Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Last night as I tried to study to prepare for some upcoming opportunities, I was constantly sidetracked with running to BJ's journals, his room, and even his closet. While in there (and while fighting off claustrophobia-closets are not my thing), I found the cover to his favorite Bible (NLT). You know, the one that disappeared. I was pleased to find there were enough pages left attached to the two pieces (front and back) that he left us with some more information that was important to him.

Listed under "Special Memories" he had written "Called to Ministry UYC (ultimate youth camp) June 2002 at Windermere" [he was 12 at the time]

Below that he added, "Became a Christian Northside Baptist Church 2/21/98" [he was 8 at the time]

He also listed some scripture on the Favorite Verses page:
Proverbs 27
I Corinthians 15
"God is not a man (back)"
[he had a dozen scriptures written in the back of his bible showing that God is, in fact, not a man. These were for witnessing opportunities]
"Predestination (back)" [he had scriptures on this in the back also]
"Isaiah 6:8 Here I am, send me" [The Lord certainly did]

This may not seem like a lot, but to us, it reveals more of his spiritual journey. More of who he was in Christ. More of how the Lord shaped his life. Just more, and we were pleased.

While looking at his 'favorites' I want to share a list from his personal journal. These are things which were important to him, important enough to write:

"List of things I love (not in order):"

"Jameson Camp in the Winter- hiking, playing sardines, watching a fire, staying with family
My cousin Joshua, My Uncle Rich, My Uncle Brad, all of my family (my dad)
Camping with my dad in the spring
Blue skies, sunny days, and green fields
Standing in the rain
Water- Ocean, lake, river, stream, pool, swimming
Hiking, climbing
[Baptist Church]
Wrestling with my friends
Windermere in the summer
Peru - Otuzco
My Peru team
The 9th grade guys from Northside
[he was a freshman when he wrote this]
Stories of Heroes
Reading Books

This gives you a look inside of him, and lets you see more of who he was. He wouldn't like a story on him as a hero, but he rates pretty high for me.

Deanna is reading another of his Bibles, and notes that He has Matthew, Mark, and Luke each underlined where they say-

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. Whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it." (Luke 9:23-24)

I believe he gave me a pretty good example of what that should look like. He wasn't perfect, to be sure, but his heart drummed for the Master.

Serving the King beside you,

dad (it has been 1 month today)


At 7:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Still praying for you...God Bless
Greenfield, Indiana

At 7:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Higgins.

I am thinking about you and praying for you this morning. I know today is one of those "marker" days. You and BJ are not forgotten. Thank you for continuing to write. God is teaching so much through you all.

Under His mercy,

At 7:23 AM, Blogger brobrad said...

I can't help but wonder what has been added to BJ's list of favorites now that he is experiencing the kingdom of heaven.

This was my first time of intensive indoor work this fall at camp and I found myself overwhelmed with memories of the things BJ shared in this entry...those Christmas times together here at Jameson and all that goes with them. I could hear his muted giggles as I tried to squeeze behind a cabinet beside him in the dark and feel him trying to wrestle me to the floor. How precious are those endless hours in front of the fire, hiking through the snowy woods and just enjoying being together in a very real way.

I am so grateful for the family and job the Lord has blessed me with and thankful that we have been able to share time together here. Even more, I'm thankful that we each are aware that the joy we get comes ultimately from Jesus and our common bond in Him.

I know that this Christmas season will be different, difficult, emotional and tearful (sorry Beej); but we can still take joy in the birth of our King and the grace that He has bestowed upon us - together, and for that I am thankful.

Thank you for being willing to share so much of BJ, yourselves and our Saviour.

