Sunday, October 16, 2005

"Lord, to whom shall I go? You have the words of eternal life." John 6:68

We are returning to our home church this morning. When we first visited FBC last year, we all agreed it felt like home. We had sweet worship and fellowship last week at Northside, our church home for 21 years. The Lord has surrounded us so securely in all areas of our lives and they are the reason we have you, our (some of you strangers) "blog family."

We have many things to be thankful for with BJ. I started a "thank you" list just for him the other day: As a mom, I was always thankful he freely showed me affection, unashamed, in public or not. In fact he liked to physically "lean" on us alot. His willing hugs are my most precious memory.

Lord, help me trust You through the pain and emptiness in this house, in this life and in going places without him.
Mom

27 Comments:

At 9:17 AM, Blogger Nic and Jen said...

Dear Deanna,
I am praying for you this morning as you return to church. You are going to be embraced by the Body of Christ. You will be loved. You will be held up. People may shed many tears upon seeing you, but it is because the LOVE you. What does it mean to be the Body of Christ? I am not quoting a scripture on this, I am giving my own personal opinion. Being the "Body of Christ" means to hold up one another, through good times and through times of difficulty and grieving, it is to accept one another fully, to love as Christ loves the Church, to have fellowship with other Believer's, and most of all... to display the love of Christ to all around you. That is what is going to happen. You are going to see the Body of Christ surround you with love this morning. All of us bloggers who don't even know you, love you. I cannot fathom your feelings of tragic loss right now. I can only tell you that you are surrounded by the Lord and His Mighty Hands. His Hands are STRONG and they are holding you. He loves you so much. His love for you goes deeper than ANY love anyone can ever experience. And you are surrounded by your fellow Body of Christ. We are all praying for you and we love you.
In Him-
Jennifer
WA

 
At 9:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Deanna,
I am glad that you will be at FBC this morning. We have missed you! I hope that you find the kind of fellowship that you need this morning.

We care about you and your family!

 
At 10:20 AM, Blogger Jacktopher Meils said...

BJ was probably one of the most physical in a goofy way to his friends too. Whether it be picking their noses, eating "bugs" out of someone's hair, or just playing tug o' war with someone else who doesn't want to play...Gotta love him.


In Christ alone,
Jack

 
At 10:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

'Mom'
I can't imagine the emptyness you must feel. My prayers are with you!

 
At 11:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Deanna,

I can almost feel your pain and loss. I too have children and i know how it would be to not have one or both.. Very lost and empty. You will get through this and it is going to take a long time maybe never. Remember to always trust Our God and he will ease the pain little by little. Your son was and is still an incredible witness, what a legacy he will carry. I pray for today you have a wonderful blessed day.

 
At 11:54 AM, Blogger *kim said...

i doubt that i will ever know the deep grief you are all feeling now. but i hope that we can all help just by shouldering some of the burden for you - in prayer, in encouragement. you are an amazing family and you glorify God so much. praying still. love *kim

 
At 12:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Deanna and Brent, although I didn't see your post until after "church time" this morning, I have been praying for you and wherever you would worship today. God showed me the other day that releasing BJ to heaven also gave you a very suddenly, very-empty nest, so I've been remembering that as well.

Today, your words inspired me to go to my "hugging" 14-year-old son and thank him for that special quality! I imagine that we could all stand to make one or more "thank" lists--what a blessed thought.

Continuing in the gap and praying in pink,

Marti for the Pieper Family
Charleston, SC

 
At 1:15 PM, Anonymous Toodie Schaper said...

Dear Precious Deanna,

I wanted to tell you of the sweetness of the Lord this morning. Early this morning I prayed exactly the words of your prayer. It is evidence to me that the Holy Spirit is at work. May He give you the comfort you need today. Love to you, Brent, Lauren, and Whitney.

Toodie

 
At 1:18 PM, Blogger Linda Ronne said...

