Saturday, October 15, 2005

Affixed to the wall at the headboard of BJ's bed is a torn out leaf from a devotional booklet. I can't say which one, because it is not printed on the page. The title of the day is "The Mystery of Humility." I have shared with you before that Beej struggled with pride. It was his desire to be humble. I believe this is the reason this particular page stood out to him.

Underlined in the days lesson are what he perceived the keys to be.

"Moses, the great leader of the people and a man who actually saw God on Mt. Sinai, maintained his humility. He didn't lord his position over others. He didn't flaunt his close ties to the Father. He didn't let power corrupt him. He displayed true spiritual leadership while keeping his ego in check...Doing that while honoring God is the solution to the mystery of humility."- Dave Branon

The page shares scripture as well...Numbers 12:1-7, but BJ noted v6: "When a prophet of the Lord is among you, I reveal Myself to him in visions. I speak to him in dreams."

Finally, he underlined a couple of sentences from a section called "Destination Points": "Am I someone others would look at and say, "There's a humble Christian?...conducting myself as a true child of the King, but making sure He gets the glory?"

So many times since his death when I am out and I see what is going on in the world, I want to grab people and say "is that bringing glory to God?" However well intended that may sound, my motivation is more out of anger or frustration that we spend so much time on such foolishness, when the world around us is going to hell. There would be little humility in grabbing someone, shaking him, and saying "I'm not going to stop until you get it!" I don't think that action would glorify God either.

That was the way Moses got off track. He realized God was going to use him to deliver the Israelites and took matters into his own hands. There was nothing humble in his actions early on. It took 40 years in the desert, to bring humility into his life. When he finally got it, it took some convincing from our Lord to get him moving. But when he got it, God got all of the glory!

I believe BJ pointed to God in most situations. I have shared with you before, what the final four lines of his 2005 Peru journal were. But I did not share the writings that preceded that. If you'll allow me, I will do that now, and then give you the final four lines again.

Please keep in mind that at this writing, dated 7/20/05, according to doctors, BJ would have already contracted the infectious disease that allowed him the mercy of going home.

v3 "Theme God's glory" John 4:34-38, 1 Peter 1:3-7

v3b-4b"We should live our lives with Great expectations, not just for what God will do in this life, but also for the resurrection of the dead, and our new lives in God's eternal kingdom.

v4 As we are God's children, we will receive an inheritance from Him and indeed already have. God gave Christ, His Son all authority, power, and inheritance, who then died so we could be God's children as well. Then Christ gave us all of His authority, and a share in His inheritance.

v5 "Trusting"-Theme: faith in God allows us to live in the new life and have protection, power and blessings that God offers us.

v5b Theme- God's/our coming into glory as the bride of Christ.

v6b-7 suffering is a mercy from God because it allows us to make much of Christ and it makes much of Christ, which is the sole thing that satisfies. Our trials bring glory to God (so take joy in them).

"So if your faith...glory and honor?" John 17:22 God gave Christ glory who gave us glory. As we give God glory, He glorifies us in Him. Suffering brings God glory, therefore brings us glory. Also, to glorify God or to receive Glory, we must go through suffering. (v7b, Matt 20:21-23)

God glorifies us when we suffer
To have glory, you must suffer
To bring God glory, you will suffer
To suffer, brings God glory"

It is easy to dwell on the suffering. It is easy to get depressed over what happened. It is easy to let the main thing be BJ suffered, and died. (Perhaps I am even perpetuating that by writing about him.) However, the main thing is TO LIVE FOR CHRIST, until we are taken home. The only true satisfaction in life comes through glorifying Christ. All else is temporary, and leaves us wanting. Christ satisfies completely, and our hunger is only for more of Him!

Until you lay down your life and choose Christ, none of this will make sense.

Tara, I ache for your mother (e-mail me if my talking to her would help).
Linda R. my soul is wrenched at your pain, and I am lifting you and Hollie up.
Dear lady who lost her sons to drugs and thugs, how I pray that the Holy Spirit gets ahold of them. Do not relent in your own prayer, and do not get discouraged!