At 7:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for more insight to BJ. I am constantly amazed at how much of a man he truly was. I have been hearing the excuse from parents about their teenagers, "Oh, he/she is just a teenager, still just a kid, that's why they do or act like they do." That is so not true and I am so glad that I can use the men from the Panama Team and BJ as well to say that the reason they act like they do is not because they are teenagers because I know some amazing men who are just in their teens. I refuse to call those men teenagers because they have raised the standard, they know what God has called them to do. They know what His standards are.The teenager act like they do today because they have been given a very low standard and are living and acting like people expect them to.
Thank you for raising BJ to be a man, a man who knew what the real standard is. BJ was indeed man who walked in a manner worthy of the Gospel and I am so thankful for that.

April C.
Odessa, Tx

At 7:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know today will be a difficult day for you all. I will be praying for you.

At 7:47 AM, Blogger Nancy Post said...

Brent & Deanna,
I had not had a chance to get online for several days until last night and caught up with the updates from your family. The note that BJ wrote to his young friend (girl)was phenomenal and I am going to make sure our Youth Pastor reads it before tonight's youth teaching time. It should give the young people encouragement that they are not going to be "the only one" keeping themselves clean and pure for God and for marriage.
God keeps your family continually on my mind daily and consequently I am able to pray without ceasing. I have two little granddaughters (5 & 3) and I pray that they have the same closeness to Jesus that BJ had in his short but fruitful life. It is going to be more of a challenge as their father is not a Christian and their parents are divorced. God knows all and is in control! for that I am truly thankful.
Awe Star Mom

At 8:17 AM, Blogger Kim Mierau said...

Father, spread your peace over the Higgins. Guide them through today - show them how to grieve and how to heal. LORD, I thank you so much for the faith you have moved in the Higgins, for the fierce way they persist after you, for all the ways they glorify you even in their own deepest pain. Thank you for BJ and the life you gave him to live. Thank you for showing us more of your glory and your character and your heart through his expressive and God-revealing life. Amen.

At 8:28 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jesus, please be with the Higgin's family today.


You are continually in my prayers.

In Christ,

At 8:31 AM, Blogger the leaf family said...

I know that the 9th grade boys from Northside loved him just as much..Watching them grow together over the years was so amazing..
I also know from damage done in our home, that they all loved wrestling with each other. I have some great pictures of that group of boys wrestling. And I must say that BJ could hold his own, for the little guy he usually ended up on top. I also remember him starting the sleepingbag slide. They would get in their sleepimg bags and slide down our stairs as fast as they could make themselves go. I can't believe we never had to call parents saying we're on our way to the ER for stiches or broken bones, or that our walls stood long enough for us to sell. Our realtor wondered why the stairway carpet was so much more worn then the rest of the house. Now you know Lora.

I remember the night at summer camp when BJ came and shared with me that he felt a calling into the ministry. He said "he wasn't sure where yet" but he knew he was being called. That was the year that Jason Humphrey was the cabin leader. And maybe Glen Christy. That was a summer full of changes for all of our boys lots of maturaity both spiritaul and otherwise. Yet somehow BJ experienced a different kind of spiritaul growing that summer. His growing never ended and some of the others stopped the moment we left camp. And didn't start again until we returned the next summer.
This group of boys, now sophomores, have seemed to grow together spiritually. I know that they now will need a new leader because BJ seemed to bring the whole group together. Even after moving to KC 2 weeks before Disciple Now last year. Michael felt apart because of BJ. We called the house of where they were staying that weekend and BJ didn't leave out a single detail. He was their spiritual leader and he left a group of guys a wonderful legacy and really "BIG" shoes to fill.

At 8:39 AM, Blogger the leaf family said...

With all my love and prayers today from KC-Tracy

At 8:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lord, we ask for even more today for Brent, Deanna, & the girls...that they might have special memories & comfort today in unique ways. We thank You & praise You that Your mercies are new every morning, Your Words never ending, and Your reserves never lessened.

At 8:48 AM, Blogger toddyoumans said...

Brent, Deanna, Lauren & Whitney,
Our prayers are certainly with all of you each day, but especially today. May God continue to grant peace and healing to you.

