So many times in life we say things we don't mean during times of stress, confusion or fear. Words that we wish we could retract, volcanicly erupt from our mouths, with venom and/or foolishness.

Such was the time when Peter, in Mark 9, said to Christ, "shall we build three shelters, one for you, one for Moses, and one for Elijah?"

Every time I read that, I am reminded of times when I said something that made little sense for the situation, but felt compelled to have my mouth flowing like a river.

I will never forget the early morning hours when BJ passed. I walked the 44 steps from his room, out to where Lauren's roommates, and our other close friends had gathered, and with no feeling or compassion blurted out "he's dead."

What I said, in no way represented what I was feeling inside. My words were unfeeling, perfunctory, and certainly atypical of the way I share things... especially huge emotional matters.

I can still recall the stunned faces, as they seemed to search for some shred of peace in those words. I offered none. As they asked me to repeat, I once again conveyed that he was gone.

I pushed past them to update the website, so others would be aware of his passing. I fought to hold myself together. Inside I was shredded like the aftermath of an atomic blast. This was not the end we expected. I wrote, "it is finished."

In a sense it was, as he had left us, but little did I know what incredible things lie ahead. I could not fathom how the Lord would use his testimony to reach across the nation and world to continue to reverberate into the lives of the lost, and spiritually thirsty. I still am in awe of my God, at how he continues to use this soul scourging event to bring light and life to those in need.

The Higgins family has little to do with what God has done. Our faithful Savior has a plan. We each have the choice of following the Lord in obedience, or setting off on our own.

You know that is really no decision at all. We stand to miss so much blessing amid the pain and healing if we do not respond to His leading and teaching.

Yes, I will continue to say foolish or hurtful things at key moments (but I am working on it as Christ works in me). Not because I plan to, but because like Peter, sometimes I can be impetuous, and act without thinking. Fortunately, I serve a God who forgives, and stand beside a generation of believers who have learned to extend grace in moments of folly.

Serving the King beside you,

brent (dad)