Christ is All, and the world fades.

Loving you,


If you find it a ministry tool, please order BJ's Memorial dvd (click on the button to the right).


At 9:20 AM, Blogger . said...

Isn't it amazing how often the Father (in some way we see when looking back) prepares His children for what He has ahead for them?! We need to have our eyes and ears open to what He's saying though--and from what you've shared, it certainly sounds like BJ was paying attention!

Still praying (for all of you)....

At 10:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


I just said the exact words yesterday that you used regarding the 'Shaking someone until they get it' statement!!! I feel like that at times. This world is so asleep it seems and I just want to slap them all awake and yell "don't you get it?" "Wake up and put GOD in your life before it's to late!" But..I don't. I don't think violence is the answer, but it would sure make me feel better at times! hahaha

Lots of love and prayers sent to you from Florence, KY!

At 10:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good Morning Family
Thank you for sharing so much, I feel I can not say "Thank You" enough.
You are all truly an inspiration.
I hope everyone is feeling strong today with growing peace in your hearts and have a great day!!!
Love and huggs surround you
with added comfort from me to each
of you today and every day.

Lisa Gresh/Meils
Indpls., IN

At 11:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good morning Brent, Deanna, and girls,

As I read your post and those of others, I hurt along with many of you who have requested prayer. Life is seldom easy and happy, without problems...(If it is, it is quite temporary), but in Christ we can have joy and peace. There are always things to celebrate, while we also struggle with other situations.

The suffering that has been alluded to takes many different forms. It is our responsibility to bring glory to God in the midst of whatever trials we may be encountering. Often that may not be easy, and sometimes it is so difficult that we don't acutally find ourselves glorifying God. But His love for us is NEVER diminished, no matter what our circumstances or our attitude!

It is indeed a tragedy when we sometimes bring problems upon ourselves because of our attitude, lack of faith, poor decision making, etc. But God can take our faults and bad decisions and turn them into a situation that will glorify Himself. There are many Biblical examples of exactly this...May God do it for each of us!!

Sallye asked me specifically how she should pray for my situation...I think that prayers for a buyer for the business (we have one real possibily thus far), timing, and securing the next job are all areas of concern.

And if you were referring to the spiritual life, you can always pray for a vibrant walk with God. Isn't that appropriate for all of us??? The childlike wonder that I had referred to, honestly, just doesn't come too naturally to a phlegmatic personality, which is what I happen to be. But if you want steadiness, balance, mercy, and loyalty, then a phlegmatic is exactly who you can turn to! I have not questioned God's sovereignty or love, but the dullness with which I often function is usually "easier" to live out than a daily, moment-to-moment seeking of God and experiencing excitement in life.

Maybe many of the younger readers here simply cannot understand how some older or middle-aged adults can be so boring, but it is sometimes just the easiest way to function. And automatically switching to the easy way is NOT the right way to live our lives! It denies God the opportunity to excite us and to move us! We need passion, but that requires more of us emotionally...

I want to experience more of God's abundant life every day. Getting rid of the business which I own will, I believe, relieve me of many pressures and much of the work that often consumes way too much of my time. This will free me up, especially mentally and emotionally, to give more of myself to others and to get on with the living that God has called me to do. Right now my work is definitely holding me back and has a great "power" over me, and I want to be under God's control!!

I admire Brad (Brent's brother) for being open to God's calling on his life. It will be great to hear what It's awesome how God can use a 15 year old and a 6 year old to show us His will...It's not easy for us "40 somethings" to drop whatever we're doing to allow God to step into the situation and possibly "turn our lives and routines upside down." But isn't that what faith is all about?? How can we dare pray to God, telling Him that we want to be used by Him, only to put our own conditions on the situation, and to keep control ourselves? No, childlike faith is not an easy thing, but it is awesome! Dan and I have made some life-changing decisions through the years based on faith, and the peace of living in God's will is unsurpassed. It's also very exciting (though sometimes scary)!

Well, this post has become lengthy, and most of you probably already know the principles that I'm referring to, anyway...

Brent and Deanna, we won't stop praying for you, and look forward to the next time we get to see you.