Todd, Jes & Andrew Y.

At 9:05 AM, Blogger Sheila said...

One month in Heaven! I wonder what he has been doing for a month. Has he praised our King? Yes! Has he worship the Father? Yes! Has he "hiked" on streets of gold? I think so! What will "we" be doing that awesome day when we stand in God's presence? Taken from our friends "I can only imagine"! As you miss him today please find comfort in the fact the Beej's has had the BEST month ever! And it's only the beginning of Everlasting Joy, Peace & Contentment!
Father God,
Today wrap your arms around the Higgins Family a little tighter. Let them worship you! Remind them that some day they will all worship again together. Thank you Father for your Grace, in Jesus' Holy Name, Amen

Troy, IL.

At 9:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It doesn't seem that it could possibly be one month. . . at least not to me. To me, BJ shines brighter with each day of my journey to strengthen my relationship with Christ. As I read scripture, I relate it to BJ and your family. I can't help it. Lord, give this family peace in this time of suffering...comfort in their grief and love beyond all understanding as we know you can.

At 9:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

May God Bless you today and every day. I know today is going to be a little tough, because it has been a month since your precious son went to be with the Lord. I will pray that today you will have a good day and ask that God will comfort you in this time of need.


At 9:40 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks again for sharing more about your incredible son. BJ ranks pretty high in my book too! I look forward to the daily inspiration found on the web-site. The Higgins family is a great blessing and you remain in my prayers.


At 9:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am still so thankful for all the post you continue to put on here. While I have not left a comment for quite some time I still continue to check BJ's site throughout the day. I am & forever will be touched by his life. Thank you for sharing all that you have from his journals. I too hope that one day a book will be created. I still continue to cry & weep at the same time while reading your post.
I could never imagine the void that you have especially today but I pray that God will cover you with his peace, love & presence. I keep telling my kids 'BJ got it'!
He got what so many of us try to get on a daily basis.

Continuously in my prayers,
Trina Bliss
Cleveland, Tn

At 9:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't write often, but I go to your website everyday and each time I pray for all of you. I just wanted you to know that I am praying for you, especially today.
God Bless you.

At 9:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello My family in Christ!

Thank you, Brent, for your continued loyalty to share BJ with us! I cannot believe we've all made it SO far on this journey together! Let me tell you, my Gramma passed away on April 20th and I honestly believe I don't ever think I'll see a harder day in my life - unless I lose my husband or a child. She was the most PRECIOUS person to me and every month on the 20th I've been stricken with some sort of illness (usually horrible headaches), but trust Jesus that it gets better :) You've taught me SO MUCH about the kind of man I should be looking for in a spouse and a LEADER - Thank you for your faithfulness! GOD IS GOOD ... ALL THE TIME!!! I am praying for you all!

I heard the greatest thing this morning from Chuck Swindoll ... if we do not relate with people in LOVE, then we do not relate to them AT ALL! I pray you relate in LOVE and share BJ's legacy!

In His love~

Laurel, San Diego

At 9:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Everyday as I wake up and start my conversation with the Awesome Creator of everything, I think of all of you! I have been in prayer about a revival to begin in the Christian Family and this site helps to fuel that fire within me everyday. I look forward to coming and seeing what you have posted everyday and everyday I feel so blessed by it! Thank you for your heart to serve God! I love you all!

Allison Q

At 10:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mom, Dad, Sisters,
know that you are in my prayers on this day.With each entry I get to know you all a litte more I thank you for this chance. I love you all! Sierra

At 10:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

We are praying for you each day.

