Tuesday, March 07, 2006

So many times in life we say things we don't mean during times of stress, confusion or fear. Words that we wish we could retract, volcanicly erupt from our mouths, with venom and/or foolishness.

Such was the time when Peter, in Mark 9, said to Christ, "shall we build three shelters, one for you, one for Moses, and one for Elijah?"

Every time I read that, I am reminded of times when I said something that made little sense for the situation, but felt compelled to have my mouth flowing like a river.

I will never forget the early morning hours when BJ passed. I walked the 44 steps from his room, out to where Lauren's roommates, and our other close friends had gathered, and with no feeling or compassion blurted out "he's dead."

What I said, in no way represented what I was feeling inside. My words were unfeeling, perfunctory, and certainly atypical of the way I share things... especially huge emotional matters.

I can still recall the stunned faces, as they seemed to search for some shred of peace in those words. I offered none. As they asked me to repeat, I once again conveyed that he was gone.

I pushed past them to update the website, so others would be aware of his passing. I fought to hold myself together. Inside I was shredded like the aftermath of an atomic blast. This was not the end we expected. I wrote, "it is finished."

In a sense it was, as he had left us, but little did I know what incredible things lie ahead. I could not fathom how the Lord would use his testimony to reach across the nation and world to continue to reverberate into the lives of the lost, and spiritually thirsty. I still am in awe of my God, at how he continues to use this soul scourging event to bring light and life to those in need.

The Higgins family has little to do with what God has done. Our faithful Savior has a plan. We each have the choice of following the Lord in obedience, or setting off on our own.

You know that is really no decision at all. We stand to miss so much blessing amid the pain and healing if we do not respond to His leading and teaching.

Yes, I will continue to say foolish or hurtful things at key moments (but I am working on it as Christ works in me). Not because I plan to, but because like Peter, sometimes I can be impetuous, and act without thinking. Fortunately, I serve a God who forgives, and stand beside a generation of believers who have learned to extend grace in moments of folly.

Serving the King beside you,

brent (dad)

13 Comments:

At 8:59 AM, Blogger Melissa said...

The morning of BJ's passing, the Higgins family showed more love, faith, and pain than I have ever experienced in my nursing career. It was so obvious how deeply this family loves and how equally deeply they hurt. God be with you all in your new journey ahead! HE works in miraculous ways!

 
At 10:35 AM, Blogger Lattany said...

It never ceases to amaze me that God is willing to use broken vessels such as ourselves. Yet this brokenness and realization of our sinful position should lead us to the brokenness, contrite spirit (Psalm 51:16-17) and humility that God desires. In this way and only in this way, can we be vessels and conduits of His unfathomable grace.

It's a privilege to have a peek into your lives as broken vessels with the sole purpose of glorifying our risen Savior. BJ's passion is the same and what a privilege it is to see it continuing to be fulfilled through so many.

Lattany
Fairfax, VA, USA

Melissa, thank you for your testimony.

 
At 10:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sometimes I say nothing for fear the words will come out wrong. Sometimes I have so many feelings racing through me, I say nothing, for I can not unscramble the words I wish to vocalize. I pray for the right words to express my feelings. So here goes. With everything you were feeling, or not wanting to feel, there is no right or wrong way to say BJ just passed.
Perhaps, our deepest feelings create words to blurt out without time to ponder the right way to say something. And truly, Is there any right or wrong way to make an announcement such as when your beloved son passes on?
I pray daily for your strength to grow family. And peace within your hearts. May our Lord wrap his loving arms around you and bring comfort to you and Deanna, Lauren and Whitney.
Sincerely, your friend and
Sister in Christ
Lisa
Indpls., IN

 
At 1:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Our dear Father,
Today I ask that you take Brent and wrap your great arms of peace and love around him and let him know that he did not say or do anything wrong - most parents wouldn't have even had the strength to walk those 44 steps and say anything. Take this guilt away - this is just bad satan working overtime on him. God, you are bigger than satan - you are bigger than our words - you are bigger than our guilt, our fears, our pain. Release him today from these feelings of guilt on that horrible day that no family ever wants to experience. Bless him today Father!!
We love you!
Amen

 
At 2:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I want to remind us all that your words were full of compassion as you made your way to the computer to share with hundreds all over the world that were up, praying.