Lots of love,
(Deanna's brother's wife)
Deer Park, TX

At 11:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Brent and Deanna,

I am sitting here at my computer amazed again at how God is continuing to work through BJ, you, and this website. I see the concentric circles of the ripple effect growing wider by the day as you are now praying for others as well as allowing us to pray for all of you.

Something wonderful happened yesterday. I wore my prayforbj shirt all day and was able to tell several people about it and encourage them to go to the website. Hopefully they will check it out.

I have also ordered 2 of the DVDs. One for us and one for Heather so the HLG kids will be able to see it. I have tried to show the celebration service to Frank several times but we couldn't get it to work so now he can see it.

One other thing happened the other day that I found interesting. Contemporary Christian music is pretty new to me. I come from a conservative church background and love the hymns of the church and am just not exposed to other kinds of worship music as we don't have a radio station here in the St. Louis/St. Charles MO area that plays Christian music. Our radio stations are great Bible teaching stations but no music. Anyway, after you wrote about waking to Natalie Grant's "Held" I thought I would check it out at our Christian bookstore. I stood there in the store listening on the headphones and had tears streaming down my face. So I bought it. Later that afternoon I was talking to Heather via instant message and told her I had just purchased the CD. She said she had too. Then she asked me what time and I told her it was around 1:00 and she said she had bought hers at the same time! Through you God continues to minister to us.

Deanna, I am glad to hear that you are going back to school but will take it slowly. I will be praying for all of you as you continue to venture out. As the leaves begin to change color know that life here on earth is all about seasons and as they continue to change we are that much closer to Jesus coming back and our time to go to heaven. May the physical beauty of the season remind you of our great and wonderful Creator who is always in control.

Love and prayers,

At 11:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Still praying for all of you daily. Thank you for sharing.

At 11:30 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow. everyday i come to this site..and again the Lord just puts me on my face. You all continue to bless me so much. THank you for continuing to post. thank you for continuing to share w/me about BJ.
I am praying for you all. I love you all. you continue to be heavy on my heart.


At 11:38 AM, Blogger Scott Harris said...

Hey y'all! I need prayer... My church is going on a mission trip to Belarus over spring break, and I decided about 2 months ago that I'm going to go. Ever since then I feel like I have been under attack. My computer crashed and I'm going to have to get it fixed soon (mainly since I'm a CS major). All sorts of more minor things have also been happening to me ever since... Pray for my mom too, she's really worried about me going to Belarus. Pray for me that God will open up windows for me monetarily (its hard for a full time college student to get a job)...

Also, I'm getting baptized sometime soon! I was baptized before, but it was before I was a believer, so I'm really excited...

Still praying for y'all and the rest of the folks up at Highland Lakes... I miss y'all a lot. Thanks for putting up some of Beej's writings; they have helped me a lot with some of the same issues I struggle with.

God Bless,
Scott - Pensacola, FL

At 11:55 AM, Blogger natenamy said...

Brent, Deanna, Lauren, and Whitney--

Haven't been able to blog for a few days since I've been caring for Nate after his surgery, but please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers daily! We miss you guys.

I enjoyed reading more of Beej's journal entries. As usual, what a challenge he has laid out for all of us!His insight, "realness", and yearning to be like Our Father challenge me (and Nate too) everyday.

We love you, we miss you, we're thinking about you, and we won't stop praying.

Sonshine in a very special way today,

Amy (for Nate-dog too)

At 2:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Higgins Family,
I am still just in awe of you faith and your strength through this. My own faith has grown and I have become more open in my testimony at school. I am a special needs aide at Huntington North High School. You all are never far from my mind and BJ's life and death has sparked new energy in my life to spread the gospel no matter where your mission field is at!! Thanks seems so inappropriate, because it is so much deeper than I can express. To keep blogging and inspiring us is awesome and know we are all continuing to pray for you as you go back to school, work, and just life.
To fellow bloggers I wanted to share a special prayer request. My daughters friend, Breanne Miller, was diagnosed with leukemia the middle of August. She was getting ready to start attending college at Indiana Wesleyen on a baskeball scholarship. She played at Huntington North High School and was such a role model on and off the court. She has an amazing sense of peace and strength and her faith is so awesome! She is having another round of chemo on Monday and the last time she had this particular shot, she had a stroke. She recovered, but I am praying that this time there will be not setbacks. She has 2 younger siblings and a great mom and dad who are all spirital giants. You can read thier blog at
Thanks for praying!
Tracy Best