Hayley and Michael Morgan

At 10:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Father in Heaven,
Thank you so much for your love and your mercy. Thank you for BJ Higgins, his life, his testimony, and for the way that you have been glorified even in his death. I pray that you would wrap your mighty arms of love around BJ's family, even now, and comfort them with your extraordinary tender mercies. As they cry in seasons of their grief, may they have an immediate awareness of your presence upholding them and loving them. Thank you Father for the many glimpses into BJ's life. Even though I have never met him, I admire him for his devotion to Jesus and for the example he set for his peers to count the cost and boldly follow Jesus. Comfort BJ, too, during the time he is separated from fellowship with his family, friends, and loved ones. Thank you Lord for the sure hope that they have of being reunited some glorious and joyful day. We bless your holy name and give thanks to you. In Jesus name, Amen.

At 10:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wearing Pink! I can see Beej now, playing a guitar, and worshiping at the feet of Christ. Family, your faith, has been so inspiring to me.
I wish I could be with you this weekend in Tulsa. I wanted so badly to come, to get the training I will/would use in the field when God says go. I guess it's not God's will for me, due to money issues and not having a way to get there.

You are the source of life I cant be left behind no one else will do, I will take hold of you, Because I need you Jesus, come to my rescue, where else can I go there's no other name by which I am saved capture me with your grace. I WILL FOLLOW YOU. This world has nothing for me, I will follow you,This world has nothing for me, I will follow you.

At 11:09 AM, Blogger Linda Ronne said...

Dear Family,
So many times I prepare myself to write something for/to you and so many times I'm speechless (usually not possible). Your "pearls" of wisdom are like true gems from heaven. Thank you so much for continuing to be faithful to us, the body of Christ, when it would be so simple to stop. Your faithfulness and faith is amazing and an inspiration to all who visit this site. I can't tell you the amount of times you have had me take a step back and give myself a "check" to see where I am in God.
Although Beej wouldn't like to be refered to as a hero, in my eyes both he and you, his family, are what I would call true heros of the Gospel. You ALL so willingly give of yourselves so that others may know the wonderful and everlasting love of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and for that I'm sure I can speak for everyone who visits here we are "eternally" grateful.

Abba Father, I ask that this day You would reveal Yourself to the family of Beej in such a powerful way. Lord continue to wrap them in Your loving arms, give them rest, comfort, peace and joy beyond measure. May the memories they have today of Beej bring smiles and laughter to them. Lord I thank You that through this awesome family You continue to be glorified and praised. We love You Lord. In Jesus name Amen and Amen

In His Love

At 11:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Still praying in Oklahoma. God bless you and your entire family.

Walking with the Savior,
Katie Kyle

At 11:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brent, Deanna, Lauren and Whitney,
Today will be another day of special memories for you. Some of them will hurt, others will bring a smile to your face, just know that there are many people still lifting you up in prayer for peace to sustain you as you coninue through the process of grieving and healing. Although, we know that BJ is in Heaven and that's the only place we would want him to be if he could not still be here on earth, we know that your hearts are so heavy to love on him one more time. May you find something special today or see something special or hear something special from God through others that will give you a warm sense of comfort.
Thank you for continuing to share with us those precious memories of your son. I continue to lift you up in prayer at our church for your comfort and peace.
Love in Christ,
Jean Peters (Santa Claus)

At 11:29 AM, Blogger Kalliopi Psalm said...

Thank you Brent for your daily words here. They have touched my heart. Still Praying for you...

At 11:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

We Love you and Praying
Strength, Peace in your hearts and all memories in your memory banks prevail daily with comfort to your soul. Thank you so much for all you share with us.

Lisa Gresh/Meils
and Family
Indpls., IN

At 12:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know today is hard....constantly praying in Pink for all of you!

Every entry you write gives us a deeper understand of your precious and blessed son, the wisdom that God showered upon him, and the way we should all be walking in this world. It still amazes me that he was only 15!!! And I still thank our precious Savior every day for sending him into my life... and you guys as well. I don't think I could go on without this has truly changed my life!!!

Will always.. to keep you lifted up in prayer to the King of kings and Lord of lords! Again...thank you for writing from the heart!! We love you as our own!!

