJ's life, but every little bit helps.
Brent, I have said this before but the Lord has gifted you with your writings on this web site. You have always been special to me but this is giving me a much deeper apreciation for you.
You all continue to be in our prayers as you go about your daily tasks.
We love you soooooo much.
Aunt Maralyn

At 11:46 AM, Blogger Nic and Jen said...

Hi Higgins Family,
I have not posted for a few days, but I have read each entry you have written. I am often left speechless and feel like there are no words to express how sorry I am. I think Brent, how you expressed it today, is the way God wants us to live. You are constantly showing me how important our DAILY walk with Christ is. Your family has truly inspired me. I am grieved though, that it is under these circumstances. I guess sometimes it is hard to understand the Lord's purpose in everything. But I do know that He is being glorified through all of this. And BJ definitely watered a lot of seeds in his lifetime! I am amazed. What proud parents you must be. I often do not know what to say when I log on and read your entries. Each day I am shown something new. I am learning so much from your family. Thank you for that!!!! We are praying for you. Keep persevering for Christ. You are a true blessing to those around you.
In Christ,

At 12:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i love reading the posts everyday. they contiue to life me up. still praying for u and your family!

At 1:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pray for those whose only death benefit is a check for the survivors! For those in Christ, the benefits are priceless!

At 1:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for continuing to pour your heart out & share deep into the heart & soul of BJ! There is not a day goes by that I don't think about your family & offer up a prayer for you. BJ & your whole family have been a shining example of what a true follower of Christ should be. This journey with you has caused me to look deeper into my faith & re-evaluate my life. Praying for you as you continue to press on. Phil 3:14

Love ya guys!

At 2:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

thank you Brent my friend for still writing.. we miss you and want to see you soon.Deanna I will pray for your health. Whitney it was so wonderful to see and hear you on Wed. night in our praise team practice--- Praisin the Lord !!! You are beautiful.. I pray for you too Lauren. love , Marlene

At 4:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I look forward each and every day to come on here and see your words of encouragement and how you really feel. I pray you you and your family have a wonderful blessed weekend.

At 4:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I too have been with you since mercy me put out the prayer alert. I have been on here nearly everyday and pray for you daily. Still praying for comforting.

At 4:49 PM, Blogger . said...

Brent, thank you for so faithfully sharing your struggles, your victories, your insights.

Still checking on you all every day--still praying....

At 4:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello Family
Prayers are with you.
Indpls, IN

At 5:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Today in my Spanish class we were talking about dia de los muertos and we had to make a little paper person dedicated to someone who died. I dedicated mine to BJ. I've never met him but he has impacted my heart and passion for God.
Chelsea J.
Carlsbad CA

At 5:55 PM, Blogger Ashley Reagan said...

Praying for you today.

At 9:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for being so transparent in your walk through this time. Once again, your insights are so encouraging to me. Yes, it is true that people's well-meaning comments can be (unknowing to them) hurtful or hard to interpret in a positive way. But God will continue to give you the grace to just "deal with it" and go on, knowing you have many well-meaning well-wishers! Because you continue to share and encourage others during this time of deep grief and roller-coaster emotions, I know the Lord will give you strength and grace that is beyond human understanding. I'm continuing to pray for each of you in your special needs. Thank you, Brent, for the way you bring encouragement to your own family members by sharing with us their special strengths and struggles. What an example you are of what a spiritual leader in the home should be! May God pour out His blessings on you. I was thrilled to learn of the way He is already showing financial provision, but I know it is a bitter-sweet blessing for you. Continually praying!

At 9:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brent And Deanna,
Love ya' praying for you every day. looking forward to the bus trip. John & Jeannie

At 9:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I miss BJ

At 9:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

so... ive been through junk lately but tonight... something changed...

idk how much u know about me... but i write poems... and for some strange reason i would like it for u to read the one i wrote tonight... idk... maybe its becus BJ used to read my poems sometimes... and i like peeps to read it... and idk.
but here it goes...

I’ve let go of God's hand
thinking I could do this on my own
But I don’t have that kind of strength
I’m blindly walking alone
I search for a place of refuge
turning my eyes away from you
turning my back, running away
making it harder to get through
to many times have I given up
to many times have I faded away
but when I finally realized it
there were few words left to say
I’m sorry Lord
for turning and running from you
when your the only one
with the strength to make it through
I wish I'd never had faded away
I hope you accept my apology
and now all I have left to say
is loving you is destiny

so yes... thats it.

love ya'll!

PS: if u have any thoughts about it or suggestions lol... i would love to hear them.

At 11:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I Miss BJ. He was so fun to be around. He had a special sparkle in his eye when he spoke about the Lord. I wish I could just have one last converstaion with him. Put my arm around him and just talk. He was and still is inspirational. He was a big reason for my prayers every night. He kept me believing, because I don't thik anyone in the world believed more than BJ did. I miss him so much, but I know he is in the Lord's Hands. I just hope he doesn't forget me.

Trusting in the Lord,
Heather K.

At 11:15 AM, Blogger Jim Bohanon said...

I just wanted to let you know I am still praying for your family. I lost a brother when I was about BJ's age, and I know how difficult it is...but I also know God's grace is sufficient.

I also pray that people will continue to be blessed and changed by BJ's testimony. He knew that glorifying God is our ultimate responsibility, and I pray others will come to know that truth.


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