At 3:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Deanna...I just wanted to let you know that my husband and I continue to pray for you and your family during this unbelievably difficult time. I always remember you being such a warm person and it sounds like your son was exactly the same. I'm sad that I never got to know him, but I can't begin to tell you what an inspiration it has been reading about him on the website. He was truly an amazing person, and I just marvel at how someone so young could be so wise and inspired. We continue to be blessed everyday reading his story...I thank you for sharing it with us and everyone else. It's clear God is still working through BJ.

Sending love and prayers from New York.....Chris and Kelli (Shrewsbury) Lewis

At 3:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just wanted to let you know I was at the Breast Center for my third mammogram this year, this one a followup from the surgery I had on August 18th this past summer. After the surgery I was in the waiting room at the Chrildren's Hospital hearing the news of BJ's condition. Since that time my heart has been burdened for you and your family.

While at the breast center this past week I was wearing my prayforBJ shirt. I wasn't expecting any comments to be made about the shirt actually but someone came up to me and started talking to me about what she had been reading on the internet. She had stumbled across the and had researched it enough to know all that was going on. She asked me if I knew BJ and how I met him. I began to share with her how I knew the family and what BJ had gone through these past few months fighting this disease that took over his body. Before I left the office that morning I had the chance to share with 3 other people about BJ and how much he loved God, enough to leave this world and do the will of our Father. I know they are searching for that same faith BJ had and now all of them have the website address and said they would check it out so keep these ladies struggling as I am with breast cancer related issues. I know in my heart God removed the cancer that was present in my body and I know He can and will remove the skin cancer as well. After my appointment was over I found myself not wanting to leave, all because sharing God's love like I was I know was doing God's will. However, I did leave, and I prayed for these ladies all the way home and off and on the entire day.

Your family is in my prayers daily, take care and know you are walking in the Father's will.

There are many people still praying for your entire family. My prayers are that God will continue to use this site to witness to the world.


At 3:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, my name is Caitlin. I'm 15 years old. I don't know you or your family or your son. But God led me to your site through a link, and I am so glad He did. I read through this entire blog and Jesus has touched my heart and spoke to me through of it. I am amazed at the strength and the quiet confidence and trust He has given you. You have reminded me that Jesus is truly in control. He has placed two songs on my heart right now that I would like to share with you. I don't know if they're familiar or not, but I feel like God is telling me to share.
- "I Can Only Imagine" by Mercy Me
- "The Way I Was Made" by Chris Tomlin
The 2nd song reminded me of BJ and his struggle, and through his sickness he still continued to fight and to take hold of life.
I've been blessed by this blog today.
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. May God continue to bless you and your family.

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."

At 4:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Higgins Family,
Thank you for your continued updates and showing how the Lord is continually providing for you. I'm sad that we weren't able to meet face to face as many of my team (Peru 05) was able to do. Know that my thoughts and prayers are still with you.
Rachel Burkholder

At 5:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello Family
Just thought I'd let you know you were thought of, And I hope your day is going well.
Prayers continue family!!!
Indpls., IN

At 6:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am looking at pictures of Jack and Beej.
They had quite a bond that shows through perfectly in there last picture togeither. Tug of War
with the name tag was a constant
and I miss walking into Jack's room to calm down the wrestling mathces.
Jack's Birthday is next week and I am missing the annual celebration of
Jack and Beej togeither celebrating Life and their October Birthdays.
I'm hoping your day was grand
Indpls., IN

At 6:47 PM, Blogger Ashley Reagan said...

I love you guys and miss you! Still praying for you all the time and thinking about you even more. :) Thanks so much for sharing with us and encouraging all of us so much.