Linda Anderson

Willows, California

At 12:48 PM, Blogger . said...

I'm praying that each of you will have an experience that causes you to say, "God didn't forget, either, that it was a month today!"

Especially today, I wanted to let you know that I check faithfully everyday and I am still praying....

At 12:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wrestled with BJ at almost every practice last wrestling season. I also talked to him about many things during school. I immediately realized that he was in touch with God. I realized that he was very spiritually fed. Recently, I have been seeking God for many things- mainly baptism and wisdom of making right decisions. Reading through BJ's stories that he has written and those stories his family has told, I get spiritually fed. And I would like to thank you for that.

In His love,
Shawn Hill (Monrovia Jr. Sr. High)

At 2:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

When you said it had been one month, I thought, "no way, not already" but then I thought of the date and couldn't believe it. I have continued to pray for you all and look forward to what you are choosing to share with us.

I have a questions I was wondering if you could answer that came up in my Bible study this week. We are studying the book by Kay Arthur, "Lord I Need Your Grace To Make It Through Today." The study focused on the Old Covenant (written on stone) and the New Covenant (written on our hearts). One of the gals felt that her mother, who is not a believing Christian, does not have God's promise of the Holy Spirit written on her heart. A few of us felt that God's promise is written on her heart, she just hasn't opened the door to it yet. Which do you think it is? I believe the text was based on Galatians 3:25-29 but I'm remembering that by heart right now and we studied a few different texts in the course of the chapter. Your feedback would be appreciated b/c I think you have wonderful insight from what I have read.

Blessings to you all. My email is if you don't want to post it globally. Thanks.

At 2:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brent and Deanna,

My heart goes out to you guys, and Lauren and Whitney. U know I am on this site more then any site I have ever been on. I cry all the time when reading back from August. I don't know why, I just do. I can't imagine my one and only son gone. I mean I can, I am a christian, but how your heart must ache and yearn. Heck I'm reading all of the bloggs and my heart yearns and aches. I am so very thankful that we did get to know about your son. What an incredible leader he was. I pray every day that you guys will have the comforter around you at all times. My heart aches for you.

At 2:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This may not be my place to say so,
But I wish and pray you keep BJ's
remains near your home.
Don't send him so far away to so
many places.
He was a hugger to you family
and I feel, BJ might feel to you all,
that he is farther away from you.
Please think about your decision!!!
Lots of Love to all of you especialy during this painful decision making time. Please keep him close where you can visit often and at least take your time praying for what is right. Ask God what to do.
How about Highland camp, BJ became so proud of you Dad for what decisions you made when moving.
BJ said it was an adjustment but after a short adjustment time, he was happy about where you all moved.
Please I pray God guides you to keep BJ near his tree or camping and hiking spots with Dad.
He told me he and I would rather remain aonymous as maybe you might think I am out of line suggesting such.
With all good intentions,
Your sister in Christ
Indpls., IN
Ps Gods been working on me to share this with you.

At 3:08 PM, Blogger Lynn Andrews said...

Precious family,

I hope your day is filled with the love of the Lord and that He, with all his power and glory, will comfort you today and everyday as you make your way through the pain and loss.

I've been coming here for over 2 months now - and it becomes more and more important to me each day. Being with you on this journey, learning from you, praying for you, sharing with this Body of Christ - all these things have "refueled" my fire for being who and what God wants me to be and to share His light with all whose paths I cross. I feel so blessed that He sent me here!

Blessings to your family and to this amazing blog family!

Macon, GA

At 3:46 PM, Blogger savedbyGRACE said...

Dear Higgins,
I read this site every day as part of my quiet time. I gain insight, challenge, and inspiration each day. BJ has blessed many lives including mine. His picture serves as the bookmark in my Bible, to remind me to chase after the LORD like BJ did. You are so strong and I pray that in the months that follow after this one, that GOD will continue to renew your spirit and strength. I love you all & continue to pray for you daily.