Deanna,

I pray that your fellowship this morning with the Lord and with the body of Christ at FBC was refreshing.
I also have a son, Luke (26) who doesn't worry about what others think if he gives his mum a hug, although it's been nearly 2 years since I've had one (he's in Australia), it is something that I treasure. My son and my daughter Jenna (20) never hesitate to show affection or say I love you mum.
I pray that your memories remain strong and you hear and feel Beej's affection for you in the days,weeks, months and years to come.
Lord God wrap your loving arms around this mom, give her the peace she so desperately needs and requires, fill her home with wonderful memories of her precious Beej, bring to her memory Lord things she may have forgotten. Lord I lift the whole Higgin's family to Your throne room of grace and place them at Your feet, may they find rest there Lord, allow them to lean against You and feel the touch of Your hand, Your heartbeat, the breathe of life move over them. Lord whatever their needs are I pray that You would fulfill each and everyone of them. In the name of Your precious Son I pray... Amen and Amen

In His Love
Linda.R
OK

 
At 2:11 PM, Anonymous kristin dutt said...

Mom--

As i told you after the Memorial..i couldn't even imagine. I know the ache in my heart..him being just a fellow missionary w/me. But i can't even imagine the depth of your grief and hurt.
I find myself without the words to share w/you how much i care. Just know that i am still praying. There will never ever be a day that you are out of my mind. i love you as if you are my own mom.
Keep pressing on.

~kristin*

 
At 3:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Deanna,
It was good to see you at church today. I have prayed for you and your family so much over the past couple of months. I celebrated the good news and cried during the low times. I continue to "feel" so much for what you are going through and I always feel so inept when I try to say or write anything to you. But even though my words may sound empty, please know that I so want you to feel God's comfort and peace now and in the weeks/months to come.

This week, as you go back to work, I will continue to ask God to give you strength. May BJ's memories bring you joy and comfort. And I hope that you also feel the love of the church and gain strength through us.

 
At 3:56 PM, Blogger the leaf family said...

Okay you have a new blog on yesterdays because I put todays on the wrong day.. (lack of sleep prehaps..)
I shared with you about a wonderful fall retreat with our students this past weekend and our speaker....
With all our love and prayers from KC- Tracy

 
At 4:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Higgins,
Praying for you as you start this week. Praying that through the emptiness you are comforted with memories. Praise God for you and your family for His work you are still doing through your grief. Thank you for sharing and letting us all know how to pray for you during this very difficult time in y'alls lives. Sending a hug across the world wide web!
Love,
Because of HIM
Your sister in Christ,

Nicole, Eagle river AK

 
At 5:38 PM, Blogger Barbara Ann said...

Good Evening family...

I hope and trust that church was just a blessing this morning. Tara and Meagann (from Peru 05 team) came over last night to stay the night, and we just found ourselves chatting about this past summer in Peru. We were talking about funny things, and the great things that God did through our team. Its amazing how we look back and see it all, how much it all just fits together. Just how God had put us all together as a team, just how God had different talents and abilities on our team. BJ brought so many things to the team, and one thing that I remember alot, is him being able to lead us in worship. He just seemed so blessed to be able to lead us. He did a great job, even though at times he thought that he messed up. I remember when we were in Cajamarca and it was July 1st, the day that it was so cold that we had a fire lit in the fireplace, and we were having team time at night. I believe that this was the night that David talked about Josiah, but Im not sure. But I remember us starting out by worshipping. One song BJ let us in alot was..

Humbly I come to you,
for I know that this world is not my home...

So I run to you
So I run to you

I'm falling on my knees
Jesus your all I need
Jesus your all this heart is longing for

I just get so touched remembering that song. It makes me weep for joy that our brother ran to the Father!

Father, we are running to you!!! Not stopping!!!

Love, Barbara Ann

 
At 5:52 PM, Blogger a schmaltzee life said...

Howdy Family!

I like what you said about Bj and affection. One of the things i really noticed last summer about Bj (while at our reunion) was how respectful and loving he was to you, Deanna! I loved watching you guys...your relationship seemed so comfortable and enjoyable. He was so sweet to you and yes, very affectionate! I remember asking Landee..."are you gonna like me and wanna hang with me when you are BJ's age?" i hope so!

ok..today...I looked down on my check...it is one that says
JOY in big letters on it...
but i noticed the scripture on it.