Ashley Dawn

At 7:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Brent & Deanna:
I haven't checked this site in a week so it was good to read all your messages. We continue to pray for you and also still hurt for you.

Last night we spent 8 hours in the ER with Ryan. He broke his wrist while playing flag football and after it was set and a temporary cast was put on, he asked how soon will he have his "hard" cast. We are to go to the Orthopedic Surgeon on Tuesday but his biggest question was "can I have a hot-pink cast?" Our family laughed and thought of BJ immediately and wondered if he ever broke a bone and if so, did he ever have a "pink" cast?

Deanna, we will especailly be praying for you this next week as you go back to work. May God truly give you the strength and endurance that you need.

Brent, we are encouraged and enjoy reading your messages. Thank you so much.

Joel & Christal Mearig

P.S. If you have an opportunity to e-mail, Ryan is curious about the cast.

At 7:43 PM, Blogger Mama Cross said...

Dear Higgins Family,

Thank you for continuing to use this blog to encourage others. Every time I read something BJ wrote, I'm just blown away. Today's entry was no exception.

I noticed BJ's memorial flyer at the funeral had a quote from Jim Elliot, "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." I wanted you to know there is a movie about Jim's life showing in Indianapolis this week.

BJ had some things in common with Jim Elliot. (You may know all this already.) Jim kept a journal that his wife Elisabeth published after his death (Shadow of the Almighty). He and four other missionaries died trying to bring the gospel to the Auca Indians. The film is entitled "End of the Spear" and it is showing at the Heartland Film Festival.
/2005/end_of_spear.html and

I pray that God is continuing to bring healing in your lives.

Much love to you from the Cross family.

At 9:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have to share something funny!!!
My four year old climbed up in my lap just this second and saw BJ's picture as I was reading on this site and she said "I need to get me a boyfriend like that!" Oh, how I laughed and hugged her tight! I pray she does!

Florence, KY

At 9:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi family,
Sorry I haven't been around for a few days. Thanks for sharing about Beej some more. It really helps to know what his home life was like. I'm still thinking of you and praying for you.

Kayla (Peru 2005)

At 10:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

More love,

More power,

More of You in my life. . .

Thank you, everyone who prays and checks. I never knew that ONLINE fellowship could be so sweet!

BreathofHeaven--we are lifting you up. I have a dear friend who had to leave her longterm missionary service for various treatments for breast cancer over a 2+ year period. She would bring Tootsie Pops (like Kojak--for those old enough to remember) to her treatment sessions and share those and the love of Jesus with everyone there. Today, she has returned to international missionary service and lives/works in a country basically closed to the Gospel. . .but of course she never stopped being a missionary!

We will pray for you, sister in Him, that you can continue to be a light. We thank you, Lord, that this blog keeps reminding us that we can trust You "in the good times and bad--You are on Your throne--You are God alone." (Billy Foote)

BJ got it--again. The suffering of a surrendered heart can and will bring Him glory! I truly see BJ as the Jim Elliott of this generation. If any of you haven't read "Shadow of the Almighty," check it out sometime. Jim and BJ had much in common beyond their suffering. I can picture them having a deep theological discussion even now (with no need whatsoever to stick to the "short version".

As if it weren't already obvious, I'm akin to them in that area--time to close with

prayers in pink

Marti for the Pieper Family
Charleston, SC

At 12:20 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

thanks for posting some of bj's's so incredibly encouraging and inspiring...I share it with my friends.
Brittany a.
peru, uganda

At 9:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would like to say thank you for your words. I often find myself confused and upset by the world in which I live. How can people not give their all to Jesus, the One who Saves. As a college student, I have a hard time digesting what people around me are doing with their lives. Do they not know about His love? Do they know and are not showing it? (I often think about my favorit song, Amazing Love) I know I'm a sinner and living in a world of sin, but I feel like people just don't get it. I feel frustrated in my helplessness. I can only hope to be so inspired to live as BJ did for the Glory of God. He is my inspiration and hope for the difference one person can make. It is so evident that God used, and is still using BJ as His instrument in sharing His word and love.

In Jesus my King,

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