"Just before 3 this morning, my precious BJ went home to be with all of our Precious Jesus. "Well done, thou good and faithful servant."

My God is a God of compassion..."it is finished."

BJ's dad"

There is nothing heartless here - but a parent full of love for their dear son and precious saviour. You didn't just blurt out, "It is finished." - you brought the love of Christ into the situation. It was moving to read that then and again now!!
Oh, we love you all Higgins Family - these had to be the hardest words to write and the worst to hear - - - yet little did we all know that day what we would know now. Praise God for all He has yet to do.
Praying for each of you!! Know that you are loved from all across this nation!!!

 
At 5:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brent,
Praise our awesome God for all He does in each of us!! Recently, I have had to face many trials and by the grace of my heavenly Father I have done much better than I ever thought possible [;)].The other day a great friend of mine wrote in a gift that he gave to me a verse that has just lifted me up. It has helped to refresh my thinking and to remind me that no matter the situation God is always in control and that he is shaping my life so that I might be a better and stronger vessel! That verse was Romans 3: 3-5

3 Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Hope came in Jesus and it comes to us everyday if we only know what to look for. Praise God for how awesome He is and I pray that we would all not be discouraged or disappointed in anything. That no matter our "defects" we would remember that God will always want us and need us. That the question is not is He is willing to use us, but rather are we willing to be used by Him!

Continuing to serve next to you!
Allison Q
Bloomington and Martinsville, IN

 
At 5:55 PM, Blogger brobrad said...

Brent, nothing you would have said that morning - no matter how you put it - would have lessened the shock. It was a shock to us all with the turnaround coming on so quickly.

I'll always regret being in the hall on the phone the moment when he passed - but that allowed you all to be there alone together as a family and the Lord always knows best.

Melissa, you and the rest of the staff were absolutely terrific to us in every way, and the compassion and respect you showed early that Monday morning was beyond compare. How hard it is to think back to those moments but how wonderful is our God, Praise His name!

 
At 6:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brent-Your words the day of BJ's passing were the toughest words to absorb, yet you put them in a way that was so filled with peace of knowing BJ was with the Lord. I don't know how you were able to do that. How you were able to write after that event and not have a glimpse of anger - but of peace. At least that is what you portrayed. God bless each of you, Higgins family, as you continue to heal, continue to follow God's will, and continue to lead so many to the glory of Jesus Christ.

 
At 9:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

AMEN!!

 
At 9:49 PM, Anonymous kristin dutt said...

hey parents--

Impetuous is NOT the first word that comes to mind when i think of you, dad. but we're our own worst critic.

loving you guy! praying always!

~kristin

 
At 11:18 PM, Blogger Praying in Pink said...

I have looked at your post way too many times today and still don't think I have any awesome insights. However, my Father reminds me that sometimes awesome insights aren't what's needed. Sometimes what's needed is a word, a touch, a prayer, a healing hand, a phone call. . . a blog posting. Sometimes it's the knowledge that God uses those broken vessels to show forth His glory. Sometimes it's recognizing that we ourselves are those vessels, lying broken and poured out. . .

As his friends and family have reminded us, BJ's life shows forth God's glory, not because BJ was perfect, but because his brief but SO not wasted life pointed to a perfect and holy and personal God. Brent's life, Deanna's life, Lauren's life, Whitney's life,--each one of our lives (including Northside students and BJ's guys--you rock!) was created to point toward that same "God alone." Once again, He uses our weakness and frailty to show forth His strength and awesome, amazing grace-power.

Melissa is so right (thank you, and God bless your continued ministry at St. V's!)--and, Higgins family, you continue to show us a holy mixture of love, faith, and pain as your lives and words and hearts point toward the God who, even now, is making sure you are HELD.

with tender love and continuing prayers in pink,

Marti
Charleston, SC

 
At 6:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

God bless you,
Greenfield, Indiana

 
At 6:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

AMEN< AMEN< AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

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