"but i will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you."
John 16:22

Yeah...i'm so glad we get to have the joy..and peace that this promise brings...to see Jesus....and our loved ones that have gone before us!
...(although i must confess the joy is hard to feel sometimes... but i know i must keep pressing into the arms of Jesus!)


hugs again!
marla & gang

 
At 6:46 PM, Blogger Ashley Reagan said...

Miss you all and still praying. Would you pray for me too? It's a long story, but I'm trying to restore my relationship with my dad. He left a year and a half ago and I never told him how it affected me until last night in an email. Writing the email just brought back unwanted memories and feelings. Pray that I'll be able to forgive him. It will be really hard to do, but I know I need to do it. Thanks family! I love you!

 
At 7:17 PM, Anonymous Tina--Cedarburg said...

Deanna and Brent,

I pray that your worship this morning with your church family was supportive, uplifting and truly worshipful for you. I'm sure it many ways it may have been very draining...all the "thinking of you's" and "praying for you's" but as Jen said, this is when Christ's family must be open to expressing emotion with each other, in accepting the love others want and need to express to you and with you. So often, when things go beyond our understanding, we close up from our church family b/c we don't want them to see us so vulnerable, we don't think they really want to know how we're doing so we give them the, "oh, you know, it's going okay. We'll get through it." type answers instead of the truly truthful answers, some of which you have both shared on this site. "It's hard, normal doesn't feel normal" [because of course it isn't anymore], "The pain and grief are overwhelming at times even though we take comfort knowing BJ is with our Father in Heaven." THESE are the real things one experiences in loss and in the cycle of grief. THIS sharing is what so many, especially myself, appreciate so much b/c we know it MUST be what you're feeling but nobody ever wants to acknowledge it. Without acknowledgement from those going through it, it can't be talked about. The way you are doing it, by sharing, is soooo much better and I hope more healing for you and for all affected by this loss.

I went out and purchased the Mercy Me CD I kept reading about and love the song mentioned that was played at BJ's service. I actually really enjoy the whole CD. Thank you for touching my life and uplifting me in more ways than you will ever know. My 2 boys love giving me hugs and kisses and I pray they will never stop. I need to thank them for sharing this with me. BJ's entries are truly an inspiration and source of comfort and education for me. Bless you, Deanna, as you return to school again this week. I pray that God with carry you through the difficult parts you will face and help you to appreciate and enjoy the good parts. Know you are being carried in prayer.
Blessings for a peace-filled rest.
Tina

 
At 7:23 PM, Anonymous Rebecca Littell said...

Our Dear Friends,
It was so good to see you at church this morning. We would have loved to hug and share some time together. I knew that we would get more opportunity this week. Know that I prayed for strength for you during service this morning. As you start a new week, we will lift you up to our precious savior!
We love you!

Rebecca Littell
p.s. Carol double booked our dinner night and I was looking soooo forward to bringing you McDonalds! Just for the sake of "McDonalds, we will have to plan another day for that!!!

p.s.s. Throughout this journey with BJ, I have been sharing his life and testimony with my staff. The majority are not Christians. It's amazing that it didn't matter how much I talked about my faith at work, I usually felt that I wasn't getting through but I knew I was planting a seed each time. The amazing thing is that through BJ they would ask about him everyday. Somedays, we would be talking about it and one of them would say, yeah....I read about that last night. They still continue to read and ask about each of you. My point to all of this, is this past Friday, one of them mentioned something about BJ and his pink shirt and I discovered that my WHOLE staff ordered BJ shirts! Isn't that just like GOD!!! He's working! And isn't it amazing that we or should I say, I always seem surprised! My staff wasn't bragging about it, it was simply stated we all wanted to do it! As Matt would put it, more apple seeds!
WHAT A MIGHTY GOD WE SERVE!!

 
At 7:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ashley R.: I will pray for you. You were so wise to write to your dad! He may have been in so much pain when he left that he didn't even realize or notice the wounds he inflicted.

Right now, it probably feels as though you reopened an old wound. Sometimes, though, those old wounds have to be opene--even when it hurts--in order to allow cleansing, healing, and wholeness. I think the medical people would back me up (remember BJ's "wound vacuum"?)--and the spiritual parallel is very real.

God has been showing me very recently that the only way to forgive such profound hurts is to allow Him to forgive through me. That's the only way true forgiveness ever happens. NO WONDER I can't do it on my own--I'm not supposed to!

