I was talking with a close friend last night. He asked me what the most difficult thing is, right now. I shared with him that when we are out at work, church, or socially, that your mind kind of plays a protective game where for brief moments you believe Beej is out somewhere, or even at home waiting. The stern reality mixed with emotion that pours over you when you realize this is not true (over and over again) is difficult to bear. 'Sick at your stomach' begins to try to describe the reaction, but it is more of a full body and soul response. The depth of which can be crippling.

I am amazed at times at how much comfort I receive at the thought of BJ hangin' with Jesus. Jesus tells us in the book of John that after He goes, the Comforter will come. Jesus did go. BJ went too. Guess what? The Comforter has come, and is continuously coming, everyday. Praise Jesus that He made His sacrifice that I might have life. Praise Him that He sent the Comforter. Praise God that BJ has His ear.

I know I've told you this before, but I work at Highland Lakes Baptist Camp in Indiana. Today, a youth group came back that had been here a year ago. What is special about them is that though we don't go to their church, they included BJ in their event last year. He had an awesome time. It was at this retreat that he penned the "I will unsheathe my sword" writing. He was very moved by the whole experience.

Well it was bittersweet to see them return. They are such precious people. Sarah, who plans the event, was so comforting and concerned. Robin, one of the teens, took the time to find out how I was REALLY doing. That IS special, since the last time Beej and I saw her (this summer), I smashed strawberries and cream in her face. Finally, BJ's friend and co-driver's ed. buddy, Drake was there. He was encouraging, and it was good to see him. BJ's last weekend at home, Drake had called to see if Beej could go to King's Island with him.

I have been concerned about how I would handle situations like this. Our God continues to be faithful, and I find I can deal with these things. It should not amaze me that He is so faithful, but I guess since I have failed him so often, and not been the servant I should be, I keep thinking I will be let down...but that never happens.

When we moved down here, in 2004, BJ was initially excited, you know the whole 425 acres of woods thing, and him being a guy. But then reality set in. We were in the country...that means awaaaayyyy from people. That meant for him...what in the heck do I do with myself? He began to struggle with his attitude. He was not himself for weeks. Finally, I did my 'dad' thing. I sat him down and told him that he would continue to be miserable until he started to make an effort to embrace this life that the Lord had called us to.

Sometimes I am just amazed, when doing the whole 'dad thing,' works. So many times you feel like you are doing the right things, but not seeing any good come from them. This time it seemed to work. I began to notice that he was returning to normal. After his death, I found a writing that recounted that incident. He has always understood the whole 'authority' thing (not that he always responded correctly). He came to terms with the fact that the Lord had laid a calling on my heart to work at Highland Lakes. That the Lord was in charge, and we were obedient by following His direction. Further, that being his dad, I was God's authority in his house and in his life.

Once he submitted to that authority, he was changed. He was back...he was happy. He began to gather up all of the experiences he could. He visited different church youth groups, and got involved. He soon found that God was giving him authority... authority to speak into the lives of others. He spoke with passion from God's Word and his own experiences.

When he went with AWESTAR to the mission field in Peru, and was taught that God had all authority, it was a truth he understood experientially. So when he saw God move in amazing ways and in amazing circumstances he was not surprised, but affirmed. He took the life experiences he had and built upon them.

Remember my chess story? BJ developed strategies for life and sharing. When it came time to suffer, he did it willingly. He knew that was a part of who he was in Christ...a part of who we all are in Christ. With the Lord's help he developed winning strategies for how he conducted himself. Guess what? When the end of the game drew near, his focus never faded, not this time...it was too important. He won. Satan was defeated! Jesus is glorified! Praise God! He has "all authority," and He sits upon the Throne! I Love you, Father!

Thank you for taking the time to read, you continue to bless us!

dad