At 4:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brent and Deanna,

With every message that you post, I am freshly amazed at several things. BJ "got it" at such an early age. I know that he wasn't perfect, but he was certainly the most spiritually mature freshman that I've ever met.

Know that your writings have inspired me with a burning desire to be a better dad, a better example for my kids, a better child of God, a better husband. Thank you for sharing your heart here. We still pray for you often.

Jim David

At 5:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just want to say thank you for all that you have done for us readers. I could not begin to understand everything that you have been through because I have never walked in your shoes(nothing personally, but nor do I want to).I go to church every week but i have done more praying for you and your family than ever. I make my children go to church because it is the right thing to do but I JUST DON'T GET IT. Iam about ready to give up on the whole thing because I don't have the I don't know what it is but I know that I don't have it. I know that something is missing but I can't find it no matter how hard I look. Like I said I go to church and Sunday school and it all makes sense while i am there but the minute i leave ITS GONE. I am leaving to go out of town for fall break but I will be back on Monday.
Have a nice weekend.

At 5:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brent and Deanna,
Our family continues to pray for you guys daily....actually very few minutes go by that we do not think about you or say a little prayer asking God to hold you close. It is hard to believe that it has been a month!

It was obvious to us, before all of this, that you are a special family but it is even clearer now. Thank you for sharing with us on such a personal level. By your honesty and transparency, you have been a great example of faith. Thank You!

The Barnett's

At 6:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel compelled to leave you words to a song that has been running through my head all day. It's by Larnelle Harris and it's called "If Not for the Storms". Maybe God kept it on my heart for this reason...

If all I had were blue skies
And days of perfect peace
Always sailing smoothly over
Gentle, quiet seas

There's so much about You
I might have never known
But I have faced the wind and waves
And I see how faith has grown

If not for the storms
I couldn't say that You're my shelter
If not for the storms
I would have never known Your strength
I found you so faithful
Through all that You allowed
If not for the storms
There's no way I'd know you
As I know you now

A shepherd strong and tender
I'd only read about
Met me in the middle of
My moments filled with doubt

A provider, a protector
A friend who knew my need
There's so much I can tell of who
You've proved Yourself to be

If not for the storms
I couldn't say that You're my shelter
If not for the storms
I would have never known Your strength
I found You so faithful
Through all that You allowed
If not for the storms
There's no way I'd know You
As I know You now

Sometimes it's hard to see the reasons for the trial I'm in
Looking from this earthly point of view
But You have surely proven to me time and time again
I can depend on You
To bring me through

Praying for you daily and trusting that God will bring you through your storms...


At 8:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Family
I am praying for God's guidance.
Guide our family on decisions they are faced with Dear Lord I am praying.
In Jesus name I pray..........

Indpls., IN

At 8:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


At 8:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Indy...DO NOT GIVE UP. That is what Satan wants you to do! I will be praying for you and your children that God strengthens you! It will all come together and you will get it! I can promise that!

Pryaing in KENTUCKY!!!

At 9:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Brent and Deanna,

Thank you so much for continuing to share with us. I know that your postings are a great comfort to Jonathan. Over the last several months, Jonathan has shared stories with me about BJ. I am truly amazed at the depth of BJ's wisdom and compassion for others.

Kathy H.

At 9:34 PM, Blogger Cousin Beth said...

I'm so glad God continues to give you more of these precious keepsake memories. What treasures!
Through the difficulty of this whole situation, it's been so neat to watch the unfolding of God's plan, even in the many details that we would ordinarily think are small. I find myself constantly saying, "Wow!" The way God has orchestrated and planned for so many things from BJ's life to be used after his death is just amazing. God is using you in such a powerful way through your willingness to share with the world. Many people are checking in for your daily devotionals. I had a lady tell me tonight that she continues to read them, and they're a blessing to her. Thank you for continuing to glorify God through your pain.
Know that underneath the blessing, we realize there is much hurt and we continue to pray all the time. Though being forced to return to our busy schedules, you're never far from our minds. We pray for God to be very close in every new situation, as you come to difficult milestones, and as you make decisions. Thank you for being who you are.