I started to write to you privately, and then God said to post this here. You probably knew many of these things already, so just consider this a reminder (a biblical concept, by the way).

Lord, I'm trusting that You will teach us all to forgive as You forgave: purely, completely, lovingly. Help Ashley's dad to see the ways he has wronged her and to come to her in love so that their relationship can be restored. Send her that grace-ambulance, Lord, bringing the cleansing and power and forgiveness she needs. We love you, God, and we thank you for our needs because they remind us of how very much we need you.

in Your name we pray, AMEN.

Praying in pink--and learning to forgive--

Marti P.
Awe Star mom
Charleston, SC

 
At 8:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Deanna,
Thank you for sharing because I think it might help me.
Along time ago God had allowed an undescribable illness inter my life and has allowed it to not be totally taken away yet. (I will choose to believe that he still does miricles.)
It tried to kill me and in so many ways I think it had partial success but was not able to take my life. I stuggle with the question of why Jesus didn't just take me home because I am so not the person I was. I know the goal is to be like Christ. This illness has made that goal so hard for me. So much so that I believe that is why I struggle with that question. I'm going to start a thank you journal (like you had just wrote about) to thank Jesus for all the reasons He let me stay here a little while longer. Even with all my deep struggles God has blessed me in ways that only He could. I believe God will use our thank you journals to bring Him praise, honor, glory and healing to us.

 
At 9:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Mom, and family,
What a blessing you are to so many. Probably more that we can imagine! I only hope that we're half as much a blessing to you. My heart aches everytime I think of you. Partially out of grief, but more out of amazement of the awesome task that you have embraced and the grace with which you have embraced it. Dallas is still praying.
A quick prayer request. I will be starting my significant 5 Bible study this week. I am praying that God will give me the words to say that will help to inspire my group with the same love and passion that our whole team shared with BJ. Please just pray that God will be with us.
Thanks so much, Mom.

Love,
Kayla
Dallas, TX

 
At 1:17 AM, Blogger Marcia said...

Dear Deanna/Sis,
(you're not old enough to be my mom)

Just a quick message before I turn in to let you know that you'll be in my prayers this week, as you start back to work. May God comfort and sustain you through His people in that school, as well as through a direct touch from heaven on His part.

Still praying....

 
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At 2:32 AM, Blogger Hoodia said...

Help me Dude, I think I'm lost..... I was searching for Elvis and somehow ended up in your blog, but you know I'm sure I saw him in a car lot yesterday, which is really strange because the last time I saw him was in the supermarket. No honest really, he was right there in front of me, next to the steaks singing "Love me Tender". He said to me (his lip was only slightly curled) "Boy, you need to get yourself a San Diego cosmetic surgery doctor ,to fit into those blue suede shoes of yours. But Elvis said in the Ghetto nobody can afford a San Diego plastic surgery doctor. Dude I'm All Shook Up said Elvis. I think I'll have me another cheeseburger. Then I'm gonna go round and see Michael Jackson and we're gonna watch a waaaay cool make-over show featuring some Tijuana dentists on the TV in the back of my Hummer. And then he just walked out of the supermarket singing. . . "You give me love and consolation,
You give me strength to carry on " Strange day or what? :-)

 
At 1:54 PM, Blogger Hoodia said...

Help me Dude, I think I'm lost..... I was searching for Elvis and somehow ended up in your blog, but you know I'm sure I saw him in a car lot yesterday, which is really strange because the last time I saw him was in the supermarket. No honest really, he was right there in front of me, next to the steaks singing "Love me Tender". He said to me (his lip was only slightly curled) "Boy, you need to get yourself a San Diego cosmetic surgery doctor ,to fit into those blue suede shoes of yours. But Elvis said in the Ghetto nobody can afford a San Diego plastic surgery doctor. Dude I'm All Shook Up said Elvis. I think I'll have me another cheeseburger. Then I'm gonna go round and see Michael Jackson and we're gonna watch a waaaay cool make-over show featuring some Tijuana dentists on the TV in the back of my Hummer. And then he just walked out of the supermarket singing. . . "You give me love and consolation,
You give me strength to carry on " Strange day or what? :-)

 
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