Love you much,


At 10:20 PM, Blogger Barbara Ann said...

Mom, Dad, and sisters...

So tonight I started the significant five group. A group of five people who are out to change the world for Christ. I got to share with them BJ's life and the impact that Christ had with him. I sucked back all the tears as I shared...its amazing how that process works by the way...

God just moved so much. THe Holy Spirit was present. Thank you so much for praying for us as we started it. It was so hard to not become flooded with emotions of BJ. But our God used those for His glory, Im sure. So I pray for you family, so much, that God would still reveal so much of Himself to you everyday.

Love, Barbara Ann

At 10:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Family
I am praying you have comfortabl and restful evening. May your strength continue to build/
Indpls., IN

At 10:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Indy,

I pray that you will look back and see this when you return from your trip. You are doing just the right thing to take your kids and yourself to church and Sunday School--especially when you don't feel like it!

I am one who also went to those places for a long time and didn't "get it." One of the reasons was that I thought "it" was about RELIGION when really, it was about RELATIONSHIP. I thought that if was a "good little girl" who did good little things then everything in my life would work out right, and of course, going to church and Sunday School was part of being a "good little girl."

However, just like you, all of that meant nothing, (or very little) beyond those Sunday morning times. After a while, my church time and my religious life in general really seemed pointless.

During this time, all my prayers were the 911 kind "Lord, help me pass this test!" or "Lord, get me out of this bad situation!" I didn't know if He answered or not, so I just kept on being a "good little girl" and hoping He was happy. . .until one day I had a problem that I couldn't fix by being a "good little girl!" Someone didn't like me--was mean to me--and no matter what I did, this person responded the same way: by being hateful, angry, and unkind.

Now, "good little girls" aren't used to that! The more I tried to "fix" things by being even BETTER, the worse things got.

I was really stuck. My church-going and religion didn't help me with this at all. For the first time in my life, I realized that "being good" just wasn't working. I was so upset!

At that same time, God put into my life a group of friends who were different. They talked about God a lot. They read their Bibles. They were happy--not all the time, of course, but they were certainly happier than I was. I enjoyed them and started spending time with them--at least partly to get away from the bad relationship, of course.

Again, being the "good little girl," I thought that maybe things would work if I acted just like they did. I started to study the Bible with them--go to church with them--and even act as though God was important in my life, just like they did. I had a new way of being a good little girl, and that seemed to work--for a little while. Still, the other bad relationship was a part of my life--and even my new "goodness" didn't seem to help there. I STILL DIDN'T GET IT!

It was only when I recognized that what my friends had was something very different than what I had that God began to radically change my life. First, I had to acknowledge to Him that even "good little girls" do wrong things. In my efforts to be good,or to make others think I was good, I had lied. Sometimes I had cheated. Deep down inside, I knew I wasn't even "good" at all!

Once I realized and admitted that I wasn't good and couldn't be good enough to please a perfect God, I accepted what the new friends and new church taught me from the Bible: that Jesus died for the bad little girls, the good little girls, and all the other girls and boys and men and women who don't GET IT. I asked Him to forgive me of the bad things I had done even in my "goodness." THEN He came into my life and filled me with (guess what?): THE POWER TO BE A GOOD LITTLE GIRL!

The difference is that now I have so much more than religion (going to church and trying to be a "good little girl"). Now, I have a relationship with a living Savior who is also my boss (master). He lives in me, speaks to me through His Word (the Bible) and gives me inner strength through His Spirit. It's so wonderful! On top of that, since I know Him, I'll get to join him (and BJ!) in heaven one day. . .that's His promise, and it has nothing to do with me being a "good little girl."

Today, I read the Bible not as a rule book (like a "good little girl") but as a love letter. If I am "good" now, it's because He lives inside me and helps me want to do what pleases Him. When I do "bad" things (and I still do sometimes!), He forgives me. He loves me--whether my actions are good or bad. No, He didn't immediately make everything right with my bad relationship. Instead, He gave me strength to do what was right in the midst of it--strength, compassion, and wisdom that I've drawn on over and over again through the years.

Believe me, He WANTS you to GET IT! It may seem as though He's hiding, but I promise--He's not. He says in His Word that if you seek Him with all your heart, you will find Him. Ask Him to show Himself to you. Read His Word (the Gospel of John is a great place to start). Seek out a different church if you just don't think you can GET IT where you are--and make sure it's one that teaches the Bible as completely true and accurate.

Again, I congratulate you on doing the right thing even when you DON'T GET IT. He so much wants you to, and I'm praying that you will. . .very soon!

love in Him from a fellow traveler,

praying in pink for you, for others who seek truth, and for the special Higgins family who continue spreading the light--

Marti and the Pieper Family
Charleston, SC

At 12:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


Let's talk! Been there, done that & would love to talk anytime...

God is amazing & He gives us just what we need, just when we need it - and He promises He will reveal Himself to those who seek Him.

Just drop me an e-mail. I would love to talk with you.

Meanwhile, I will pray specifically that you will continue to have a heart that is seeking, seeking, seeking.

At 12:12 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hello beautiful family! i'm reading the site at the moment instead of studying for a test, ha. right now i really could care less about a stupid test. i've shed many tears today. many for you all, even though i'm sure you'd tell me not to hurt on your behalf. i dunno. wish i could be there with ya. i love you all so much!


At 12:17 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh yeah, and i forgot to mention, let's see it's past midnight, i have to be up at 6 and i'm nowhere near sleep! ha. and i'm definitely not you, uncle brent. i don't do 6am! :-) love ya,

At 1:11 AM, Blogger Linda Ronne said...

Dear Indy,

Praise God for you honesty.. There are so many of us who could tell you that at one point in our walk with the Lord we didn't get it. My first question to you would have to be, is Jesus Christ your Lord and Master, has He paid the price for your salvation? Please don't take offense at my question, many go to church and Sunday School but have never asked Jesus into their hearts and lives.
If your answer is no, then know that He is waiting for you, all you need to do is admit you are a sinner (we all are) and that you need Him in your life, ask Him to take over for you. If your answer is yes then I have to agree with Marti who said it's about relationship, not religion. Jesus didn't ask us to be religious, He asked us to have a deep and personal relationship with Him. If that is what's lacking again it's not hard, although it does take an effort on our parts. We need to get into His Word, talk with Him, prayers aren't our instant wish list but a personal and ongoing converstaion with our most glorious Friend. This I'm sure you already know from what you have said about your prayers for the Higgins family.
Ask Him to reveal Himself to you in a new and refreshing way, ask Him to fill you with His Holy Spirit. Join a church where you feel a part of it, if that's what's missing, ask about being baptized ( a wonderful experience). If you have friends at your current church who have a deep and personal relationship with Jesus talk to them, let them know how you feel and what your going through, ask them to pray with and for you, study the Word with them. Remember that God is also found in your home, in the Bible, in the voices and love of others not only in churches.

I thank God that you recognise that your not getting it, that shows a hunger, and I thank God that you are making your children attend church.

It's amazing what we as adults can learn from our children, look at Beej, my gosh how we have all learnt so much from someone so young in years but so mature in the Word and in the Lord. He truely walked with God.

May God feed that hunger that is within you, may He reveal Himself to you in a mighty and powerful way, may you know the most wonderful love that there is, the love of Jesus. May He surround you with encouraging Christians who love to see others grow in the Lord, and most of all may He bless you so abundantly that you cannot contain it.

In His Love


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